Fowl Fanfiction Boarding School:
Disclaimer/A.N.: Trying a break from my usual style of writing, I came upon Camilla Sandman, aka Miss Cam, who made an Official Fanfiction University for LOTR. Great idea! So I "borrowed" her ideas, with her permission, of course. Any good ideas are either hers, or her other borrower's, Meir Brin. Bad ideas and humorless-ness, are mine. I also don't own anything in this fic.
Also, I should probably state that if you wish to enroll in the boarding school, please mention it. Of course you won't, what with Foaly's Canon Cannons. (Pun intended.)
One more thing. If you can't read the stuff that Judy wrote, it's because I meant it to be incomprehensible. Misspellings are intended.
*********************************
Judy grinned slightly as she neared the finish of her first chapter:
'Artemis Finds True Love:
"Like, oh my gosh." Gushd Artemis happily as he gased at the radint beauty. "You are, like, the lovliest girl I've ever seen!"
Carelessly, Sapphire Dreamer Emerald Diamond Selena Legolette Belle lowered her eyelashs. "Oh," she said shily. "Do you realy think so?"
"I do indead!" exclamed Artemis feverentally. "Come and we shal see if I can find a preest at this time of nite."
Author's note: R&R! I kno its a great story & I want reviews!'
'What a great story.' Thought Judy, smirking to herself. She already had plans to get Artemis captured by evil dwarves, and let him find out that Sapphire had elven ancestry. Oh, wasn't it just too bad that not everyone had her kind of talent?
Sighing dreamily, she thought of Artemis Fowl. Black locks, blue eyes, big wallet, brainy, hotness extreme, Irish accent. . Who wouldn't want a guy like that?
After she went through the annoying forms to post her fanfiction on FF.Net, she threw herself onto her bed, laughing softly to herself. She hadn't read much of the books, of course, but she had heard that there were movies coming out soon, and that the boy playing Artemis had the glamour all down to an art. She couldn't wait to see the movie!
"Mmm.. Artemis.." she said to herself, snuggling even deeper into her soft covers. She could almost hear his adorable accent, hear his throaty voice speaking.
"-I told you, it's this way, Julius!" The voice sounded muffled, a casual background beat behind Judy's drool-filled dreams.
"-don't talk like that to me, Mulch, you little reprobate."
"Ex reprobate, Julius." The voice sounded smug. "After all, WHO found the fanfiction?"
"Foaly did."
"Shut up, Julius, I found it first."
"You mean that we caught you in your cell's bathroom trying to type up what seemed suspiciously like a Chix/Holly story. Which, by the way, means that we're holding you responsible for the trauma Captain Short suffered after she saw it."
"You're just jealous of my talent, Julius."
"I am not."
"Shut up, Julius, and fire here."
The annoying voices were silent for a minute. Judy sat up in bed, her heart thumping uncharacteristically loudly. Who was under the house? Cautiously, she bounced off her bed, and began approaching the place where the voices seemed loudest before.
Suddenly, a beam of green light shot through the floor. Judy jumped back, screaming for dear life. Oh, why weren't her parents home yet?!
There was some grunting underground, and Judy mustered up all of her cowardice, and thrust it away. Stepping up to the hole in the ground, (which was still smoking) she peered into it.
Immediately, a scroll was thrown up, hitting her on the forehead. She fell over, and lay flat on the floor, quite still, in case more D.P.M. came up. (Dangerous Paper Missiles.)
After around five minutes, she finally sat back up, looking quite bemused, and immediately, her mind turned to the scroll. Hesitantly, she opened it, and found the following form:
My most disgusting Correspondent, (a.k.a. Judy Lee)
My colleagues and I have recently realized of a place called FanFiction.Net. This place may seem familiar to you in the fact that our records say that you write there often, in a section titled Artemis Fowl. Normally, I would be flattered (or perhaps dismayed) that such a prestigious site bore my name, but we have discovered the disgusting stories that lie beneath. In order to correct such horrendous mistakes such as this, we have invited you to attend our fanfiction education facility, also known as Fowl Fanfiction Boarding School.
That is to say, if you don't want a certain reprobate dwarf to poison your house with tunnel waste, and you wish to keep writing, you will attend this school. We characters are here to teach you exactly how to change your Bad Fic into Good Fic. When you graduate, you will be able to continue to write fanfiction, after you've earned the Fowl License. Failure/ Refusal to attend results in permanent expulsion from the Artemis Fowl section. Please fill out the following form so that we shall be able to make your stay an educational one.
Term begins tomorrow.
Sincerely,
Artemis Fowl, Holly Short, Julius Root, Foaly (the last name was incomprehensibly scrawled), Mulch Diggums.
Judy stared at the letter. This was ridiculous! Idiotic! Any idiot knew that Artemis Fowl didn't exist, although that was a bit of a waste. But there was still more. A ten-foot long form dominated most of her room, and she gawped at it, a bit despairingly. Finally, she laughed at herself. What a great joke! Someone drilling through her home to throw her this form . . Obviously, she must be special to someone, then. The least she could do was fill out the form.
Name: Judy Lee
Gender: Female
Race: Elf/Mud Human (here there seemed to have been a bit of a struggle as Mud Man was crossed out, and Human put on top of it.) Judy chose Elf. Hey, it was her form!
And so on. Most of the paperwork was an agreement six feet long, which Judy scrawled her signature at the bottom of.
What type of fiction do you usually write? Romance.
I have read the books how many times? 0.25
What is my favorite character and why? Artemis Fowl, cuz he sounds so hot!
There were about 100 more questions like that, but Judy diligently answered them all. Finally finished, she tiredly used the thick scroll as a pillow, and fell asleep on the floor.
Immediately, a blue Plothole appeared out of nowhere, into her room. Trisani stepped out of it, her red hair already frizzing with sweat. She groaned as soon as she saw Judy. "Do we absolutely have to take her?" she demanded of her three- foot tall companion.
Holly glared up at her. "I don't know what YOU care about, Mud Girl." She informed her accompanying person, "But I am, frankly, sick of seeing those stupid stories about me and Chix, me and Artemis, Juliet and Artemis. And we are going to teach all of them."
"But why doesn't Artemis come and do his dirty work himself?" demanded Trisani.
"One word." Replied Holly, shuddering slightly. "Butler."
"Good point." Conceded Trisani. They promptly hefted Judy up and threw her through the plot hole.
Disclaimer/A.N.: Trying a break from my usual style of writing, I came upon Camilla Sandman, aka Miss Cam, who made an Official Fanfiction University for LOTR. Great idea! So I "borrowed" her ideas, with her permission, of course. Any good ideas are either hers, or her other borrower's, Meir Brin. Bad ideas and humorless-ness, are mine. I also don't own anything in this fic.
Also, I should probably state that if you wish to enroll in the boarding school, please mention it. Of course you won't, what with Foaly's Canon Cannons. (Pun intended.)
One more thing. If you can't read the stuff that Judy wrote, it's because I meant it to be incomprehensible. Misspellings are intended.
*********************************
Judy grinned slightly as she neared the finish of her first chapter:
'Artemis Finds True Love:
"Like, oh my gosh." Gushd Artemis happily as he gased at the radint beauty. "You are, like, the lovliest girl I've ever seen!"
Carelessly, Sapphire Dreamer Emerald Diamond Selena Legolette Belle lowered her eyelashs. "Oh," she said shily. "Do you realy think so?"
"I do indead!" exclamed Artemis feverentally. "Come and we shal see if I can find a preest at this time of nite."
Author's note: R&R! I kno its a great story & I want reviews!'
'What a great story.' Thought Judy, smirking to herself. She already had plans to get Artemis captured by evil dwarves, and let him find out that Sapphire had elven ancestry. Oh, wasn't it just too bad that not everyone had her kind of talent?
Sighing dreamily, she thought of Artemis Fowl. Black locks, blue eyes, big wallet, brainy, hotness extreme, Irish accent. . Who wouldn't want a guy like that?
After she went through the annoying forms to post her fanfiction on FF.Net, she threw herself onto her bed, laughing softly to herself. She hadn't read much of the books, of course, but she had heard that there were movies coming out soon, and that the boy playing Artemis had the glamour all down to an art. She couldn't wait to see the movie!
"Mmm.. Artemis.." she said to herself, snuggling even deeper into her soft covers. She could almost hear his adorable accent, hear his throaty voice speaking.
"-I told you, it's this way, Julius!" The voice sounded muffled, a casual background beat behind Judy's drool-filled dreams.
"-don't talk like that to me, Mulch, you little reprobate."
"Ex reprobate, Julius." The voice sounded smug. "After all, WHO found the fanfiction?"
"Foaly did."
"Shut up, Julius, I found it first."
"You mean that we caught you in your cell's bathroom trying to type up what seemed suspiciously like a Chix/Holly story. Which, by the way, means that we're holding you responsible for the trauma Captain Short suffered after she saw it."
"You're just jealous of my talent, Julius."
"I am not."
"Shut up, Julius, and fire here."
The annoying voices were silent for a minute. Judy sat up in bed, her heart thumping uncharacteristically loudly. Who was under the house? Cautiously, she bounced off her bed, and began approaching the place where the voices seemed loudest before.
Suddenly, a beam of green light shot through the floor. Judy jumped back, screaming for dear life. Oh, why weren't her parents home yet?!
There was some grunting underground, and Judy mustered up all of her cowardice, and thrust it away. Stepping up to the hole in the ground, (which was still smoking) she peered into it.
Immediately, a scroll was thrown up, hitting her on the forehead. She fell over, and lay flat on the floor, quite still, in case more D.P.M. came up. (Dangerous Paper Missiles.)
After around five minutes, she finally sat back up, looking quite bemused, and immediately, her mind turned to the scroll. Hesitantly, she opened it, and found the following form:
My most disgusting Correspondent, (a.k.a. Judy Lee)
My colleagues and I have recently realized of a place called FanFiction.Net. This place may seem familiar to you in the fact that our records say that you write there often, in a section titled Artemis Fowl. Normally, I would be flattered (or perhaps dismayed) that such a prestigious site bore my name, but we have discovered the disgusting stories that lie beneath. In order to correct such horrendous mistakes such as this, we have invited you to attend our fanfiction education facility, also known as Fowl Fanfiction Boarding School.
That is to say, if you don't want a certain reprobate dwarf to poison your house with tunnel waste, and you wish to keep writing, you will attend this school. We characters are here to teach you exactly how to change your Bad Fic into Good Fic. When you graduate, you will be able to continue to write fanfiction, after you've earned the Fowl License. Failure/ Refusal to attend results in permanent expulsion from the Artemis Fowl section. Please fill out the following form so that we shall be able to make your stay an educational one.
Term begins tomorrow.
Sincerely,
Artemis Fowl, Holly Short, Julius Root, Foaly (the last name was incomprehensibly scrawled), Mulch Diggums.
Judy stared at the letter. This was ridiculous! Idiotic! Any idiot knew that Artemis Fowl didn't exist, although that was a bit of a waste. But there was still more. A ten-foot long form dominated most of her room, and she gawped at it, a bit despairingly. Finally, she laughed at herself. What a great joke! Someone drilling through her home to throw her this form . . Obviously, she must be special to someone, then. The least she could do was fill out the form.
Name: Judy Lee
Gender: Female
Race: Elf/Mud Human (here there seemed to have been a bit of a struggle as Mud Man was crossed out, and Human put on top of it.) Judy chose Elf. Hey, it was her form!
And so on. Most of the paperwork was an agreement six feet long, which Judy scrawled her signature at the bottom of.
What type of fiction do you usually write? Romance.
I have read the books how many times? 0.25
What is my favorite character and why? Artemis Fowl, cuz he sounds so hot!
There were about 100 more questions like that, but Judy diligently answered them all. Finally finished, she tiredly used the thick scroll as a pillow, and fell asleep on the floor.
Immediately, a blue Plothole appeared out of nowhere, into her room. Trisani stepped out of it, her red hair already frizzing with sweat. She groaned as soon as she saw Judy. "Do we absolutely have to take her?" she demanded of her three- foot tall companion.
Holly glared up at her. "I don't know what YOU care about, Mud Girl." She informed her accompanying person, "But I am, frankly, sick of seeing those stupid stories about me and Chix, me and Artemis, Juliet and Artemis. And we are going to teach all of them."
"But why doesn't Artemis come and do his dirty work himself?" demanded Trisani.
"One word." Replied Holly, shuddering slightly. "Butler."
"Good point." Conceded Trisani. They promptly hefted Judy up and threw her through the plot hole.