A/N: No spoilers, although the story is inspired by chapter 166. I used British spelling for the word "Spectre", as I have no idea if there is any official version of the spelling. Also... Dear ffnet, I'm not amused. Why is there no Kagaho on the list of the characters? D:
Disclaimer: I wish I owned Saint Seiya.
WATCHING FROM AFAR
I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are
"Strange And Beautiful" by Aqualung
Sometimes, she does it in secret. Her eyes follow him, sometimes according to her will and sometimes not. She watches him warily, wondering why his appearance will always result in evoking some unidentified emotions which she can't understand. If she followed the common sense, she would trust Hades' judgment and learn to tolerate Kagaho, but the common sense fails her. She knows that Kagaho is not like other Spectres; he avoids them when he can. It bothers her a lot, as no matter how hard she tries, she can't figure out what he has on his mind. Every time she sees him, the quiet voice in her head wakes, warning her against some undefined threat with which Kagaho is connected in some way.
Sometimes she watches him openly, keeping the eye on both, Hades and him, and wondering what Hades might see in this man. Kagaho is quiet, hard to read and keeps himself to himself, yet when around Hades, even he happens to show some emotion on his face. Sometimes, when he talks to Hades, a smile curves Kagaho's lips and his expression softens, turning him into a completely different man. She watches these changes, somewhat fascinated, knowing well enough that these ghosts of a real smile will soon disappear without any trace.
Sometimes she wonders what Hades tells him and what brings that smile to Kagaho's face. There are so many things she doesn't know and can't understand that every time she thinks about them, her face twists into a grimace. It's even worse to see that sometimes, when Kagaho smiles, Hades smiles back. Every time it happens, a frown creases her forehead, her lips tighten and her fists clench. That quiet voice in her head wakes again, as those smiles reminds her about the boy she met in the meadow years ago and whom she woke as Hades. The thought sends shivers down her spine and with all her might she pushes it away. The past doesn't matter anymore and all she'll do will be done for Hades' sake.
Sometimes she eyes Kagaho, wondering whether he knows that he's being observed. It happens that when she watches him from afar, he raises his head all of a sudden, looking in the direction she's standing. She knows he can't see her, as she makes sure to hide herself well, but every time it happens, her heart leaps in her chest and a wave of mixed emotions washes through her. "What would happen, if he realised?" she thinks. "What would happen then?"
That one thought accompanies her during one of her sleepless nights. She wanders through dark corridors, restless and driven by something she can't name, until she meets him outside the castle. Upon noticing him, she stops short, her heart pounding hard in her chest. Kagaho stands there, with his head up, watching the dark starless sky above them. He seems lost in his thoughts, focused on something she can't see herself.
Seconds pass one after another, and she is still standing there, motionless, watching the man. She knows she should have left in the moment she saw him, but she couldn't and still can't. Finally, when she's about to leave, Kagaho turns to her.
She flinches, involuntarily takes a step back, but quickly she regains her composure and stares at the man. It's too dark for her to see his face, but she's almost sure that he watches her. She narrows her eyes, bites her lips and turns back. Blood rushes through her veins, her heart beats wildly in her chest. She walks away, feeling how his eyes bore into her back.
Before she enters the castle, the wind brings his quiet words.
"Have you ever lived for yourself?"
"Who exactly did he ask that question?" she wonders as she paces down the corridor, heading toward her chamber.
"To live for self? What a nonsense!" she mutters; her face twists, her fist clench. The sound of her heels echoes between the walls.
What kind of future would await her then? Her life means nothing if there is no Hades and to make sure that no one will pose any danger to him, she's ready to get rid of every nuisance.
That's why she'll keep watching Kagaho.
"It's all only for Hades' sake," she tells herself.
Sometimes, the last thing you want comes in first
"Strange And Beautiful" by Aqualung
He despises Pandora at first. She might be Hades' older sister, but too often she happens to act behind Hades' back, doing things that might seem good at first, but which also might turn into disasters in the end. How many times has she sent Spectres on a battlefield, letting them believe they follow Hades' orders, whereas in fact it was Pandora that ordered them? How many times has she done something that, instead of serving any greater purpose, in the end would rather hurt the one she claims she loves? Kagaho can see it all and, gritting his teeth and clenching his fists, he decides to keep an eye on her to make sure he'll be able to stop her if anything gets out of her hands. He will do it, because with all his might he'll support the one whom he decided to protect.
And so he starts to observe her – sometimes from afar, making sure he won't raise any suspicions, and sometimes from a closer distance, watching her from the corner of his eye. The longer it lasts, the more about her he finds out. There still are things which he can't forgive her and which always make his fists clench involuntarily, but at the same time he slowly starts to understand her motives. However, to understand does not mean to accept.
He can understand love and there is no doubt that Pandora loves her brother. It's a selfish kind of love, however, something that makes the loved one to feel like a prisoner. Pandora is like a woman who has lost her child and then, miraculously, has got them back. Unable to forget about the past, such a woman will watch the child all the time and close them in some invisible cage, taking their freedom away from them. Such love is a strong, suffocating feeling that might hurt, but Pandora doesn't seem to notice it and still, day by day, she continues to pour her affection on Hades in her own special way.
Kagaho sees it all. He doesn't really like what she does, but he also doesn't intervene. Kagaho only watches Hades and her, and then looks away, feeling stabs of dull pain in his chest and remembering his own little brother and the past tragedy which Kagaho once hoped to forget.
Sometimes he can see fright in her eyes. It appears all of a sudden, sometimes when she's standing by Hades' side and sometimes when she is alone. Her eyes will widen for a short while, her hands will tremble and there will be that strange look on her face, something that makes him think about people that are about to lose what is the most precious to them. It all disappears within seconds, sometimes replaced by flashes of anger in her eyes and sometimes replaced by a smile if she happens to accompany Hades.
Kagaho sees it all. He can understand what it means to lose what you love. Eyeing her thoughtfully, he starts to wonder what might make her feel so afraid. Is it related to losing Hades? Or is it related to something else?
He keeps watching her and at some point he discovers that Pandora has started to watch him in exactly the same way that he's been watching her. There are moments when he can feel her gaze resting on him or her eyes boring into his back, but when he turns back, Pandora is nowhere to be seen, even though he can sense her presence. He smirks then. What once would have made him seethe with anger, now results in faint amusement, as surprisingly it appears that they both think in the same way. Neither does she trust him, nor does he fully trust her, but, ironically, what they both do they do for the one about whom they deeply care. It's something that Kagaho also can understand.
All these details, all these things he's noticed while observing her are like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. He collects them one after another, tries to fit them together and little by little he builds the image a woman whom Pandora appears to be. What he knows now is all what he wanted at first.
He raises his head, gazing at the dark starless sky above him. The wind rises suddenly, sweeping over the place and bringing some sweet scent. He closes his eyes and lets his mind and thoughts drift away. Once again he thinks about the past, his little brother whom he failed to save and all these days they spent together. It was a different time, a different life and a completely different world. It all was once and never will be back. That dull pain in his chest is back, but even though so painful, these memories bring a smile to his face.
Quite surprisingly, thinking about his brother makes him also remember a young girl, smiling as if she had never worried about anything, with a glint of happiness in her eyes. It also is Pandora, but so different from the one he meets every day. How long has it been since he saw her smiling like that? It must have happened short after they first met, but for some reason it is the sight he still can't forget. It's something that makes him think about what kind of a person she would be and what life she would lead if not for the fate binding Hades' life with hers. What if Hades was not there?
As if summoned by his thoughts, Pandora appears. She stops when she sees him, but instead of leaving immediately she stays where she is, watching him again.
He doesn't move either. Instead he continues to stand as he did, wondering about the life she has led. Finally, he turns to her.
Pandora looks like a spectre, a part of shadows surrounding her. It's too dark to see anything clearly and even her face is just a brighter patch among shadows and darkness. She must be surprised, he notices, as at first she takes a step back, but then she turns around and goes back to the castle. The fabric of her gown rustles as she moves; her heels click quietly on the ground.
He watches her walk away, thinking what she might hide in her heart. All she thinks about is Hades and only about Hades does she care. She dedicated her life to her brother. What she has… Is it really a life, or just a mere existence?
"Have you ever lived for yourself?" he whispers, knowing that she can't hear him and even if she could, she wouldn't answer.
The wind blows again as he speaks and stirs his hair.
Know your enemy, they say. A wise thing to do, he thinks. However, the better you know your enemy and the better you understand them, the more dangerous it might be in the end. One day this knowledge might turn into a double-edged sword.
"Is it too late now?" he asks himself, even though he doesn't know the answer. His brow creases into a frown.
He looks up, gazing at the sky again. For short while a crooked smile crosses his face.
If he were a little wiser, he would have stopped watching her.
THE END
A/N2: ::shakes her fist at Kagaho:: The most uncooperative character I've ever worked with.
