A Heart's Desire

by CrzA

"It's a quirk alright. Looks like a classic case of a love drug type quirk." "What makes you think that?" Izuku can't really keep the bitter sarcasm completely out of his tone, trying to make himself wiggle out of Todoroki's embrace rather than melt into it. Or where Shouto gets hit by a quirk that makes him much more affectionate towards Izuku.

An uneventful patrol, as boring as it may be, should be cause for relief for a pro hero. It meant there were no villains tormenting civilians, no disasters to control, no lives in danger. Besides, Izuku isn't doing it on his own so at least he has someone to talk to, even if Todoroki still isn't the most engaging of partners, even after all these years, he is a good friend and always willing to listen to his ramblings.

A pro hero should be alert at all times, though, uneventful patrol or not, villains don't exactly have set schedules so a quiet few days might turn into utter chaos in a matter of seconds. So, really, it's Izuku's mistake to be walking backwards, facing Todoroki as he goes on one of his many rants about U.A.'s newest hero course kids, the students that just made it into Aizawa's class that showed the most promise, and thorough analysis on their quirks. He should have been paying attention to where he was going, or rather, to what was coming towards him, but he wasn't. If it had been someone looking to kill him they may have very well succeeded.

In retrospect, it could have been a lot worse. But Todoroki shouldn't have had to push Izuku out of the way of a speeding biker going a little out of control – even if they were in the biker's lane, Izuku is the one who shouldn't have been walking on it –, he shouldn't have been knocked onto his back by said biker who kept riding away with a shouted apology. Izuku should have been paying attention, but he wasn't.

Now he's kneeling next to his friend, feeling guilty and just a tiny bit panicked because it's been at least forty-five seconds and Todoroki was just knocked down, he should be sitting up by now – did he hit his head? Does he have a concussion? – but he's just lying there on his back, eyes closed and groaning.

"Todoroki-kun! Are you okay? Oh gosh, I am so sorry, I should have been looking, please say something!"

Izuku shakes him lightly by the shoulder, hoping that he will respond to the touch, and, sure enough, Todoroki's eyes shoot open, startling him a little with the intensity behind them. The other hero blinks a few times until his gaze focuses on Izuku's face, blue greys seemingly shining for a moment before something seems to settle on them that he can't quite place. Todoroki's lips part slightly, sucking in a breath, and Izuku is about to ask him once again if he feels alright when suddenly—

"Izuku!"

Todoroki throws his arms around Izuku's shoulders, effectively causing him to choke on his own spit, a tiny squeal crawling out from deep in his throat when his friend takes it even further and nuzzles his face into his neck. Izuku sits there frozen for what seems like much too long, stuttering through the other's name in equal parts shock and confusion, his eyes widening further the tighter Todoroki holds on to him. His heart has jumped to his throat, making it a little hard to breathe past the lump its formed as he tries to make some sense of what is going on, yet all his mind offers is a series of jumbled noises, disorganised, scattered thoughts a complete and utter mess.

"I'm so glad you're okay. I just saw that maniac coming towards you and I—what if you had gotten hurt?"

"T-T-T-T—"

Izuku can't seem to get anything else out, his tongue like lead in his mouth, when Todoroki finally lets go for all of two seconds before he holds onto each side of his face, warm and cold hands somewhat rough against his cheeks as he forces him to stare into his eyes. He tucks a stray curl behind Izuku's ear.

"Are you alright, Izuku?"

The words are fairly simple despite his given name in the mix making it seem so much more complicated, the answer to the question quite obvious, after all Todoroki had been the one to get thrown to the ground and Izuku was barely shoved at all. Even knowing that, all he can really do is open and close his mouth like some goldfish trapped in a loop around the small fishbowl with no way to break the cycle. He stares, for longer than may be considered normal, Todoroki's gaze never leaving him, simply waiting for his response, his fingers brushing gently over his skin and making it that much harder to think.

Something is clearly off with one of them and even if Izuku is sputtering like an idiot, he's pretty sure he isn't the one feeling any different. Scrambling for what to do and how to react to these types of situations is pretty much in character for him, actually. What isn't is that Todoroki is holding his face and looking at him as if he's something precious, priceless even, wanting to know if he's okay after he was the one the rider wiped out. If anything, he needs to get a grip to make sure Todoroki is alright.

"I-I'm fine… Todoroki-kun shouldn't y—"

"Shouto."

"W-what."

"Call me Shouto."

Izuku blinks stupidly at him, words turning to ash on his tongue as he is once again at a complete loss for what to actually say or do. He considers that Todoroki might be referring to his hero name, but that expression of pure determination, the glint in his eyes, the way Izuku's stomach flips at the way he says it… Clearing his throat to mask yet another obnoxiously high-pitched noise threatening to crawl out of him, Izuku looks away, cheeks suddenly burning, and starts scrambling to get his phone out of its pouch on his belt.

"Stay right here, please."

Stalking off to the side while Shouto gets to his feet and dusts himself off, absentmindedly rubbing at the back of his head, Izuku hits the speed dial and puts the phone to his ear, soon hearing Iida's commanding voice from the other side.

"Iida-kun, we have a bit of a situation."

"Do you need backup? Uraraka-kun and I can get to your current location in less than ten minutes provided nothing disastrous happens on the way! I can also call Best Jeanist's agency to get Bakugou-kun or perhaps Fat Gum's if Kirishima-kun's quirk is more appropriate!"

It's only after he's already flailing his arms and shaking his head frantically that Izuku realises his friend can't actually see him and forces the words out of his closed-up throat, one eye still carefully trained on Todoroki.

"It's nothing like that, please don't worry! Um... It's just that... Todoroki-kun—"

"Shouto."

Izuku flinches slightly at the sound of his partner's voice suddenly right beside him, mismatched eyes boring into the back of his head as he swallows nervously, doing his best to ignore the shivers running up and down his spine.

"Midoriya-kun? Is everything alright with Todoroki-kun?"

"Right, um... He's... Mostly fine." He says slowly, quickly scanning the other for any obvious injuries. "But he's acting a bit strangely. There was an incident with a civilian, nothing serious, but there may have been some accidental quirk use."

"Is he violent?"

"Not at all. Quite... The opposite actually."

"Bring him in and we will have someone examine him. In the meantime, I will get someone else to take your current patrol. Do you need an escort?"

For a moment, Izuku considers the offer, heart fluttering when his eyes meet with Todoroki's once again and a small smile stretches on his friend's thin lips for little more than a second. Did he always smile like that? Izuku is fairly certain he had never seen him look so fond. It wasn't an awful sight by any means, it might even be that he enjoys it immensely, but the strange warmth it sparks in his chest is more than a little worrying, especially when it spreads all the way up his neck, settling on his cheeks and continuing to the tips of his ears.

This kind of feeling isn't at all unfamiliar to Izuku, though he had never quite given it much thought before, not when he was focused on his training, on becoming a hero who could protect those who needed it, or when he was busy actually being one. It was easy to reason feelings away when the safety of others depended on it. Standing here, during what could very well be the longest running time Izuku had literally nothing to do, no one to save, nothing else to keep his mind away from it, it is awfully hard to tell himself he'll think about it later and eventually forget about it entirely.

Maybe he should request someone come pick them up... That way he wouldn't have to think about how Todoroki is looking at him and how it is making him feel, the emotions it is resurfacing – yes, because they aren't all that new, are they? – or what they might mean.

"That's okay... I think he's good to walk back with me."

"Very well then. Do not hesitate to request backup should the need arise."

"Will do, thank you, Iida-kun."

As soon as the call drops, Todoroki steps even closer and Izuku holds his breath, body tensing as his personal space gets invaded in such a way he isn't sure if he should be trying to reclaim it or giving even more of it up. When his given name falls yet again from those lips, so tender and soft, his knees grow just a little weak, his heartrate gets just a little urgent, blood swooshing loudly past his ears. Everything stills for the moment Todoroki reaches for his face once again, knuckles brushing gently over his heated cheek, and Izuku isn't sure why he didn't pull away from the touch at all.

"L-let's head back to Idaten." He finally chokes out, ducking under his friend's hand and starting back on the path they'd taken here.

"I don't see why that's necessary. I'm perfectly fine."

Despite his mild protest, Todoroki still follows and, for that, Izuku is thankful. For some strange reason he can't seem to find his logic for long enough to formulate a convincing enough argument to prove why that statement is so horribly wrong.

"You're not really acting like yourself, for one…" Izuku tries anyway, stealing a glance over his shoulder long enough to spot the look of confusion settle on Todoroki's features.

"Izuku—"

"That! Right there! You've never called me that before!"

Todoroki simply blinks at the finger Izuku points at him accusingly, head tilting slightly in a way that he should not be thinking looks absolutely heart-achingly adorable.

"I know."

"You do?"

"Well, yes. But… I feel like we're close enough for that by now, right? We've known each other for over six years, we've been partners for a little less than half that time and we've been through a lot together… I want to call you by your given name because you're my first and closest friend."

To say that Izuku is choking on his words would be a massive understatement, only managing to squeak out a reluctant agreement as a good portion of his blood makes his face its permanent residence. For the rest of the way to the agency, they remain in a painfully awkward silence. Well, at least for Izuku, as Todoroki seems to be perfectly content by just walking a hair too close to him, the back of his left hand occasionally brushing against his right. Izuku tells himself that it's accidental the whole twenty-seven times it happens.

They finally make it to Idaten and a wave of relief washes over him as soon as they step through the entrance when he spots Iida already waiting with a couple of sidekicks to whisk his partner away for an examination. Todoroki, on the other hand, shifts his weight from one foot to another, somewhat hiding behind Izuku, close enough that he can feel his warmth seeping through his uniform.

"Todoroki-kun, Midoriya-kun." Iida greets them with a small bow of his head before adjusting his glasses on his face. "I understand you may have been victim to involuntary quirk misuse, Todoroki-kun. Do you feel any discomfort at all?"

"I'm fine. You should really check Izuku instead, he's the one who almost got run over." Izuku doesn't miss the way Iida's eyebrows jump up to his hairline at the mention of his name.

"You're the one who got knocked down to the ground."

"Very well, you will both get a quick examination to assess the situation."

"This really isn't necessary, I just got a little shove."

Izuku's words go completely ignored as they're both led to separate rooms, the look of concern and anxiety in Todoroki's gaze when he glances back at him sending guilt spreading cold through his veins, settling just beneath his skin like an itch he can't quite reach. After all, this is kind of his fault for not paying attention even though he isn't exactly sure what 'this' is just yet. He has his suspicions, sure, but an obnoxiously big part of him is begging any higher powers that he's wrong and there's something behind those tender gazes and gentle smiles that is more than just—

"It's a quirk alright. Looks like a classic case of a love drug type quirk."

"What makes you think that?" Izuku can't really keep the bitter sarcasm completely out of his tone, trying to make himself wiggle out of Todoroki's embrace rather than melt into it.

"Shouto-san kept asking about the status of Deku-san's health during the whole time I was conducting the exam. I understand he was the first person Shouto-san saw after getting hit and immediately became more affectionate and somewhat obsessive." The medic explains the situation to Iida, looking over his notes while eyeing them both just as Todoroki lets him go and brushes yet another stray lock from his eyes.

It's as if all the tension in his shoulders, the weight he was carrying when he stepped out of that door, has suddenly lifted now that he is near Izuku. It makes Izuku's stomach churn in a strange kind of elated way to think that he's the reason Todoroki looks so relaxed, and yet all of that momentary high comes crashing down when he tells himself it's all fake, the product of a quirk, just like he was almost certain it was. Still, even knowing that, it's painful to see that soft expression twist into a grimace the moment Iida mentions Todoroki should head home until the quirk wears off, to hear the despair in his voice when he swears he's fine and fit for duty and that nothing is wrong with him. What's most painful is how much Izuku wants it to actually mean something.

How pathetic is he for falling this deep into his hopeless high school crush all over again because of a few touches and meaningless long stares? Perhaps slightly less pathetic than he's about to become.

"I know I was cleared for duty but maybe it's best if I take the rest of the day off and take Todoroki-kun—"

"Shouto."

Izuku chokes for a heartbeat before continuing with an added flush to his cheeks. "—if I take Sh-Sh-Shouto-kun home with me and make sure he's alright. We don't know if the effects might worsen and he might put himself or-or someone else in danger. It might also spare him some anxiety and I feel like I owe it to him for causing this in the first place."

While it may be the truth, Izuku feels just a little dishonest, just a tiny bit sleezy, like he's taking advantage of his friend's condition. It doesn't matter that he does have the best intentions at heart, that he is actually worried about what might happen to Todoroki if he's left alone without knowing the full extent of the quirk's effects or that he doesn't want him to feel so uneasy in his absence. The shine to his friend's eyes as soon as he suggests it sends his heart to drumming violently against his ribcage and the murmur of a voice whispering in his ear that he wants to be closer to Todoroki for as long as he can keeps getting louder and more demanding. It doesn't matter because despite all of his good intentions Izuku is still doing this for very selfish reasons too.

"I suppose you do have a point. It would be unwise to leave Todoroki-kun unattended in spite of how harmless the side effects appear to be at this moment." Iida considers, a hand rubbing at his chin thoughtfully. "And since neither of you got a good enough look of the civilian we don't have a way of quickly assessing this person's quirk and their specifications. You two take the rest of the day and tomorrow as well. Should there be any updates to Todoroki-kun's condition, contact the agency immediately."

"Of course." Izuku bows his head in thanks, already moving towards the exit when he hears Iida calling him once again.

"Aren't you changing out of your hero suits before leaving?"

"Right, yes! Sorry! We'll get right to that and then we'll be on our way, right Todoroki-kun?"

"Shouto."

All Izuku can do in response to the correction is groan slightly, feeling his face heating once more as he quickly paces towards the agency's locker rooms to get changed.

It should be fast and uneventful, like it always is, something they're so used to in their everyday lives that it's just part of their routine. And yet, as he unzips his suit and shrugs it off his shoulders, he can sense Todoroki's eyes following his every move, tensing as he undresses until he simply stops and turns around to find him blatantly staring, not even trying to avert his gaze when caught. Izuku swallows nervously.

"Um…" He trails off, unsure of what exactly he wants to say.

As if snapping out of a trance, Todoroki's eyes widen slightly before he moves to focus on another corner of the room, clearing his throat as a light blush dusts over his cheeks. Izuku's breath gets caught at the sight.

"Sorry… I didn't mean to gawk, you're just so beautiful that I don't ever want to stop looking at you."

"Todoroki-kun!"

"Shouto."

"Ack! That's not the—you can't just say things like that! I know it's the quirk but—"

"It isn't. I keep telling you, I don't feel any different."

Covering his burning face with his arms, Izuku shakes his head to clear his jumbled thoughts, telling himself that he can't trust those words much less let himself fall back into the ditch where he buried his feelings back before graduating. He had moved on, he had let go of those stupid hopes, he had other things to focus on, to fight towards. He can't afford to entertain these feelings! Izuku is supposed to take All Might's place as the symbol of peace… There isn't any room for relationships in that. But that isn't even the point because Todoroki doesn't feel that way!

Maybe this is a mistake, maybe he should just ask for one of their other friends to keep an eye on Todoroki before he spirals any further out of control.

"Izuku, are you alright?"

His heart jumps all over again at the sound of his name uttered in such a way, soft like a prayer filled with concern for a loved one. Izuku lies, to Todoroki and to himself, saying he is fine then stripping off the suit and leaving it neatly folded inside its case after putting on his jeans and t-shirt faster than ever before.

When he turns back around, Izuku comes face to face with Todoroki, still shirtless and much too close for his frantic heart to handle, stumbling backwards against the lockers with a loud 'clank'. Todoroki takes a step back with a muttered apology and stares at his feet bashfully.

"I just wanted to make sure you're okay. You're looking flushed and…" I wonder why? "I'll stop."

"I-it's fine…"

It really isn't but the words are out of his mouth before he can stop them, the dejected expression twisting Todoroki's features weighing on his conscience and throwing all of his reason out of the window. In that moment all he wants is to see that glint in his wonderful summer storm eyes when he looks back at him and smiles softly, going back to his locker to finish getting changed as Izuku respectfully turns towards the wall. His heart feels like it's trying to beat right out of his chest and his breathing is just a little ragged, as if he's running a marathon just to get away from his emotions with no actual hope of escaping them.

This day may very well be the death of him.

It doesn't get any easier on the way to his house, what with Todoroki still walking right beside him, their elbows touching every other step. Izuku pretends not to feel his stomach flipping or his heart skipping several beats, that his face hasn't been burning for far longer than he would care to admit or that his gaze isn't constantly finding its way to Todoroki's little smile. It softens all of his edges, shedding his hard exterior of indifference and leaving behind a gentle kindness Izuku has always known to be a part of him but hardly ever sees on such a blatant display for so long.

Each time Todoroki looks his way Izuku barely manages to turn away in time, focusing on the road ahead rather than the overwhelming urge to look back when he hears his friend's low chuckle. Despite the embarrassment from being obviously caught, Izuku can't help but keep peeking at Todoroki from the corner of his eyes, from taking in that relaxed expression that seems like a once in a lifetime sighting, how he almost glows with a sense of fulfilment. It's hard to believe that Izuku is the reason for that, but that's the power of quirks, he supposes.

A pang shoots through his chest at the thought and Izuku glues his eyes to the pavement, dragging his feet and letting his shoulders slump as he chews on his bottom lip, berating himself for his idiocy. This is what he gets for allowing his feelings to take over so easily. Suddenly, it becomes painful to even glance at Todoroki, each smile tainted by the undeniable fact that it only exists due to some unfortunate accident Izuku is entirely at fault for. And soon enough it will be gone, along with that shine in his eyes and the affectionate way he whispers his name…

"Izuku. We're walking past your building."

Izuku jumps at the sound of Todoroki's voice, his train of thought crashing and burning as he quickly twists on his heel and digs the keys out of his pocket, missing the hole at least three times before he actually manages to get the front door open and pace towards the elevator. Todoroki follows close behind him, leaning against the wall with a hint of amusement in his eyes the whole ride up to the tenth floor where Izuku repeats the whole process to get into his apartment.

"Here we are!" He announces much too loudly, cringing at the mild panic in his tone before throwing the keys into the dish by the entrance. "Home sweet home, don't mind the mess, make yourself comfortable!"

As he is taking off his shoes in a haste to get away – to where exactly, he isn't completely sure –, Izuku trips on his own feet, the hardwood floors rapidly getting closer but never quite making contact. Because of course, Todoroki would catch him and pull him up, held tightly against his chest, albeit a little too long for it to just be to make sure he's gained his balance back. Though Izuku doesn't really complain, too worried about his frantic heart pounding in his ears as he stutters through a "Thank you".

"You're really cute when you're flustered…"

A shiver crawls down Izuku's spine when Todoroki's cool breath caresses his ear, like a tender touch brushing his skin ever so softly, voice like velvet, soft and smooth, and his words sweeter than they have any right to be. His body reacts before his brain has a chance to catch up and tell him that this isn't real, melting into Todoroki's arms just a little, a small sigh creeping from his lips. It's only when he feels the embrace tightening that he comes back to his senses and pushes away with a nervous laugh, scratching at the back of his neck as he runs to the bathroom with a half-hearted excuse and locks himself in there.

After much too long leaning against the door, shrouded in darkness, Izuku works on levelling his breathing, flipping on the lights as he forces himself to the sink to splash some water on his face. He catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror, towel dragging down to cover only his mouth and revealing the deep crimson staining his cheeks, a sheen to his eyes making it look as if he is close to tears and, honestly, he isn't sure if that is actually the case or not. Feelings he's long buried are barrelling through him without mercy, prompted by Todoroki's (not so) unwanted affections at a time where there are absolutely no distractions, nothing that he can divert his attention to.

Surely that shouldn't be so bad… It's nice to feel wanted and cared for, after all. Though the bitter aftertaste of the sweetness surrounding his friend's actions makes Izuku a little sick, bile rising up in his throat as he dwells on the 'what ifs' he had worked so hard to let go of. He can't keep going down this path, not when it leads to a world of heartbreak and sorrow that he can't afford to immerse himself in. The path he's chosen doesn't allow these… distractions.

The word is painful for Izuku to even consider, a crude simplification of something so complex as what he actually feels, and not even an accurate one to begin with. It's unfair, to think of this as a burden when it should be fulfilling and wonderful, a part of him and his growth as a person, of his experiences, shaping him up into who he actually is. Izuku has always been in tune with his emotions and he thinks that plays a remarkable role in who he is as a hero. It hurt to let go of them when he was starting out and it hurts just as much now, if not more, when he has caught a glimpse of what it might be to have those feelings returned.

In the moment when Izuku meets his own wet, red-rimmed eyes in the mirror he wonders if that was the right decision, if maybe, just maybe, things could have gone differently had he pursued something he thought he could never have as All Might's successor. But then he sees all the scars criss-crossing down his arms, the sleepless nights written on the near permanent dark circles under his eyes, the harsh training imbedded into the chronic pains of his muscles, and he realises with a crushing certainty that he wouldn't have managed it; not when he was still learning and the League was still going at them with everything they had, when he was still busy asserting himself as the new symbol of peace.

Heaving a sigh, Izuku wipes the stray tears from his eyes and leaves those thoughts hanging with the towel beside the sink before finally stepping out of the bathroom.

Todoroki looks up from his phone at the sound of the door's click, immediately running to his side as soon as he takes one single glance at Izuku's face. His eyebrows knot together, mouth a tight line of concern and hands coming to rest on Izuku's cheeks with such care one might think he would break were it any more forceful. The gentle brush of Todoroki's thumb just under his left eye feels almost like a question, laced with a hint of worry that becomes more evident the longer he looks into shimmering blue greys.

"Were you crying? Was it something I did?"

Izuku opens his mouth to answer but no sounds make it out of his throat, stuck in a tight lump as he asks himself exactly Was it? It's not Todoroki's fault he is acting this way, and it's not his fault Izuku has spent years pretending his crush had been nothing but that and it was long gone either. It's really no one's fault but his own.

"N-no it's—you're… You've done nothing wrong." Snapping out of his daze, Izuku grabs his friend's wrists, prying his hands away as he slaps the biggest smile he can muster onto his lips and asks "Are you hungry?"

Before Todoroki can actually answer he is already making his way towards the kitchen, digging through every cupboard until he actually finds anything edible (some chocolate chip cookies he doesn't even know when he bought but miraculously haven't expired) then turning on the kettle. Izuku nearly jumps out of his skin when he turns around to find Todoroki right behind him, head tilted to one side in confusion and features still twisted with apprehension. He tries to take a step back but only manages to pin himself against the counter.

Sensing his anxiety, Todoroki relinquishes some of Izuku's personal space, lowering his head in what seems like a mix of shame and hurt. The sight is like a shot to his heart, guilt bleeding from the wound it leaves behind, the stream turning to a rushing torrent the moment his friend speaks again.

"I'm sorry. I can't help but worry about you when I see you so distraught. But it seems as if I'm the cause of your discomfort. Maybe I should leave."

"No!"

The sound of his hand slapping against his mouth rings loudly in the otherwise quiet room, the impact so sudden it leaves behind a light sting that Izuku can't decide if it's painful or helpful to keep him from just gaping at Todoroki as he decides whether he should stay or walk out. Izuku can see it there, the hesitation, the lingering hope, shining in those ocean blue and clouded grey eyes, and it draws him in slowly. Without even noticing, Izuku starts to lean away from the counter, shifting closer until their feet almost touch. He finds himself reaching for Todoroki's hands, arms moving of their own accord as he simply keeps watching those eyes clearing slightly, widening nearly imperceptibly with each passing second.

Then the kettle clicks and the moment shatters, Izuku realises with a start what he's doing and recoils, reaching for mugs and tea leaves frantically and nearly breaking his favourite cup in the process. He curses himself under his breath, blinking away the prickling tears in his eyes that threaten to break free the longer he keeps repeating the words He's not himself, this isn't real inside his head until he finally gets their meaning.

"You like green tea, right?"

Todoroki's sigh cuts through him like a sharp blade but Izuku can only focus on the painful beating of his heart, jackhammering against his ribs and knocking the breath right out of him.

"Yeah, anything is fine."

The tea offers some semblance of relief as they sip in silence, sitting across each other on the small kitchen table. Todoroki cools his tea down considerably before he actually brings it to his lips, something Izuku has noticed about him from the first time they shared a cup in the middle of the night at the dorms. He always handles the kettle with the greatest caution, as if spilling even a drop could spell disastrous consequences. In a sense, it's not really a lie. Izuku still remembers the one time he knocked over the kettle in his sleepy haze, how Todoroki jumped back with a scream strangled in his throat and glazed eyes wild as he brought a hand to the left side of his face. It's impossible for him to forget the terror sewn into every movement, every muscle pulled taut and every breath short and broken.

It was around that time Izuku realised just how much he cared, just how much it hurt to see Todoroki so terrified, so small and disoriented, that each second of those three hours he spent calming him down felt like a needle pushed into his heart, slowly and mercilessly. One night of comforting him turned into constantly staying by his side, paying attention to every little detail of his features and mapping out each emotion by how it changes his expression ever so slightly, mental notes of each action and reaction until he knew them by heart. Izuku never really forgot any of it, but the moment he understood what that near obsessive observation meant, he had to force himself to take a step back and put things into perspective.

And now it's happening all over again, but much faster, each glance, each touch, each gentle raise of Todoroki's eyebrows as he pours himself some more water when it splashes inside the mug. It all burns into the back of Izuku's eyelids in a matter of seconds so that all he can see when he closes his eyes is his friend's face. Except Izuku sees the adoration hiding in plain sight and it gets engraved along with everything else, painting a picture in shades of deceit that he can't stop from seeking comfort in. Sweet lies always taste better than the bitter truth after all.

It doesn't help that virtually everything aside from that remains exactly the same. Even if his given name had never really been on Todoroki's lips before or he had never reached for the corner of his mouth to wipe cookie crumbs from his face, he still moves and sounds the same. An act so perfect it mimics reality almost to the littlest detail, changing only incredibly small things that distort the image so greatly yet so expertly it feels real.

Finished with their tea, nary a word exchanged between them, Izuku moves to take their mugs but Todoroki acts faster, taking them away and making quick work of washing them.

"It's the least I can do," he explains quietly as he rinses the All Might silver age mug, "for taking me into your home and putting up with me. You say I'm acting differently... I don't feel different but I suppose I am... Sorry for burdening you..."

"Todoroki-kun..."

"Sh—" Todoroki cuts himself off with a cough, drying his hands on a dish cloth. "I will do my best to let you be and stay out of your way."

Biting on his bottom lip, Izuku stands up from his seat and takes a deep breath, unable to ignore the sad dip of Todoroki's mouth as he speaks or the dull sheen of his eyes before he turns his back to him and moves towards the small living room.

"Sh-Shouto-kun..." Izuku's face feels like it's on fire as he forces the words out of his mouth, trying to convince himself that he is only doing his duty as a good hero and a good friend, that he is not giving in to his own selfishness for just one measly moment. "It's okay... You're not burdening or bothering me, I'm just... Not used to this much affection from anyone is all... And... And if it eases your worries and it makes you feel better I can... You can do whatever you need to. I don't mind, really."

A small smile stretches over Todoroki's lips but it doesn't quite reach his eyes, looking almost sad.

"You make it sound like a chore, Izuku. I don't want that. I don't want you to feel like you have to do something just because I'm... Affected by a quirk, somehow."

Those words give Izuku pause. They don't make sense, not with the effects Todoroki is meant to be under, neither do the apologies and the restraint he's been showing since Izuku left the bathroom. He's not obsessive and clingy, he's attentive, sweet and caring; loving. Is this not the typical love drug? Maybe it's some subdued variation, that doesn't delve into an almost crazed fixation on the target of their affections but instead works more naturally, intensely but in a controlled manner. Perhaps that's why Izuku has such a hard time remembering that it's just a quirk, because the quirk actually makes those feelings seem real rather than an exaggerated and unhinged form of love. Instead of being high on the emotion Todoroki is simply immersed in it, unaware that anything has changed at all. It's quite fascinating – if only it weren't so heart wrenching at the same time.

"I don't... I-I want to be someone you can rely on when you need to. I'm your friend, right?"

A faint red dusts over Todoroki's cheeks and spreads all the way to the tips of his ears, his mouth agape as he sucks in a breath before stalking forward and taking Izuku into a tight hug. Izuku squeaks at the sudden embrace, instinctively wrapping his arms around the other's waist in return. Laughter bubbles in his chest and bursts through for just a moment, the lingering ache surrounding his heart subsiding at the gratitude exuding from Todoroki, crystal clear in the sigh that slips past his lips with a whispered "Thank you".

"It's nothing..."

"It's everything."

"Todo—Shouto-kun, please it's... It's alright."

Todoroki holds him tighter still, burying his nose in the crook of Izuku's neck and tickling him with his cool breath caressing sensitive skin. With one last squeeze, they reluctantly let go of each other and Izuku immediately misses the warmth that spread through him while in Todoroki's arms, the butterflies still fluttering in his stomach but much less blissfully, rather nervous and desperate instead. Izuku shifts from one foot to another uncomfortably, at a loss for what to say or do and just opening and closing his mouth dumbly, aimless and dazed.

This is why he always plans in advance when he has house guests...

"Would you uh... Like to watch a movie? I think I have popcorn... Somewhere..."

Izuku starts to look for said treat, missing whatever expression accompanies the curious hum that comes from Todoroki before he starts to look too, already knowing where Izuku tends to keep what from the many times he's been there with the self-proclaimed Dekusquad. Todoroki finds the popcorn first and Izuku takes a salad bowl from the dish rack he'd used for cereal some days ago because he had been too lazy to wash any of the properly sized ones. When he reaches for the bag of instant popcorn to put it in the microwave, Todoroki pulls it back against his chest with a mischievous grin Izuku doesn't think he's ever witnessed on his friend's face before. It's eerily reminiscent of Uraraka's devilish smirks when she's about to suggest something stupid.

"Kaminari taught me a neat trick."

"'Kaminari' and 'taught' shouldn't be used in the same sentence unless you mean to burn something down, and you actually have the quirk to do that. In short, I'm worried."

The dismissive hand wave is in no way comforting when Todoroki holds the bag in his left hand and it slowly starts to inflate, pops ringing every other second and growing more frequent with each one that sounds. Izuku's eyes widen along with the popcorn bag, at an alarming rate and far too much to be considered normal. Just as Izuku is about to warn Todoroki that perhaps he should stop raising the temperature and rather keep it at a steady state of evenly distributed heat, the bag explodes right in his hand, popcorn flying everywhere, some of it burnt beyond recognition.

Izuku gawks at the mess on the floor as Todoroki approaches him with a sheepish smile and starts picking burnt popcorn off of his curls.

"Sorry, I may have gone a little overboard there."

"You think?" The incredulous tone gets cut down by the snort Izuku can't quite stop, followed by a chortle and then uncontrollable giggling. "Did Kaminari teach you to waste perfectly good popcorn then?"

"Well, to be fair, microwave popcorn is terrible."

"Not the point. You just wasted my hard-earned popcorn."

"I'll buy us a popcorn machine, it's much better anyway and we could have proper movie nights together with proper popcorn."

The giggling stops short as soon as Izuku takes in his friend's words, blinking owlishly at him as his heart starts to beat faster than ever before.

"U-us?"

Blood drains from Todoroki's face before flooding his cheeks in a spectacular manner, painting the pinks and reds of a beautiful sunset in splotches, as if sprinkled by the shake of a brush at random, yet still resulting in a breath-taking masterpiece. Though, Izuku is just a little too stunned to appreciate it, stuck between saying anything at all and not risking spewing out something incredibly idiotic or... incriminating. His heartbeat keeps the time, ticking faster with each sharp breath as he keeps on staring, equal parts mesmerised and shell-shocked and utterly and completely paralysed.

Todoroki clears his throat and searches for a broom behind a door.

"I'll clean this up while you pick out the movie."

It takes Izuku far longer than he would like to admit to comprehend the words. In that moment Izuku is faced with a choice: to listen to his head, take the change of subject and run with it, or to listen to his lovesick heart and confront Todoroki, to cease this opportunity to face his feelings and stop holding them back.

But what would be the point of being honest with his feelings if Todoroki's are nothing but a clever illusion? It was just a slip of the tongue, prompted by a quirk more powerful than it seems to be at first glance, capable of changing someone's affections so wholly they hardly even realise there's anything different at all.

"Yeah... Okay, sounds good."

Head hanging low, Izuku drags his feet to the living room, turning on the TV and sorting through the endless movies available to them, actively disregarding the coldness in the pit of his stomach and the weight in his chest. He skims through the titles unseeing, barely even registering them as his mind keeps drifting further into a fantasy of early-morning greetings and late-night goodbyes that mean so much more because they never truly parted at all. He dives into a world of shared laughs and tears and everything in between, of eating together, sleeping together, living together. It's so wonderful, so perfect, that when Shouto slumps into the couch beside him, Izuku gets violently pulled out of his reverie and back to reality, head snapping in his direction and straightening in his seat as his cheeks flare like a child caught doing something he shouldn't.

"Did you pick anything yet?"

Izuku stares at the screen, dazed and embarrassed, focusing on the movie currently displayed under the category of Animation. "We haven't watched Howl's Moving Castle with the others yet, have we?"

Shouto shrugs and Izuku clicks to watch, pulling his legs up onto the couch and settling as comfortably as he can manage while feeling the heat radiating from his partner's left side and wanting it surrounding him completely, like a blanket of safety, warm and soothing. The movie keeps playing but Izuku is hardly paying it any mind, instead focused on measuring the distance between them with each time Shouto shifts, if it's shorter by a hair's width or larger by a whole hand, if the angle at which he's leaning is too obviously tilted towards his friend.

Eventually he lets his attention drift to the moving images, getting lost in the story to the point where he finds himself crying when Sophie tells Howl that a heart is a heavy burden, his throat closing up as he wipes at his cheeks with the heel of his hand. An arm wraps around his shoulders, almost shyly, as if testing the waters before actually letting his full weight settle on Izuku as he pulls him flush against his side.

"Shouto-kun?"

"You looked like you needed a hug so I just... I should have asked, I'm sorry."

Rather than give him an answer, too choked up to even manage words, Izuku turns towards Shouto to return the embrace, staining his shirt when he rests his cheek on his friend's shoulder and keeps sniffling. There is an apology in there somewhere, mumbled into the crook of Shouto's neck in the midst of muted sobs. Right now, Izuku doesn't have the energy to fight his desire for comfort, fighting against it all ever since this started proving to be much more exhausting than he ever thought it could be. So, he settles into Shouto's arms and keeps watching the movie until he finally sits back up, hesitantly scooting to the other end of the couch with a murmured word of gratitude to which he replies in kind.

As the movie comes to a close, Izuku can't help but glance at Shouto when the characters kiss, caught off guard when he finds him looking back. His chest flutters and his breath stutters, and Izuku swears Shouto leans closer, not nearly covering a fraction of the distance to bring them together but just enough that he notices and feels the gravitational pull towards those summer storm eyes.

This overwhelming need to get closer is tearing Izuku apart at the seams, pulled taut from every direction as he battles with his logic telling him that this is wrong and he shouldn't be so selfish as to let himself believe otherwise, that maybe there's a sliver of hope that it just might be real. Yet no matter how loud his thoughts scream, Izuku keeps leaning closer, Shouto mimicking every single one of his movements until...

Izuku's phone rings in his pocket, the shrill noise of his ringtone reverberating in his skull and startling him onto the floor, heart in his throat as he scrambles to get on his knees and answer the call with a breathless greeting.

"Midoriya-kun! I am calling to ensure that Todoroki-kun's condition remains stable and you have no need of assistance before returning home from the agency!"

Letting a frustrated yet somehow relieved sigh slip from his lips, Izuku rubs at his face tiredly. "Yes, Iida-kun, everything is under control. The quirk's effects seem to be unchanged right now. You don't need to worry."

"Excellent news! I will certainly sleep better tonight knowing Todoroki-kun is in your care, but rest assured, should you need me at all, I am one simple phone call away! Do not try to handle difficult situations on your own!"

"Yeah, we're okay. I'll tell you if anything changes."

"Very well. Now then."

The call drops and Izuku hunches in on himself running a hand through his hair and finding yet another popcorn tangled between the locks. The atmosphere becomes stilted, something heavy hanging in the air that is utterly impossible to ignore. They should talk about what almost just happened, right? Because there is no way Izuku can fool himself into believing he wasn't going to kiss Shouto had Iida not interrupted them. Shouto would have kissed him back, though not of his own free will, not really anyway, and Izuku would never be able to look him in the eye again without shame coursing through his veins, ice cold and turning his limbs to lead. Even now it is proving difficult.

"There was a documentary on All Might running around this time on some channel. I think you mentioned it a few days ago but we were supposed to be working."

Izuku looks up from his lap, trapping his bottom lip between his teeth as he catches Shouto's hopeful gaze.

"I've already seen it a few dozen times." As soon as the words are out of his mouth, Shouto's expression falls, and Izuku's heart with it. Against his better judgment, he climbs back onto the couch, crossing his legs and flipping to the documentary that is already ten minutes into the introduction. "But I never really get tired of it, so..."

Slowly but surely, Izuku lets his body relax into the cushions, pointing out details from certain parts of the hero's life the documentary fails to mention, along with tiny stories the man himself had told him throughout the years training him. He talks about stories of his own, how when they shot that one interview Izuku had just spent the good part of two hours helping him with what to say, or that he still has the whole collection of All Might trading cards they mention somewhere around the halfway point. It might be just a diversion, a moment of respite from his rampant feelings as he tries to engage in another passion to be able to stop this one from consuming him in hungry flames, but at least it puts a smile on Shouto's face and eases some of the aching in his heart.

Eventually the documentary ends, with All Might's famous catchphrase echoing in the room, but they don't move to go anywhere else, absentmindedly commenting on whatever crime show comes next and the crude sitcom that comes after. Yawning becomes a constant background to their idle chit-chat every other minute, Izuku's lids growing heavier until he can hardly keep his eyes open for longer than ten seconds.

"You should go to bed and get some rest." Shouto whispers with a light chuckle and Izuku feels cool fingers brushing the shell of his ear as he tucks a stray lock of hair behind it.

"You can take my bed, I'll sleep on the couch. It's pretty comfy." Izuku slurs, rubbing at tired eyes.

"I'm not making you sleep on the couch in your own home."

"Not making. I'm telling you to take the bed."

"I will do no such thing."

Izuku is too sleepy to argue, too lazy to move and too stubborn to let Shouto convince him to let him sleep on the couch while he goes to bed. All in all, his filters aren't functioning correctly and he doesn't think before saying "Sleep here with me then, I'm not going anywhere."

If Izuku wasn't already halfway to being fast asleep maybe he would have panicked and run to his room of his own accord. Instead he wakes up the next morning, glued to Shouto's left side and wrapped in a fluffy blanket, limbs tangled so thoroughly he can hardly wiggle his toes, let alone wrench himself free of the other's arms.

His mind is a little hazy on how they got to that position to begin with, tucked between Shouto's legs while cuddling him, but he remembers his last words rather clearly, which only serves to make his cheeks even hotter and his desire for the ground to swallow him whole even stronger. It only gets worse when he feels his friend stirring, both of them tensing, and Shouto's eyes shoot open to meet Izuku's wide ones.

Two long beats pass with them just gaping, breaths held and faces much too close to one another, and Izuku watches in excruciating detail as Shouto's face tints a bright red from the roots of his hair down to the base of his neck. It's a lovely shade on him, and Izuku might have found it endearing were he not busy burning up as well.

The next thing he knows, Shouto has let him go and gracefully manoeuvred his way around Izuku and off the couch, turning his back to him and hiding his face in his hands. When the apology sounds from him, muffled but so obviously filled with shame, the words stab Izuku right in the heart. This is it. This is the end.

Todoroki groans and Izuku flinches, throwing the blanket off his shoulders and setting his feet on the ground with his own head hanging miserably.

"I am so sorry... I shouldn't... The way I acted was..."

"It's okay, it's not your fault... The quirk altered your emotions, it's not like you could have done anything about it. And besides, you didn't do anything wrong."

Even as he says it, Izuku can't keep the sorrow from his voice, the defeat, the heartbreak, even if all he said is true, he still feels so unbearably empty and cold, the warmth with which he fell asleep and woke enveloped by all but gone and leaving him lonely and dejected. He waits for Todoroki to say something, expecting the worst, that he'll be angry at Izuku for so clearly taking advantage of him instead of doing his job as a friend and a hero to keep him safe and comfortable without letting his feelings taint his every action.

Then he risks a glance up from his hands as he fidgets over his lap, and finds Todoroki shaking his head vehemently, mumbling something Izuku can't quite understand. Gnawing on the inside of his cheek, Todoroki slowly turns to him, crossing his arms over his chest and staring at anything but Izuku.

"That's not it. I don't regret a single thing I did yesterday. I just really wish I hadn't done it like that..."

Izuku sputters, not really understanding what Todoroki means at all and unable to start and make sense of it, thoughts still clouded by the haze of sleep on top of the guilt sifting through him and making him feel a little sick. Still, he clings to those words, to a hopeless wish that maybe their friendship hasn't been tarnished by everything that happened.

"Do you... Remember everything?" Izuku asks softly, wondering if maybe some of his dignity is still intact in Todoroki's eyes.

"In painful detail..." Before he can start feeling even sorrier for himself, Todoroki presses on, his eyebrows pulling to a distressed knot. "I made you so uncomfortable... You must be hating me right now..."

Izuku jumps to his feet then, the very thought that Todoroki believes he hates him in any way whatsoever sending panic coursing through his veins, and he shakes his head as he waves his hands in denial, doing everything in his power to put that ridiculous notion to rest.

"Of course not! Todoroki-kun I would never—"

"Shouto."

They fall silent, Izuku blinks and Todoroki holds his breath for a small eternity.

"Is the quirk still..."

"No, I... I just..."

Todoroki inhales deeply, as if steeling himself for something big, expecting a hit that might very well knock him down forever. When he exhales, his eyes meet Izuku's with an intensity matched with that of their first real fight back in the first year sports festival at U.A., determined but with a hint of fear for what might come lying underneath.

"Izuku..." Just his name alone, said with such a desperate tenderness, knocks the breath right out of Izuku's lungs and turns his knees to jelly. "Quirk or no quirk, I think—no I am certain that I wanted to do every last thing I did yesterday. I wanted to make sure you were safe, to be near you and hold you, to protect you even if you don't need my protection... I never really..." Todoroki lets out a frustrated growl, sinking to the floor and sitting with his legs crossed. "I'm not good at this kind of stuff. Half the time I hardly let myself feel anything so how am I supposed to know what it is I do feel?"

"I don't... understand..."

"I think that... I know that what I feel for you is more than just friendship... I have been holding on to this feeling for as long as I have known you, really known you. But I didn't know what to do with it, didn't really understand it either. I just knew that... I wanted to be by your side, so I followed you to where we are today and I was okay with that..."

Izuku listens in silence, stunned at how much his friend had to say when he is usually a man of so few words. The words slowly sink into him, like scattered pieces of a puzzle finally filling up the gaps in between a half-completed picture, and he finds the image behind it somewhat unbelievable but no less the truth. Todoroki seems to be fully aware of his actions, the quirk no longer in effect and he seems to be... But he couldn't be... He isn't...

"But I think this made me realise how much I want that something more... Holding you feels like home... I don't think I have ever slept as well as I did last night and I'm pretty sure I bruised a rib from your elbow digging into it... Izuku I... I just wish I could have asked you if you wanted that first... That I didn't force it onto you... I'm sorry... And I understand if you would like to stay away from me, I'll ask Iida to assign me other partners or... Or even transfer agencies if I must... If only I can still be your friend eventually, I will be okay with that..."

For the longest time Izuku just stands there, dumbstruck. As someone who is always shooting off at the mouth, going on unfiltered rants when perhaps it would be best if he stayed quiet, he is faced with a whole other ordeal. Now his brain is bombarding him with a million and one things he wants to say but all of it jumbles together into one big cacophony of nonsensical noises, none of it actually making it out of his parted lips.

Izuku wants to ask what Todoroki is saying, over and over, to make sure he isn't hearing it wrong and misinterpreting. But as the seconds tick by he becomes more and more certain of what he heard, and he is torn between unbridled joy and paralysing fear, because every doubt and every reason for him to forget his feelings before comes flooding back. He hesitates, he slouches and he deflates.

"Todoroki-kun, I... I'm All Might's successor." It's not a denial or a rejection, and yet Izuku can't bring himself to face Todoroki as he says it, somehow feeling like it might actually be worse than if he outright said he doesn't return those feelings.

"I don't care." Izuku peeks up from underneath the hair falling over his eyes. "That's not who you are to me. You're Izuku, my first real friend, someone I can just be Shouto around, not Hero Shouto, not Todoroki Shouto, the prodigy son of Endeavor. You're the first person who made me feel like me. You're you. I want us to be ourselves together." He pauses. "At the very least call me Shouto. It feels right in your voice."

Choking on a sob, Izuku crumples to his knees, a fierce battle within him on what to believe and how to act. He wants to have more with Todoroki too, he wants to be himself around him and with him, but he carries such a heavy burden on his shoulders. Something that should make him overjoyed to hear only seems to make everything all the more painful and he doesn't know what to do.

"If this is all too much, I understand… I apologise for burdening you with my feelings."

"You haven't… You couldn't… Stars, I want to… to just…"

A hiccup breaks through him and Izuku hides his face in his hands, curling in on himself into as tiny a ball as he can manage. He hears rather than sees Todoroki shuffling closer, feels his warmth hovering just over his shoulder, hesitant but expectant. Izuku doesn't feel like he should allow this to go any further, that there was a reason his mentor never had any relationships, focusing solely on being the beacon of hope society needed him to be and now needs Deku to be in his stead. And yet, his heart craves and it aches with a need for something to fill it until it overflows, to give himself to someone and receive just as much in return, to have someone by his side to support him and help him through his hardest times.

A warm hand lays gently on his back, fingers twitching slightly around the fabric of Izuku's shirt before pulling him into a comforting embrace, and suddenly, every single low point in his time as a hero flashes before his eyes. And constantly, time and time again, there is one person there, never failing to offer a few words of encouragement, small touches and reassuring smiles, no matter how faint they may seem to the untrained eye.

"Shouto-kun..." Izuku weeps and Shouto holds him tighter. "Shouto-kun..." He clings to Shouto's shirt, tears streaming down his cheeks as he gasps for breath in between strangled cries, his partner's low voice softly caressing his ear when he whispers sweet nothings into it. "Shouto-kun..."

Without thinking, just lost in the sensation of Shouto's arms around him and his sweet words melting into him, Izuku pulls away just enough to crash back into him, lips locking in a spur of the moment impulse he starts to regret the second he does it. Shouto tenses and Izuku starts to back out, yet the apology at the tip of his tongue is stolen right from his lips when he is pulled closer yet again. Cool breath invades his mouth along with an equally chilly tongue, dancing along with his own clumsily but deliciously slow, a small noise crawling from deep in Izuku's throat when slender fingers tangle in his hair and tug slightly. Before he knows it, he has to push Shouto away, lungs burning with a wonderful ache as he pants, just a little dazed, mind shattered into a million shards of pure bliss, making everything just a little brighter as they catch the light in Shouto's mismatched eyes.

They stay in a comfortable silence as they recover their breaths, Izuku's face still wet with rushing tears though not quite bitter as they were before, Shouto keeping his eyes closed as his chest heaves in uneven stutters, cheeks painted in blotchy red. When their gazes meet again, neither waste another second staring, leaning into each other without a single care and closing the distance between them time and time again. Their lips move together as though they had been doing it for as long as they have lived, as perfectly matched as two halves of a whole and igniting a fire within them, a flame only the other can quench. Time passes them by unnoticed, lost in each other, hands grabbing at whatever they can reach and tugging closer and closer still.

Izuku can't quite put to words what exactly he is feeling but for once he doesn't dwell on it, simply knowing that it feels right and that is all that matters. They have all the time in the world to make sense of it, so they might as well make up for the time they lost being unsure, of trying to stand out of each other's way rather than truly by one another's side.

The butterflies in Izuku's gut don't really settle when they finally separate for good, lying with their backs on the carpet, out of breath but utterly ecstatic. Izuku has a face-splitting grin stretched across his lips, sighing happily when Shouto laces their fingers together between them.

"This is likely going to make things a lot more complicated for us…" Izuku breathes after a few heartbeats of nothing but panting ringing through the otherwise quiet room.

"I think I'm willing to take that risk. If you are too, of course…"

"Well… I think that as long as you're with me, I'm willing to face anything."

"Then we're figuring it out, together."

"Together."

They turn to each other and Shouto's smile has never looked so radiant. "I need to thank that reckless biker for showing me how much I was unknowingly depriving myself from."

With a small laugh, Izuku turns on his side and reaches up for another peck.