Wow, I haven't posted a new story in a while. Oh well! Here's this one. I'd like to list off some warnings for this story before I get into it. So, there's gonna be drug use, and lot's of it. Also alcohol. Self harm will play a role in future chapters, it just gets a kinda mention in this one. There's also gonna be some sex later on. This is a Hikaru/Kaoru story so if you're not into that, I'd quit reading now. Other than that, know that I don't own Ouran High School Host Club and never will. Enjoy!
The room was trashed, newspapers flung across the floor of hard concrete. The place smelled of death, a lingering scent that engulfed any person who dared to enter. The wallpaper was peeling from the faded wood walls. In the corner, a young red head lay next to an empty syringe. His heart slowly thumped in his chest, pupils dilated. He lied there for several hours until the high left him.
Sitting up, he leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. His heart slowly picked up to its normal rhythm and his breathing sped up to a healthy pace. After a few moments, he forced himself to his feet and picked up his jacket from off the floor. He slipped the purple fabric over his white undershirt and tried to tame his hair a bit. Just as he was about to leave, the phone in his pocket begin to beep, announcing a call. Pulling it out of his pocket, he swiped to answer it.
"Hey…Hikaru…" he answered, trying to keep his words from slurring any. He was still on the edge from his high and didn't want to make it seem obvious.
"Where the hell are you?" his twin shouted into the line. Kaoru jerked the phone away from his ear, feeling a headache coming on rather quickly. "You weren't at school for like our last two periods, and you're late for Host Club. I'm worried about you. Where are you?"
"I didn't feel real good, so I decided to go out. I'm fine, I promise."
There was silence on the other end for a moment. Kaoru bit his lip. Hikaru had always been able to pick up on his emotions. There was no one on Earth that he was closer to. However, there had always been a hole in their relationship that couldn't be filled with brotherly bonding. Kaoru wanted this desperately but he knew deep inside that he would never have his feelings reciprocated.
"Listen, Hikaru… I'll be right back. I'm heading back to the school now. I promise I won't be long." Kaoru leaned down and picked up his syringe that was still lying on the floor.
"You worry me sometimes, Kaoru…" He heard his brother sigh. "Be careful on the way back, okay? Call a cab or something, don't walk. I don't know why you just didn't take the car when you left school. Is your brain messed up or something?"
"To be completely honest, I'm a bit foggy right now." Kaoru chuckled a bit, then winced as his head was enveloped in a pang of throbbing pain. "Look, I just want to go ahead and head back. So, I'm going to hang up now."
"Alright…" Hikaru paused for a moment, and Kaoru almost hung up, but then he spoke again. "I love you, Kaoru. And if you have anything you need to talk about, you know you can always come to me. I'm your brother."
"Yeah, I love you, too." Kaoru took a deep breath, brushing a strand of hair out of his eyes. "I'll see you in a few minutes."
He didn't wait for his brother to respond again, not wanting to get stuck in another long drawn out conversation about his deteriorating mental state. Hikaru would eventually catch on to his depression and drug use, the twins couldn't hide anything from each other, but Kaoru wanted to keep it under wraps for as long as possible. He was already having trouble hiding the razor scars and needle tracks. His arms seemed permanently bruised. It was difficult, sleeping in the same room as his brother, going almost everywhere with his brother, trying to hide these things from his brother.
For Kaoru, it seemed he'd reached the brink of his life and was just waiting to teeter over the edge. He had tried finding meaning in other things, but he'd always come back to the same realization. Hikaru was the only thing that truly mattered to him. Without him, his life and everything in it held almost no meaning. The world was grey to the teenager, Hikaru being the only bright spot in it.
He quickly slipped the syringe into the pocket of his jacket and walked out into the blinding sunlight. He had been hiding out in an old building in the inner city. This was where he always came when he needed to get high and he couldn't go home. Or it was during the school day like today. It was just a short walk to a bus station that would take him straight to the doors of Ouran Academy.
The trip there only took about ten minutes. Then, the teenager quickly ran up the stairs of the school and to the music room where the Host club held their meetings. As he slid in, already out of breath, he was blindsided by an over excited, small blonde. Honey jumped onto his back, clinging onto him tightly.
"Kaoru! We were sooooo worried when you didn't show up!" Honey yelled, nuzzling the others neck. "Never ever disappear like that again, alright? Promise?"
"Uh, I'll try and make sure to do that…" Kaoru said, pulling the others arms from around his neck and setting him back on the ground. He didn't even take another step before his brother had found him as well. Wrapping his arms around the younger twin, Hikaru was soon crushing him to his body.
"Jesus Christ, Kaoru, you can't keep disappearing like that on me!" he scolded. "If you don't quit doing that, I'm going to handcuff you to me so that you'll never be out of my sight again."
A chorus of "awwws" and "ooooos" came from the girls that quickly surrounded the twins. Working at the Host Club had caused the twins to develop a very large fan base of girls. These fangirls ate up anything that made it seem there was a romantic connection between the twins, but a lot of the times, they didn't even have to act for them. They were already so close, as it was. In the past, their close relationship had been the cause of the school shunning them, but now it made them two of the most popular people in school, along with the rest of the Host Club.
However, when Kaoru managed to pull away from his twin and look into his warm, golden eyes, he realized that Hikaru wasn't acting for the fangirls' sakes. He had actually been very concerned about him. Of course, he would be. The twins barely spent any time apart. When they were separated, both felt it deep in their bones. Almost like a piece of them had been torn away. Still, Hikaru didn't have the same feelings that Kaoru had for him.
"I'm sorry, Hika," the younger said, smiling at his brother sweetly. "I just felt sick earlier so I… I didn't want to stay at school. I still don't really feel alright."
"Do you want to go ahead and go home?"
"I would like that, actually."
"You're not going anywhere…" another voice added. From the gathering of fans stepped a tall, dark haired figure. His glasses flashed as he pushed them up the bridge of his nose. He snapped the notebook clenched in his hand closed and fixed both twins with a withering glare. "This is the third time this month you've missed, Kaoru. If you miss again, you'll be out of the club."
"Woah, wait a minute, Kyoya." Hikaru said, looking at the taller teen. "It's not Kaoru's fault that he's sick. You're being downright cruel right now."
"The problem is, I don't actually think he's sick. I think he's been sneaking out of school and skipping out on club obligations for some other reason. I haven't figured out exactly what yet, but believe me, if you keep it up, I will." He flipped his raven hair out of his eyes, and crossed his arms. "It's up to you Kaoru. Do you still want to be in the club or not? If you do, I'd stay until the day is over."
"Now, wait a damn minute…" Hikaru started, advancing on the other. Kaoru, however, pulled him back and gave him a warning look.
"Don't fight over this… It's fine. He's right. I shouldn't be skipping so much."
"But…look at you. You're so pale, and you haven't looked too good for a couple of weeks now. You're obviously sick." Hikaru leaned in a whispered, "He's just got a stick so far up his ass that the only thing he cares about is the club's damn reputation for punctuality."
Kaoru chuckled a bit, then reached down and took his twin's hands. "I don't mind staying for a while longer." He leaned in and kissed his brother on the cheek. The girls around them burst out in squeals of happiness. Hikaru smirked at him, slipping back into the act as Kaoru knew he would. He winked at his younger twin then led him over to one of the couches in the large room. The fangirls followed them, happy to finally get some of the brotherly love action they so desperately desired.
The boys (and Haruhi) kept up their respective acts for a few more hours before Kyoya decided it was an appropriate time to shut the Host Club down for the day. The Hitachiin twins left immediately after saying a quick goodbye to the rest of the club. Kaoru could still tell that Hikaru was angry with Kyoya for not letting them leave earlier, but thankfully he kept his temper in check and didn't say anything else about it until they got into their limousine.
"That damn Kyoya," Hikaru complained, hitting the back of the seat. "He thinks he's so awesome and smart. Where does he get off thinking he can speak to us like that? I mean, I realize he's older, but God damn that doesn't mean he's better than us. And to threaten to kick us out of the club? That's just plain ridiculous!"
"He only threatened me, you know…" Kaoru said, scooting closer to his brother and laying his head down on the other's shoulder. "He never said anything about you."
"And you think that matters to me?" Hikaru scoffed, rolling his eyes. "If he were to kick you out, does he really think I would ever come back? No. I'd leave with you. Besides, what draw do I have for the club without our little act?"
"Yeah, our act…" Kaoru yawned, then grabbed his brother's hand and intertwined their fingers. "Do you think anyone actually buys that? Like, do they think we go home and keep it up, that we're actually romantically involved?"
"I wouldn't be surprised if some of these crazy fan chicks actually do believe it!" Hikaru laughed slightly, then leaned his head down on top of his brother's. "I mean, we are closer than what would be considered normal for a lot of brothers. Not like it really matters, though, you know? We don't have to explain ourselves to anyone but ourselves. Right?"
"That's what I've always believed…" Kaoru chuckled.
"Besides, it's not like we're doing anything wrong," Hikaru smiled to himself, pulling his younger twin closer to himself. "We're just close. That's all."
Kaoru felt the smile slip from his face. "Yeah… Just close. Like brothers."
The twins sat in a comfortable silence for the next several minutes. Silence was never uncomfortable between the two. Even their breathing matched up perfectly with one another. There was no surprise that the two were so easily confused with one another, as they were so in synch with each other. Or so it appeared from the outside.
They could walk in step with each other. Act as mirror images without pre planning anything. It seemed when one moved, the other would at the exact same moment. However, as they sat in the back of their limousine, going towards home, their minds couldn't have been more disconnected. Kaoru fought with his subconscious, fought the feelings of desire and love that were directed at his twin. Hikaru sat in complete rest, mind at ease, if a bit tinged with the worry that his brother might be sick. However, neither of them thought to speak their mind to the other.
When the car pulled up in front of the large house, Hikaru gladly held his brother's hand and walked him upstairs to the room they shared. It was painted light blue, a sky blue, a color the twins had picked out themselves. There were two beds in the room, however, one always remained untouched. The twins always slept together as Kaoru would have nightmares otherwise.
"I'm going to take a shower," Hikaru announced, releasing his brother's hand. "You wanna share the shower or just wait 'till I'm done?"
Kaoru would have liked nothing more than to shower with his brother, it was something they had done together since they were young, but he couldn't let Hikaru see the scars on his arms. If he ever did notice them, there was no way that Kaoru could explain them away without being absolutely truthful. He wasn't ready to explain why he cut himself or why he had so many needle marks on his arm just yet.
"I'll wait," he whispered, dropping down on the bed and beginning to take off his shoes.
Hikaru stared at him in surprise for a moment. It had been several weeks since Kaoru had showered with him and it was odd to say the least. The older twin wondered for a minute if he was starting to be weirded out by it, since they were getting older and it wasn't exactly normal for siblings to shower together. Instead of pressing the issue, he just shrugged and walked into the bathroom himself.
"Don't use up all the hot water!" Kaoru shouted at the closed door, which earned him a devilish chuckle. "Asshole…" he muttered under his breath, before he stood and took off his jacket and shirt.
Looking in the mirror attached to the bathroom door, he realized that his ribs were beginning to poke out of his sides. He didn't know if it was the drugs or the fact he hadn't been eating much lately, but he'd definitely lost some weight. Brushing this off, he quickly emptied his pockets of any traces of the drugs, the needles, or the syringe he kept with him at all times and stashed them deep in his drawer. When Hikaru got out of the shower, Kaoru quickly took his place, before the older twin could get a good look at him. The last thing Kaoru wanted was for Hikaru to start worrying about his weight. In the shower, Kaoru washed off the stress of the day, trying not to think of the drugs or the love he felt for his brother.
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