"I thought you wanted to go to the harvest festival?"
"I did..."
"So... are you sick?"
Anna's face darkened at the question, but she shook her head. She couldn't lie to Kristoff. But how much was she ready to tell him?
She rested her head against her doorframe and stared at his large nose. It was a feature of his she had found adorable these past few months. Now when she looked at it, all she could think of was one of his fingers stuck up in his nostril, digging.
She sighed and forced herself to meet his eyes.
"I have a lot on my mind, that's all. I'm not really up for going out right now."
The ice harvester bunched his eyebrows in bewilderment. "Did you want to just watch from up here then? They have fireworks the first night."
"I know," she quickly cut in. "No. No, I... I want to be by myself for a while."
"By yourself or just not around me?"
The question cut through her like a cleaver. Evidently, he was way more observant than she gave him credit for. That didn't bother her nearly as much as the hurt on his face as he asked.
"Kristoff..."
"It's fine. You know where to find me if you decide I'm bearable again. Probably my family's. Or on the fjord. Or in town. You know what, whatever. If you want to talk about it instead of just avoiding me, you can come find me."
She hated how she stood rooted and speechless as he tore away from her and down the corridor.
Sometime later, Anna sat on her bed and stared into her room in a daze. The bright sun rays pooling through the window curtains contrasted with the darkness of the rest of her room. She'd thought of going back to sleep, but she knew better. Dreams wouldn't be any refuge.
When did it happen? How did it happen? She wasn't exactly an expert on these things. But the fact remained that something was wrong with her and Kristoff; at the very least, something was wrong with her.
If she had to trace the trouble back to one point in time, it might have been after her surprise birthday party. Kristoff had told her then that he loved her. It should have sent warm, fluttery butterflies to her stomach. Instead, it had made her question everything, starting with the very small stuff. Should she say she loves him too? But she wasn't ready. How would she know when she was ready? Would she ever be ready?
Day by day, the questions spiraled into knots. Walks through town and sleigh rides to the valley were once simple pleasures where they could enjoy each other's time. Within weeks, she began to feel that things as innocent as holding hands would send the wrong message to Kristoff.
She cared very much for Kristoff, but was it love? If it was romantic love, wouldn't she know? She'd only felt it once before. The experience was forever tainted, of course.
Therein lay the other problem. Once she let him back into her thoughts, she couldn't get him out. She'd think of him behind bars or perhaps in exile after bringing shame to his family. Then, she'd get to wondering if he'd ever change. Was someone that manipulative and cruel born that way? Was it nature or nurture? Maybe if he... if he just met the right person, he might turn a new leaf...
She didn't honestly believe that. After all, she could have been the right person. She was good. She was decent. Why hadn't she been good enough?
But that was the problem. It wasn't Kristoff. It wasn't Hans. It was her. She wasn't over it. She still didn't understand it. And until she did, it would eat at her and block all paths forward.
"Anna?" Elsa's voice startled her.
She hadn't heard the knock on her door. In fact, she wasn't sure how long she had just sat thinking, but it must have been a while. The sky was already darkening as the sun pushed closer to the horizon.
She felt the weight on the bed as Elsa sat beside her, but Anna was afraid to glance her way.
"You haven't left your room all day. I heard you aren't-"
"Going to the festival with Kristoff. No." She sniffed.
"Anna, what's wrong?"
Elsa wrapped an arm around her and drew her close. That was when Anna lost it. The dam broke. Tears scorched her cheeks as she leaned her head on Elsa's shoulder and cried, feeling like a child as she sniffled. To her credit, her older sister let her cry it out, though Anna could tell from the way Elsa tensed up that the queen was more than a little bewildered.
After a couple of minutes passed, she heard Elsa ask an unexpected question.
"Did he hurt you?"
Anna pulled away and shook her head emphatically. "No! God, no! I'm the one who hurt him, Elsa."
Elsa looked doubtful, as if Anna was too good to ever hurt anyone. Somehow, that made Anna feel worse.
"Really! We'd been spending so much time together, I just... I just, I'd had enough. I need a break. He loves me, Elsa. And I haven't been able to say it back. I know sooner or later he's going to notice and ask about it. And I just don't know what I feel!"
Her sister blinked several times after this outburst. Then, her lips spread into a smile.
"I don't think Kristoff would want you to feel guilty about the way he feels for you."
"You don't get it," Anna snapped. "It's not just about Kristoff. I keep... I keep thinking about..."
She trailed off, but Elsa didn't press her to finish. The two sisters sat in silence for a while, Elsa lightly rubbing Anna's shoulder until she cleared her throat to speak again.
"You're worried you moved too fast with Kristoff?"
Anna shrugged. Yes. No. Was that it?
"Okay, let me ask you this... you said you keep thinking about... ahem, Hans," the venom with which Elsa said his name made Anna cringe, "...well, what is it you think about?"
"Everything. The night we met. The way we met. The... dancing, the singing... the future we could have had if he hadn't..."
"You're mourning over a future that never would have been," Elsa pointed out.
Anna let out a sigh.
"Regardless, it's what bothers me. What could have been. I can't help but think if I'd done something differently, he would have changed his mind."
Anna felt her sister's hand close around hers and squeeze.
"Anna. You're my little sister. I love you dearly. You need to take all the time you need to grieve the man you thought he was. Regardless of Kristoff. But I will put my foot down on one thing, and one thing only." Again, Elsa squeezed her hand. "There is nothing you could have done to change Hans. Changing was all up to him. He is who he is. That was set in stone before you met him."
Nothing I could have done... is that supposed to be a comfort?
"What am I supposed to do then? I can't just forget everything."
"You don't have to forget. Just... keep your eyes on the path forward. Take each day one moment at a time. And come with me to the harvest festival."
Anna giggled at the unexpected end to her sister's advice. But all too quickly, her heart sank when she remembered Kristoff.
"Kristoff might be there..."
"So what if he is? You've told him what you need. He may not be happy about it, but he loves you. He'll respect it."
"Elsa..."
"What?"
Anna frowned. "Do you think he'll forgive me?"
Elsa shook her head. "You did nothing wrong. Just... trust me on that, okay?"
Anna swallowed, staring at her feet barely touching the floor as she nodded her head.
"Now come on. Get your coat and meet me in the great hall in ten!"
With a chilly flurry, Elsa jumped up and left to prepare for their trip to the festival. Anna managed to make herself stand, though she still felt a little weak-stomached about the thought of bumping into Kristoff.
You did nothing wrong.
Maybe she'd agree with that tomorrow. But for now, she'd just have to take everything one moment at a time.
A/N: I like the idea of Kristanna, though not nearly as much as Hansanna. And I always thought for a movie that criticized the whole "fall for someone you just met in one day" thing, wasn't Kristoff and Anna's pairing not much better...? XD Anyway, definitely more character driven than plot driven, this. But I got to write a sisterly moment, so that was interesting.
Thanks for reading!