Written by Dione Palmer
Along time ago, well actually not that long ago there was the most amazing era in time. It was the era when three warriors served the kings and queens of the English empire. The three warriors, each with their own personality fought the toughest, loudest and not to mention the sexiest fighters from thousands of miles around. First, let us see what our brave warriors are up to.
Rei: Oh gees where the heck are we
Ami: Read the map dumb bitch
Serena: Right, well it looks like we were supposed to turn left at the last sign
Rei: What in the world makes you say that?
Nana: Well it only Sais on the map in large red letters "TURN LEFT AT THE ONLY SIGN YOU SEE ON THE DIRT TRACK".
Ami: Well who was the genius that wrote that on there?
Well little, did the warriors know that three male warriors were following them?
Prince Chad, Prince Greg and Prince Darien. These were the culprits for the disgraceful map that the three warriors had
Prince Chad: Ha ha ha you fool it were we who gave you the evil map you posses
Rei: Who's a be you
Prince Darien: We are the three stooges and we are here to kick your arses!
Nana: I don't think so "in the name of ummmm something I shall punish you"
Well what were our three heroic warriors to do a) run away b) draw their swords and fight or c) do the hokey pokey
Well to be quite honest I think the most logical idea was to draw their swords and fight.
Rei: Stick em up punk
Ami: Yeah stick em up punk
Well the three female warriors took out their swords and wrestled with the male warriors and the one male warrior that we are pretty sure is a female. They thought forever and ever
Rei: Hold it how long is this scene suppose to go on for exactly, my hands are killing me
Ami: Sure we seem invincible but I mean were only were only bloody chicks
Serena: Give us a break
Well we gave the warriors a break
Prince Chad: Fight now
Prince Ben: I can no longer fight I have fallen in love with a beautiful princess
Prince Darien: Where?
Prince Chad: Hay prince Darien there's gullible written on the tree over there shit head
Prince Greg: Where?
Well to be quite honest Prince Darien was not with it. But Prince Greg had actually fallen in love. No joke.
Rei: Which princess are you in love with this week
Prince Greg: Why that blue hair queen of course (staring abnormally at Ami)
Serena: Her? Not that mole!
Ami: Me? (Looking quite pleased and confused all the same)
Well it was true Prince Greg had fallen in love with none other than our heroic Princess Ami what was the fight supposed to lead to now.
Prince Chad: Who are you foolish girl boy thingy
Rei: Who me? And I am a girl not a man and not an, it nob jockey
Prince Chad: No the aqua haired girl standing next to you. Yes of course you moron!
Rei: NONE OF YOUR BLOODY BUSINESS!
Serena: Right come on Ami hold back its only one of those retarded stooges he ain't worth it girlfriend.
Rei: Oh shit she can't resist.
Well this was PERFECT wasn't it just, Ami had fallen in love with a guy hang on since when has she been gay.
Rei: Who on earth said she was gay in the bloody first place, huh punk!
Oh my mistake BOGAN!
Prince Greg: (break into song) you are so beautiful to me, you are so beautiful to me can't you see, your everything I hoped for, your everything I need you are so beautiful to me. You smell like rose
Ami: You must have a bad sense of smell I haven't had a shower in 12 days and my legs are so hairy I look like the bride of a gorilla.
Was this true? Had our warriors been dirty for 12 days? Well actually no. It's been more like 17 but shhh the producer doesn't know anything about this.
Prince Darien: I too have fallen in love with a beautiful dark haired petal.
Serena: Me?
Rei: Oh Jesus Christ not again.
Prince Chad: How am I supposed to fight one chick all by my bloody self? Come on guys.
But Prince Greg and Ami had started their own game of tonsil hockey next to the tree and well I'm not even going to go and mention what Prince Darien and Serena were doing.
Rei: Well I'm not even going to bother with you, you look like your some bug kinda lanky like thing that just crawled out of a sausage maker.
Prince Chad: Mmmm right if you dooly woolie say so.
Well now it's pretty obvious what was going to happen the two princes and warriors are gonna get married and evil shall rule the world.
WRONG!
Ami: Oh, shit what's that?
Prince Ben: What this?
Ami: Yes, that hard annoying thing that seems to be coming out of your pants.
Prince Ben: Oh this it's just me torch light.
Then the sound of overweight horse's hooves galloped towards them.
Serena: I smell a rat!
Rei: Oh sorry.
Serena: No you stupid aqua-haired bimbo I mean an evil smelling rat.
Well it was true Nana could sense the smell of the evil knight sir Ismelllikecrap!
Sir Ismelllikecrap: Hey, I challenge you six to a duel!
Ami: You dick head a duel is between two people not three or six.
Rei: Can't you see I'm a little busy right now if I have to fight this other guy I ain't gonna have much time for you dumb ass!
Serena: Piss-off come another day you prick
Ami: Now there's no need to be rude nana but were a little busy so would you mind just going away
Prince Chad: Trust me little lady you wont have any problems with him as you will be dead in about 2.5 mins
Prince Darien: Well if this smelly ass clown does not go soon I will kick the heeby geebies out of him and no making rude noises its illegal and that means you too as well.
Rei: Now that wasn't very nice you shouldn't be nasty
Well Axel was right this was not going to solve anything so Sir Ismelllikecrap trotted off and it was decided that the tree Stooges will join the three warriors and they formed the three chick-dude warriors. Well the six warriors decided to hold off the lovemaking and stuff and the decided to make way and travel to the depth of Sir Ismelllikecrap's cave
Prince Chad: Holt it's so dark in hear in getting a little Horney
Prince Greg: Lucky I brought this torch light then hey
Well this made more sense Prince Greg had brought a torch. The six warriors made their way through the cave but Prince Greg and Ami stayed close together, as they felt safer that way. They continued to walk on until they came across something very interesting. What was it you ask lets find out?
Rei: It looks kinda odd
Serena: Scary
Ami: UGLY
Prince Dale: It kinda looks like a you know dead thingy
In fact, it was nothing to be afraid of, as it was only a dead human body, the dead body resembled Sir Ismelllikecrap as a matter of truthfulness it was Sir Ismelllikecrap.
Prince Greg: It's Sir Ismelllikecrap
Well Sir Ismelllikecrap was dead but the strangest thing was that someone killed him and how do we know that well we just do because us the producers know everything. Therefore, what did our team do after this weird mishap?
Prince Darien: Well I think we should split up to look for the sick twisted man or woman or child or dog or cat or whale who killed this man or least we should look for some clues
Serena: Well I think that Ami and Rei should come with me, you people can go together, and do what u do best. What is it that you do best?
Well it has been five minutes later and the guys and girls never eventually found any clues so this was a bit of a diddly pickle.
Ami: Hey, what's that?
Rei: What where?
Serena: It looks like an ice wall
Rei: Look a bell
Nana: Let's ring it and it'll break the ice
Hang on Nana how did you know that
Serena: DUH I did sit my ass down for 2 hours and watch Tomb Raider
So Ami rang the bell which practically broke more ears but also cracked the ice right down the middle and shattered it and who should be on the other side but the brainless boys who of course who hadn't seen tomb raider so didn't have a clue what to do with it anyway.
Rei: Well look what we got here a couple of insolent boys who didn't even manage to sit down for no more that 2 hours to watch tomb raider so they wouldn't know what to do with a bell and a wall made from ice
But wait rather than let Rei yabber on for yonks on end we much prefer to get to the bottom of the murder case of sir Ismelllikecrap.
Ami: Look two very suspicious looking men
Prince Greg: She is right they look veryyyyyyyyy suspicious
Prince Darien: Who are you?
Man #1: Hey?
Prince Darien: Who are you?
Man #2: I dunno who are you, the men in tights
Prince Chad: Hey, I resent that these are pants not tights
Prince Greg: Did you kill Sir Ismelllikecrap?
Man #1: Yeah he touched me fish no one but on one touches me fish
Well this was great Sir Ismelllikecrap stole a fish so the boys killed him, Ami and Rei drew their swords but Serena had to be different she pulled out a gun in this era in time was Pretty and I say this blankly pretty fucked up!
Rei: You had a gun all this time we could have shot all those men along time ago and you had a goddamned gun and did not say anything
Ami: a gun in this era is this some kind of joke
Well actually no this is what the producers wanted
Ami: Screw the producers I'LL KILL YOU GODDAMN IT!
No you aah don't wanna do that so anyway basically the storyline doesn't make sense from now on so you make the rest of the story guys
Prince Darien: Excuse me you are the damn narrator and plus who do you think we are cast members in Lamb Chops?
Serena: What is lamb chops?
Ami: you don't know what lamb chops are how dumb are you stupid cow how could you not know what lamb chops are everyone knows what and who lamb chops is.
Rei: Now there is no need to get feisty over a dumb ass lil kids programme
Prince Darien: Well you'd better stop fighting over it now because we still have to finish our mission.
So now that that is over and done with we can get on with the rest of the story
Prince Greg: Gladly
So anyway being the six most "not exactly the hero type" hero's they fought the two very suspicious looking men and they were so proud of them selves the decided to sleep.
Rei: bout bloody time asshole you know it I thought being a warrior you've got to fight and get blood on your shirt and it takes five years just for the blood to go away
Once again I will say rather than let Rei talk for yonks on end we will tranquillise her so we can all get some sleep. It is the next morning now you are on!
Prince Darien: I had this dream were I was a princess locked in a tower and Prince Dale climbed up my hair and saved me but then we couldn't get down
Prince Chad: Well isn't that special
Special? Prince Chad is you sure; you have the right words there?
Prince Chad: Yes now bugger off
Oh well the six warriors had to go off to the other side of the country to tell the people to take care of birth, death and marriage certificates that there are also now three extra people dead people in the world.
Prince Chad: Well isn't that special?
So they stole some horses from some poor people and they asked directions from a he-she merchant and the found a peppercorn.
Rei: How long now
Prince Chad: That all depends on the love birds back there if they don't start doing a little less humpy and a little more riding we aren't gonna get there til next month
Rei: Oh, do I hear some jealousy in the air?
Prince Chad: Hold your tongue madam
You heard the man hold your tongue
Rei: You heard Ami before I'LL KILL YOU
So they kept riding and write down in memo not to piss any more people off today I am really scared of those girls they scratch and bite. Anyway, they are riding along until an evil witch named Gloria stops them.
Gloria: Stop there my pretties
Ami: What you want huh
Gloria: Your Pretty boy there
Prince Chad: Me?
Rei: Take him
Serena: Oh Rei have a heart
Rei: No
Gloria: I will make you my husband and we can have baby kiddies
Rei: Whoa, hold on one second you want to have kids with him?
Gloria: Yes I do he is very handsome
Rei: Oh right you better get some contacts or something coz women you are one blind ass bitch
Gloria: Come on pretty boy pukka up!
Prince Chad: Oh damn why do I always get the ugly ones!
Rei: Wait you can't marry him
Gloria: Oh and why not?
Rei: Because I um I um I love him
Gloria: You love him. Then why didn't you say so! Well how about you
Prince Greg: Me?
Ami: Touch him and I'll break your neck
Gloria: Oh what about you?
Serena: Trust me honey he isn't your type
Gloria: Oh I see
Rei: There's a peppercorn about 500 miles that way(pointing left) he is single
Gloria: Thankyou
So after that long and tiresome talk the six warriors kept riding
Prince Chad: Did you really mean that you love me?
Rei: Fat Chance, I just said that cause I didn't want to have the horrific thought of you having kids in my mind YUCK
Who ever said Rei was a nice person we did not. However, maybe in the beginning I did not really explain what type people these six are so it is no shock that you did not know Rei was a bitch. Well here it goes Rei is a bitch end of story full stop, Ami a mellow type very calm but she's got attitude she also has one hell of a punch I should know I still have bruises from the first time she me. Serena the follower but also a learner not very smart I must admit but judging the conversation that Prince Darien and I had she is a fox in the sack. Prince Chad well what is there to say he is very feminie not gay just very woman like but a kind and gentle man until he pull out his daggers. Prince Greg, Mellow! Cool sorta hip you may say and if I were a chick I would want him too HOT PANTS!
In addition, Prince Darien he thinks he is tough but really he is pussycat and he is a back stabber he is not to be trusted. So anyway before I get hit and murdered and added to the death certificate list let's carry on. They finally reached the office of the B.D.M man
Ami: Here we are
Prince Darien: Thank god for that
So they all walk in to discover that the B.D.M building is not what it seems it is a nightclub. Once again, wrong era but that is the way the story goes. If you do not like we will fuck you dead bitch ass whore chicken
Rei: PARTY!
Serena: Party where
Ami: Come on honey there has to be some rooms up stairs
Prince Greg: Cool
So Owen and Prince Ben made there way up to the vacant bedrooms but they both had a secret this was a first time thing for them both.
Prince Greg: I must admit to you Ami I do not have a clue how to do this
Ami: That is all right i rented "WHERE DID I COME FROM" from Blockbuster I will teach you
Well she did just that and the statement that comes out of prince Greg's mouth was well in what Prince Chad would say Special!
What a surprise Rei had been the only one on the dance floor her dancing made the other guests leave. Prince Chad felt so sorry for Rei that he joined her and for the first time Rei wasn't being a bitch she grabbed hold of his shoulders wrapped her arms around his neck he moved his hands to he waist and they danced.
Rei: I am sorry I didn't tell you my name before
Prince Chad: That's all right I soon figured it out
Rei: I'm really sorry I almost let that witch take you away from the group
Prince Chad: no worries I would have shot myself if I did end up being with her anyway, Rei can't we just be together I mean look at us dancing and saying out sorriest can't I just share one night with you
Rei: You have been sharing nights with me idiot
Prince Chad: No, I mean romantically
Rei: No, I cannot I am sorry
Rei? Rei has run off, Prince Chad run after her
Prince Chad: No
Serena and Prince Darien had also been a little "busy" with something's. Well Serena had really gone at it as well. However, let us find out what Ami and Prince Greg are up to. They are sleeping again! Sleeping oh bloody hell.
Rei: Oi narrator boy come here
Yes Rei?
Rei: How is he?
Fine
Rei: Oh
Why did you say that to him?
Rei: I am not telling you and I could not let my best friend know all my secrets
I am your best friend
Rei: well you are the only one who listens to me your honest you offer me advice when I really need it. Unless you consider yourself as a lap dog
Look Rei Prince Chad is coming, me a lap dog mmmmmmmmm that could be interesting
Rei: What do you want?
Prince Chad: Rei may I talk to you for a moment
Rei: What about
Prince Chad: The way I feel about you
Rei: Ok
Prince Chad: I don't know how to say this to you but
Rei: Just say what is in you heart
Prince Chad: Well here it goes Serena I love you I have loved you from the first moment I say you
Rei: How can you love me you don't even know me I mean look at me I'm not exactly the best looking girl in the world
Prince Chad: But I don't care about looks I care about you
Rei: Well It wouldn't hurt to see what happened ok lets do it
Prince Chad: But do you love me?
Rei: You know I can't tell you that
Prince Chad: And why not
Rei: Well because I don't want to ok
Prince Chad: Well no need to get snappy
Rei: I'll snap you
Hay what are you guys talking about
Rei: You weren't part of the conversation
Sorry honey bubby
Rei: That's okies mister exit WO
Huh
Rei: Don't worry
Prince Chad: Anyway back to our conversation
Rei: You know I can't tell how I feel about you but know this when you do find out it will be the most unethical thing you will ever know
Ami: Im so hungry I could eat the whole bloody building
Rei: What are you talking about ?
Ami: Well I haven't had a descent feed in months
Rei: How can you be so selfish at a time like this can't you see that we are on a very important mission and all you can think of your tummy
Ami: Sorry Axel I didn't know that you had taken your extra bitch tablets today
Prince Greg: What's all the noise about Ami?
Rei: Ami has decided that she would rather eat then continue on with the mission
Prince Greg: Is this true
Ami: Well yes but I didn't say that I would rather eat then continue with the mission
Prince Greg: Oh well I think it is time we all did have a good meal because it will be a long road ahead and we will need our strength.
For once in his life Prince Greg had made more sense and it stunned them all except for Ami as she already knew about his amazing smarts.
Ami: Oh Greg I love more than ever right now we should get married
Prince Greg: Hold on sweet you love me
Ami: Yes I do and very much, it's like we were put on this earth to be together
Prince Greg: I know exactly how you feel because I feel the same way about you
Axel: Here we go again with the love crap when will it end its giving me a migraine
You are so beautiful to me you are so beautiful to me can't you see your every thing I hoped forRei your everything I need
Rei: Hey narrator boy you what are you talking about
Nothing did I just sing that out loud
Rei: Yes dip shit you did
Oh no she will find out that I watches her when she undresses and when she bathes
Rei: This is getting weird we need to get on with the story because I think the audience are getting annoyed with us
No their not they just don't know how much I love you and want to be with you
Rei: ok what is going on narrator boy you're my best friend and I can't love you because I love I love…………………. Um I love Prince Chad ok there I said it I love you are you happy
Prince Chad: oh my sweet I love you as well
Well wasn't this completely fucked up I mean it wasn't meant to be like this only one of the couples were meant to fall in love and it was meant to be me and her not her and Chad I love her so much why can't she see that.
3 Hours later
Rei: hey narrator boy what I said earlier I didn't mean it.
What do you mean Rei?
Rei: well I do love you but not in the way you want me to I love you as a brother and father but not as a lover you're too much of a best-friend to me. For me to even think about you in that way would be wrong I don't want to loose you and if it was anything more it could ruin everything for us
I understand
Rei: I'm glad we had this talk it means a lot to me that you know this.
Ok
Ami: Hey Rei what's up mate
Rei: Nothing hey can we talk
Ami: Sure what about?
Rei: Well you know how I told Chad that I loved him well I need your advice
Ami: On what?
Rei: Have you ever been in love with two people at the same time
Ami: No
Rei: Oh
Ami: But I will still do my best to help you
Rei: Okies
Ami: Ok so here I go Well let me think umm well who turns you on like you've never been turned on before
Rei: Well I don't know about that Ami do you have any other advice
Ami: Yes
Rei: Well I don't have all day
Ami: Ok don't get your nickers twisted hmmmmmmmmmm well who makes you happy to be alive and who makes you feel like you're the most beautiful girl in the world
Rei: well they both do but in different ways
Ami: What du you mean?
Rei: well Prince Chad makes me fell loved inside but he also makes me feel sad
Ami: Ok what about narrator boy
Rei: well he's always been there for me when I needed some one and he really cares about me in a way I have never felt in my life
Ami: Well you will have to make a choice
Rei: I know but I don't want to hurt either of them
Ami: Well I suggest you talk to them both and then see what happens
Serena: Hey what's up homies?
Ami: Nothing much what have you and Prince Darien been up to
Serena: Nothing much
Ami: Hey Rei I will chat to you later
I don't know what I'm going to do I love her so much but she doesn't love me what can I do to win her heart
Rei: Nothing
Ahhhhhhh don't do that
Rei: Sorry
What do you mean I don't have to do anything to win your heart
Rei: Well I love you but I also love Prince Dale and I have to choose between you both and I don't want to do that because I don't want to loose either one of you
Oh well I don't know just do what your heart wants not your head
Rei: Thanks that's great advice you always know what to say to cheer me up
It's nothing
Rei: Anyway I will check up on you later ok
Well it's now nite time and the girls are sleeping and I now think its time to pull my little prank on Ami its going to be a hoot hoot hoot
Serena: What's going on I can hear someone walking around Ami is that you?
No it's not go back to sleep
Serena: Hey wake up guys wake up there's someone outside
Rei: What do you mean?
Serena: Well I herd someone out side walking around
Rei: Its probably one of the guys getting a drink just go back to sleep we have a big day tomorrow
Coffee biscuits, Coffee biscuits, Coffee biscuits
Random voice: HEY STOP USIN MEEEEEEEEEEEE WORDIESSSSSS BUMBIAT
RIGHTY HOE THEN
Rei: Narrator boy go to sleep and I will see you in the morning
Hell no
Rei: Well be quiet then
Hello no
He he he he he he he he he this will be so funny
The next morning
Ami: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Rei: What Ami?
Ami: There's a thing in my bed
Rei: What type of thing?
Ami: A Slimy thing
Rei: Ewwwww
Serena: What's all the commotion about?
Ami: There's a slimy thing in my bed
Serena: Let me have a look
Ami: Ok
Serena: ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ami: What are you laughing about?
Serena: Well you know that thing in your bed
Ami: Yes
Serena: Well it's just a used condom
Ami: Narrator boy I'm going to kill you
Holy shit I really pissed her off, now I'm gonna get it
Ami: Damn straight you are you little shit head
Prince Greg: What's all the shouting about?
Ami: Narrator boy put a used condom in my bed
Prince Greg: Ewwwww
Ami: I know
I had better apologise to her or she will never speak to me again
Ami: your damn right you'd better
Hey Ami I'm really sorry about the condom thing it was only meant to be a joke
Ami: That's ok but don't ever do it again
Shit I better be good or she will kill me I mean honestly
To be continued
Or so you thought……………….