Alone But For Duty
"Imperial Guardsmen, you are the last line of defense against the alien hordes that threaten our Imperium. Each one of you brave warriors is part of a vast fighting force that will be called upon to serve in the eternal war. You will fight on countless battlefields, on a thousand worlds across the galaxy. And, whether you fight in our great crusading armies or serve with the smallest garrison, you must be proud to sacrifice your life to save Humanity from its enemies"
-Commissar Yarrick addressing new recruits, Late 947.M41
"I'm going to die here"
The thought had been echoing in her mind ever since the enemy bombardment had started. Now, huddled in a crater with night falling all around, Imperial Guardsman Lorelei Strauss knew that she was going to die. With her dirt-darkened shoulder-length blond hair spilling unkempt from underneath her helmet, she hugged her nearly-spent lasgun close. She knew that it probably wouldn't do her any good, but it made her feel better knowing that it had at least a few shots left in the charge pack. Her flack armor, just a beautiful aquamarine that morning, was now slick with mud and the blood of her comrades. Her deep gray pants and under tunic were just as stained. Some of the blood had gotten on her as she tried to save some of her friends as they went down one by one, some of it sprayed on her when a shell fell inside their perimeter and pulped the command squad right before her eyes.
Her eyes. The horrors those eyes had seen in just a short amount of time!
Piercing green, they stared straight ahead, having witnessed things in the last few hours that hurt them and hurt her mind to think about. Growing up a farm-girl on Avindr VII, the most visceral thing she had seen in her seventeen years growing up were the birth of farm animals and the occasional mauled animal that had strayed to far from its herd and fell ill of some kind of wandering predator. That life, though she was only three months removed from it, seemed like a lifetime ago. A long, terrible lifetime ago.
Her family's farm had been there for generations, the low rolling hills of the southern continent, and the rest of the galaxy seemed very far away at that point. Tending the herds and the fields was an honest and quiet life, one that suited Lorelei just fine. When it was time to go sell at market in the nearby town of Arrakay, she would go with her best friend Sara Lavee , who had called her Loree since they were children, and gossip all the way there. When not selling from their families farms to the townsfolk and city-folk who had come in for the festival, they would try on all the newest fashions that were all the rage in the far-off capitol city of Lanarkay.
The last large summer seasonal market had been different; Lorelei barely noticed, busy laughing and seeing the town with Sara, but her father had: people were worried. It wasn't just the usual worry about seasonal rains or market value of crops, no, this was about the news of an Ork incursion in the next sub-sector. The fact there was an Ork offensive in the sector was not news in itself, those cropped up every few decades, but this time was notable because rumor was spreading that the Sector Administratum had marked Avindr was one of the worlds that new Imperial Guard companies would be raised to go off and stop the xenos menace.
It had been over two hundred years since that last tithing of men had occurred on such a scale, Avindr and it's immediate spatial region typically being thankfully quiet. The planet maintained a local Planetary Defense Force, as all Imperial worlds did, but it was only a few hundred and was rarely seen outside of it's comfortable barracks in the capitol.
The PDF has only deployed for rare natural disasters or for ceremonial reasons, it had been a long time since anyone from Avindr had fought a real-life enemy of Mankind. Word that Avindr had been check-listed to raise new companies had spread quickly and was a subdued disquiet amongst the people of the peaceful agri-world. Even so, with the festival and joviality of the seasonal market, the rest of the vast universe still seemed quiet far away.
The rest of the universe came crashing down on the Strauss household when an envelope had arrived one late summer mid-day: Lorelei Strauss was required to report in one week's time to the new muster barracks outside of Lanarkay for training and immediate induction into the Imperial Guard. Her mother had fainted and took two whole capsules of smelling salts to bring back, her father had just hugged Lorelei as she read the letter, then went out to repair the broken water pump in the western field he had been working on before the letter had arrived. Lorelei just sat there, reading and re-reading the letter over and over again, staring at the Administratum stamp at the top.
Later that evening, her father had come in and pulled up a chair across from Lorelei, letter still in her hand. Neither said anything for quiet a long time, until both broke down crying. Mr. Strauss, a man who had farmed the land for many a season, broke down into tears and embraced his little girl, knowing he would probably never see her again. Those that did survive the many years of service the Imperial Guard required never made it back home: if they were lucky enough to muster out, they would be given a plot of land on some planet somewhere across the Imperium and expected to help colonize the world. Most of the billions of men and women that served the Emperor in the vast military forces of the Imperium never saw their families again. Such was the price and honor of duty for service to the God Emperor and keeping the rest of Mankind safe.
After many heartfelt goodbyes from her friends and families, Lorelei and Sara, who had also been ordered to report for duty, arrived in Lanarkay. Lorelei was sad that Sara's life too had been so irrevocably changed, but was glad to have a familiar face with her. They both joined in the throng of other nervous and scared faces as they entered the newly-paved parade grounds in the complex outside of Lanarkay.
They were told by the colonels that they were now the newly-minted companies of Avindr, with Lorelei and Sara both being assigned to the Avindr Third Regiment. They were presented with newly-manufactured fatigues of deep gray and Guard-issue flack armour. The armour was aquamarine, in honour of the main colour on the Avindr flag that proudly flew beneath the flag of the Imperial Aquila atop the Planetary Administratum building. The colonels and the Commissars extolled upon them the virtues of being an Imperial Guardsman and the honor that was theirs for serving and quite possibly dying in the name of the Immortal Emperor of Mankind.
Over the next few months, as Lorelei replaced her knowledge of tractors with tanks, back-hos with bayonets and lasguns, she did her best to become friends with those around her. Some were very friendly, some weren't, but all were equally scared about what the future may hold for them. At night, when they weren't drilling or practicing night-fighting conditions, she would use her small kit-issued lumin to study her copy of the Imperial Infantryman's Uplifting Primer, the very first thing they were given upon induction into the Avindr Third. She did her best to study the military-specific litanies and prayers to the Emperor. She knew that if she recited one wrong, it would bring punishment from the Commissars. Lorelei was determined to return home one day, despite the grumblings of others how that rarely happened; no matter the odds, she vowed to the Emperor that she would. As a result, she studied hard, focused on her drills, and stayed up late pouring over the Uplifting Primer.
None of that seemed to matter now.
Not with Sara laying dead a few feet from her, her gut ripped out by an explosive shell, and parts of her sergeants brains still clinging to the front of Lorelei's scarred flack armor.
Three months into training, it was announced that they were deploying. A silence had fallen over the barracks as the future seemed a lot closer now than before. Lorelei was equally terrified about leaving Avindr, but also in awe of the idea going up into the void. A country girl, space travel just had never seemed in the cards for her. As the troop carriers descended from the skies and began to land, she formed up with her regiment and awaited to be directed to a waiting troop transport. Her and Sara both stared out of the view-hole as they left Avindr behind and headed for the grouping of Imperial ships in orbit. Even though this was just a small portion of the sector's Battlefleet, the ships stood as impressive beacons in the darkness of space; for a few moments at least, Lorelei was just able to stare at the mighty vessels as they awaited their human cargo. The barracks aboard the ships were cramped and quiet, with everyone thinking of their immediate lives as each second brought them closer to whatever was to be their fate.
Six hours into deployment on the world of Goshen IX, with orders to halt the Ork advancement in the area, and it had all gone wrong. They had moved to the tree-line overlooking a vast plains area as instructed and begun to dig in; they had barely started their fortifications when the bombardment had started. Ork shells were suddenly all around them, destroying Chimera tanks and platoons of men alike. They had been told by the region commanders not to expect any contact with the enemy for another day or so, but they were already here! From deep in the plains, hidden more cleverly than the pages of the Uplifting Primer told her Orks were, giant cannons began to pound them. Lorelei barely had time to grab Sara and jump to the ground as a Leman Russ battle tank exploded, sending shrapnel and and pieces of viscera from it's crew everywhere.
That's when the first charge happened. Her ears still ringing from the initial barrage, heard a deep guttural and utterly alien yell and then the panicked shouts of the sergeants screaming at them to get into position! She felt like she was in a daze, like everything was in slow motion, but she knew she had to do something. Grabbing her lasgun, she took cover behind a tree and aimed down the scope. At first she didn't see anything, but then shapes began to appear, large green shapes, moving inhumanly fast towards them.
The enemy. Orks.
Lorelei sought to calm her mind as they came into range.
"Emperor of Man, overseer of all things right, whose powers none can resist, save and deliver us, we beseech, from the hands of our enemies by granting dominion over them. Show us the path to victory that we might produce it in your undying name"
She repeated prayers to the Emperor to steady her thoughts and her weapon. Just a few months ago, touching a weapon was completely foreign to her, now she held on as tightly to her lasgun and she tried to hold onto her mind. The terrible howls of the aliens drew closer, as did they overpowering smell of unwashed filth that came with them. The tanks still left operational began to volley, but the explosions that killed scores of Orks with every hit didn't seem to do anything to deter their wild advance. The green tide came closer and closer.
"Boyz," she murmured to Sara, who had taken cover behind the very next tree, "these are the ones called Boyz"
She recognized the size and general shape from the hours she spent reading her dog-eared Uplifting Primer.
"How can you tell?" Sara's voice was faltering, "they're... they're just so alien!"
"It's all right," she told her friend as much as for her own benefit as hers, "we just need to stay calm and stay alive. It'll be all right if we do what they trained us to do, the Emperor protects"
"Throne! They didn't trains us enough for this!" Sara was trying to steady her shaky lasgun, "nothing could train us for this! I'm just from a small farm... I can't... I can't..." the Ork barrage had started again.
"It's all right," Lorelei took in a deep breath, "I'll stay by you, we'll stay together, we'll both get back home. The next festival won't be the same without you"
The charging Orks were finally with rifle range.
Somewhere nearby, a comms officer was yelling into his relay, "they're swarming us... no I don't care what the strategic analysis says, look at the auspex: they're coming at us now! We need support!"
"Fire!" the Company captain bellowed from the hatch of a command tank, "do your homes proud and show these vile scum the wrath of Emperor!"
Lorelei drew aim down her lasgun sight, repeating the litany of accuracy with her trembling breath.
"Grant me the sight of the eagle, the calm of the breeze, the patience of a saint and the skill to smite the foe from afar"
She pulled the trigger and her lasgun joined the chorus that spit death at the approaching xenos hoard. She had felt the discharge of her weapon many times in practice, but this felt different; now it was the only thing standing between her and a painful and horrific death on a world far from her own. Her shot was true and her las-shot put a crater in the face of an Ork; she watched, momentarily mesmerized as she watched the Ork crumple to the ground, offering up one last hateful bellow in it's alien tongue.
Her hands shook, the weight of the world falling on her: she was facing an Ork charge and she had just killed something. She had never killed anything before, besides the occasional sick member of a herd. never like this. The sound of splintering wood brought her back to the present as the treeline began to shred as the Orks returned fire with their makeshift Sluggas. Their aim was atrocious, but with so many firing, it didn't matter. Lorelei and Sara dove for cover as shards of wood began flying around them; she could hear screams as others weren't so lucky. Hitting the ground hard, Lorelei rolled behind a large root that was sticking out of the ground horizontally and re-aimed her lasgun. The Commissars were yelling at them to their duty, the captains were screaming at them to return fire. More bombardment, more Imperial; tanks reduced to burning hulks. They were managing to keep the horde at a distance, but Lorelei could hear less and less lasgun return fire every time.
As the afternoon and early evening wore on, the tide of Orks finally stemmed, but not fire they were under. They knew that if another full charge happened, they'd surely be overrun. The Imperials no longer had the semblance of a perimeter line; now Lorelei and a few others were crouched in a shell crater, only the light of burning Leman Russ battle tanks giving them light. The captains were dead, the Commissars were dead, their own sergeant had been killed as far as they could tell as well. She knew that others were alive somewhere nearby, sometimes she'd catch mutterings from other craters, or moans of the injured and dying. There was no way to check though, everyone to weak and shell-shocked to climb out of the crater and go looking. The Orks were close, they could smell them and hear their vile language from somewhere nearby; nobody wanted to go out looking for others and run into a pack of Orks all alone.
Lorelei kept blinking, trying to see in the darkness and flickering firelight, looking for any movement at all that would show the enemy coming. She was shaking, but at least there were no more tears, she felt too dry and parched to even produce new ones. The stench of death was everywhere too, the ground wet with mud and blood equally.
Ten hours into deployment and there were only six of them left: Lorelei, Sara, Stubbs, Sergey, White, and Dromo. The sound of shells falling in the distance and the moans of the dying was the background music of their evening. The Orks had come several more times, but they had managed to hold them off. Lorelei was numb, she didn't know how many Orks she had killed, but aiming and pulling the trigger of her lasgun was almost automatic now, like her body was doing it without instruction. She just kept on thinking of home, picturing her mother's cooking, and the look of pride on her father's face the first time she had led a herd to market on her own. That was all worlds away now, a lifetime ago, and almost seemed to have happened to a different person. That Lorelei was warm, she laughed, she had a sparkle in her eye; this Lorelei now was cold, her body numb, and her eyes just staring ahead.
Sara was whimpering next to her, shaking uncontrollably. Lorelei reached over and held her best friend close, feeling her body tremble on hers. Lorelei wished she could cry, but she knew she already had been doing so most of the evening, her face raw with dried tears and crusted blood that had splattered on her.
"It's all right," Lorelei kept whispering her to oldest friend, "we're going to get back home. The Emperor protects"
"Yeah," Stubbs spit on the ground, "yeah I bet he does; look at us"
"Shut your mouth Stubbs," White rebuked him, "that's heresy"
Stubbs just shrugged, "like that matters a damn out here"
Lorelei pulled her best friend closer, trying to ignore the flippancy of Stubbs, "we're going to get home, we're going to make it together," she tucked her head close and whispered the Litany of Protection, making it plural for the both of them.
"Oh Emperor of Mankind, send your gaze to us in benevolence, watch of your servants and soldiers, and protect us from peril"
Twelve hours into deployment and Sara was dead.
An Ork scouting party had gotten close and a lucky shot had torn out her middle. Lorelei had watched in a frozen moment as her friend was lifted off her feet from the impact and thrown across the crater like a child's doll, her insides spraying out. Lorelei had rushed over to her, but by the time she had crossed the few feet to where Sara's broken body lay, her friend was already closing her eyes. She had stayed there, just staring as Sara's blood pooled around her own knees as she knelt next to the corpse; she probably would have stayed stuck in that moment forever if Sergey had grabbed her by the shoulder and dragged her back to a firing position. Over the next few minutes, White and Sergey were also caught by stray Slugga rounds; Sergey's head exploding like an overripe fruit, smattering Lorelei as it popped. Dromo had tried to run but was cut down as he emerged from the crater. The last of the Orks had managed to get into the crater with them and put his hideous blade right through Stubbs' chest. The vile hulking green creature had turned around and Lorelei had fired blindly at it, screaming for all she was worth.
When she opened her eyes again, the Ork was dead and she was alone.
Everywhere around her was quiet, deathly quiet. She didn't know why she was still alive, she wished she wasn't. If she was dead, she wouldn't have to be here, surrounded by the bodies of her friends and other Guardsmen, if she was dead, it wouldn't hurt anymore. From the distance, enemy artillery began to bark once more.
Lorelei stayed with her back to the crater wall, trying to make herself as small as possible. Looking up at the stars through the shattered tree canopy, she knew how tiny she was compared to the vastness of the Imperium and the vastness of Mankind. She realized how small she was, and how insignificant she was in the machinery of the universe.
"I'm going to die here"
The thought had been echoing in her mind ever since the enemy bombardment had started anew. Now, huddled in a crater with night falling all around, Imperial Guardsman Lorelei Strauss knew that she was going to die. With her dirt-darkened shoulder-length blond hair spilling unkempt from underneath her helmet, she hugged her lasgun close.
"Just a few charges left," she murmured, checking the charge cartridge rammed into the weapon, her only remaining charge pack.
From the plains beyond the broken trees that hung over her position, Lorelei could hear movement: the Orks were making another push. The Imperial position was shattered, there was no holding back the xenos this time; for all Lorelei knew, she was the last Imperial in the entire geographic region.
She looked up at the sky, the stars above looked so peaceful, and for a second, she let herself imagine she was flying through them and not where she presently was. She could imagine herself soaring through lights of the stars, basked in the light of the Emperor as she soared over His dominion, not in a bloody and muddy ditch like she was now. From through the shredded tree canopy, amongst the fluids and entrails of her comrades and friends, she seemed very small and insignificant compared to the vastness of the Emperor's Imperium.
The Orks were getting closer, their foul smell increasing in her nostrils. Another minute or so and she'd be overrun, dead, and forgotten. This world was a beautiful place, what she had seen of it, and it saddened her that it was defiled so by the vile Orks. It maddened her: they come in their filthy abominations of star ships, then they befoul any beautiful thing that crossed their path. They made everything ugly and terrible as they were, unchecked they would wreck everything wonderful in this universe. Lorelei thought of her family's farm, the farms of her friends, and saw a vision of them burning, wretched Ork glyphs painted over every surface.
Lorelei's eyes snapped open. She finally had discovered a reason to not be afraid of dying. Up until now, she was haunted by imaginations of her own terrible demise forgotten on a world no one cared about, but dying to protect a place like home, that wasn't so bad. Lorelei didn't want to die by any means, but she was going to either way in a few minutes, and at least she could feel that it wouldn't be without a purpose.
Her breathing was picking up, she knew her time was short. She may die on a backwater world never seeing her family again, but no one would say that Lorelei Strauss neglected her duty at the end. She didn't want to be here, she didn't want to die, she didn't want to be part of the Imperial Guard, but this is where her life had somehow brought her and she couldn't change that. The Strauss family had always been devote in it's faith of the Emperor, and Lorelei could only assume that this is where He wanted her. She didn't know why she had to die defending a planet she had never even heard of before, but there must be a purpose to it.
"With all my strength, with all my will, with every fibre of my soul, I pledge my soul and my Faith to the Immortal Emperor, Shepherd of Humanity"
Saying the words, quietly there in the ditch, somehow made her feel better. She was going to die, as much as that terrified her, she wouldn't let it shame her to the Emperor right at the end. She had dutifully reported to the summons, she had dutifully trained, she had dutifully studied every scrap of paper they gave her, and now she would dutifully die.
"Mom, dad," she whispered, "I wasn't a coward, I made you proud"
She discharged the lasgun charge pack and checked it one last time: just a dozen or so charges left. She held it up to her forehead then gently re-loaded it, reciting the Litany of Loading.
"Machine Spirit, accept my gift, swallow the light and spit out death"
Lorelei turned and scrambled up the blood-slick wall of the crater and up onto level ground once more. She slammed herself against what was left of a stump of a tree and drew aim down her lasgun. The Orks were nearly within rifle range. She knew she'd be able to pick a few of them off, Orks didn't put much stock into aiming. Even if she hit true with every shot she had left it wouldn't matter: their sheer press would overpower her a minute later. She licked her chapped lips, this was it. She waited patiently, pouring all her focus into aiming and not worrying about what would happen once her charge pack was expended.
They entered range.
Lorelei drew in a quick breath and pulled the trigger.
The las-shots soared out from her position, hitting several Orks square in the torsos one after the other. A few staggered and fell, a few others shook it off. Lorelei kept up the fire, pulling the trigger without relent, making sure each shot was as well-placed as her shaky hands could make them. Finally, she pulled the trigger and the lasgun didn't answer; she had used up the last of her charge pack. Glancing at the indicator, she knew before she checked it was empty.
That was it. Nothing left to do. Lorelei didn't run, there was nowhere to run, she just held her lasgun closely and closed her eyes. The shouts of the aliens drew closer, she could hear the grass crunching beneath their feet now. She braced herself for the inevitable as they were almost on top of her.
"I fear no evil, I fear no death, for the Emperor comes for me"
A huge explosion rocked the ground, causing Lorelei to nearly fall over. She fearfully opened her eyes as she reached out to steady herself. The Orks were still running, but this time in the opposite direction, they were in retreat! Scarecely believing it, Lorelei heard an engine whine and looked up just in time to see a squadron of Vendetta gunships zoom overhead, unleashing death upon the Ork front-lines. The ground continued rumbling, not jsut from the dropping bombs, but treads, many tank treads. The sound of crashing trees gave her a start and she turned around to see lines of Leman Russ tanks and Chimeras rolling past her and begin volleying their cannons at the enemy positions way out in the planes.
A tank stopped just a few feet from her and the hatch opened. A captain stretched his arms and appeared at the top.
"Where's the Imperial front-line? The Avindr Third is supposed to be holding here"
"This is... I... I'm it sir," Lorelei stammered, her legs weak and heard head spinning.
"Hmm, I see, " the captain looked at her for a second before hollering through the hatch back into his tank, "order forward advance and get a medicae up here"
The tanks rolled onwards, pressing the Orks back and reclaiming the immediate region for the Imperium. Lorelei just sat with her back to a tree, her eyes closed, listening to the beauty of Imperial armor passing by.
"You're either lucky or somehow have the Throne's favor," the medicae remarked as he checked over her injuries, "far as we can tell, no one else is alive in this entire grid section"
Lorelei Strauss didn't know why she had been spared that day, survived when all others had perished. She was still holding her lasgun close; she had done her duty and she had come out the other side, scathed but alive and still in devotion. She didn't have any doubts now: the Emperor had placed her here for a reason, and she wouldn't fail in her purpose, whatever that may be.
As she boarded a medical Valkyrie to be returned to Sector Base for debriefing, she could see far below the reinforced Imperial Guard regiments plowing forward, pushing back the vile aliens, gaining victory with every step and every shot. Lorelei felt pride: she was part of a glorious machine, a glorious force that worked tirelessly to bring the Light of the Emperor to places where it was obscured. This is not the life she chose, but it had chose her, and she was proud to do her part. Even if she was to one day end up maimed and once again alone, she truly wouldn't be all alone: she would have her duty.
Look to your battle gear and it will protect you
We guard it with our lives
Your armour is your soul, and your soul's dedication its armour
The soul of a warrior is the protector of Humanity
Honour the craft of death
Only the Emperor is higher in our devotion
Honour the battle gear of the dead
We ask only to serve
- Warrior's Catechism of Worship