This is officially my third on going multi chapter, because I apparently hate myself. I have sort of already hinted that I might be posting this so long as a few months ago and finally I feel it's steady enough to be out for everyone to read. This little one (not so little, though) is a sort of sequel to my au one shot strangers, which I wrote and posted before the summer. This follows Amelia in her life after that.

1) the titles of the chapters refer to the titles of the episodes, as this is basically a rewrite of the show, with another perspective and some differences, I won't actually rewrite the whole episode, because that's just pointless.

2) dear omelia shippers that will taunt me if I don't explain this better, this won't be omelia, at least not for a while. In fact, it follows canon as much as I can, therefore Owen will be with Cristina and not resentfully so, I want to explore the character, not bend what's happened to my will. So, to clarify, for now it's going to be one hundred percent crowen. Again that won't be the entire center of the story obviously, but everything going on between Owen and Amelia at the moment will be friendship.

3) my focus is amelia and thus she will develop some really surprising relationships along the (already written) way. Amelia is the focus, not Amelia and Owen.

This chapter picks up during 8x22 of grey's anatomy, which I imagine being at the same time, more or less, of private practice 5x22. Next chapter will be the only one to have a private practice title, from then on it will be entirely grey's.

I know this is probably very confusing, but I don't want to give away too much and I'd rather answer a million questions later then ruin the surprise. I have been working on this monster since the summer and as always I'd love a little feedback, even to know it sucks.

p.s. this is an amelialess chapter, just because the original version of this chapter, which turned into about a dozen k words, had to be split, thus you get this and an amelia centric chapter next time.

Let the Bad Times Roll

Owen was well aware that his face was saying what everyone was whispering behind his back. What everyone was likely missing, though, was the rest of the iceberg floating on his chest, making it so, so hard to breath in and out. Cristina was mad at him, she was disappointed and mad and she had every right to be, he had been the one to break them. Regardless of how he felt about her and the abortion what he had done was inexcusable and she'd understandably sort of broken up with him. Actually, he wasn't sure. They hadn't said two words to each other for a while and it didn't take a genius to know where their marriage was headed. He stared at her through the van window for a little longer than he probably should have, hoping against hope that she would turn around, maybe glare at him, maybe smile – hell, he'd even go for the neutral, apathic look she'd been giving him in the last few days. Anything at all. Before it was too late.

He was losing her and there was not one thing he could do to fix that. The dread, that annoying panicky feeling had not settled until she'd started studying for her boards. She was there, she was always there, even when they separated, even when she moved out of the firehouse she was still there at the hospital every single day. Taking her board – and passing, it was Cristina Yang after all – meant all the big hospitals would start hounding her to have her in their program the following year. Programs that where only a dream to most surgeons. Programs that didn't come with him as the Chief of Surgery. Seattle was competitive and he knew she loved working with Teddy, but the sick feeling in his gut told him that wasn't nearly enough to make up for the fact that she would have to see him every single day. Watching the van drive away felt a little bit like losing her forever, if he was mean and egotistical he'd hope for a reason, any reason, for her not to take the boards or fail or be exonerated, he'd hope for a catastrophe that would stop her from ever reaching San Francisco. Owen, however, loved her to the point it physically hurt him to see her go, because in his heart he knew she was going to pass and impress and maybe get even more offers, which made Seattle look like pizza making school.

Glancing around briefly he caught Bailey's eye and he knew she knew. Sure Bailey was Bailey and always knew everything, but she did know. She smiled, gave him a mom smile, the kind of smile that means 'even if you screwed everything up, I still love you'. She'd surprised him when she'd comforted him a few weeks ago, Owen had been positively taken aback, such words coming from someone who wasn't exactly his number one fan, yet she'd hit the nail right on the head. Amelia Shepherd came to his mind all of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere. She'd made him feel better too, not about Cristina specifically, but about making such a huge mistake and feeling awful about it. She was an interesting individual for sure. Owen scowled himself for a moment for forgetting about her when he'd made a point to call or something like that, she didn't seem to have that many people and he knew that feeling all too well. But he knew why he'd so conveniently forgotten. It was selective memory, she was going through hell and he was in no shape to be there for her the way she needed, even for a ten minute phone call, so he'd discarded that thought from his mind, just as fast as it had come.

Walking in, though, he found Arizona Robbins, staring off into space looking about as dejected and nostalgic as he was. "Hey, everything okay?"

She turned abruptly, a little disoriented at being pulled out of her daydream so harshly. "Uh, yeah it's just, uh, I think I'm going to lose that preemie."

Owen frowned, taking a few seconds to connect the dots. "The intern's preemie."

Arizona just nodded. "I tried everything, he's just not strong enough. He's really sick even if he did make it he would live a short painful life. It's sad."

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be the one to tell you this, but we can't save them all."

She took a deep breath and gave a quick nod. "I know, but this one… Alex put so much time and effort into it and now he's not focusing on the boards because of him and I need Alex to pass, I really, really need something to turn out right at the moment."

Owen smile sympathetically, finally understanding her mood better. "I think we underestimate Karev. A lot. I'm the first one to do it, but I guess what I'm trying to say is, you don't have to worry about him."

"Thanks." She smiled, a brighter, broader smile, one that looked more like her usual million watt smiles. "You know Cristina will do good too."

He sighed. "I do know that."

Silence fell between the two, Arizona wasn't entirely sure if she'd gone too far or if he was just being overly sentimental and Owen, frankly, had no idea what to add. In a way the hospital felt a little emptier without all their fifth year residents, not that he ever thought they would actually miss them – the ones of course he wasn't married to. Before the silence went from natural and cautious to awkward Arizona's phone beeped and she promptly took it out. Owen was shifting uncomfortably on his own two feet unsure whether he should leave or just-

"Crap." She looked up and saw the questioning look on Owen's face. "Callie called her friend, Doctor Montgomery for my preemie, she is like the best neonatal surgeon ever and she can't come, I mean what could be more important than trying to save this tiny little life…" her phone beeped again and her face fell. "Oh."

Not that he wasn't interested, but Owen had a lot on his plate at the moment and this wasn't really his priority. When Arizona's baby blue eyes looked up at him, though, his eyebrows rose silently asking her to expand on that oh.

"Apparently one of her really close friends down there went into labor and she needs to stay because the baby needs surgery. Now I feel like an idiot. My baby likely has no chance anyway. God, I hate this day." She cleared her throat and nodded briefly at Owen, who was too deep in thought to eve notice her waiting for any kind of a reply before walking away.

The words had gone past him like a rush of wind, he was still thinking about Cristina and how tomorrow would finally give her a good reason to leave Seattle behind along with him. It wasn't until Arizona was almost out of his sight that he finally felt what just happened hit him in full force. Addison's friend was Amelia. It had to be Amelia. Amelia who was going to give birth to a baby with no brain and no future. He remembered their conversation briefly and he felt sick to his stomach at the thought that even for a second he'd been jealous of her. He wasn't losing Cristina today, he lost her a while before today and, while Amelia did know about her baby's condition, today would be a little different for her. Her boyfriend died and now her baby was going to die and Owen cursed her all the way down to California for making him promise not to tell Derek. Because if he was in her shoes he would push everyone away, but with a clear mind he knew he'd want them around when the pieces would start to fall apart, when the cracks would deepen and the stinging ache in his chest would just numb him entirely. He wished she'd told Derek. Or her mom.

Because he was a chicken. Not that he could just up and leave the hospital of his own volition, but he could call or send a card or flowers or something else she really wouldn't care about apart from appreciating the thought. He started walking down the hall to his office wondering how he'd become this person. Nearly four years before, when he'd returned from his last tour of active duty, he had been a radically different person. He was a quick, hands on, no nonsense kind of surgeon and now he was a mess. Between PTSD and Cristina he felt different, perhaps emptier in a way, as if there was not much more he could give, he was done. Owen closed the door of his office behind his back allowing himself to take a deep breath in the only square foot invisible from the windows on the walls. Maybe he shouldn't get involved in Amelia's business, not when there was the risk of making an even bigger mess of things. It took sitting down at the modest desk against the wall to realize that thinking about Amelia had effectively taken his mind off Cristina and the impending doom of their marriage. He felt a kinship with her that was unlike anything he'd ever felt. She understood him, or rather, she understood the way he felt and why, without judging and without telling him he should try and change that. There was a sense of resignation that came with that, of finality, he'd done what he'd done, made his mistake and that was it.

Owen had his heart set on fixing things with Cristina, right this moment he was willing to do just about everything she'd ask. She was the love of his life. His soulmate and he couldn't imagine a life without her. Ever. He'd screwed up, badly, and he couldn't help but think that maybe he'd done it on purpose. Sleeping with another woman. There was a good chance he'd intentionally hurt Cristina to make her understand just how much he was hurting. It didn't sound any better and it certainly didn't make him feel any better, nor it would anyone, Cristina in particular. It just made sense, it was the only logical explanation for what he'd done. Not that it actually fixed anything. This, though, was fixable. It could be fixed, it would be hard and it would require him and Cristina both working for it, but there was a chance it could be fixed. Amelia's problem wasn't a problem, it was a nightmare. As awful as he felt in rejoicing his life was – even marginally – better, Owen was relieved.

A tight fit gripped his chest forcefully, making it difficult and painful to breathe. There was a debate inside him, not one that involved Cristina, for once and it felt quite easier to think about something, when the rest of his life wasn't at stake. He wouldn't consider Amelia a friend, an acquaintance maybe, but it wasn't even that. Amelia was Derek's sister and with Meredith and Cristina's disturbingly confusing bond he felt as though she was part of this dysfunctional, extended family. In a way, that would explain the need he felt to protect her, why from the second he'd found out about what she'd been going through he'd wanted to take her back with him to try and do everything in his power to make things better for her. She was carrying the terminally ill baby of her dead boyfriend – or was it her husband? Maybe just her fiancé, Owen couldn't really remember, that had been a part of the conversation he hadn't particularly focused on. In any case, no matter how much he thought about it, there was really nothing that could even begin to compare to making her feel better.

Owen jumped about a foot into the air, when the door of his office, the one he'd dutifully closed, swung open. Derek walked in carrying Zola. "Owen, I have been looking everywhere for you!" Owen frowned and waited for him to go on, but Zola picked that moment to start crying. Derek turned her into his arms, tucking her snugly against him, running a calming hand on her back. "Zola's sick and they can't keep her in daycare and Meredith is gone and I need to take her home."

Owen still didn't get how this was his problem. "Okay, Derek I'm not your mother, you don't need to inform me of your every move."

"Owen," Derek looked at him, halfway between irritated and dejected. "I'm going to be home with Zola today. At least. I left Lexie to do research. You should call Nelson in or whoever you can find."

This was great. Amazing. Perfect. Exactly what Owen needed today. replacing Derek Shepherd on a moment's notice wasn't as easy as he was making it out to be. Now he could hate today and he could hate his job. "Isn't there anyone that can watch her? Don't you have a nanny or a sitter?"

"No, we don't. She's never been sick and we never talked about it, it's generally Lexie that keeps and eye on her, but she's working now." Derek said shrugging his shoulders. "Come on, you're the boss you can call people in. I didn't even have anything scheduled."

Technically, he could. He was the chief and that gave him the power to do just about anything around the hospital. This, though, was not the day for that. Owen didn't have it in him to call and fight and insist and be forceful – if necessary – making someone come in on their day off. Surely, he couldn't have an hospital without a neurosurgeon, regardless of scheduled surgeries or patients, they had an ER and it would be incredibly irresponsible not to have someone on call, at the very least. "Fine, go. Tomorrow is your day off, so just… take care of her."

Derek nodded, smiling lovingly at the baby dozing on his shoulder. Owen was jealous and happy for him all at the same time. He and Meredith had fought so hard for Zola and Owen couldn't even begin to imagine what it was like to finally have her with them. Maybe she and his baby would have been friends, after all they were Meredith and Cristina's kids, it was almost imperative that they'd be friends. Cousins almost. Though, with all his sister Zola was bound to have enough cousins. Owen felt like slapping the back of his head. Zola had at least one cousin, but she wouldn't get to play with him. She would never know about him. And it didn't feel fair. Owen felt this sudden weight in his chest settle in, when for the first time today he realized a baby was going to die today.

"Owen? You're face is doing something…" Derek narrowed his eyes at him tilting his head slightly to the side, as if that would help him figure out what was going on with him.

That was it. "Have you um…" nerves were getting to him and he was growing a little apprehensive about saying the wrong thing. He'd made a promise and he wasn't about to break that trust. "Have you heard from your sister recently?"

Derek frowned, obviously taken aback by the radical and seemingly incoherent change of topic. "Amy?"

"I don't know. The neurosurgeon?" Owen raised his eyebrows, feigning nonchalance, hoping there weren't more than two Shepherd neurosurgeons. "You two operated on the gliosarcoma patient?"

Derek's smile grew broad, his eye brimming with pride and Owen could tell, then and there, that he had not really heard from her lately. Not since she'd been here in Seattle. "Right, Amelia. Yeah, no, I… uh, I've been a little busy. Why?"

Owen shrugged, hoping it would be realistic enough to fool him. "Oh, nothing, just wondering how that patient is doing. I…" I'm trying to find a believable enough lie to get you to call her. "I just came across the article you wrote and I couldn't get it out of my head."

There were a couple of seconds where the two just stared at each other, all four eyes narrowed the tiniest bit, desperately trying to either read through the lines or hoping those lines had the desired effect. "I have no idea." Said Derek, never letting his eyes stray from Owen's. "I can find out for you, though."

"Thanks." Owen nodded, feeling like he'd just dodged a bullet. All those years his mom had forced drama class on him were finally paying off. Or maybe he'd just been quick and neutral enough. Whatever it was, it didn't matter, as long as it worked. "Let me know?"

"Sure." Derek just nodded, before walking away, in the direction of the door, keeping a hand on Zola's back. About two feet from the door he stopped in his tracks and turned around. "With all that's going on, you were thinking about my patient?"

Or your sister. "Uh, just curious. Trying to keep my mind off things."

Derek hung his head a little. Guy code or whatever he felt sorry for the man and Owen knew and for this once he wasn't sorry about using it to his own advantage. Because he was convinced he was doing the right thing or at least trying to. Amelia needed Derek and Derek needed to be there, this was Owen's attempt at making that happen, feeble and crappy as it might be, he wished with all he had it would work. "I'll let you know."

Derek walked out, trying his best to stop frowning at the weird turn in their conversation. He stopped by to inform Lexie he was leaving and making a list of things she had to do, basically appointing her head of neuro for the day, there was not a bone in his body that doubted that she was a hundred times better than any idiot Owen would find to substitute him today. On the hospital door threshold he found himself staring at his phone, trying to figure out just how long it had been since he'd heard from Amelia. It coincided exactly with the last time he'd seen her and a strange feeling settled deep into his stomach. She'd just gotten out of rehab – for the second time – and he'd vowed to keep in touch, but then between the new baby and work and life in general, she'd slipped down the list of his priorities. Without a second thought, he hit the call button, knowing he was just overreacting and she was fine and Addison would have called him otherwise. She had when Amy got into rehab, so if she'd relapsed again he would know. The call went straight to voice mail and he didn't think twice about ending it and putting the phone back in his pocket, throwing Zola's bag over his shoulder. Amy was a surgeon, which meant she was in surgery and had her phone off. Or it was her day off and she was somewhere without reception. Or she'd just come off the night shift and her battery died. They were all more than plausible. It was fine. She'd call him back as soon as she'd find the missed call.

The drive home was relatively quiet, barring the stop when Zola threw up all over herself, Derek let her rest and used that precious down time to think. He considered himself a good doctor, a really good one at that and being a good doctor in his opinion was not just about new methods and trials and risky surgeries, it was about the patients, it was about caring, it was ultimately the prime reason he'd got into neurosurgery in the first place – well, amongst other reasons. For the first time in what had to be a few months, a few amounting to four or five, he had not once thought to ask about his miracle patient. Their miracle patient, the one the Shepherd siblings saved. He had absolutely no idea if she was alright, if the tumor recurred, if it had spread already by the time they resected it. As he pulled into the driveway to the house, his focus thankfully shifted to Zola and assessing her symptoms and getting rid of the stinky clothes, making a mental note to find a few spare minutes to make sure the Cayenne had no residual vomit still. It was then that Derek thought of Meredith, for the first time since she left this morning and, once again, felt worry shock through him. Not that he thought she wouldn't pass, but her actually passing the boards meant the possibility of a new life, an amazing job opportunity and everything all new and shiny and happy. That was nice. Just thinking about it was nice. Before he knew it, his fingers were clutching his phone again and he was staring at his call log, staring at Meredith and Amelia's names, as if trying to decide who to call first. His right hemisphere told him – ordered more like – not to contact Meredith unless strictly necessary, her focus needed to be on the boards and only the boards. So, he didn't call her, but he wasn't quick enough to find a valid reason not to call Amelia again.

Voicemail. Again. That must be one hell of a surgery. Between the journey home, the ferryboat ride he took as a detour and the puke stop, it had been over three hours. He could worry, but the last time he'd chosen to worry about Amelia he'd ended up reviving her in the back of an ambulance and that hadn't been all that easy on him either. He trusted Addison enough. There was something new, though, it wasn't just wanting to talk to Amelia, he was now being eaten away by curiosity and he couldn't really resist that. As Zola's cries emitted from the baby monitor he just shrugged, he had more pressing matters than to lose his mind over that.

It was, in fact, late afternoon when those thoughts found free entry in the front of his mind. Zola had kept him thoroughly busy the whole day long cleaning vomit and checking her temperature, while carefully administering liquids had effectively sucked away any kind of energy from him, besides making sure his daughter was clean and comfortable. Derek slumped on the living room couch, enjoying the peace and quiet. The one thing he had not realized yet was that with Meredith and Alex being gone and Lexie stuck at the hospital it was only the two of them at home, which meant he should make the most of that time. At first, he tried napping, but the subtly hidden overprotective father in him didn't allow that; then it was cooking, but without his mother he was useless in the kitchen. Staring off into space seemed to just lead to a strange trance state that wasn't interesting at all. When he passed on to reading, his hand digging in the basket beside the couch for any magazine he could reach, he remembered. Call Mer. Call Amy. This time he tried Meredith first, but as most of his calls today it went straight to voicemail. For a brief second Derek wondered if it was his phone that was somehow broken. At least he knew Meredith had a good excuse not to answer. Rather, he was well aware of Meredith's reason for not answering. Derek shook his head at his phone, he never thought he'd ever get to feel lonely in Seattle, between Meredith and the frat house and Zola and work there was always someone around. So, he called Amelia.

Voicemail again. It hit him only then that Amelia might have changed her number and the one he had was the old one. It made sense considering she'd been involved with who knows how many shady individuals in the process of getting drugs, changing her number was a logical and safe and mature choice and he felt proud of his little sister. In this rush of excitement he called Addison, not wanting to text and then wait for an answer, to get Amelia's new number.

She picked up on the first ring, but he knew immediately he was on speakerphone. "Derek?"

Her voice was weird. Not the kind of my ex-husband calls me out of the blue weird, it was different. Derek couldn't really put his finger on it, but something was definitely off. "Hey Addie."

"Derek I'm in surgery," her voice sounded almost pained now that he had more to go on, guilty and pained. It sounded like drama and he had enough up here, he so didn't need to be involved in that. "Is it an emergency?"

Derek let out a breath. Sure, she was his ex and, while they were amicable, they weren't really friends. When Amy had gone back into rehab she'd called him a few times, he called a few more for updates, and that was the most contact they'd had in years. Never she'd been short with him. Not like this. Not in this way he couldn't quite decipher, something between not wanting to get caught and not wanting to do whatever it was she was doing. "It's just a quick question."

"Well make it quick, then."

His eyebrows twitched at her tone again. She didn't sound like Addison, she sounded like her waspy, unwelcoming mother. "Okay. I was just wondering if Amy changed her number. I've been calling her all day and all I get is voicemail."

He heard shuffling and whispering and there was a point he was almost sure he heard Sam talk, but he would have said something if it'd been him, right? It was messy and confusing and he felt his temper rising a little as time passed. "She must be busy, her number's still the same."

That wasn't helpful. Not at all, really, he had come to that conclusion already on his own. Unless… She'd been open about Amelia's comings and goings up to about a few months ago. They'd stopped calling a little after Amelia had come up to Seattle. The defensiveness and shortness of her tone caused that fastidious feeling in his stomach to move lower down to his gut, right that place where he usually felt it. "I've been calling all day. Her phone's off, is she avoiding me?"

What he heard was a muffled sob and he was sure about it. Derek had been married with this woman for over ten years, he damn well knew what her sobs sounded like. "I'm busy Derek and I'm not her mother," her breath caught in her throat, her voice cracking were all alarms that went off in Derek's head. "Look, I gotta go."

Without waiting for any kind of answer she hung up on him. Derek stared at the phone for a moment, not sure what to do about that call. His big brother spidey senses told him something was going on for sure. Maybe it didn't have anything to do with Amelia, he knew the people down there – at least some of them – and he knew the drama was never ending. Yet he couldn't shake the feeling. That gut feeling that wouldn't let him sleep tonight if he didn't manage to find out just what was going on. There was a little voice inside his head saying that there was a chance, a big, fat one he was blowing up a whole lot of nothing, but with Amelia, nothing was ever nothing.

Derek suddenly realized that Amelia was a doctor and doctors had to be reachable at all times. Anxiously looking for the hospital she worked and dialing the number he impatiently awaited for someone to answer the phone. In a very McDreamy fashion he told the nice nurse that answered that he was Doctor Shepherd's brother and he wasn't able to talk to her and it was an emergency, but just as kindly, the nurse told him she wasn't working today. Dejectedly, Derek offered some excuse about really needing to talk to her, coming short of asking for her pager number. Apparently, his charm worked over the phone as well, because after a longer pause – one that he'd thought was her hanging up on him – she gave in, in a hushed tone.

"I know I shouldn't do this and she requested that no one be given it, but I could give you her room number if you really need her."

Derek frowned. Why would she have Amelia's room number, as in she didn't live with Addie anymore? More than that a nurse wouldn't have Amelia's hotel room number on hand. "Her room number?"

The misunderstanding between the two, luckily for him, went unnoticed by her and she offered more and more information. "Yes, Doctor Montgomery asked that she not be disturbed and visiting hours are almost over, but seen as you are her brother, you must be worried. I can actually connect you right this moment, if you'd prefer."

The room was a hospital room. Amelia was in fact in the hospital, but she wasn't working. He was going to kill Addison for keeping this from him. "No, it's fine. Do you by chance know when she'll be released?"

"Oh, no, sorry Mr. Shepherd. She's in for the night, but you should ask Doctor Reilly about that specifically, I can give you his number, if you'd like." She offered kindly.

Derek shook his head, wracking his brain to think if he knew anyone by the name Reilly, but he came up empty. His heart was beating wildly into his chest and he ached to take the sweet, kind nurse up on her offer to connect him through to Amy right that moment. "No, thank you. I'll try calling her again, wouldn't want to disturb her."