A/N: This fic is meant to be read after the battle occurs between Naruto and Sasuke, if you're up-to-date with the manga. The title is also "To Read Before the Battle" because Naruto wants his pal to read this letter before they take out their kunais, blast off their balls of energy (that didn't sound quite right), and unsheathe their swords.
Disclaimer: The characters are not owned by me, and are based off of Masashi Kishimoto's "Naruto".
Warning: Contains minor shounen-ai and foul language.
Age Suggestion: T.
TO READ BEFORE THE BATTLE
記事を読む前にファイト
Many villagers of sunny Konoha, and in other countries that has heard of the infamously perverted twitch that steals reveling magazines from shady markets, would label me, Naruto Uzumaki, as an usuratonkachi that doesn't know a thing about the shinobi world, friendship, or family. I'd like to say I may not have the wits, but I can beat them any day, anytime, anywhere with my numerous jutsus that can pwn, for sure! My Sexy no Jutsu would definitely send streams of crimson blood down their grotesque noses and asses into the foreign Sound Village! And secondly, how the hell am I supposed to know anything about family when I don't freakin' have one? What am I supposed to do, go knock on Minato and Kushina's door after calling them with some stranger's Verizon or Samsung, and have a good old family convention in the cloudy depths of heaven? Oh, and friendship? What the fuck, you temes! Do I even have a caring friend or two that are: A) Alive, B) My age, C) Not superficial, and most importantly D) Not Gay Sai? I hate to admit it, but maybe Sasuke has been qualified as my true bud all along, if you exclude all the times he's tried to first-degree murder me as a queer sign of affection.
Anyway, this letter isn't really addressed solely to you douche bags. It's for that Sasuke, that gloomy narcissist that doesn't give a damn about me, even though we had the closest ties. You, Sasuke, need to break out of that shell of hatred because it has enveloped you for too long. I'm not going to be a wimpy uke and say "I miss your old self," or "When will you come back to the good side? We have freshly baked brownies," or "Goddamnit, I love you and always will, but it's that emo Sasuke I loved, not that serial killer that calls himself the last Uchiha." Hah, let's forgot I scribbled that, because this cheap pencil didn't come with an eraser. It was the only item I could afford to steal at the last moment. The villagers say that I'm a hero, but they still think I don't know the slightest if it's for my health in their smallest dysfunctional membranes. If I can express enough before we battle it out for you to understand, it's the fact that I know for sure these three things: 1) You French-Kissed me with your slimy tongue during that incident when we were still in academic premises, 2) I might not accomplish my dream of becoming a Hokage anymore, because 3) We are both going to die when we fight with each other for the last time. Surely everyone knows at least some things, and I know those three even if it's a tough argument between others that think differently about me.
So, when we do fight, I don't give a fuckin' Kyuubi, because Kyuubi can't fuck without testicles, about you having Itachi's super powerful eyes excellent in combat peeled off from his sockets and plastered into your own, because that's very disturbing and not something to brag on. And when we do fight, and I'm first to die, my last wish is to be buried next to you in graves that allow me to poke my rotting zombie hand through the heavy soil obscuring my view, and pull you close into a hug, 'cause that's what you needed all along.
—Uzumaki
END
完了
Please review. Arigatou gozaimasu! ^_~