Notes: the characters aren't mine (except for the dog) and the story is! This was written for the Classic Who Secret Santa exchange on tumblr, and is another installment in my series of the many misadventures of the Doctor and Jamie. The thief and the detective pursuing her, as well as the police lieutenant, are cameos from other fandoms.
Jamie liked Manhattan during wintertime—the snow, the lights, the tinsel… Of course, he was slightly biased in his opinion; the Doctor had brought Jamie here back when he had first started traveling with him in the TARDIS. Times had changed since then, of course—friends had come and gone, and Jamie was reunited with the Doctor again after some time apart, courtesy of the Doctor's people, the Time Lords. But the Doctor's work with the Celestial Intervention Agency had managed to "earn" him Jamie's company again—on the stipulation that the two of them were at the Agency's disposal to do whatever missions they ordered them to do, at whatever time they decided. And the Doctor and Jamie had both agreed that it was a small price to pay if it meant being able to travel together again.
And it was because of that the two of them were in Manhattan now, on a mission. Neither of them were going to let it slip to the Agency that this was one of those places where they wanted to be, but they were both already making plans to finish the job as soon as possible and enjoy themselves.
"Jamie, come away from that door and pay attention!" the Doctor called, as the piper peered out of the TARDIS's main doors. "I need to explain to you about our mission; sightseeing can wait!"
"Aye, I know," Jamie sighed, closing the door and heading to the Doctor. "I heard something aboot a meteorite; is that what all the fuss is aboot?"
"That's exactly what all the fuss is about, Jamie," the Doctor said. "This meteorite is from a piece of an asteroid—Aurum 79."
"But ye told me that meteorites hit the Earth regularly," Jamie recalled. "What difference does one more piece of space rock make?"
"Aurum 79 is located many, many light years away, Jamie," the Doctor said. "No part of it should ever have reached the Earth."
"…Then how did it get here?"
"The Agency believes that a portion of the asteroid was stolen by someone with a time travel device. During their journey through the vortex, they lost it," the Doctor explained. "And it fell out of the vortex near Earth—and, drawn by the Earth's gravitational pull, crashed right into it. Nobody was hurt, thankfully… But now that stolen meteorite that landed has been stolen again—by an Earthling!"
"Who would steal an asteroid?" Jamie scoffed. "Either before or after?"
"Well, this asteroid in particular is a lure to anyone other than the Cybermen," the Doctor said.
The Doctor drew a small piece of meteorite from one of his pockets and handed it to Jamie; the Scot's eyes widened as he saw that a large portion of the meteorite was made up of gold.
"Yes, you understand now," the Doctor observed, as Jamie turned the meteorite over and over in his hands. "That sample of Aurum 79 is one that I had acquired long ago on a visit to the asteroid—it's practically identical in size to the one that was stolen. A piece of asteroid of that size is in high demand on the intergalactic black market. That's why it was stolen in the first place, and why it was stolen again; humans are not the only species that prize gold…" The Doctor paused, seeing Jamie continue to stare at the meteorite in his hands. "I see not even you are immune from gold fever…"
"Eh? Oh, I was just… ah… admiring this…"
"Yes, just like every other human being," the Doctor said, with an amused chuckle as he took the meteorite back from Jamie. But then, he sobered. "As I mentioned, one of your fellow humans stole the meteorite that had struck the Earth—snatched it right out from under the noses of the scientific team that had recovered it. The Agency demands that we retrieve it immediately."
"The Agency has gold fever, too?" Jamie asked.
"Not at all; you remember me telling you that this particular meteorite traveled through the vortex for a long while?" the Doctor said.
"Aye."
"It has picked up some residue from the vortex—it's embedded deeply into the meteorite, according to the Agency. And whoever is in possession of that meteorite might end up unintentionally manipulating the space-time continuum with that vortex residue, or end up going into a tie warp. And that simply cannot be allowed to happen."
"Aye, and so the one who stole the meteorite is here in New York?" Jamie asked.
"That's correct; the Agency has identified her," the Doctor said, fiddling with the console until an image appeared on the monitor of a well-dressed, short-haired woman wearing sunglasses and a large hat. "That is the Contessa di Ville; apparently, she's got a long criminal record when it comes to thievery—a 1931 Bugatti Royale and a year's labor of diamonds, among other things… I hear she even tried to steal the RMS Queen Mary."
"She's a countess?" Jamie asked. "That must mean she's rich. Why would she need t' steal anything?"
"I'm afraid it just comes down to greed," the Doctor said. "Speaking of which, we shan't be the only ones looking for her and that meteorite; the Agency found out about it through our contacts in the Intergalactic Black Market. It will be worth a higher price with that vortex residue in it, and those who get it for that reason will seek to disrupt the continuum on purpose; some of the most devious crooks from outside the Sol System will be matching wits with the Contessa—to say nothing of the authorities here, who simply don't know any better and merely seek to return the meteorite to the scientific team."
"Oh," Jamie said, looking concerned. "Then we need t' find the Contessa before they do."
"Exactly right, Jamie. Fortunately, the Agency has managed to find out the hotel she is currently hiding in, as well as the room," the Doctor said. "We shall be able to find a way to sneak in and retrieve the meteorite!"
Jamie nodded as the Doctor put on his fake fur coat and motioned for Jamie to follow him. The two of them wandered down a back alleyway until they reach the back of what Jamie presumed to be the hotel.
"That's the Contessa's room," the Doctor said, pointing to one a couple floors above them. "You'll notice that the fire escape runs right past that window. You can use the sonic ring I gave you to open the window."
"Aye, but there's no way t' reach the fire escape from here," the piper said, pointing as the fire escape disappeared past a high chain-link fence into a parking area that was, no doubt, monitored by security cameras."
"Actually, Jamie, there is one way," the Doctor said, indicating that the fire escape ran a few feet above their heads. He cupped his hands. "Up you get, Jamie; I'll give you a boost so you can reach it."
"Doctorrrrrrrrr," Jamie groaned.
"I'd gladly be the one to climb up there, but my mobility is hampered by this coat!" the Doctor explained. "And you know the cold disagrees with me greatly!"
"Och, fine," Jamie said, resigned. He placed one foot on the Doctor's cupped hands.
"Right; on the count of three, and I'll give you the boost," the Time Lord said. "One, two—"
"Do you mind telling me what's going on here?" a curt voice snapped.
Jamie nearly fell over as he and the Doctor both stumbled upon hearing the voice; they turned, seeing a man wearing a gray suit and tie under a coat. But it was the badge gleaming from his belt that drew the duo's attention.
"Ah," the Doctor said. "Yes. Well, Sir, I can assure you that it was just a little playacting."
"Playacting," the plainclothes lieutenant repeated, with an arched eyebrow.
"Aye, ye know how there's all sorts of theatres and shows here," Jamie said. "We're practicing for an audition."
"What are you auditioning for?"
"Anything; we're not particular in the least!" the Doctor said, with an unconvincing innocent grin. "You know, I do believe that you could have the makings of a great Shakespearean actor! Why, just look at Romeo and Juliet—I think you'd be perfect for the role of Prince Escalus."
The plainclothes lieutenant gave them both a long stare.
"Get going," he ordered.
"Yes, of course; if we see you again, we'll certainly let you know how our auditions went! Come along, Jamie!"
Before the piper could protest, the Doctor had gently guided him down the alley and back towards the TARDIS.
"Och, that could have gone better," Jamie muttered.
"Yes, I know," the Doctor sighed. "Well, there's only one thing for us to do now, I suppose."
"Go back there once he's gone?"
"No, no; he's likely to be waiting for us to come back there and will be staying there for some time," the Doctor said.
"Then how will we get into the Contessa's hotel room t' get the meteorite back?" the piper queried. "Materialize in there in the TARDIS?"
"No, no—it would be impossible for her to miss us materializing… Though I suppose she could be in a state of stunned surprise long enough for us to take the meteorite, but there's no guarantee of that. But I have an equally ingenious plan that should work just as well," the Doctor boasted. "I shall check into the hotel and get a room on that side of the building, on the floor just beneath hers. I can climb out my own window and get up the fire escape to the Contessa's room. Providing that the lieutenant in that alley doesn't look up, it will work perfectly."
Jamie gave the Doctor a dubious look.
"Aye, but what if the Contessa is in her room when ye try to climb in through her window?" Jamie asked. "That probably would have complicated our first plan, too."
"Oh. Yes…" the Doctor said, pondering for a moment. His eyes suddenly widened. "You shall distract her, Jamie!"
"…What?"
"It shall be brilliant!" the Doctor exclaimed. "You can disguise yourself as an employee of the hotel—I'm certain I've got a bellhop's uniform in the TARDIS wardrobe!"
"A bellhop?" Jamie repeated, baffled. "I jump over bells?"
"No, no; a bellhop is a servitor," the Doctor explained. "You can bring some food up to the Contessa's room. She will, very likely, not have ordered any food, so as you argue over whether or not she did order it, I can sneak in and retrieve the meteorite! It's too simple to fail!"
"Aye, that means that something will go wrong, then."
"Oh, Jamie…"
"E'erytime ye say that something is too simple t' fail, it does!"
"Must you take on a difficult attitude?" the Doctor sighed. "We can be finished with this nonsense within the hour and explore the city to our liking."
"I like that idea," Jamie admitted.
"I thought you might. Just keep repeating that in your head when you wear the uniform's trousers-"
"NO."
"Jamie, please! It would only be for a short time."
The piper let out a frustrated sigh, seeming to prefer the idea of waiting for the plainclothes lieutenant to leave and try that first plan again. After a moment, though, he decided that getting it over with might be the best way after all, and he nodded.
"Fine. I'll wear the bellhop uniform."
The Doctor waited patiently in the console room as Jamie changed. He was mentally preparing himself to see Jamie in something other than his kilt—he often had difficulty remembering faces, seeing as though he usually memorized clothing styles to identify others, much like the rest of his species.
Jamie cleared his throat as he reentered the console room in the bellhop's uniform, and the Doctor let out a chuckle.
"Oh, Jamie, you do look adorable!"
"I am a fierce Highlander; I am nae supposed t' be adorable," he stated, flatly.
"Oh, yes; my apologies," the Doctor said "Anyway, I've called the hotel and made my reservation; you make your way inside, and I'll join you in about ten minutes after I pick up my room key."
Jamie nodded and headed off. The Doctor waited for the promised ten minutes and left, as well, pausing near the alley to see if the lieutenant was still there (he was), and quickly hurrying to the hotel after that. He picked up his room key, ignoring the looks he was getting for wearing his heavy fur coat.
"Now then, let's see…" the Doctor said to himself, looking around. "Where did Jamie run off to…?"
He trailed off, looking confused as several bellhops, all wearing the same uniform, filed around him, gathering luggage, directing customers, and delivering food.
"Oh dear," the Doctor said, as one uniform seemed to run into the next. "Oh dear, oh dear. I did not think this through…"
He scratched his head, at a loss; he should have specified where to meet Jamie. Well, there was nothing to do about it now other than go from each bellhop to the next and try to find him…
"Aha, wait! That bellhop over there is staring at the vending machine! Oh, that must be Jamie; bless him and his bottomless stomach!"
He darted over to the bellhop, who was still facing the vending machine, standing with his back to the Doctor.
"There you are, Jamie," he said. "Now when I said to take some food to her room, I didn't mean something from the vending machine! I understand that a vending machine is a fascinating concept for you, but food from this is merely snackfood, and cheap snackfood at that! The Contessa won't eat anything but the most sophisticated, gourmet dishes, so you'll have to get something substantial for her to keep from kicking you clear down the corridor out of disgust—"
"Umm…. Do I know you?"
The Doctor blinked as the bellhop turned around in confusion—and spoke with an American accent. The Doctor's eyes widened as he realized that the bellhop in question had blond hair, and looked a couple years younger than Jamie.
"Oh dear. Ah, my mistake; I thought you were someone else!"
"Yeah, I kinda figured that," the blond bellhop said. "But ah, why are you asking for someone to deliver food to the Contessa? Did she order something?"
"Oh, ah… Well, the truth is, I… I am an admirer of the good lady's, and wanted to get some food sent up to her room as a surprise," the Doctor lied.
"I can get on that," the blond bellhop offered.
"Oh, no; please don't bother," the Doctor said. "I'd rather have my friend handle that, if you don't mind. It will make things easier for me in regards to possibly speaking with her later, you see."
"Sure," the blond man said. "I hope you find him."
The blond bellhop headed on his way, looking back at the Doctor a couple times before pulling a cell phone from his pocket and calling someone. The Doctor was attempting to recover from the embarrassment when a familiar voice now cleared his throat.
"Ah, there you are, Jamie," the Doctor said a second time, turning to see Jamie looking back at him with an arched eyebrow and folded arms. "Now, Jamie, I know what you're thinking, but you have to understand…"
"That chappie was blond."
"But you were both the same height!"
"Blond." The piper tugged on a lock of his brown hair to emphasize his argument.
"Alright, alright," the Doctor sighed. "I'll try better to not rely on clothing so much as an identifier. Where were you, anyway?"
"I found a dog!" Jamie grinned. He whistled softly, and a Siberian husky trotted over to him.
It was the Doctor's turn to look exasperated.
"Jamie, that dog belongs to someone—look at the collar!"
"I know, but he just wandered over t' me…" Jamie said, picking up the tag on the collar to look at it. "His name is Borealis, and he lives at…" He frowned. "…There's no address-just a tag saying the name of some organization."
The Doctor's eyes widened.
"Jamie, that's a police dog!"
"Eh?"
"Well, close enough," the Doctor said. "ACME Crimenet-I've heard of that agency; it's a police-affiliated detective agency that investigated the Contessa's other thefts. Whoever owns that dog is here investigating the theft of the meteorite!"
The dog suddenly barked and trotted over to the blond bellhop, who was still on the phone. The bellhop grinned and greeted the dog warmly—a greeting the dog returned. The bellhop then changed his tone to an instructive one, and the dog ruffed and bounded away with a purpose.
"Oh my word, that bellhop is an undercover detective!" the Doctor exclaimed. "…And he knows I wanted to send the Contessa food through you!"
"How could he know that?"
"I told him because I thought he was you!"
Jamie facepalmed.
"What now? Should we change the plan?" the piper asked.
"No, I don't think we need to. I told that detective that I was an admirer of the Contessa, so there's no reason for him to believe that we're after the meteorite. But now he's going to wonder why I'm an admirer of a thief!"
"…Di'n ye steal the TARDIS?" Jamie pointed out.
"That is completely different!" the Doctor huffed. "I didn't steal the Old Girl out of greed; I stole her to get away from those other Time Lords who are right now forcing us to get the meteorite that the Contessa stole!"
"Aye, right," Jamie sighed. "Let's just continue with the plan so that I can get back into my kilt as soon as possible."
"Right," the Doctor agreed. "I shall head to my room now; you go get some food to take to the Contessa—something high-quality. Do you understand?"
"Aye, how aboot some haggis?"
"No, Jamie, no—something gourmet." He sighed as Jamie gave him a blank look. "Caviar, Jamie—get her some table crackers and caviar."
"Aye, right," the piper agreed. "I'll get it t' her as soon as I can."
"Yes, and hurry; I'd like to avoid running into that young detective again—it would lead to some more embarrassing questions," the Doctor said.
Jamie nodded and headed off to the kitchen and the Doctor headed to his room, keeping an eye out for the detective and the dog. Thankfully, he didn't run into either of them, and made it to his room without incident. Slowly, he opened the window and crept onto the fire escape; sure enough, the plainclothes lieutenant was still in the alley, expecting them to return. The Doctor chuckled triumphantly and crept up the fire escape so as not to draw the lieutenant's attention.
At last, he reached the Contessa's room; she was already opening the door of her room, and Jamie was there with a covered tray of food. Smiling again, the Doctor quietly used the sonic screwdriver to unlock and open the window, allowing him to hear the conversation going on.
"But I tell you, I did not order any caviar!" the Contessa insisted.
"Aye, I know that," Jamie said. "It's a token from an admirer."
"Oh?" she asked, sounding pleased. "Who?"
"Er, ye have a secret admirer; I cannae tell ye who he is," the piper said, watching over the Contessa's shoulder as the Doctor entered the room and began searching for the meteorite. "He's a wee bit shy, and a wee bit daft…"
The Doctor shot him a glare from across the room, but went back to his search for the space rock as the Contessa chuckled.
"Si, can you tell me more about my admirer?" she asked.
"Aye, ah… He's an older man."
"Oh, a distinguished gentleman full of class and style?"
"…Nae really," Jamie said, as the Doctor nearly tripped on his way to the room's dresser.
"But he is good-looking?" she asked.
"Oh, aye," Jamie said, with a nod.
By now, the Doctor had slowly slid the dresser drawer open, frowning as the meteorite wasn't there. He looked around again, pausing as he saw a Gucci bag sitting on the bedside table. He tiptoed over to the bag as Jamie and the Contessa continued their conversation, and he grinned in triumph to see the meteorite in the bag.
He looked back to Jamie to let him know, but froze as he saw two tall humanoid beings walk up to the doorway of the room behind Jamie.
"What are you doing here!?" the Contessa demanded, glaring at the tall men.
Jamie looked back now, frowning. The two men gave him a bad feeling; years of traveling with the Doctor had strengthened his sixth sense. If he had looked back at the Doctor, he would've seen the dawning horror on the Time Lord's face as he noticed the insignia on the humanoids' lapel pins. They were from the Intergalactic Black Market.
"Do ye mind?" Jamie asked. "I'm talking t' this lassie; I'll get t' ye as soon as I can. Please leave."
"We are here for the meteorite," one of the men stated, plainly, in a monotone voice.
Jamie moved for the knife he always kept hidden in his sock; the Doctor saw him, knowing exactly what he was trying to do.
"Jamie, no! They're androids!"
All madness broke loose.
The Contessa whirled around, screeching in frustration as she saw the Doctor holding her Gucci bag. Before she could make a move, one of the androids knocked her aside and then shoved Jamie across the floor. Both of them lay stunned where they had landed.
The other android seized the Doctor, Gucci bag and all, as he desperately attempted to root through it for the meteorite. As the Doctor protested and yelled, the young blond detective, still dressed as a bellhop, charged into the room.
"Contessa!" he exclaimed. "You're under arrest-!"
He was cut off immediately as the first android picked him up and threw him across the room. He hit the android carrying the Doctor with a clang; the android dropped the Doctor, who landed beside the dazed detective.
The Gucci bag hit the floor, its contents spilling everywhere. The meteorite skipped across the floor. Jamie, who was closest, grabbed for it… only to stare as the Siberian husky from before bounded into the room, picked the meteorite in his jaws, and bounded out the open window and onto the fire escape as the Doctor slowly got up, unaware of any of this.
The androids immediately abandoned the three humans and the Gallifreyan to pursue the dog; the Doctor moved to watch from the window. However, the weight of the androids proved to be too much for the fire escape; the metal bars that made up the "floor" of the fire escape buckled, sending the androids crashing through it, right beside the plainclothes lieutenant. The lieutenant stared at them for a moment before sighing and drawing out a pair of handcuffs.
"Stop!" the Doctor called to him. "They're androids—robots! Stay away from them!"
The lieutenant didn't stop to wonder why the Doctor was calling to him from a hotel room; he gave the Time Lord a stare for a moment before turning back to the androids—which had already gotten up and left while the lieutenant was distracted. Quietly cursing the Doctor for causing the lapse in concentration, the lieutenant ran down the alley, trying to track where the androids had gone.
Jamie crawled over to the Doctor now.
"Are ye alright?"
"Yes, of course…" the Doctor said, with a wan smile. "Are you?"
"Aye," Jamie said, returning the smile.
There was a groan as the blond detective shook off the mental cobwebs.
"Oh, Mama—did someone get the license plates of those trucks?"
"At the risk of repeating myself, they were androids from the Intergalactic Black Market," the Doctor said.
"…Oh," the detective said. "Ouch."
"You don't question the explanation?" the Doctor asked.
"…Actually, I've seen weirder," the detective admitted.
The Doctor stared in amusement as the detective then went over to the Contessa's side, and, after making sure she was alright, proceeded to arrest her. After making sure that the detective was properly occupied with this task, the Doctor turned to Jamie.
"You'd best give me the meteorite, Jamie," the Doctor said, quietly. "Then we can deal with the androids that the Intergalactic Black Market clearly sent here."
"…I cannae."
"Why not?"
"The dog took the meteorite."
"Oh, right—WHAT!?"
Both the Doctor and Jamie now stared out at the fire escape, where the dog was still standing on the part that hadn't given way, the meteorite still in his jaws. The dog then turned and proceeded down the fire escape.
"We have to find him before that dog starts wandering through all of time and space!" the Doctor exclaimed, seizing Jamie by the hand and running past the detective and the baffled Contessa.
The duo soon received a lot more stares as they ran down the stairwell and out into the Manhattan streets; the Doctor had pulled a bizarre scanner from one of his many pockets and was using it to determine which way to go.
"What is that, Doctor?" Jamie asked.
"It's a device that scans for tachyon residue."
"Aye, so it's like a divining rod, but for vortex things?"
"No, no… Actually, yes, I suppose you could look at it that way. But nevermind, Jamie; we shall need to keep our wits about us—"
Jamie seized the Doctor's arm, suddenly pointing to another alley. The two androids were there, blocking the escape of the dog, which still had the meteorite. The dog was backed up against another chain-link fence, growling. Nearby, the plainclothes lieutenant was calling for backup.
"How do ye stop androids, Doctor?" Jamie asked.
"With great care," the Doctor replied. "We shall need to draw them towards the TARDIS, but first, we need to draw them away from the dog first and foremost."
Jamie's eyes narrowed.
"When ye say draw them away, ye mean we have t' be live bait?"
"In so many words, yes," the Doctor said. "And the best way to do that is to bung a rock at them. It never fails."
"Doctor, nae—"
But the Doctor had already picked up a stray rock and lobbed it at one of the androids; it bounced off of the back of its head with a metallic clang. The police lieutenant exclaimed in shocked frustration as both androids turned to get a visual of the assailant.
The cornered dog was no fool; the moment the androids' attention was diverted by the rock, the dog bounded past them, still carrying the meteorite in his mouth.
"Follow that dog, Jamie!"
The androids were already pursuing them; Jamie didn't need to be told to run any more than the dog did. The lieutenant was yelling at them in frustration, but Jamie didn't bother listening; he barely even noticed as they barreled by the blond detective and the handcuffed Contessa.
"Are they still following us, Jamie?"
"Aye, and they're getting closer!"
"Well, hold on; the TARDIS isn't too far; once we get there, you shall have to unlock her!"
"What are ye going t' do?" Jamie asked.
"Keep them busy!" the Doctor said. He scooped up the dog in his arms and continued to run. The dog whined but didn't protest as the Doctor now ran in circles around the TARDIS. The androids followed, not paying any attention to Jamie as he unlocked the door.
"I've got it!" he exclaimed.
"Well done!" the Doctor said, slipping inside and pulling Jamie along with him as he carried the dog. At last, he set the dog down as Jamie leaned against the doors, trying to stop the androids from forcing their way inside.
"May I have that meteorite, please?" the Doctor asked.
The dog whined again.
"Only for a moment," the Doctor pointed out. "Unless you want to get caught in a time warp, it's essential—"
"Doctor!" Jamie exclaimed, as something outside attempted to tackle the TARDIS doors. "Doctor, they're trying t' get in!"
"They shan't succeed," the Doctor assured him. "They can try all they like, and they'll only run themselves down."
"Is that yer plan, then?" Jamie asked. "Wait until they run down?"
"You should know it's my style of doing things, Jamie," the Doctor grinned. "It's far more entertaining to watch our foes drive themselves to defeat, isn't it?"
"Aye, and I'm going t' enjoy this far more once I'm in my kilt again," the piper said, disappearing back to the wardrobe.
The Doctor sighed and sat in the armchair in the console room, once again attempting to coax the dog into letting go of the meteorite, and pausing as he heard a voice outside the TARDIS.
"Borealis? Borealis? Here, Boy!"
The dog finally dropped the meteorite as he barked in reply.
"No, no!" the Doctor cautioned, even as he scooped up the space rock. "You'll lure him right into trouble!" He turned towards the direction of the wardrobe. "Jamie! Jamie, get back here!"
The Doctor turned on the scanner as Jamie returned to the console room.
"What is it?"
"That detective is right outside; the androids are likely to use him to exchange for the meteorite," the Doctor said. He cringed as the robots indeed turn to face the detective; the dog continued to bark a warning, and the detective now moved to back away, realizing what was about to happen.
"What do we do?" Jamie asked.
"We shall have to confront them—lure them elsewhere," the Doctor said. "Now, then, I'm going to open the doors. When I say run, run."
"Are ye sure that's a good…" Jamie began, but he paused as an idea came to his mind. "Aye, go on, open the doors!"
"Jamie?" the Time Lord asked, puzzled by the sudden change of heart. "Jamie, what are you planning?"
But Jamie had opened the doors himself now; the androids turned their attention away from the blond detective and moved to face the interior of the TARDIS.
"Run, Jamie!"
"Over here, ye great metal beasties! I've got the space rock!" Jamie exclaimed, darting down the corridor leading deeper into the TARDIS.
"Jamie, no!" the Doctor cried. "I meant run out, not in!"
The androids headed right past him and pursued Jamie down the TARDIS corridor, and the Doctor broke into a stumbly run chasing after them, desperately trying to take aim with the sonic screwdriver to remove some component that would stop them, but to no avail.
The Doctor was about to reveal that he had the meteorite for the sole purpose of getting the androids off of Jamie's back when Jamie suddenly darted into the TARDIS's swimming pool room.
"Oh!" the Doctor exclaimed, suddenly understanding.
Sure enough, Jamie ran right to the edge of the pool and veered to the right in what the Doctor was certain was a move from the Highland Fling. The first android's momentum took it right into the water; the second teetered on the edge of the pool until the Doctor shoved it in after the first one.
The Doctor and Jamie watched as the androids shorted out.
"Jamie, that was absolutely brilliant!" the Doctor said, gripping the piper's shoulders.
"Aye, I remember when Zoe once scolded me for nearly washing her jacket with her phone inside it—she said that the water would ruin it," Jamie recalled. "So I assumed it would apply t' these beasties."
"And you were right," the Doctor said. "It was a brilliant method of reasoning, and it's solved our problems! …Well, most of them."
"What other problem is there?" Jamie asked.
The Doctor sighed.
"That detective has, no doubt, wandered inside the TARDIS by now."
The Doctor and Jamie spent a bit more time draining the pool and retrieving the deactivated androids from inside. The Doctor made a few adjustments to them with his sonic screwdriver so that they would walk on their own, but would retain no other aspects of their programming.
"Won't the chappies who sent those androids know they've been rendered useless?" Jamie asked, as they headed back to the console room.
"Yes, but unless they find out that we were the ones who did it, we shouldn't have to worry—and the only way they can find out is if Goth tells them." He hesitated, and exchanged a glance with Jamie. "Perhaps we should worry a little bit."
"…Aye."
Any further conversation was halted as they reached the console room and saw the blond detective staring, wide-eyed, as he and the dog kept entering and exiting the TARDIS, comparing the spacious console room to the disproportionately-smaller exterior.
"I know, I know," the Doctor mused. "It's bigger on the inside, isn't it?"
"Dimensionally transcendent, right?" the detective asked, much to the Doctor's amazement. "One of my colleagues is studying quantum physics."
"Yes. Yes, that's quite right… Oh my word, you have seen strange things, haven't you?"
"Yeah. Oh, and I see you've got the androids!" the detective said. "I'm going to have to take them in—see if we can get any data from them. You understand, right?"
"Yes, of course," the Doctor said, knowing that there wouldn't be anything he'd get from them; still, he didn't mind getting the androids taken off of his hands. "Er, where is the Contessa?"
"Oh, I left her with the lieutenant; I'll pick her up when I take these two back."
"Is it true that she once stole the RMS Queen Mary?" the Doctor asked.
"Oh, yeah—I was on that case. And on the boat—had to jump the ship when she spotted me," the detective said, with a wince. "Oh, and, ah… I'm going to have to ask you guys some questions, too, like why were you in the Contessa's hotel room?"
"Och, we were on a mission—" Jamie began.
"Jamie!" the Doctor said. "What he means is that we were hired… Instructed… Well, commissioned to retrieve the meteorite."
"Oh, you're private eyes?" the detective asked. "Look, I get it, but I need the meteorite as evidence to bring the Contessa in. My hands are kinda tied here."
"Oh, of course, I understand," the Doctor said, and to Jamie's astonishment, he removed a meteorite from his pocket and handed it to the detective.
"Doctor-!"
"Now, now, Jamie—his hands are tied," the Doctor said.
The questioning proceeded for a little while longer.
"That oughta do it. And I'm sorry about you losing your commission," the detective said, genuinely regretful. "Oh, and can you stick around town? We may need you to testify at the trial, since you were witnesses to the fact that the Contessa had the meteorite."
"Oh, not to worry; we were planning to stay here," the Doctor assured him, giving him Jamie's smartphone number. "Good luck with the trial and all that."
"Thanks," the detective said. "And can you get these androids to follow me?"
"Oh, yes; they'll still respond to basic directional walking orders," the Doctor said. "Off you go, then."
The detective gave them a thumbs-up and left with the robots and the dog, leaving Jamie sputtering in protest.
"Ye let him take the meteorite!?" Jamie exclaimed, after the detective had left. "After all we went through t' get it!? What will we tell the Agency!?"
The Doctor gave him a smile.
"I gave him a piece from Aurum 79, Jamie," he said, removing a second meteorite from his pocket. "I didn't give him the piece that the Contessa had stolen."
"Oh, aye, the one ye said was the same size!"
"Yes, and same weight," the Doctor said, placing the meteorite in a compartment in the console. "The gold content should be almost identical, as well; the scientists can proceed with their research without being in danger of tachyon residue sending them through the vortex. And we can return this to the Agency after we've finished with our holiday here in Manhattan—that detective said we might have to be present at the trial, so we might as well enjoy our time here rather than leave in the TARDIS and come back again. So, where—?"
"A pub."
"…Of course, I might have guessed," the Doctor mused, ruffling Jamie's hair. "Very well, then—off to the Casablanca Club we go!"
The both of them headed off once again onto the Manhattan sidewalks, admiring the decorations and pleased to have some time to themselves after their successful mission.