Author's note: my first indepandant fanfic. Please R&R. Westwood Studios owns Command&Conquor, and Big Brother is the property of it's respective owner. I never actually watched the show, so I'm kind of shakey on the premise.
Hello, and welcome to Big Conquor! Here's where we stick Command and Conquor characters in close proximity until they get sick of it and quit! Here are the contestants:
Slavik
Oxanna
Kane
Tanya
Lt. Eva
Jake McNiel (his brother caught something from Umagon, otherwise he'd be the contestant; seems she wasn't cured after all)
Traitos
Lt. Zofia
Dr. Albert Einstein
Premier Romanoff (Yuri was disqualified for obvious reasons)
Oxanna: I can't BELIEVE that our Psycopathic Commanders contract had that fine print about 'reality' TV shows. I mean...
Kane: I am the deadliest of us all! I will win this game with ease! I have the strongest army, the greatest voice, the quickest mind, and the biggest ego. Besides, I posess the one thing that will bend you all to my will!
Tanya: Yah, what, chrome-dome?
Kane: The TV remote... arrrggghhh! (He's rushed by everyone except Einstein in a frantic rush for the remote.)
NEXT DAY:
Zofia comes downstairs in her plastic outfit, to find Einstein making a mini-chronosphere out of pop can tabs. He misses and jabs his finger.
Einstein: Ow, Jesus Christ, DAMN!
Zofia: You are looszing zees Gherman accent, nyet?
Einstein: Oh crap! (German accent reappears) Vell, I don't know vhat you are talking about.
(Traitos walks in, looking spacy)
Traitos: (Looks at Oxanna as she enters, then rolls his eyes upwards.) Red...becomes green. A rose... becomes like... unkempt roadkill.
Oxanna: He's having a vision! (rushes up to him) Quickly, what do you see? Our future could depend on it!
Traitos: (Looking at her normally) Nothing. I was commenting on your perfume.
Lt. Eva: (as she and Tanya walk in) Damn, and I thought this was going to be fun. Really, does Slavik have to go through EVERYONE's rooms? I mean, I know it's a security precaution for your average paranoid, but...
Zofia: He ees going through our rooms? (Jumps up, then reverses thrust and jumps under the table as Slavik walks in)
Lt. Eva: Any luck, you paranoiac?
Slavik: Not as such, although I found some very intersting stuff. Seems Lt. Zofia has the largest collection of whips, chains and handcuffs that I've ever seen, and if there's anything in her dresser that isn't leather, plastic, or metal, I'll quit right now?
Zofia: (There's a loud crack as she attempts to jump up but is balocked by the table) Really?
Slavik: You bet.
(Zofia rushes upstairs, closely followed by Slavik and Tanya. She starts ripping apart her dresser, looking for something that isn't plastic, leather, or metal. Meanwhile, Tanya inspects the rack, the thumbscrews,the rowing macine with handcuffs.)
Zofia: Vere is zat t-shirt with the little...no, I bought that in third grade... I mailed all my black lace to this place, and it haszn't arrived yet... Damn! Slavik, you vin, until my black lace arrives.
Tanya: You know, this answers a lot of questions about that plastic outfit...
Author's note: I know this wasn't as funny as it was in my head, so try to point out the bad parts to me. If I get enough requests, I'll do more, but please review.
Hello, and welcome to Big Conquor! Here's where we stick Command and Conquor characters in close proximity until they get sick of it and quit! Here are the contestants:
Slavik
Oxanna
Kane
Tanya
Lt. Eva
Jake McNiel (his brother caught something from Umagon, otherwise he'd be the contestant; seems she wasn't cured after all)
Traitos
Lt. Zofia
Dr. Albert Einstein
Premier Romanoff (Yuri was disqualified for obvious reasons)
Oxanna: I can't BELIEVE that our Psycopathic Commanders contract had that fine print about 'reality' TV shows. I mean...
Kane: I am the deadliest of us all! I will win this game with ease! I have the strongest army, the greatest voice, the quickest mind, and the biggest ego. Besides, I posess the one thing that will bend you all to my will!
Tanya: Yah, what, chrome-dome?
Kane: The TV remote... arrrggghhh! (He's rushed by everyone except Einstein in a frantic rush for the remote.)
NEXT DAY:
Zofia comes downstairs in her plastic outfit, to find Einstein making a mini-chronosphere out of pop can tabs. He misses and jabs his finger.
Einstein: Ow, Jesus Christ, DAMN!
Zofia: You are looszing zees Gherman accent, nyet?
Einstein: Oh crap! (German accent reappears) Vell, I don't know vhat you are talking about.
(Traitos walks in, looking spacy)
Traitos: (Looks at Oxanna as she enters, then rolls his eyes upwards.) Red...becomes green. A rose... becomes like... unkempt roadkill.
Oxanna: He's having a vision! (rushes up to him) Quickly, what do you see? Our future could depend on it!
Traitos: (Looking at her normally) Nothing. I was commenting on your perfume.
Lt. Eva: (as she and Tanya walk in) Damn, and I thought this was going to be fun. Really, does Slavik have to go through EVERYONE's rooms? I mean, I know it's a security precaution for your average paranoid, but...
Zofia: He ees going through our rooms? (Jumps up, then reverses thrust and jumps under the table as Slavik walks in)
Lt. Eva: Any luck, you paranoiac?
Slavik: Not as such, although I found some very intersting stuff. Seems Lt. Zofia has the largest collection of whips, chains and handcuffs that I've ever seen, and if there's anything in her dresser that isn't leather, plastic, or metal, I'll quit right now?
Zofia: (There's a loud crack as she attempts to jump up but is balocked by the table) Really?
Slavik: You bet.
(Zofia rushes upstairs, closely followed by Slavik and Tanya. She starts ripping apart her dresser, looking for something that isn't plastic, leather, or metal. Meanwhile, Tanya inspects the rack, the thumbscrews,the rowing macine with handcuffs.)
Zofia: Vere is zat t-shirt with the little...no, I bought that in third grade... I mailed all my black lace to this place, and it haszn't arrived yet... Damn! Slavik, you vin, until my black lace arrives.
Tanya: You know, this answers a lot of questions about that plastic outfit...
Author's note: I know this wasn't as funny as it was in my head, so try to point out the bad parts to me. If I get enough requests, I'll do more, but please review.