OMG. I'm so proud of myself for typing up this 6,000 and some word one-shot in a day and a half off the top of my head with only an imagination and a thread of a plot to go by.
I LOVE THIS BABY TO BITS AND PIECES AND SO MUCH THAT I CAN'T EVEN EXPRESS HOW MUCH I LOVE IT.
OTL I fail so badly. I swear I can't write happy Yullen for crapshit, so just deal with the emo and dark for now. There's a sort of a happy ending to this.
Sort of. It's more vague, but oh well.
I'll try harder for the next one, to be typed.. like, right now, and probably some tomorrow, too.
I fail.
Theme: Protest. Translation: to object to, to refuse, and to disapprove (of).
This is also in that new, weird writing style I've developed. It's all disjointed and weirdly placed and worded, so if there are some parts you don't understand, try reading them over a few times, and if you still don't get it, leave a review or PM me. I'll clear it up.
Disclaimer applies, as does the warning for a LIME. YES. LIME. Sort of. It's kind of insinuated, so it's not really a lemon, or smut, at all, nor is it a lime, but let's just call it that so we can be happy. Kay? ;D
There is cussing, on both ends. Yes, Allen curses. The plotline and background for this one-shot is also not the same as Katsura Hoshino's. You'll find out as you read.
The italics between my personal dividers are flashbacks, two or three of which I believe are just fillers to break the tension and provide a background story for the reader, which is you. Well, they all provide background info, but the ones specified have no meaning to the plot, only that they were necessary or I'd get bored of trying to continue the convo Allen and Kanda are having.
And here ends my notes.
Enjoy.
-+-
A Simple Favor
-+-
"..What?"
Silence, and the only other audible sound was the rain hitting a cracked mosaic mirror. Two figures stood, dimly illuminated by a soft pinkish light emanating from the lotus.
"Are you hard of hearing now, Kanda?" A smile, obviously fake and intentionally so. "I said—"
"I know what the fuck you said, beansprout." The taller of the two massages at his temples, his other hand digging into his own hip. "Don't repeat yourself."
The smile remains.
"Well, Kanda?" Allen's eyebrows slant down and his eyes open the slightest bit, letting a glimmer of silver show in a curious look, yet at the same time sad. "What's your answer?"
-+-
"Won't you become an Exorcist?"
"Mana…" a young boy of no less than 10 tilted his head upwards, peering at the red-haired man with saddened eyes. "..Will I be able to bring Mana back…?"
"Now why would you want to do that?" the man asked, holding the cigarette out for the strange bird to swallow.
"I want Mana back…" the boy whispered and hugged his knees. "..Mana…"
"You just watched him die, boy, and you killed him as well. Do you think he'll be happy to be back?"
He looked up again, his silver eyes empty of any emotion but sadness. Marian could see, beyond those pools of platinum, that the boy was no longer himself.
He was no longer the same rambunctious Allen Walker, but a broken Walker, clumsily pieced together with something like cheap Elmer's glue, now slowly starting to break down again.
"I want to bring Mana back."
-+-
"Kanda?"
"Shut up and get out."
Another fake smile. "If you need time to think then, by all means, please do."
With a growl, the irate Japanese glares at him. "You're being weird. What the fuck is going on with you?"
A pale hand lifts and points to an equally pale face. "This? Well, no one goes by your room, so I didn't feel the need to keep that mask anymore."
"..Mask?"
"That smile," and the smile fades into a sadder look, a half-smile, if at all. His eyes, silver and round and usually holding such happiness and cheer, albeit false, now hold a miserable nothing. "You know, the one you hate so much. You told me so many times that it's fake, because it really is."
"Che. I knew it."
"Yes, you did. I have to say I was shocked when you first said it…" Allen sighs lightly, folding his arms loosely and walking further into the other man's room. Kanda frowns but doesn't try to stop him. "Even though you're such a bastard, you have a pretty sharp eye."
"Che."
Allen makes an amused humming sound, stopping next to his fellow Exorcist, though facing in the opposite direction. "Thought about it yet, Kanda?"
The Japanese's form visibly stiffens, one hand clenched into a tight fist, the other still on his hip. A dark red, Innocence-ridden hand closes over the one on his hip, as though trying to get it to release its grip. Allen's other hand, the normal one, rests on Kanda's shoulder along with his cheek.
"Will you do it?"
-+-
"Will you do it?"
Marian stared at him for a long time, silent, his one eye hidden behind a curtain of red hair. Snow fell around them, slowly, layering everything with a thin coat of white. Soft, pure…
Like a blanket to keep you warm at night.
"..Do you know what you're getting yourself into, boy?"
A broken smile, fake, intentional, to hide the sadness, and he leaned forward, gloved hands resting on his knees.
He knows he's lost it, that he's crazy, insane, to propose such a thing.
But he doesn't care.
"Will you do it, General Exorcist?"
The childish face tilted to the side, as though trying to make itself more appealing.
"Will you help me bring Mana back to life?"
He just wants to bring Mana back.
-+-
"No."
Kanda's answer doesn't surprise him. He never expected the Japanese to agree; he really did hate him so.
But Allen doesn't relent.
"Why not?" He steps back and spreads his arms open, an invitation. "What is there to refuse?"
"I won't do it."
A moment of silence, a small smile. "And here I thought you might be like Master Cross…"
"Don't ever," Kanda hisses, grabbing a fistful of the front of the younger man's shirt and glowering down at him. "compare me to that womanizing bastard of a General."
"What are you talking about, Kanda?"
"You filthy little—"
"Oh, please," Allen laughs, easily removing the hold on his clothes. "I was, like, 10 when he found me, and I was still being an emo idiot then."
"Che. You're still emo."
"Am not," Another smile. "But, anyway, I didn't know enough about that kind of stuff to make the same offer I'm making you right now. I only appealed to Marian's greater interest."
Kanda's still pissed and his glare doesn't seem to be letting up any time soon. Doesn't he know by now that it has no effect?
"Marian and I had a deal," a step closer, his arms hanging loosely at his side. "He's the only one who should know.. who needed to know.."
The Japanese takes a step back, his eyes narrowing warily. "..Know what..?"
"Too much, Kanda. You know too much.." No longer smiling, though he does have the look of amusement, interest even. "Only Marian should have known our deal.. my reason.."
"Shut the fuck up." A shove, violent, disgusted, throwing Allen against the door, but nothing else. "I don't give a shit about what goes on between you and that fucking General of yours. Get out. Now."
Strange. He hadn't expected Kanda to be so defiant. He's sure he hasn't overlooked anything. He's made himself as submissive as possible – Kanda seems to like it when he's meek, though why, Allen doesn't know – and he's not rushing the subject.
Allen even made sure to approach him in the privacy of his room to avoid making a scene.
"Please, think about it, Kanda."
He's shaking with anger, barely holding back, from what Allen can see. "Why not Lavi, or Linali? Fuck, I bet not even Jerry would refu—"
"No," he whispers curtly, solidly. Refusing to budge. "No. They don't.. they can't… No."
"What do I have that no one else does?!"
"There's more than what I'm asking of you, Kanda. And…"
Mismatched hands rise in a strange self-embrace, gripping at his thinly clothed arms.
"..They love me too much, Kanda."
-+-
"So, let's go over this again. You allow me to turn you to into an Exorcist," The smell of antiseptic reaches his nose, the cotton applying it to his skin to sanitize the area. "And all I have to do is.."
"Cease contact with the order, for one," a smile, cold despite what the gesture should mean. "It won't be good for either of us if they find out."
"Uh-huh… and, in return for helping me with my current mission, I have to help you bring Mana back to life? You do know how impossible that is, right?"
A shrug. "The Earl can do that for, but I don't know where he is.. so you'll have to help me find hi—ow!"
"Hold still, brat." Scissors and clips peel back tanned skin, revealing dark stringy muscle and yellow baby fat.
"Well, it hurts, and I'm letting you do this—"
"So don't bitch so much. Geez…" Latex gloved hands skillfully cut into the tendon and muscle, removing a sliver before it reattaches and the skin snaps back in place. "I'm a scientist, not a surgeon. I never said it'd be painless."
"I just noticed," Allen rubs his wrist, the skin returning to its normal pallor and healing nicely without a scar. "You don't talk to me like I'm a child."
Not like Mana did.
"You? A child?" Marian barks out a laugh, carelessly yet expertly putting the specimen onto a slide and under a microscope. "You're anything but a child, you traitorous sheep."
-+-
"What's that got to do with any of this?"
Allen slides a few inches down the door, still embracing himself.
"They love me, Kanda. I can't let them.. they love me…"
Kanda scoffs. "What makes you think I secretly don't?"
"Because I trust you," an almost genuine smile, the truest he's ever given since he arrived at the Order. "You said you hate me. A lot. I'm trusting you to hate me, Kanda, now and always."
"And if I don't?"
"That doesn't matter," he pushes off the door, almost sauntering up to the Japanese. "It doesn't matter. Only you can do it, Kanda. No one else. You have no choice, Kanda."
"Thinking about threatening my life? That's a new low for you, beansprout."
A twitch of lips at the familiar insult/nickname. Endearing.
"I don't threaten lives, Yuu Kanda. Lives are precious, not to be wasted on something so trivial." A pair of arms encircle his neck, hanging loosely, and playing with the dark tresses. He leans forward until their noses are almost touching. "But even so, you have no choice other than to accept."
A first collides with his cheek and Allen stumbles back. Another blow reaches his jar, furiously, and he knows it's fractured. Doesn't matter.
Mugen is at his neck, now, drawing a thin line of blood from a wound that knits together as his jaw fixes itself, broken bone melting together into its original shape, slowly but surely.
Kanda's not surprised by this, though. It's like he's been waiting for something like this to happen.
"I could just kill you right here, right now." Metal presses closer, cold and sharp against his skin. "No one would know or find out, even after I toss your broken body out that window."
"I know." He traces the blade with his flesh hand, smiling at the way it sparks and throbs angrily in response. "That's why I'm here and not confronting you in the dining hall. But is that really a choice, Kanda?"
His Innocence hand wraps around the blade and it stops reacting, calms down. Silver eyes meet midnight orbs flickering with hate, disgust, and something else.
"Could you really kill me with such a dull blade?"
-+-
"What are you trying to do, Marian?" A shuffle of clothes, shoes being slipped off and deposited near the door. "Kill me? That won't help you pay any debts.."
"Obviously not." A puff of smoke, drifting away in a lazy manner. "If I wanted to kill you, you'd be dead."
"Really." More of a statement than a question, and Allen heads for the bathroom, tossing his blood stained coat on the couch. "Then, if you'll excuse me, I must go spit out the rest of your bullets."
"Freak."
"I am a Noah, not a freak."
A laugh, baritone like. "Then what do you call that arm of yours, then?"
"Would I be able to become an Exorcist without it?" Spitting, hacking, metal clinking against the countertop. "This is just my side of the deal. I'll put up with the Innocence and collect more, I won't destroy this one or any others I find, I'll kill the Akuma, I'll fight against the Noah, as long as you—"
"I know, brat. Stop repeating your damn self."
Dry laughter, carless, almost childish. "So long as you remember, Marian."
The front door of the hotel room opens and a maid enters, her orange hair falling freely down her back, and she locks the door behind her. Her eyes, empty and mechanical, stare at the General before redirecting to Allen, who had just come from the bathroom.
"Young master Allen, the Earl requests your return to receive your new task."
"What task?"
"I know not, young master," a respectful bow, perhaps too low. "I know only that you must return.. immediately."
A click, the sound of a gun being loaded. Allen ignores the Exorcist General's displeasure at having his Innocence be handled by a Noah.
"Do you know what this is, Ichigo?"
The Akuma's head lifts and she stares down the barrel of the gun.
"Innocence…"
"Correct. Do you know what it does?"
"It's.. evil.. destroys.. Akuma…" She looks at Allen. "Young master, why can you touch it?"
"Wrong answer, Ichigo."
The gun is tossed back, and Allen's left arm invocates into a giant silver claw.
"Innocence saves Akuma, Ichigo. I can see your soul," a sad look, truly sad. "Orihime loved you.. loved you enough to sacrifice her body and soul to bring you back to this world.. but she didn't know how painful it would be for you, Ichigo."
The claw wraps around the Akuma and grips tightly.
"I'll save you, Ichigo. You can see Orihime again. You'll be able to see all your friends in the afterlife."
-+-
Mugen is not dull."
"I wasn't referring to your bloody Innocence," his eyes close and he frowns, biting his bottom lip. "Could you please put it away? Neither of us will like what happens if you keep it out."
"Does it matter?"
"Well… no… I'd actually prefer you use it, later on.."
"You're a sick masochist, beansprout," Kanda growls, daring to take a step closer. "How've you fucking hidden it from everyone all this time?"
"I can hide a lot of things, Kanda. All I have to do is want to hide it," he moves the blade higher up, next to his ear, and leans his face against it, ignoring the way it sparks and burns his skin. "Because I'm the Noah of Greed; anything I want, I get, no matter what."
The Innocence flares, emitting a bright aura that chokes him and he can't breathe with the horrid smell of Innocence in the air. Kanda takes the chance to curl his fingers around Allen's neck, his other hand still keeping Mugen in place.
"Then go get it from someone else, Noah. You said it yourself. You'll get it no matter what."
"Only you, Kanda. I won't accept it from anyone else." His eyes harden, a steely gray as opposed to the friendly silver they used to be. "I'll kill them, Kanda. Anyone else but you, I'll end up killing. I can't let them hurt me like that, they love me too much, I can't do it."
He reaches out, fingertips grazing Kanda's skin, trying to touch him. "I won't let anyone else hurt me, Kanda. Only you, so you have no choice. I can't ask anyone else… they'll die…"
-+-
"Since when has losing people infuriated you so much? You live to kill humans, don't you?"
"Lives are precious, Marian. They don't deserve to be played around with."
He can't slacken his grip on his sword. His body won't obey while under the spell of Marian's puppet, Maria.
"Don't fight the Earl with hatred, Allen." Marian stares down at him, disappointed and furious. "We still need you alive."
"Release Maria's spell, Marian." A deadly gaze, threatening with something far worse than death, if it was even possible. "Release me. Let me kill the Earl."
"As if, stupid brat. You need to keep your end of the deal, remember?"
"…."
"Now get up," A cigarette stub falls onto his face, burning, but no mark is left behind as it heals almost immediately afterwards. "You still have to stop the download of this ark and steal that Akuma plant."
Marian gives him a sort of smirk. "Isn't that revenge enough for you?"
-+-
Kanda gives, if only a little bit, and Allen can rest his flesh hand on his cheek now. His smile is true, sad, happy, distressed, angry, all at the same time, and still amused and fascinated.
"You don't want them to die, do you? You won't let them die. The Order needs them.. if you refuse, they'll try to help me.. and they'll die… so you have no choice, Kanda."
Mugen clatters to the floor, both of Kanda's hands gripping Allen's enough to break it, even if it would heal by itself afterwards. He's still glaring, trying to be that tough guy everyone sees.
Still is, though.
Allen has never doubted that.
"Just accept it, Kanda. It's simple, what you have to do. Very simple."
Now that Mugen was no longer keeping him against the door, Allen moves forward, pressing himself against the taller man, closer than before, their lips almost touching, staring steadfastly into each other's eyes, neither giving in.
"I can't ask them, Kanda. They can't do it… I don't want them to.. only you…"
"What about Cross?" Kanda asks softly, almost in a whisper, his breath leaving a pleasant sensation on Allen's skin.
"He wouldn't..." a sigh, gently, slight, and he lays his head on Kanda's chest, listening to the sound of his heart, hears it speeding up, beating faster. "He agreed to help me bring Mana back.. but if there's one thing he won't do.. it's that… said I was too young... too… innocent.."
A smile, and he tilts his head up, pressing his lips against Kanda's neck, searching for the pulse. "Innocent, he said… I'm innocent.. it's like he's forgotten the fact that I'm the Noah who killed the 14th's brother…"
Kanda stays silent, though whether he does it out of common sense or because of lack of reply, Allen doesn't know. Frankly, he doesn't care.
"Did you know, Kanda? I kill people. I'm a Noah, after all. Mana was the 14th, almost like my father.. I don't know what happened to my real parents, and I wanted Mana to be my father.. but he was too infatuated with his own brother. He even stopped doing his duties."
Kanda takes a step back and Allen follows, not about to let him get away at this critical point in time.
"The Earl told me to fix Mana, make him remember what he is, who he is. So I killed his brother, who happened to be Marian's best friend. I was only 7 at that time, so I didn't really care who saw what I did, but he saw. Marian saw me kill his best mate, and he followed me, sent that golem to watch me."
Closer, closer, almost there. Just a few more steps. The bed is so close…
Allen continues talking, his voice a low drone, yet still clear and concise.
"Mana killed himself out of desperation, depression.. from losing his brother.. I was sad," Allen's Innocence hand clutches at Kanda's clothes, the black sleeveless turtleneck that he wore despite the cold weather.
"The Noah should have been Mana's only family. He didn't need his brother. So I killed him.. Mana didn't even know I killed his brother until I brought him back as an Akuma, and he cursed me, made me watch his soul crumble to bits as I ordered a self-destruction."
His arms drop, hands coming to a rest on Kanda's hips; angular, not curved, and definitely not feminine.
"And Marian must have forgotten that fact, because I'm not a child," He almost hissed, trying to resist the urge to bite down, strangle, kill the man in front of him, the one who should be his enemy. "I'm not too young. I'm a monster, I never should have even existed."
He fails, though, and ends up giving the Japanese a sharp nip. "He told me.. there's a way to bring Mana back… using myself as the container."
"You're insane," Kanda snarls, his hand gripping at Allen's silver hair, tugging him back and away from his neck and staring down at him with an angry, sickened look in his eyes. "You'd go that far for someone you love?"
A soft chuckle, and a half smile, amused as ever. "But he also said that I'd kill someone I loved, someone I loved very much, when became the 14th… when I became Mana…"
"And you said you were strong enough to hold him back."
"I am, Kanda. I am… but.. Kanda… It'll happen eventually, no matter how hard to try to stop it from happening." His lips move to Kanda's ear, just below it, and he presses another light kiss there. "And.. Kanda.. if the person I loved the most.. is Mana.. if Mana is the person I will kill, but I am the one who becomes Mana…"
Then I am the one who will die.
"I will.. kill myself…"
-+-
"He's gotten so cheeky… I guess it's not as bad for him here as Mana said it would be."
Allen pauses outside the door, hand frozen before he can knock.
Mana…
Marian knew Mana.
"Soon, Mana.. we'll get revenge for your brother soon enough. We'll break him, and I'll use his body to bring you back. Then.."
A soft chuckle, clinking glass and wine.
"Then we can bring back your brother, Mana. Won't that be nice?"
Marian… and Mana..
"Who.. you..!"
A swift chop to the guard's neck and he was unconscious again. Just as a precautionary, Allen pulled out a needleless syringe and covered his nose, spraying both guards' faces with sleeping gas.
"..Who's there?"
Allen smiles, allowing his skin to tan and cross to etch themselves onto his forehead.
He knocked twice.
The gun loaded with a click, and he knocked, three more times.
And he kicked down the door.
A bullet lodged itself in his left shoulder, another in his right, and one more in the center of his head for good measure, before the door even reached the ground.
Really, it was like a repeat of something that happened over 5 years ago.
An eerie smile crept over Allen's unusually angelic features, his eyes a sinister gold.
"..What were you trying to do.. Marian..?" With jerky movements, he hacked and coughed, turned his head to the side, and spat out three silver bullets, Innocence and all. "Kill me? That won't help you with your debts."
"Oh. It's you. Tch." Marian scoffed and puts the gun down next to him, lighting another cigarette and patting the seat next to him. "Sit down, we need to talk."
"No, Marian. We don't need to talk." Allen crossed his arms lightly and stepped out from the darkness, showing Marian his Noah form and all its glory.
How long had it been since he used his Noah powers…
"What you need to do… is bring Mana back." The smile was back, now with an underlying meaning to his words. "That was our deal, Marian. Bring Mana back."
"I told you, we can," Marian replied offhandedly, waving a hand with the cigarette in Allen's direction. "The seed has already been planted; we just have to wait for it to grow, and Mana will be back."
"But I won't be there to enjoy his presence, Marian," Allen said in a low hiss, something he rarely ever did. An angry Allen was not a good thing. Never. "What did you and Mana plan against me, hmm? Is there something I don't know about here, General Marian?"
"Look, Allen, brat, sit down." Cool as always, keeping his calm. But not for long. Oh no, Marian won't be all that when Allen's done. "We're going to talk about thi—"
"You are aware of what I am, aren't you? Or have you forgotten?" Cat's eyes flash angrily, the dark aura around him practically visible, sparking with rage and animosity. "I am a Noah, Marian. I do not take pleasure in threatening people with their lives – they're just so precious, you know – but I will not tolerate this. Now tell me. What are you planning?"
"It doesn't matter, imbecile." Marian sighs, tired, annoyed, even. Impossible. "It's already begun; Mana was the one playing the piano, not you. He's already starting to take over your body, your memories, you." A wry smirk, half hidden. "And then.. he'll make you kill the one you love the most."
"..And nothing I do can stop this cycle?"
"Hm… Nope."
"Then I suppose…" another click, a shotgun being loaded, this one in Allen's hand, aimed at the red-haired General. "..this.. will have no effect on the outcome..?"
"You know that won't kill me. I'm an Exorcist, Noah brat."
"When did I ever say this was a normal gun, Marian?" A grin, wide, entirely amused. "This is a gun with Jasdero and David's memories.. my dear siblings. I'm the Noah of Greed, Marian, remember?"
Anything Allen, the Noah of Greed, wants, Allen gets.
"I don't want to bring Mana back anymore, Marian."
Allen wanted Jasdevi's powers as the Noah of Bonds. Too bad, though, that he couldn't keep them.
"Right now.. all I want is to stay here.."
It would have been amusing to see the look on Komui and Leverrier's faces when he used the purple bomb on them.
But, right now, he wanted a pistol. A real, honest to God, pistol, gun, rifle, whatever.
Click. Shot. Blood. Crash.
"I want to stay here with Yuu, Marian."
-+-
"Help me, Kanda," he murmurs against heated skin, hands trailing up the Japanese's side and to his shoulders, gripping them in a desperate manner. "Help me, in every sense of the word."
"You're fucking psycho," Kanda mutters, placing his own hands on Allen's waist and Allen lets out a relieved sigh at the touch. "Thinking you can bring back a dead man.. a soul that you've destroyed.."
"Of course you need help, is what you want to say, isn't it?" He tries to pull closer, steps forward, inching towards the mattress. "Then help me, Kanda. Only you can do it."
"Why me..?"
"Because the only ones here are Exorcists, and I am a Noah. There's such a high chance that I'll end up being executed, and if that happens, my ally will meet the same sentence. And they love me, Kanda," The Japanese stops moving back, partly because they're getting near the bed, and partly because.. well, just because. "The chance that Linali or Lavi will be accused of treason is higher than my chance of getting killed, because they love me so much. So much that it hurts."
"And I hate you. How does that fit into your plot?"
"Because you hate me, and because I hate you. That's what they see, that's what they think, forever and always. You would never help me, because you hate me. You hate me truly, despise me, you want me to die. That's why, Kanda. Only you."
With a final shove, Kanda falls back onto the bed and Allen straddles his waist, ignoring his curses and objections, hands planted on either side of the samurai's head, not holding him down or forcing him.
"Because no one will believe that you've helped me, because your hate is real, not fake. I made you hate me, Kanda. I wanted to make sure at least one person hated me, and I got what I wanted. You hate me. You hate me so fucking much; it hurts me just as much as everyone's love does. It hurts, Kanda." A cynical smile, and he leans closer. "But it's okay, because it's you, Kanda. Only you."
He can see the confusion and conflict in and behind Kanda's eyes, struggling with what he wants and who he hates, his emotions, his duties.
"Fuck me, Kanda."
Kanda's eyes widen slightly, trying not to show too much shock at Allen's choice of words.
"Fuck me, hurt me, make me bleed. I don't care. Show me how much you hate me. I know you want it."
And there's that smile again, like everything will be fine, that it's all fine and dandy.
"I know how you look at me when you think I'm not watching. I know, Kanda. A lot of people look at me like that, and I know what they want. Iknow what you want."
He falls to his elbows, lips hovering centimeters above Kanda's, silver locks falling like a curtain around them.
"Fuck me, hurt me, and then, when you've taken all you can.. all that you could ever want.. kill me," An amused smirk. "If you can, that is, but it doesn't matter. Let them think I'm dead; throw me out, abandon me somewhere, somewhere cold, dark, anywhere, so I can leave. Save me, Kanda. Help me. Free me from this torture chamber."
He's close, so close, almost there. Still deciding, conflicting morals and duties, pitting them against each other. Which one will he choose?
"Only you I will allow; to touch, to taste, to hurt, to leave, to abandon, to save. No one else, Kanda. Only you."
A mental image, a split road, one straight hell, the other, a longer path, to the same place.
Which one?
Which one, Kanda?
Hell, or Hell?
Me, or the Order?
"Will you do it?"
-+-
It hurts.
Mana's trying to kill him; he knows that, but he still can't move. He loves Mana, and he knows that Mana loves him too.
Mana hasn't pushed him away for the past two years, but maybe that was because they were family.
Family. A nice word. Warm and fuzzy, something Allen has always wanted, even since his parents tried to kill him.
Noah, Noah, monster, monster. Hideous, freak of nature, disgusting, revolting.
Noah, Noah. Monster. Monster.
"Ma…na… why…?"
The blade presses closer to his throat, a familiar hum of dark matter, one he's felt whenever he wanted a ride from an Akuma.
Akuma. He's turned Mana, a Noah, into an Akuma.
"I curse you, Allen Walker! I curse you!"
And the blade slashed down his face, carving a cursed pentacle into his eye, drawing red blood that slowly turns black.
Mana's soul… he can see Mana's soul.
Aku..ma…
No, no, not that, not that.
"Allen…"
Self…
NO!
"… I love you."
..Destruct.
He reached out, Mana forcibly obeying his commands as a Noah, imploding, dying, again. The unreal pieces of Mana's soul crumbled, broke down, sifted through his fingers like fine sand, turned into dust, and floated away.
And the snow started falling again, like nothing had happened. Blood from his eye stained the ground red, turning white into pink.
He didn't know how long he sat there, crying, scarred for a second time in that life.
First his parents tried to kill him…
And now, he was forced to watch Mana die, a second time, die twice over, killed by the who loved him most.
Footsteps crunched the snow in front of him, black boots appearing in his peripheral, and he looked up in the sea of red hair, a giant golden bird perched on his head.
"So.. you killed that Akuma…"
The man took a look at his eye, the tombstone, the aura of dark matter in the air, and knelt down close to him.
"..Won't you become an Exorcist?"
Allen would find out in the future that it was more than him and Mana who lost it after the death of a loved one.
After all, Marian couldn't be in his right mind if he sent a Noah into the Order to become an Exorcist.
-+-
It hurts.
He's bleeding, he knows that. He wanted it to happen, allowed it, asked for it.
Completely at Kanda's mercy, but he doesn't care.
Pain, throbbing, hurting, the ache in his abdomen, the burns from Mugen against his skin and inside him.
And Kanda seems to enjoy it. Sadistic tease.
How many times.. he lost count after the clock struck midnight, a word that matched Kanda's eyes, their color, fierce determination to not be manipulated.
And Allen let him, let Kanda fuck him, let Kanda hurt him, didn't care about his own wellbeing, his own safety, his own pleasure.
He didn't care.
"Haah… Kan..da…"
Wait till he's done; doesn't know when, though, so he asks. Asked that a few times already, just got another round in response.
"Kanda.. are you.. nng--!"
Guess not.
It hurts, that it does.
But that's fine, because it's Kanda.
Only Kanda can.
A glint of metal raised above him, above his heart. He knows it'll be aimed there, and it's Mugen, so he knows it'll hurt enough to make him pass out.
Feign death, stop his heart, and he'll use the Innocence in his arm to heal it up, later. Just like last time. Needed time away from the Order, from the crowd, spend time alone, with strangers who didn't know him.
"Go on, Kanda," and he's still smiling, mocking, happy, sad, angry, twisted, broken. "I did my part. Keep up your end of the deal."
But really, can you break something that was never whole in the first place?
-+-
"Play the piano, Allen."
How long had it been since Marian called him 'Noah'? Too long.
Much too long.
"Uh, Marian, I've never played the piano. Duh." He frowned. "Except maybe that one time in the circus, because Mana asked me to."
"Timcanpy has the score. You're the only one who can play it, Allen Walker."
"What the hell? I can't even read musical score, Marian!"
"Play the pia—schht .. your will – crrrk.. save – schht…"
"Oi! Marian, Marian! Dammit, you stupid General, some ally you are," Allen abandons the earring, turning instead to his golem, whose mouth started opening with a snarl. "Play the piano, my fucking arse."
A light beamed from Tim's mouth, a holographic sheet, and a circular score in strange characters. Sticks and stones, so to speak.
And that seal.
"..Mana…."
"That is the 'song'…"
He whirled around, facing the direction of the voice. The figure was in shadow, despite being in the mirror that reflected a pure white room. There were not shadows to hide in.
Nothing to hide behind, nothing to hide. And yet this person was still hiding.
"Timcanpy.. is.. the score…" the cloaked person pointed behind him, at Tim and the piano, all the while smiling that creepy wide smile. "Allen is.. melody.. together… you are.. the 'power of the musician'…"
"Mana..?"
But it can't be Mana… even though Mana is the only 'Musician', the estranged Noah of Music, the only one who knew about Timcanpy, the melody, that music…
Mana is dead, gone, and Allen knows that.
But that won't stop him from trying to bring Mana back to life.
-+-
It's a simple favor, to kill him, relieve him of this pain and suffering, let him start a new life elsewhere, where everyone is a monster, so he won't feel as left out, the only one who's not normal.
"Can you.. kill me..? Will you..?" His flesh hand brushes across the tattoo lightly, and Kanda's breath hitches, or maybe it's just his imagination. "..Please…"
A simple favor. Only Kanda can do it.
Only you can. Only you I will allow to kill me. Your face will be the last I see, and first when I wake up. Kill me, toss me out, save me later, run away with me, Kanda. Only you.
"No," His voice is strained, and Mugen impales the mattress next to Allen's head, inches away, yet he can still feel the heat, the burn, the horrible stench of Innocence. How he's lived with his own for so long.. he can't remember anymore. "I can't do it. I won't do it, moyashi."
Noahs can cry, but only when another Noah dies. That is the truth.
And that is a lie, because he's crying right now. Barely, but he is, just a tear or two, or three or four…
… Or more.
"Bad choice you made, picking me. You know how I am," Warm against his neck, his lips soft yet firm, his tongue wet and hot. "One taste, and of course I want more, moyashi."
He's made his decision, apparently.
"We're going to Hell together, Noah brat, whether you like it or not."
Another tear, some more, salty liquid staining the sheets already smeared with black blood, and Allen sits up, wincing, and a smile on his face.
A real one. Happy, and nothing else. Melancholy, perhaps, but that's gone now.
A simple favor.
He only wants Kanda's face, the face of the one he loved the most, to be the last thing he sees before darkness claims, and before darkness releases him.
Only Kanda can…
"I'll kill you when I fucking feel like it."
..But of course, he's Kanda, so he'll move at his own pace.
Bastard.
-+-
So kill me now, my sanity you'll take.
Take it away, my sanity; it's fake.
-+-
Don't you love this baby as much as I do, if not more?
She takes second, next to Yullen, which is just so much more wonderful because this fic would not exist without Yullen. :3