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Monsters are real, ghost are real too.
Matt knows monsters exist. When he was young, still small enough for it to be tolerated he would sneak in to his parent's room and sleep in their bed, protected. At that time, the monsters only existed in the closet or under the bed. They only came at night, and when the sun rose, they would disappear, turning into nothing but shadows of a lost nightmare.
But then his papa died, and his mum lost it. She had a broken soul and there was a gaping hole in her heart. He thought that if he helped more, talked more, loved more, his mum would be alright. But nothing worked, not torn flowers from the dying garden, melted chocolates, tears, pleas, not even pictures of his papa moved her. But that was just a prelude to what would come. And Matt would think later on, barricaded in his room, a video game in his hand and a cigarette in his mouth, that those were good times compared to these times.
Why? The monsters finally came out. They had been for a while, hiding in the shadows, waiting for when it would all begin to crumble, and the wounds were too deep. They filled the gape in his mama, no not his mama that thing outside is not his mama, and made her twisted, and angry, like those evil trees outside.
He spent years like that, afraid. Then came Roger, who saved him and took him away. For a moment, when he stood with his meager belongings outside his doorway and stared at his mama, he thought he saw her come back. He thought he saw the warmth come back but then it was gone, and she spit at him and slammed the door. He remembers wiping away the spit and the tears, and turning to face Roger who put his hand on his shoulder and led him away.
He thought Wammy's House would be a normal orphanage, with normal children but it wasn't. It was a school for the gifted, for those above average. He was third, behind a small, white-haired Near and a blonde, loudmouth Mello.
Mello.
Matt didn't like the blonde. He was too loud, too mean, and was always eating chocolate. But then Mello started talking to him, started caring and Meayy did lie him. Too much. He was scared. Love made his mama go crazy, made here a monster. But Mello didn't change, not when Matt kissed him, not when he kissed bac k. Matt remembers the first time they made love. Mello was gentle and sweet and held him when Matt told him about mama and papa. Mello told him he would never be a monster. Not to him.
He lied.
A year later, Mello was gone. Matt was angry, scared and heartbroken. He left a year later. 4 years after and he found Mello angry, and burned. Despite everything that had happened, Matt returned to him and loved him again.
But it wasn't the same. Mello was too angry, too vengeful, too violent. He would hit Matt, yell at him, beat and berate him until Matt lay there limply, crying. The worst part was afterwards, when Mello would hold him like the old times and whisper fake promises.
Those are the worst kind of monsters. The ones who lull you into a false sense of security and then pounce .
But Matt can't stop loving this monster. His Mello.
They live inside us, and sometimes they win.