Hello everyone. I haven't written a fanfiction in years. I haven't written a fanfiction as an adult ever lol. I'm sure there will be a few grammatical errors because I've been told I write how I speak. It's not too bad though. I promise lol? But anyway I really hope you guys like it. Oh also I had some issues with paragraph spacing.
My head was pounding earlier. Probably from drinking on an empty stomach the night before. Against Mellies advice, I had some drinks to ease my pain. Nothing could completely get rid of the pain that I had been experiencing for months. It's a constant ache that comes from my heart. Finding out about the election changed everything. The days started to blur into each other. Literally the same thing, different day. Cyrus and Mellie had both been more annoying than ever. Prodding and questioning everything, telling me what to do. I couldn't focus on anything really. I became a puppet. I constantly thought about Liv. All day, everyday. Especially our last exchange and the things I said to her. I would drink myself into oblivion to sleep some of the pain away but I'd only end up dreaming of her. I couldn't escape. No matter how hard I tried.
I missed everything about her. She was the only person in my life I completely trusted. I felt betrayed. This time without her has been completely rocking my world. My days were lonely, nights, even lonelier. They were filled with agonizing sadness. I wanted to just forget everything and go to her, let her know that I was over it and that I needed her but the truth was that I was not over it. I had been dreading Ella's christening for days. The last place I wanted to be honestly. I knew Liv would be there. I didn't trust myself to be around her. As Mellie and I neared the church I quickly had a shot of bourbon and tried my best to pretend for Cyrus, James and Baby Ella. Mellie walked in before me. I soon followed.
"There he is!" James happily announced.
I put on my best fake smile and greeted him and Cyrus. I looked around but didn't see her. I knew that she'd be walking in at any moment. I had been trying my best all week to prepare myself for this.
I couldn't believe this. She strutted in calmly and cooly in the beginning. My world was crumbling. Fucking crumbling and she seems to be doing fine. I hated knowing that she could go on living without me and I felt like I was dying without her. The life had been ripped right out of me. I felt stripped of everything. I searched her face for anything, something, and then I saw it. I saw her. I saw My Livie. She looked so sweet. Almost childlike. She had sorrow in her eyes. Our hands were touching underneath the baby. I watched her the whole time.
In the past she has always taken the easy way out and left. Always running away from me. I love her with every fiber of my being. She has choices. Choices that I think she sometimes takes for granted. I don't have that luxury. When she leaves me she has options yet I'm stuck with this clusterfuck that is my life and without the woman I love. Not to mention that colossal bitch Mellie. And damn it, it isn't fair. She has my heart and has left me powerless. I want it back. I want her back. I'm nothing without her. I feel cheated out of the happiness that I want in my life so desperately. Do I not deserve happiness?
She avoided my gaze as she sipped her signature wine. She was heading towards the exit soon after. There was no way in hell I was letting her leave without knowing how this situation had crushed my entire world. After finishing my drink I went after her. I could feel my sadness turn into anger. I assume she heard me coming because she started walking faster. My strides became longer. I was now inches away from her. I let my emotions get the best of me and before I knew it I had grabbed her and yanked her into a closet. I felt childish and out of control. A little Irrational. She ended up against the wall. I immediately launched, grabbing her face and kissing her hard. It's been months since my hands have touched her satin skin. She tried to push me off of her. After squirming around for a second she managed to get away from me right before slapping me hard across the face. I wanted to regain the control I had lost, the power I had lost. The control over us and my life in general. Perhaps she was trying to snap me out of what I had become or what I was doing. Time seemed to stop at that very moment. Liv looked at me with a look of shock and disgust. Part of me wanted to grab her and hold her close, never to let her go again. Tell her I'm sorry but I was still so angry. Before I could fully process what was happening, she was back in my arms again. I kind of lost myself. Maybe it was from the very strong buzz I had. I had never touched Liv in any harmful or hurtful way before but in that moment I felt like I needed to get my point across. I roughly turned her around so I wouldn't have to look at her. We both began to pull at our clothes. After I knew I had access I kicked her legs apart with my foot. I'm usually so careful with Liv. As soon as I shoved it in I could tell she wasn't ready. She winced from the pain but I held her there by her wrist. She smelled so good. I missed her. I felt if I looked at her id break down and cry like a baby. She kept attempting to turn around but I wouldn't let her.
The whole thing was over just as quickly as it began. I slowly pulled out. I caught small glimpses of her getting dressed out of the corner of my eye. She stood there looking for her panties. They were closer to me. I reached down and grabbed them. I had redressed her myself so many times before, keeping the panties for myself every now and then. She just stood there. I tossed them to her and opened the door. After putting them in her purse she walked out. I had not personally heard her say a word all morning and then, she spoke.