A/N Ok everyone this is my first fanfiction although i have had some writing experience before none of it has been fanfiction, so using other peoples Characters and things is quite new for me (Mr M. Ooze is an original of mine though). I hope this story is good, it was submitted fresh of the press or whatever your supposed to say. I wrote this in about 3-4hours which is a short time, but writing stories is quite easy and after those many stupid freaking english in calss assesments which go for 40 mins, my story writing has become a little more fast. Be warned though, my story is filled with terribly written accents hopefullly though there are no plot holes or spelling mistakes which arent supposed to be there.

Dear Dr M. Ooze,

CATASTROPHY! CATASTROPHY… My cousin Malady is in the area for a visit. She has fallen ill… Again. This time its due to the high concentration of Dust bunnies in my room, or maybe its that potato peel and nettle soup I made but how was I supposed to know that if the nettles aren't properly cooked they're needles are still able to ledge themselves in your throat!? Or it could be a high concentration of toxins that have accumulated in her blood system over the years of sickness which have all been released at once due to the highly de-toxifying effect of acupuncture which overloads the liver and is causing it to shut down due to sleeping on a bed of nails! But how was I supposed to know that nails aren't good to sleep on? I sleep on them every day and nothing bad ever happens to me aside from the normal bad luck that follows my family Which causes people to be hit by lighting twice in the same spot then several times as they try to crawl away into shelter and aside from that time I was trapped in the middle of the melting of a glacier and got trapped on an icefloe and was rescued by a band of pirates which co-incidentally happened last week exactly on the seven year anniversary when Ruby invited my cousins, yes COUSINS, both cousinZZZZ which happened to bring the ice age with them but then the glacier melted due to the fact that we separated them and I was stuck on an icefloe again and IT'S NOT MY FAULT!!!!!! Although I suspect the dust bunnies underneath my bed, as they have been rather surly as to why I cannot tell but apparently Malady sneezed on them due to her most recent viral chest infection causing her lungs to fill with water which when she breathes too heavily the water goes into her nose making her sneeze!!!!!!

Anyway back to the fact that Malady is sick, I was hoping to increase my usual twice-weekly check-up to three times a week. I need to have 3 appointments, as my cousins cannot be near each other for extended periods of time due to the whole bringing of the ice age which their side of the family is responsible for. Malady has had this illness for a week, she claims its scurvy but then I told her "You can't get scurvy by having an acorn fall on you." But then how else could she of gotten it as she has been eating all the vitamin C she can even if oranges give her ulcers, although how do you get an ulcer on your knee from eating an orange? Her doctor talked of amputation due to its enormity but how do you amputate a knee?

In any case I will need to book appointments for Monday Wednesday and keep my usual Thursday. All appointments are to be at 12am. Malady and Malaise are thankful for you coming especially to see us at that time, as we are our most active then.

Thankyou from,

Misery

P.S Do not be alarmed when you see Malaise, her eyes only glow when her bodies immune system is down which allows the highly luminescent fungus growing in her blood to multiply, it happens all the time.

P.P.S I will bring a little something for you to munch on for your troubles, I hope you like extra crispy cookies, because if you don't then I don't know what else I will give you.

"Excellent!"

"No, Fabulous!" Exclaim Malady and Ruby as they read over my shoulder. Ruby is puffing due to the exhaustion of dragging Malaise to the bed after she collapsed because of the Sickus Luminus fungus attacking her immune system.

"That was an ingenious plan to make up that Malaise and I were sick!"

"Gee but who would of thought that Malaise would actually be allergic to Venus and contract that fungus! Its s-s-some co-incidence h-huh guys?" Ruby sounds a little nervous probably due to the fact that the fungus is only able to be caught if there is an exchange in bodily fluids. When she says this so I decide to take it into my hands to comfort her.

"There there Ruby…" I say as I pat her on the shoulder "…there is nothing to worry about, bad luck is a family curse, you'll see she'll bounce right back... As long as she doesn't have rickets...

"Ahh I see! A letter laced with subtle rrromance to slowly capturrre your lovers 'eart, no?" Venus peers over myshoulder in an attempt to see my letter of mild romance.

"Uh yeah Venus, thanks for letting me borrow your typewriter for the letter by the way"

"Ah no need to thank me jeune fille! Any person who wishes to use ma typewrrriter for the art of capturing someones 'eart is always welcome to make use of it! Although you must once you two fall into the icy 'eart and long storm of love must tell me all about ze love, ze rrromance, ze smoochy smoochy, yes? Venus laughed rather devilishly and sighed as if she was thinking back to a time when she loved, which makes me wonder what sort of romance she could of experienced when she only learnt how to speak 2 weeks ago.

"Gee thanks Venus, that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me since my doctor told me that I didn't have Rickettsiosis… Well cya everyone, I'm going to post this letter to Dr Ooze!" My heart flutters as i speak his name... "Funny, It must be my high blood pressure acting up, maybe i should call in for an extra appointment..."

"Huh?" Ruby inquizitively looks at me

"Oh did i say that outloud? you know I don't even notive any more as it makes it hard to hear myself as I have a ruptured eardrum..." I tenderly touch the ear hoping nothing oozes out, THERE my heart flipped again! I must book another appointment with Mr Ooze "... well have fun everyone i'll be with Iris and Squig if anyone wants me... which they probably wont but ANYWAY...

"Cya Misery, may you be the one to find true love, but I warn you love and medicine never work, I speak from experience" Malady eerily warns me. She had this boyfriend see and well its much the same as theres a girl, doctor meets girl, they fall in love, doctor contracts mysterious illness and dies... You know the usual

"Yeah Misery, I remember when I dated my doctor, one night we were lying on the gravel and I had a strange miasma that was hanging around me and the next day when I went to his practise he was on leave with leprosy." Malaise says as she attempts to sit up.

Walking out the front door I hear Ruby running up to me her hair bouncing in that perfect red punk bob.

"Bye Misery and good luck, its good to see that your able to love again after Pierrot"

"Thanks…" I smile "… I never liked clowns anyway." Ruby always knows how to cheer me up…

Walking to the post office (AKA Iris and Squig) I'm thinking back to the melancholy tone Venus was using, I wonder about that Arnica plant that recently disappeared…

A/N SO! What did you all think? Please review this chapter, i would like suggestions also if some of the jokes go over your head don't worry, its based off a tv show so if you haent seen the episodes im refering to some jokes may not make alot of sense.