This is the last part of a five part story, if you didn't know that, you should probably go my Profile and start with part one XD

Now we've gone full circle and here we are again…please enjoy this last part!

Back to Love Letters To My Unborn Child! Ella version!

June 3rd

Sometimes around noon…

Mum found the letters I had been scrawling to her last month and the month before that. Without my knowledge or permission she read them and proceeded to tell me that I should keep writing. She said it sure helped her through a lot and it could help me through a lot also.

I bluntly told her that I wasn't about to write anymore to her.

She didn't take much offence to it, I suppose. I think she thought it was alright because we had been talking aloud more. And talking aloud is sometimes better then writing it all down.

So she told me to write to you.

She said she had something to show me.

She sent Toby on a little trip to the market and reached under her bed and pulled out that box. The one I stole this notebook from. The one with that other notebook with the big, cursive letters engraved on the cover. The one I've wanted to read since I found it two months ago.

Love Letters to my Unborn Child.

Neither of us had to say it - it was automatically implied…these letters were all meant for her…not me. I didn't mind.

Mum read over entry after entry…covering nine months. Most enthusiastic and beautiful (one she wouldn't let me read…said it was about her husband dying…and it was all too hard for her to read over) and the last few heart breaking, even bringing a tear to my eye.

She said to me, "Ella…this baby will be in your arms someday…you've got to believe that. Start loving it now…perhaps it'll appreciate it later…" and she simply walked out of the room and left me with this pen and notebook…so here I am, writing to you.

Mum says her letters were filled to the brim with love and youthful enthusiasm.

I'm telling you right now, that mine won't be the same.

These pages are going for me to be more of…letting the things in my mind escape…then telling you how much I love you and can't wait for you.

Cause I can honestly tell you that…it's not true.

So…I'll begin now.

A lot of…different things have happened in the last month.

I'm six months along now, and sure showing a bit. I won't hurt your little feelings and tell anyone how much I hate the lump growing on me, but I do. It continues to be that bloody constant reminder…

By her six month entry…Mum was still hiding her with her corset, probably one of the reasons why she hasn't let me wear one for over two months now - says, 'Just to be safe'. Mum was just telling her husband…Mum was protective of her baby…Mum already knew she was a girl.

Motherly instinct, she explained, starts to kick in. She just knew…there was no doubt in her mind. Me? I think about all the time. During the day while I gaze out the window at the sunlight I'm not allowed to feel. During the night as I drift off to sleep. During the long days I spend in here…reading book after book after book…and I just don't know. I can't tell what you are.

It's like there's a wall! I'm amazed at what a connection mum had with her baby! And I have nothing!

Well…six months. And here's the thing - you might think it's cruel and wrong…I suppose. Well I did at first too. But Mum suggested it and it's the best thing I can think of to keep things right in this household. To keep Mum's business flourishing, to keep the neighborhood from gossiping, to keep Mr. Todd from knowing.

Mum locks me in her room all day. I'm the hidden child, the mystery that the town sees through the glass windows at night from afar, but never up close. That's just it too. I'm allowed out of the room in the morning before the shop opens up, and at night, after the shop closes. I'm not allowed to go outside or upstairs.

I'm a secret.

And I like it.

Mum says "Perhaps it's just me channeling Albert here, but we can't have anyone knowing…" She says that if anyone sees my pregnant, gossip will be all over the place, and if we're unfortunate enough, they'll all be true.

So I'm a secret.

Mum says if Mr. T finds out, he'll send me out for sure. Another mouth to feed? He wouldn't have it. So I hide from him in a room he wouldn't dare ever go - her bedroom.

I'm allowed to see mum, and I'm allowed to see Toby.

Either or both of them bring me food and water all day and a book to read. I've gotten through so many books already I've lost count. Mum says I should read them aloud to you. I tried it. I felt like a bloody fool.

Whenever Mum comes in after the shop is closed, we'll talk about something or another…to be truthful it's usually about you. I told Mum I'm scared. She said that I should relax - that she knew of plenty of girls my age who have given birth to happy, healthy babies. I don't think she quite gets the extent of my fear…

Whenever Toby brings me something, and it's a slow day, he'll sit down with me to talk. It's nice to know that…to know that I'm someone worth talking to. I don't feel comfortable being in the room alone with him, honestly. But I talked to Mum about it and she said that every time I feel alone, I should think of you and know that you're there. I told her that didn't help at all. So she simply made Toby promise that he would sit in the stool in the far corner of the room while I remained on my cot.

There's a knock at my door…I'll finish writing later…

Well after dark

Toby delivered my supper tonight.

It was the first day I let him come closer.

He had come in, and placed my try on the dressier on the far side of the room like usual. And he smiled and was about to leave without saying a word when I muttered, "Rest for a moment…you work too hard…"

Honestly, I utterly needed someone to talk to. I was sick and tired of being so mute all day.

I looked up at the cracking ceiling as I lay down in the cot and he sat down. We sat in the sweet silence for a few moments.

Luckily, he was the one to strike up the beginning of the conversation, "Ella? Wot happened to your real mum?"

Wasn't as random as a question as it seemed. Just yesterday Mum told him everything about me…from the day I was stolen, till now. Not in great detail most of it, but…enough.

Toby was a few years younger than me, but I wasn't about to treat him like a child. He certainly didn't act like one. Mature he is. More mature then most boys I've met in my life.

I strained to see him all the way across the bedroom as I sat up on my cot and struggled to hug my knees to my chest. I didn't mind telling him. In fact, I was hungry to talk to anybody about anything.

"Not entirely certain…" I mumbled.

"Wot?"

I smiled…and even though my whole body was shouting not to let him any closer, I motioned for him to come and sit on Mum's bed, only a few feet from mine.

I didn't feel as uncomfortable with Toby sitting there as I thought I would.

"I don't really know," I said again. "I heard rumors while I lived on the streets, that's all…" He nodded and looked at the ground. He was making the whole thing extremely awkward and I hardly see why it needed to be. I let his gaze remain down for the time being and went on with my story. "I asked around a bit, 'anyone seen or heard about Tessa Tarn? Amelia Tarn? Melinda or Flynn Tarn?' 'oh yes!' they said 'heard about the Tarns we have! The mother tried to kill the three kids yah see! Unsuccessful in killin them with the pistol, she took her own life. Heard the kids ran away, changed their names.'…guess I gave up after that. It had already been over two years of me searching for them by that time…I was about to stop anyway…"

I looked up from my fingers that I had been watching fidget and saw Toby's eyes on me. When he saw me look up, he quickly let his gaze fall again.

"Toby! It's ok to look at me…" I smiled. He didn't look up, didn't seem to hear.

I hesitated slightly, "…do you want to feel it?" I offered…soon as I said it my mind was filled with thoughts of regret and that alarm went off again…run run run. But my heart pushed them away. I can trust Toby. It said. I can trust him. I can trust him.

His eyes finally darted up to meet mine and…then down at my stomach. He seemed to almost simply shake his head, but he stopped and looked at me in the eyes again.

And I sat up a little straighter and muttered, "Go ahead…"

He shyly reached out his hand…and I watched every movement of it, my heart pounding in my ears. Finally, his hand rested on the little lump that was…well you.

"Wait a moment…" I muttered, as I let all my feelings and warnings and fears go for a swift sweet moment and closed my eyes. I smiled as I felt you tumble around inside of me. "There? Feel him?"

I expected Toby to draw back his hand. To pull away and run out of the room in shame. To hide his face from me and let Mum bring the food for me for the next few days or weeks. But he stayed…and I could almost see a smile crack on his lips.

He was seemingly breathless when he muttered, "Yeah…"

"Sit next to me…" I muttered. Cause suddenly…Toby wasn't a stranger anymore. He wasn't someone who I couldn't trust. He was a friend now - practically a part of my small and false family that was me and Mum. He was the boy whose eyes I've seen light up at the site of me since I first came to the house. He's the one who's skipped free time he could be using to talk to other boys his age or read a book or just relax, to come and see me. He's the one who's made my heart skip a beat every time he steps in the room. He makes me blush, he makes me smile.

He swung around and sat next to me, not removing his hand. My hand almost subconsciously moved up to rest on you next to his. I opened my eyes to look into his as we both felt you move more under our fingertips. We both smiled and giggled when we realized how close our faces were to each other.

He knew better then to try anything that close to me…I didn't then but sitting back looking at it, I wish he would have.

All he did was nervously look around, lick his lips, and mutter to me, "You called it 'him',"

"Hm?" I asked, unable to remove my gaze from his chocolate eyes.

"You called your baby a boy…"

"Oh…" I mumbled back with an uncontrollable smile spreading across my face. I broke the eye contact to look down at you. "I guess I did…eh?"

I guess that was a big moment for the three of us. The moment that I first felt in my heart that maybe…Toby could be trusted…just maybe. It was a moment of pure bliss, something I don't think I've ever felt before.

Suddenly, I think that perhaps…just perhaps…everything's going to be alright for us.

My baby boy…I write these love letters now to you.

I promise the wait will not be so long this time!

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