Everyone's An Outsider
Eleven years today, eleven years of pain. Dally and Johnny. I went to the cemetery today, I saw the graves. The pain, I can't take it, it hurts. It feels like someone took a knife and put it in my heart and I would rather die then have to go through with this year after year.
I saw Cherry Valance at the cemetery. She put roses near Bob's grave, I was going to say "Hi", but it felt weird. The last time I talked to her was only a few hours before Johnny and Dally's death. Now I can't stop thinking about her. It feels weird, I remember the first time she talked to me, "Are you gonna start in on us too?" Wow I even remember how she told me that she could love Dally, I remember how shocked I was. It was even worse that I couldn't tell anyone, it wouldn't have mattered, they wouldn't have believed me.
I saw in the paper that Randy Adderson passed away on Tuesday, they said he killed himself. The gangs have slowly faded away over the years, I think that's all he wanted. That's all I wanted, Its hard to believe that Randy is dead. Why would you kill yourself? You just have to believe that life goes on. I know he wasn't a Soc., he was a person that needed help, just like all of us. I believe now that we weren't Greasers or Socs., we were just people.
Now that I am a father to my kids I know that we were to angry to understand feeling. Just yesterday, Jessica told me that she wanted to here a story and I could have told her the story about The Ugly Duckling but I told her about Johnny and Dallas. I told her we are all outsiders in one way or another.You can be happy in every way and still be an outsider to something.
Cathy told me that she wants to have another baby, I guess that would be fine. The twins would be happy, their almost five. Jamie would be a little more happy, she always goes playing "Mommy" with Jessica and they both have fun. I think I'm really lucky to have a great wife and two sweet daughters. I hope I have a son, The day he turns fourteen I will tell him about The Outsiders. I now realize that we had it easier than we thought. Better than a lot of people…….