From: pcorrig@uoft02.utoledo.edu
As I said, this is a fusion. I was going to say what the fusion element
was, but I thought it might be more fun to make a game out of it. See how
soon you can figure it out. (There's even a clue in the title.)
Oh yes. There's spoilers in here for NGE episode 24; consider that fair
warning. This turkey probably won't make much sense if you haven't seen that
episode, anyway.
Away we go.
---
(Scene: Terminal Dogma.)
(The final faceoff between Shinji Ikari, the pilot of the Evangelion Unit
One, and the 17th angel, the being known as Kaoru Nagisa.
Evangelion Unit Two, which had been hijacked by Kaoru in his attempt to
reach the being known as Lilith, lies on the floor by the pool of LCL that
surrounds the crucifix where Lilith hangs, having been overwhelmed by Unit 1
after a grim struggle.
Now Kaoru is held fast in the grasp of Unit One's claw. All Shinji need
do is squeeze his hand and victory over the last angel will be his.
Now angels ought to be able to get themselves out of such sticky
situations, using (for instance) their AT fields to defend themselves
against the obstacles humans put in the way of the completion of their task.
But defending himself against Unit One is precisely what Kaoru is not doing.
On the contrary.)
Kaoru: Please, destroy me.
Shinji: ...
Kaoru: Your kind is not the one that should die.
(Kaoru looks up towards the rafters. Rei Ayanami is up there, her features
unreadable as always. Kaoru smiles, then looks back towards Shinji.)
Kaoru: I am doomed to live forever, but I can be destroyed, and frankly
whether I live or die does not make much difference to me. Do what you must.
Goodbye. My life has been meaningful because of you, Shinji.
(A sixty-second pause, the only sound the Ode to Joy in the background.
Finally.)
Kaoru: Why do you hesitate, Shinji? A squeeze of your delicate human hand is
all it will take. You can do it, can you not?
Shinji: No, I can't.
Kaoru: (whose ever-present smile betrays a little puzzlement) I'm sorry?
Shinji: (freaking out) NO I CAN'T!
Kaoru: (soothing) Now, now, darling, don't get excited...
Shinji: (tears in his eyes) How could I possibly hurt you? I couldn't hurt
Suzuhara, even after he kicked my ass on the first day of school! If I
couldn't do that, how could I kill the only person who never treated me with
anything but kindness, who never did anything to hurt me?
Kaoru: (his smile beginning to crack just a little) Dear, my only purpose in
life was to destroy the human race. My displays of affection were merely
designed to invoke "alarm and despondency" in humanity's defender. That
doesn't bother you just a little?
Shinji: I don't care about humanity! I can only care about what's important
to me! I care about you! About us! I pilot the Eva for myself, and I want
you to live for myself!
Kaoru: (to himself, his head hung, but the smile still present) What a
terribly self-centered young boy. (looks up towards Rei) I can finally admit
it; you were right. I suppose it's better this way. It'd never have worked out.
Rei: ...
Kaoru: Oh, all right. You were better than he was too.
Shinji: Um, Kaoru, who are you talking to?
Kaoru: (to Shinji) Oh, hush. (to Rei) I'm sorry, but this can't be helped.
(to Shinji) So you can't injure one who never hurt you personally? Very
well, then, darling; there's something I didn't want to tell you, but I can
hold back no longer. Last night I visited the First Child in her
apartment...and we became one in mind and body and soul.
Shinji: You WHAT?
Kaoru: (off-hand) Well, actually only body, but she didn't seem to mind at
the time.
Shinji: KAORU!
(Rei looks _very_ embarrassed, and starts blushing like mad.)
(Scene: The NERV Command Center.
The monitors that had been displaying the battle before visual contact
with Terminal Dogma was lost because of jamming by an AT field--courtesy of
Rei, though nobody there, with the possible exception of Commander Gendo
Ikari, could possibly know that--remain blank for a second.
Suddenly they come back on line.)
Lt. Maya Ibuki: Major! The AT field has dissipated! Visual contact restored!
Major Misato Katsuragi: (clearly relieved) Oh, thank God! What's going on
down there?
Maya: The angel seems to be...talking to Unit One, sir...
Misato: Patch it through on speakers! (to herself) Can't take that music
anymore...
Maya: Patching it through, ma'am.
(The audio comes on line. All on the bridge can now see and hear the
proceedings, and watch and listen astounded...)
Kaoru: (over speakers) Later that very evening I went to the ward where the
Second Child lay, and had my way with her too.
Shinji: (shaking visibly) You liar!
Kaoru: Why would I about something like that, my love? (sighs; a look of
rapture on his face) Words fail to describe how wonderful comatose girls can
be...
Shinji: (also over the speakers; seething with fury) You scum! I'll kill you!
Kaoru: (lisping slightly) You go girl!
Misato: (completely flabbergasted) What the _fuck_...
Commander Ikari: (his expression hidden by his gloves, as always) Must you
ask, Major? The angel is obviously trying to goad Pilot One into
annihiliating him. Oh, and by the way, please refrain from such language in
my presence.
Misato: All right, fine. Why the _heck_ would it do that?
(Ikari seems to consider that question for a moment.)
Misato: Well?
Ikari: (finally) Why not?
(Misato facefaults.)
Kaoru: (over speakers; lisp now in full force) Did I mention I banged the
Major in the ladies' room while I was on a roll, bitch?
Misato: (suddenly furious) I can't believe that tattle-tale son of a b...
(She suddenly realizes everybody in the command center is staring at her as
if she was from Mars--except for Ikari, who remains unflappable as ever.)
Ikari: Care to explain that last outburst, Major?
Misato: (moving her hand behind her head, sweatdropping visibly) Well, it's,
ah, not what it sounded like, Commander, I swear...heh heh heh...
Shinji: (over speakers; his voice is suddenly calm but forceful) No.
(The full attention of everyone in the commander is restored.)
Shinji: (over speakers) I can't. I won't. Not like this. (Pause.) Father,
can you hear me?
Ikari: (clearly irritated) What is it?
Shinji: Please, father. Give the order to eject me from the Eva.
Ikari: What the devil for? Destroy the angel!
Shinji: Father. Kaoru is a human being. The Eva was never meant to be used
to kill human beings. I can't use the Eva to kill Kaoru. I'm sorry.
(And the Eva very gently places Kaoru on the floor of Terminal Dogma. A
deathly silence fills the command center--due in no large part to the
cessation of the Ode to Joy.)
Shinji: (to Kaoru, firmly and deliberately) Kaoru. You. Me. The beach where
we first met. Two hours.
Kaoru: (the smile gone--along with the affected lisp, thank God--a look of
bewilderment on his face) I don't understand.
Shinji: You don't?
Kaoru: No.
Shinji: Quite simple, really...
Kaoru: ...
Rei: ...
Misato: ...
Maya: ...
Ikari: ...
Shinji: ...I WANNA KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS!
(Everyone but Ikari facefaults--including of all unlikely people, Rei.
Which is unfortunate for her, because it causes her to tumble over the
railing and to her demise in the pool of LCL.)
Maya: (horrified) Oh my God! They killed Ayanami!
Shinji: You bastard!
Kaoru: (hanging his head again) I don't understand. Why must the lilim
_always_ do things the _hard_ way?
--
Paul Corrigan
corrig11@pilot.msu.edu
As I said, this is a fusion. I was going to say what the fusion element
was, but I thought it might be more fun to make a game out of it. See how
soon you can figure it out. (There's even a clue in the title.)
Oh yes. There's spoilers in here for NGE episode 24; consider that fair
warning. This turkey probably won't make much sense if you haven't seen that
episode, anyway.
Away we go.
---
(Scene: Terminal Dogma.)
(The final faceoff between Shinji Ikari, the pilot of the Evangelion Unit
One, and the 17th angel, the being known as Kaoru Nagisa.
Evangelion Unit Two, which had been hijacked by Kaoru in his attempt to
reach the being known as Lilith, lies on the floor by the pool of LCL that
surrounds the crucifix where Lilith hangs, having been overwhelmed by Unit 1
after a grim struggle.
Now Kaoru is held fast in the grasp of Unit One's claw. All Shinji need
do is squeeze his hand and victory over the last angel will be his.
Now angels ought to be able to get themselves out of such sticky
situations, using (for instance) their AT fields to defend themselves
against the obstacles humans put in the way of the completion of their task.
But defending himself against Unit One is precisely what Kaoru is not doing.
On the contrary.)
Kaoru: Please, destroy me.
Shinji: ...
Kaoru: Your kind is not the one that should die.
(Kaoru looks up towards the rafters. Rei Ayanami is up there, her features
unreadable as always. Kaoru smiles, then looks back towards Shinji.)
Kaoru: I am doomed to live forever, but I can be destroyed, and frankly
whether I live or die does not make much difference to me. Do what you must.
Goodbye. My life has been meaningful because of you, Shinji.
(A sixty-second pause, the only sound the Ode to Joy in the background.
Finally.)
Kaoru: Why do you hesitate, Shinji? A squeeze of your delicate human hand is
all it will take. You can do it, can you not?
Shinji: No, I can't.
Kaoru: (whose ever-present smile betrays a little puzzlement) I'm sorry?
Shinji: (freaking out) NO I CAN'T!
Kaoru: (soothing) Now, now, darling, don't get excited...
Shinji: (tears in his eyes) How could I possibly hurt you? I couldn't hurt
Suzuhara, even after he kicked my ass on the first day of school! If I
couldn't do that, how could I kill the only person who never treated me with
anything but kindness, who never did anything to hurt me?
Kaoru: (his smile beginning to crack just a little) Dear, my only purpose in
life was to destroy the human race. My displays of affection were merely
designed to invoke "alarm and despondency" in humanity's defender. That
doesn't bother you just a little?
Shinji: I don't care about humanity! I can only care about what's important
to me! I care about you! About us! I pilot the Eva for myself, and I want
you to live for myself!
Kaoru: (to himself, his head hung, but the smile still present) What a
terribly self-centered young boy. (looks up towards Rei) I can finally admit
it; you were right. I suppose it's better this way. It'd never have worked out.
Rei: ...
Kaoru: Oh, all right. You were better than he was too.
Shinji: Um, Kaoru, who are you talking to?
Kaoru: (to Shinji) Oh, hush. (to Rei) I'm sorry, but this can't be helped.
(to Shinji) So you can't injure one who never hurt you personally? Very
well, then, darling; there's something I didn't want to tell you, but I can
hold back no longer. Last night I visited the First Child in her
apartment...and we became one in mind and body and soul.
Shinji: You WHAT?
Kaoru: (off-hand) Well, actually only body, but she didn't seem to mind at
the time.
Shinji: KAORU!
(Rei looks _very_ embarrassed, and starts blushing like mad.)
(Scene: The NERV Command Center.
The monitors that had been displaying the battle before visual contact
with Terminal Dogma was lost because of jamming by an AT field--courtesy of
Rei, though nobody there, with the possible exception of Commander Gendo
Ikari, could possibly know that--remain blank for a second.
Suddenly they come back on line.)
Lt. Maya Ibuki: Major! The AT field has dissipated! Visual contact restored!
Major Misato Katsuragi: (clearly relieved) Oh, thank God! What's going on
down there?
Maya: The angel seems to be...talking to Unit One, sir...
Misato: Patch it through on speakers! (to herself) Can't take that music
anymore...
Maya: Patching it through, ma'am.
(The audio comes on line. All on the bridge can now see and hear the
proceedings, and watch and listen astounded...)
Kaoru: (over speakers) Later that very evening I went to the ward where the
Second Child lay, and had my way with her too.
Shinji: (shaking visibly) You liar!
Kaoru: Why would I about something like that, my love? (sighs; a look of
rapture on his face) Words fail to describe how wonderful comatose girls can
be...
Shinji: (also over the speakers; seething with fury) You scum! I'll kill you!
Kaoru: (lisping slightly) You go girl!
Misato: (completely flabbergasted) What the _fuck_...
Commander Ikari: (his expression hidden by his gloves, as always) Must you
ask, Major? The angel is obviously trying to goad Pilot One into
annihiliating him. Oh, and by the way, please refrain from such language in
my presence.
Misato: All right, fine. Why the _heck_ would it do that?
(Ikari seems to consider that question for a moment.)
Misato: Well?
Ikari: (finally) Why not?
(Misato facefaults.)
Kaoru: (over speakers; lisp now in full force) Did I mention I banged the
Major in the ladies' room while I was on a roll, bitch?
Misato: (suddenly furious) I can't believe that tattle-tale son of a b...
(She suddenly realizes everybody in the command center is staring at her as
if she was from Mars--except for Ikari, who remains unflappable as ever.)
Ikari: Care to explain that last outburst, Major?
Misato: (moving her hand behind her head, sweatdropping visibly) Well, it's,
ah, not what it sounded like, Commander, I swear...heh heh heh...
Shinji: (over speakers; his voice is suddenly calm but forceful) No.
(The full attention of everyone in the commander is restored.)
Shinji: (over speakers) I can't. I won't. Not like this. (Pause.) Father,
can you hear me?
Ikari: (clearly irritated) What is it?
Shinji: Please, father. Give the order to eject me from the Eva.
Ikari: What the devil for? Destroy the angel!
Shinji: Father. Kaoru is a human being. The Eva was never meant to be used
to kill human beings. I can't use the Eva to kill Kaoru. I'm sorry.
(And the Eva very gently places Kaoru on the floor of Terminal Dogma. A
deathly silence fills the command center--due in no large part to the
cessation of the Ode to Joy.)
Shinji: (to Kaoru, firmly and deliberately) Kaoru. You. Me. The beach where
we first met. Two hours.
Kaoru: (the smile gone--along with the affected lisp, thank God--a look of
bewilderment on his face) I don't understand.
Shinji: You don't?
Kaoru: No.
Shinji: Quite simple, really...
Kaoru: ...
Rei: ...
Misato: ...
Maya: ...
Ikari: ...
Shinji: ...I WANNA KILL YOU WITH MY BARE HANDS!
(Everyone but Ikari facefaults--including of all unlikely people, Rei.
Which is unfortunate for her, because it causes her to tumble over the
railing and to her demise in the pool of LCL.)
Maya: (horrified) Oh my God! They killed Ayanami!
Shinji: You bastard!
Kaoru: (hanging his head again) I don't understand. Why must the lilim
_always_ do things the _hard_ way?
--
Paul Corrigan
corrig11@pilot.msu.edu