Author's Note: For UTAU-Infinite.
My Echo, My Shadow
Listen, listen
I would take a whisper if that's all you had to give
But it isn't, isn't
You could come and save me and
Try to drive the crazy right out of my head
-Echo by Jason Walker
Pathetic.
Len stared up at the roof of the bus shelter as he imagined rain pouring around him. If only the rain would fall. But, instead, it was only heavy clouds that seemed to press closer and closer to him. He wondered if it was just the weather that was making him feel down, but he knew that wasn't it. He had times like this, random bouts of inexplicable sadness, and all he could do was wait it out. No one ever noticed. Len knew he was surrounded by the other Vocaloids, and he knew they all loved him, as they constantly reaffirmed this in various ways, but, at times like this, he couldn't help but feel that he was completely alone, that there was no one that truly loved him. No one ever noticed this mourning, after all. Shouldn't they have noticed?
Vulnerable.
He considered whispering to himself, just to hear a voice, but he knew better than to do that. What point was there in speaking when he was alone? If no one was going to hear him, why bother? He rested his head on the stone behind him, gazing out upon the mountains. If he screamed from here, no one would notice, would they? There was no one around, and the deep canyons would swallow his voice whole. Why should he bother doing something so useless? For a moment he considered it, but he felt to ridiculous even considering it. It wouldn't accomplish anything, after all, so why bother?
Desperate.
How often did he get like this? It seemed to be happening more often lately. He had no reason to be upset, which was the worst part. He was well-loved by his fellow Vocaloids, and he loved them all in return. His life wasn't particularly difficult, and nothing much different had happened lately. He wasn't sad, he wasn't angry, and he wasn't conflicted. He had no explanation for this mourning, but he felt at such a loss within himself. He had tried talking to others about it, but they didn't seem to understand, not truly. They'd listen sympathetically, but they could do nothing to help, and, in the end, he just began to feel even more isolated, more alone.
Burdened.
He pulled himself to his feet. He wasn't sure why he did, and there was no reason to. He stared at the railing before the edge of the cliff and brought himself over to it. Then, he leaned against the wooden barricades, staring out into the infinite mountainous land. He felt the wind softly prodding at his blonde hair, which he was glad he kept back in a ponytail at this moment. He closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath. Before he could speak, though, he released the breath and opened his eyes once more, feeling completely ridiculous.
Anxious.
He sighed and turned to rest against the wooden beams, his back now facing that endless expanse as he stared up at the cliff. He pressed himself against the wood and closed his eyes, breathing out another sigh. How was he supposed to cheer himself up? When he was as low as this, it felt like nothing he could do could lift himself up. Maybe one of the other Vocaloids could, but he felt too detached from them at this point to even try to get their help.
Sceptic.
He smiled grimly and tilted his head back to stare up at the sky. He truly was pathetic. The grey sky above him wasn't the reason he was upset; it was his own problems, despite there being none that were evident to him or anyone else, that cause him this grief. He wished someone would notice, despite his attempts to hide it from everyone else. Still, he wanted to be reassured that he was loved, that someone noticed. Slowly, softly, he breathed, "Hello." Then, a moment later, he repeated the word and wondered, "Anybody out there?" They could have followed him, any of the Vocaloids. They could have noticed. After a moment of silence, though, he knew that no one had followed.
Resigned.
Hello. Len closed his eyes, listening to his echo, and cranked his head back over the railing. My name is Rei. Len opened his eyes, curious as to how his mind had twist his echo into that. His eyes met another pair the moment they opened, though, and he started. A boy stood in front of him, a boy that looked like him, only a little different and with the colours of shadows predominating his hair, eyes, and attire. "Where did you come from?" I'm your shadow. The boy's lips didn't move as he spoke, but that second voice still echoed off the mountains. I'm always with you. Len stared cautiously at Rei and slowly wondered, "Honestly?" Rei nodded, and he moved forward before Len could fully react. He felt the soft brush of Rei's lips on his own and closed his eyes. Honestly. Len opened his eyes when he felt the contact break, only to find that Rei was gone. He looked around himself, not quite understanding, but his heavy grief had lifted, for the time being at least. He didn't know where Rei had gone, but he had promised that he was always there, right? So Len simply had to believe in that promise. That was all there was to it.
. . .
Lonely.
Len said goodbye to any Vocaloids he passed with a fake smile, his heart heavy for no reason whatsoever. He headed onto the bus and awaited its arrival at his favourite mountain spot, a spot where no one ever got off and where the bus rarely stopped. He leaned against the glass window and stared out the window. This had been the fourteenth time since he'd met Rei that he'd gone up to the mountains. He hadn't seen the boy once, though he'd tried calling him. Nothing worked. He never came. Was he even there, Len had to wonder?
Forgotten.
Len stepped off the bus and stared at the wooden fence on the edge of the cliff. He slowly made his way over to it and touched his hands delicately to the weathered wood. Then, he gripped his hands tighter around the wood, digging his nails in, and closed his eyes. Unable to control himself, he shouted, "Rei! Where are you? It's Len! I'm right here! Please come talk to me!" He squeezed his eyes tighter shut, gripped tighter onto the pole, and screamed, "I need you!" His echoes came back to him, painfully pitiful to his ear, but the echo he wanted didn't return.
Uneasy.
He called out once, twice more, but Rei didn't answer, and Len felt his eyes burning with tears. He pressed his stomach against the wooden, bend over with his eyes firmly shut. He steadied his breathing, fighting back the tears, and pretended that it was alright. Everything was alright. There was no reason to cry. He wasn't sad or anything like that. He was completely alright.
Alone.
He longed for someone's company, anyone's. Desperate, he called out once more. "I'll take anything you can give me, Rei! I'll take a whisper! That's all I need! Please! Anything!" A whisper was nothing. He knew that Rei was capable of so much more. Rei was the cure to everything, to this incurable agony that swallowed Len whole so often. Len closed his eyes once more, but he couldn't stop the tears from trickling down. It was worse now, he thought as he crumpled to the ground, using one hand to cover his eyes as the other held its grip on the fence. He just wanted to see Rei. Now there was a reason to be sad, and there was nothing he could do about it. It was so much worse now.
Alone.
He just wanted to see Rei again. That was all it would take. If he could just see the boy once more, he wouldn't be crying like this. Rei was all he needed, so where was he? He said he'd be there. He said he was always there, so where was he now? Len didn't want to be like this. He didn't want to be sad. He just wanted to see Rei again. That was all he wanted.
Alone.
One last frail whisper, repeating words Len had said so many times before. "Anybody out there?" Those words echoed back the same as they'd departed, and Len let go of the fence to drop his face into his palms. Tears slipped down his arms, but Rei was nowhere to be found. Where was he, Rei, Len's echo, his shadow, his only friend? He'd promised.
Author's Note: Thanks for reading! Please review if you have the chance! This is a oneshot so please don't ask me to continue it.