Ultimate Marvel Vs Capcom: the Sitcom
Author's Note: Thought I'd make this really funny sitcom fic about the Marvel vs Capcom 3 characters living together all under the watchful eye of moi! Anyway, here's the character list
Jill Valentine (Capcom)
Chris Redfield (Capcom)
Claire Redfield (Capcom)
Cindy Lennox (Capcom)
Albert Wesker (Capcom)
Trish (Capcom)
Dante (Capcom)
Frank West (Capcom)
Excella Gionne (Capcom)
Chun-Li (Capcom)
Cammy (Capcom)
She-Hulk (Marvel)
Phoenix (Marvel)
Dazzler (Marvel)
Doc Doom (Marvel)
Deadpool (Marvel)
Cyclops (Marvel)
Invisible Woman (Marvel)
Sharon Carter (Marvel)
Captain America (Marvel)
Iron Man (Marvel)
Madame Hydra (Marvel)
Ghost Rider (Marvel)
Spider-Man (Marvel)
Wolverine (Marvel)
Hawkeye (Marvel)
Mockingbird (Marvel)
Episode 1: Settling In
We see the Marvel and Capcom heroes entering their new home before entering… sitcom land.
RYU: Wow! Gee whiz, this place has it all! High definition TVs, swimming pools, hot tubs, nudie magazines, fridges, saunas and shooting ranges! Whoo, it's like heaven!
Ryu then sits down on the couch and reads through a Playboy magazine.
PHOENIX: Oh boy, talk about a long trip (Applause from audience on her arrival)
Phoenix then sees a nice velvet sofa where Ryu is sitting.
PHOENIX: So, how do you like the house so far? Is it everything you've dreamed of?
Both almost lean in and kiss when…
CYCLOPS: Whoa baby, did you not see the large size of the limousines in the garage!
RYU: Yeah I did, it was a lot bigger than that large blister I got after falling into that jellyfish lake
(laughter from audience)
Dante and Trish enter the mansion. Trish is currently eight weeks pregnant with twins and has a large womb.
DANTE: Trish, you gotta level with me here! This mansion will be perfect for the twins! Think about the school connections, the daycare centers, for how much we know!
TRISH: Jean, can you help me out here? Dante's panting down my neck like a wild wolf, I'm eight weeks pregnant and horny as hell, what is your suggestion?
PHOENIX: uh…. Probably try to have more sex at night?
DANTE: what?
Ryu bursts out laughing in amusement, the three eyeing him weirdly.
DANTE: Dude, what is up with you lately? Yesterday, you went completely bananas when the football cheerleaders did their can-can dance.
RYU: What's a can can dance?
Trish facepalms in annoyance.
PHOENIX: Oy gevalt.
Doc Doom, Claire, Jill, Excella, and the others enter
CLAIRE: Oh boy, what an exhausting trip! I cant even remember how long the traffic was!
EXCELLA: That's 'cause you were sleeping the whole drive! Not to mention you drooled a bit on Doom's mask.
Claire sheepishly covers her face, blushing
DOOM: It nearly rusted my face.
WOLVERINE: Yeah, blah blah blah. So, what, you need some oil, Tin Man?
Doom glowers at Wolverine.
DOOM: Oh, I hate that nickname
INVISIBLE WOMAN: Technically, it does fit you, since you don't have a heart
DEADPOOL: If I only had a brain…
TRISH: Deadpool! Do you mind?
EXCELLA: Ok Ryu, scoot over. I need to catch some Z's.
RYU: Hey, you want to squeeze on in with the sexy sandwich, be my guest.
EXCELLA: ?
PHOENIX: Figure of speech
Excella lays down on the couch and starts to snore. There is a brief silence
DEADPOOL: Yo, yo Kaiser, Imma let you finish but Deadpool's the best guy in the whole game, word?
RYU: Ok… what is Deadpool on now, and why is he imitating Kanye West?
CYCLOPS: He's been drinking those mocha coffees lately.
PHOENIX: again?! I just bought those last week!
DEADPOOL: Oh-ho! Burn!
Excella starts to snore again, a bit of drool pints on Ryu's leg.
RYU: OH HELL NAW!
Ryu quickly gets up, unknowingly realizing Excella had dropped to the floor but she didn't care cause she was sleeping (duh!)
DANTE: Er, Trish, the dog's chewing on the cushions again
Trish moans, gets up from the couch and heads off with Dante.
PHOENIX: C'mon guys, let's go to the nudie bar!
CYCLOPS: YES! Finally! Time to get laid!
Loud raucous shouting as the guys cough cough perverts cough got into the car and drove to the nudie bar.
RYU: I call shotgun!
PHOENIX: Oh no you don't mister! I'm doing it!
RYU: Aw, phooey!
Sounds of screeching tires echo along with the opening of beer cans…
TRISH: Why does this city even have a nudie bar in the first place?
EXCELLA: It's just to attract sexy, horny people like me.
IRON MAN: What?
EXCELLA: well…. I used to be a hooker
Brief pause
DANTE: You, um, want to get some grub?
EXCELLA: I thought you'd never ask
HAWKEYE: (poking head out from closet) Oh thank God, I thought they'd never leave.
MOCKINGBIRD: So Clinty… where were we?
Hawkeye raises eyebrows at the camera as the closet door is shut.
FRANK: (off-screen) Giggity.
At the nudie bar…
CYCLOPS: Oh man, this is the best night of our lives! Those guys back at the mansion don't know what the hell they're missing!
DEADPOOL: (drunk as hell)
PHOENIX: (having a threesome with Claire, Jill and She-Hulk)
WOLVERINE: Hey baby. Want some Canadian cock?
WHORE #1: Sure! That's cause you're attractive and muscular!
Wolverine has the biggest devilish grin on his face as the whore is humping him like crazy.
CHRIS: Man, I just love coming here, you know? This place… this here, it's where I have Thanksgiving
Cap spits out his ginger ale
CAPTAIN AMERICA: What? You have Thanksgiving at the nudie bar?
CHRIS: … long story
At a road diner…
IRON MAN: Huh, the food here's good.
TRISH: Tony, you're eating French fries onion rings and chili cheese dogs. How is that any good?
IRON MAN: I always enjoy the appetizers before chowing down on the main course