(A.N This is just a simple one shot that goes along with Papa Roach's song Scars about Johnny's home life, enjoy!) P.S listen to the song while reading!
DISCLAMER: I do not own The Outsiders or Scars by Papa Roach!
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much,
And my scars remind me that the past is real,
I tear my heart open just to feel.
I sat there, shivering, my too small jean jacked didn't really offer much protection from the freezing cold wind. I leaned back on the old couch in the lot, rubbing my arm where it hurt the most. It was already starting to bruise. I listened closely and could still hear the yelling and screaming coming from the house I hated. Words of hatred and cussing had followed me when I ran from my abuser, but I couldn't help it, but I always go back, if I didn't they wouldn't care, that's what hurts the most. I can't fix them, they can't fix me.
Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is
I stood up slowly and shakily, pacing over to the Curtis house, being as quiet as possible when I opened the door which was pointless considering everyone was already there. I just waved to them and sat down next to pony on the couch, like always his nose was buried in a book. I looked over at the old clock that hung on the wall, it was only seven, I finally piped up asking Pony if he wanted to come for a walk so that we could talk,
"Sure JohnnyCake, just let me grab my jacket and I'll be right back." I just nodded my head in agreement and waited silently for Pony to return.
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
"What's wrong Johnny?" Pony asked as we slowly scuffled down the street. I answered honestly, I always told Pony the truth,
"My dad pushed me, he tried to hit me, but he ended up pushing me into the edge of the table, I try to help them Ponyboy, I really do, they don't ever acknowledge it! I try so hard, it just ain't ever enough for em', it's almost like the booze drowns out reality for them." Pony just patted me on the back like always,
"I don't know what it's like Johnny, but I know life must not be great, but it gets better, it has to."
I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassion's in my nature
Tonight is our last stand
I smiled at Pony, the kid always had a point. He was my best pal, it wouldn't matter if he was even five or six years younger than me, we were both the black sheep in our groups. We would always be buds, till the end...
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel
"I'm not gonna' try for them anymore Pony, sometimes I just want to give up on life itself,"
"Johnny, the easy way out might just be the hardest," I pondered his words for a minute, I didn't want to try for them, but if I did stop, the chance of me being accepted is finally reduced to nothing. Being alone in life won't fix anything, even if no one but Ponyboy will ever fully understand me.
I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever come around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself
"Come on back to the house Johnny, you can stay there for the night stead' of the lot."
"Gee, thanks Pony," I trudged along next to Ponyboy, I would always have him, that was for sure...
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut My weakness is that I care too much,
And my scars remind me that the past is real,
I tear my heart open just to feel.
(A.N. I might make this more than a one shot if I get any more ideas! I hope you liked it! Please reveiw so that I can get ideas on where I can make this go!)