"Here we are, the lovely planet of Sanrisho," The Doctor smiled brightly at Rose, holding the door open for her.
"Doctor... I think this is Earth," Rose said, looking outside seeing large pyramids around them.
"Huh? I swear I set those coordinates right..." He ran his hand through his hair. "We're in Egypt, I wonder why the TARDIS brought us here..."
"Hello sweetie!" A blonde woman with curls sprinted up to them, and jumped in the TARDIS. "Quick! Shut the door!"
"Who are you?!" The Doctor exclaimed. Rose looked outside the doors to see that the mysterious woman was being followed, she shut the doors of the TARDIS and ran next to the Doctor.
"Oh, you haven't met me yet, have you?" She said, frowning. "But let me just say, you look amazing in this form."
The Doctor's eyes widened, and Rose looked just as confused. They both stared at the woman as she began working on the TARDIS. "What are you doing?" He exclaimed, "You'll break her!" He pulled the stranger away from his ship.
"I'm River, River Song. And don't worry about me breaking your ship. And oh... Who might this be?" She said, turning her attention to Rose.
"My name is Rose," She said, staring at the peculiar woman.
"Rose Tyler?" River asked, her mouth now agape.
"...Yes..." Rose said. "Doctor how does she know my last name?"
"I'm guessing she's someone from my future... Which means she should really get out, right now," The Time-Lord spoke, his voice icy.
"Oh, I forgot how rude you can be when you don't know who I am," She walked closer to the Doctor, putting a hand on his shoulder. "But you can trust me."
"Why would I trust you?"
"Because I can do this," She turned her attention back to the console and perfectly maneuvered the ship.
"That's... Impossible."
Rose felt a little sting of jealousy in the back of her mind. Who was this woman to come in here, flirt with her Doctor, and wow him with her ability to fly the TARDIS? Rose coughed loudly, "Isn't it a bad idea to have her here? Time streams and all that," She smiled sweetly.
"Trust me, I won't break the universe, much less let him," River gestured at the Doctor. "Now, follow me, sweetie." She walked out the doors of the TARDIS and nobody followed her.
The Doctor looked at Rose, "Wait... I'm 'sweetie'?
Rose nodded reluctantly, and he walked out of the ship. They were on a crowded beach with lots of surfers riding the high waves in the distance.
"I've taken us to Hawaii, 1954, before you picked me up I got a message saying I needed to come here," River said.
"A message from who?"
She winked at him and put a finger to her lip, "Spoilers."
He turned around quickly to see if Rose was following, sure enough, she was. "Are you sure we can trust her?" Rose whispered to him.
"Well she was able to fly the TARDIS," He replied.
"But what if she only knows how to fly it because she's like, your arch-enemy or something?"
"Do you really think my 'arch-enemy' would call me sweetie?"
Rose didn't reply. River led them to a wooden shack on the beach. It was old and planks were missing from the sides. Some stairs led up to a door, and River knocked loudly on it. There was no answer after a minute of waiting. She pulled out a gun and shot down the door in one blow, flipped the gun, and put it back into its holster in one swift move.
"Wow.. She is... Something," He muttered.
"You don't even like guns, Doctor!" Rose felt another stab of jealousy.
"Well... Yes, Rose," He shook his head as if arguing with himself, "You're right. Violence. Violence is bad."
They followed River into the shack, to see two rooms, one room with a small kitchen in the corner, a bed, a fireplace, and a rocking chair. The other was a puny bathroom. "There's nobody here," Rose pointed out the obvious.
"Oh, I don't believe that." River walked over to the rocking chair and moved it to the side. She lowered herself onto the floor examining a loose plank of wood underneath where the chair had been. She lifted it up to reveal a trapdoor.
"How did you know that was there?!" The Doctor asked, again impressed.
"I'm an archaeologist," River said, lifting up the trapdoor to find a ladder leading down. Way down.
"An archaeologist, wow," He said, going down the ladder without a moment's hesitation.
"You don't like archaeologists! You always say they're lame!" Rose whispered to him, annoyed.
"But she's... Impressive." The Time-Lord whispered back.
"I can hear you sweetie," A voice from below called out.
When they made it to the bottom after what seemed like hours, the three adventurers found themselves in a large, dark room. River turned on a flashlight and started waving it around. There were old boxes all around them, along with dust covered books.
"I found a machine!" Rose exclaimed.
"And I found a light switch!" River said happily, illuminating the room.
"My my, look at you, you beautiful thing," The Doctor said, stroking the machine Rose had found. "You are a masterpiece."
River began examining the machinery. "It's a mind switcher," She said.
"Intriguing..." He mumbled, running his sonic screwdriver over the device.
Rose knew she had to get the Doctor's attention back somehow. She saw a button on top of the machine, "Hey, I found something," She pushed the button, then realized what she had done.
The three time travelers collapsed to the floor immediately. Rose was the first to wake up, but she knew instantly something was wrong. She felt different, not... Human. She felt her head because there was a banging there, but instead of feeling her usual straight, blonde hair, she had curls instead. She screamed, waking the others up.
"What?!" The Doctor in Rose's body shouted, "Rassilon, one heart, I only have one heart, I'm going to die!" He grabbed at his shirt and cried out in pain.
"Doctor, I'm you!" River exclaimed in his body, feeling his hair. "Your hair feels cool though, I can see why you run your hands through it so often," She murmured.
"I'm in River's body!" Rose shouted, "She's... She's not human!"
"How do you apes live?! It burns, one heart... I won't survive!" The Doctor cried.
"You'll be fine! It's just the minds that are switched, so the body you're in should be healthy," River said. "Oh... I have... New parts..."
"Don't you dare explore those parts!" The Doctor shouted, in his now high girly voice.
"Sweetie, I'm an archaeologist, I explore lots of things," She winked.
He flushed bright red and Rose yelled at him, "Don't flirt with her in my body please! ...And don't explore my parts either."