Home Sweet Home

"Sweet Maker, is that smoke?"

Alistair raised his head; he had been staring at the ground for the last few miles, just trying to keep one foot moving in front of the other. He was exhausted but he had to get back to Sareyna. Seeing the smoke on the horizon he felt his heart lurch in his chest. "Morrigan, do something." His voice was plaintive, but he saw the pained look on her face as well.

Alistair felt magic settle over him like cool water, he felt refreshed and energized. He took off at a run the others following close behind him, aided with Morrigan's rejuvenation and haste spells. Morrigan herself turned into a hawk and flew towards the Keep as fast as she could.

Alistair had tried not to think of the Darkspawn that had been headed to the Keep when he was in Amaranthine, but now, seeing the black column of smoke in front of him he couldn't help but think he should have let Amaranthine burn after all.

If something had happened to Sareyna or Trelain…Maker forbid, he didn't know how he would live with himself. He had told Sareyna over and over again that letting him lead was a terrible idea. His mind cruelly brought him back again and again to Sareyna and how weak she had been when he had left. She was still confused half of the time. He was an idiot to leave her there alone.

He tried calming himself as his feet pounded on the ground; his strides eating up ground almost faster than his brain could process what he was seeing. Alistair knew that Zevran would die before he let anything happen to Sareyna. He clutched at that thought like a drowning man to a piece of driftwood. Sareyna would be fine, Zevran would have protected her.

Morrigan landed in the courtyard, shifting back to her human form as she landed. She startled the guards, one who shrieked and fell over backwards at the sight of her. Ignoring the guards she scanned the grounds quickly for damage. The evidence of a heavy battle was all around her. Some of the bodies were still in the process of being removed from the courtyard.

She had seen the huge swath of burned ground in front of the Keep and was relieved to see that it didn't extend inside of the gates. The heavy tang of powerful magic still lingered in the air, but she was pretty sure it had been Anders. His magic always reminded her of an icy mountain lake for some reason.

There were a few mossy notes below Anders' magic, that would be Velanna. Morrigan needed answers and strode into the Keep. She grabbed one of the servants as she was passing. "Where is Sareyna?"

The serving girl recoiled from Morrigan's touch and her harsh tone of voice. "In…in her rooms, mistress. But…but she isn't letting anyone in, not even the babe or the King."

Morrigan released the girl and took the stairs two at a time. She tried Sareyna's door but it was locked. "Sareyna let me in."

There was no response from inside. She pounded on the door and still didn't receive a response. "Dammit." She held her hand over the lock and let out a pulse of energy. The lock clicked open and she shoved the door open. She wasn't prepared to see Sareyna in the sitting room.

She was in her armor, hair matted with blood and hanging in strings. She was sitting in a chair, her feet pulled up and her arms wrapped around her knees. The fire was reflected in Sareyna's blank gaze. "Sareyna?" Morrigan moved closer slowly.

Reaching the chair she glanced over Sareyna to see if there were any injuries that needed to be treated. Not seeing anything she let a light spell run over her just to double check. She healed the few scrapes and strained muscles she found, but Sareyna seemed mostly unharmed. Pentheryn was lying on the floor by the chair, he watched Morrigan warily.

She placed her hand gently on Sareyna's arm. "Sareyna?"

Sareyna kept staring into the fire but did finally speak. "Their dead, both of them."

Crouching down beside her Morrigan prompted her again, "Who Sareyna?" Pentheryn's ears perked up and he shifted on the floor.

"I'm like poison."

Morrigan wasn't sure if Sareyna was confused again, or if this somehow made sense to her. She looked helplessly around the room, not sure what to do. She tucked a strand of Sareyna's stringy hair behind her ear, "Stay here, I'll be right back." She stood and looked through the rest of the suite. It was empty.

She went to Zevran's room and then Anders', she didn't find either of them. Anders she could understand, he was most likely helping the injured, but where the Fade was Zevran, why would he leave Sareyna alone like that.

Heading back down the stairs she steeled herself to go find Maric. She had done a fairly good job of avoiding him since she had come to the Keep, but she needed to know what was going on. Taking a deep breath she knocked on Maric's door.

"It's open." The voice coming through the door was strained and a little slurred.

Morrigan pushed open the door, seeing Maric sitting in his rocking chair clutching Trelain to him, the tracks from his tears still staining his cheeks, she felt like someone had kicked her in the stomach. There was no reason for them both to be missing and for Sareyna and Maric both to be so upset unless…She took a small step into the room and Maric looked up at her.

"No! Where are they?"

Maric closed his eyes tight and another tear escaped.

Morrigan turned and bolted from the Keep, she had to get to Alistair before he reached the Keep. He was nearing the gate as she cleared it. He slowed seeing her. She walked towards him and she saw his whole body sag.

"She's…ok, right? Please Morrigan, tell me she's alright."

Morrigan nodded. "She's alive, no injuries."

Alistair looked at her warily. "Who?"

Morrigan was surprised by the strength of her own emotions. She didn't feel that she was particularly close to either of them. She opened her mouth to start a couple of times before she got the words out. "Anders and Zevran."

Alistair looked as if he had been slapped. He suddenly went pale and retched. He had been so consumed with Sareyna's safety; it never even dawned on him that something might have happened to Zevran or Anders. Still bent over at the waist, "Both of them? Are you sure?" He heard the quaver in his voice and was powerless to stop it.

"I'm sorry."

Alistair sat on the ground. "I need a minute." He closed his eyes and tipped his head backwards, he took several slow breaths.

Nathaniel and Oghren quietly walked past Morrigan and Alistair and headed into the courtyard. Morrigan watched Alistair as he tried to gather himself. He seemed to have succeeded several times then she would see a quick flash of anguish touch his face then he would school his face back to calm and start again.

As the minutes ticked by Morrigan wasn't sure what to do. Finally, she sat down on the ground in front of him. He opened his eyes and looked at her. "You don't have to stay, Morrigan. I just…I can't go see her like this."

"No, I want to stay. I…" She looked down at the ground. "I cared for them."

Alistair raised a brow.

"Don't look at me like that Alistair, I have feelings too." She remembered Anders trying to help her improve her healing. He was better even than Flemeth at healing; he was a lot more patient too. Morrigan had been surprised by how much he had been able to teach her. It took him a while to understand the combination of magic she used for it, but once he did he was able to help her find ways to make it work for her. "His cat."

"What?"

"Where do you think his cat would be?"

Alistair closed his eyes and tried not to look annoyed. "I have no idea, Morrigan."

She stood and pulled Alistair up with her. "Come on, Maric is in his room with Trelain, neither of them seem injured at all. Sareyna is in your rooms. She's not doing so well."

"I thought you said she was alright."

"She's not injured, but I think she's in shock. She wasn't making a lot of sense when I went to check on her."

Alistair nodded; she watched him as he inhaled through his nose and exhaled through his mouth.

"Does that really work?"

He shrugged, "Seems to, try it."

She did and as they walked up the Keep steps she turned to him, "I think I feel…not better, but…"

"Calmer."

"Yes." She looked around the main hall as they walked in. "I'm going to go to the basement."

"Any particular reason?"

She gave him a small and very awkward smile. "I'm going to find Pounce."

He returned the smile, "Wow, you just keep surprising me."

"Go take care of 'Reyna for us."

He nodded and turned to the stairs and headed up towards his room, steeling himself for whatever he would find there. He walked into the room and had to control himself, seeing her covered with blood and curled up like that he just wanted to run to her and hold her tight. But first he had to see how she was doing.

He walked into the room and as he neared the chair Pentheryn lumbered to his feet and barked happily. Then he started licking Alistair's hand like crazy as he neared the chair. Looking contented by Alistair's presence Pentheryn turned and barked at Sareyna and then back at Alistair.

Alistair reached between Pentheryn's ears and gave him a good scratch. "Good boy."

Seemingly mollified, the Mabari laid back down next to the chair, his body a bit less tense then before. Alistair reached forward and took Sareyna's hand. She still wasn't looking at him. "'Reyna, come on, we need to get you cleaned up."

"I'm poison."

Alistair sighed heavily. He loved her, he really did, but the fact that she always blamed herself when something bad happened was very trying at times. "You didn't have anything to do with them dying."

A tear slid down her face. "I did, it's my fault." She continued to stare into the fire as another tear slid free.

Alistair stood up, ready to pull her to her feet. She needed to get clean, she was absolutely filthy. "You and Maric should form a club."

Sareyna's head snapped around and she glared at Alistair. "I give them poison to drink and if they are unlucky enough to survive that I line them up like dominoes in front of the fucking Darkspawn."

"They were both adults, Sareyna."

"Right, and Zevran didn't chose to become a Warden, it happened to him because he was trying to protect us. And Anders' choices were go back to the Circle and be hung or become a Warden."

Alistair pulled her out of the chair and started pulling her towards the bedroom. "Zevran never would have left you, Warden or not."

"Us."

He was working on the buckles on her armor and was about to protest when he remembered the kiss before he had left for Amaranthine. He closed his eyes for a second and swallowed hard. Taking a deep breath he opened them back up and continued to work on her buckles.

"We should have told him to run."

"Told who to run?"

"Anders, when we met him, we should have told him to run."

"Right, because the seventh time is the charm? He would have been dead months ago, that Templar was nuts. She wouldn't have stopped until she had him." He pulled the top of her armor off and started to work on her boots.

When he stood back up he noticed that her gaze was far off. "When was the last time you slept?"

She looked at him slowly, "I don't know. I know Anders made me rest a few times and I dreamt once, but I don't know when that was."

"Alright, I'm going to call for a bath. We're both going to get clean and then we're going to bed. We'll, figure things out when we wake up."

"There's already water in the tub." She furrowed her brow. "It's probably cold now. I'm not sure when they brought it in."

"That's fine." He dragged off the bottom half of her armor and eased her out of her underclothes. She wandered in the direction of the bath and he quickly removed his own armor. As the spells Morrigan had cast wore off he was rapidly getting tired.

It was a good thing the bath was cold; otherwise he might have fallen asleep in it. He vaguely thought he should find out more about what happened at the Keep and what their losses were, but he was just too tired. And a few hours wasn't going to make a difference from what he had seen on the way in.

He climbed into the tub behind Sareyna and started cleaning her hair. She was already working on scrubbing the dirt and gore from her face. He grimaced as he watched the water darkening. Well they might not get clean, but at least they would be less dirty.

He wrapped his arms around Sareyna and hugged her. "I'm so thankful you're alright. I was so scared."

She leaned back against him, relaxing into the hug. "I would have died without you. I don't think I could bear to be alone."

"You wouldn't be alone. You have Maric and Trelain, and the Wardens."

"It's not the same."

He let out his breath slowly, "I know."

"What are we going to do without them?"

"I don't know." He whispered and squeezed her a bit tighter. He really didn't know.