Disclaimer: I own nothing but the words. This is what my warped mind wishes CM would have done. This is a short.
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He's Still Here
He's still here; I never thought I would say those words… ever. I've known this man more than half my life, I've seen how he is or should I say how he used to be. Sarcastic, arrogant, selfish, self-centered, retired, unretired, can't make up his mind, married three times, divorced three times, and he's been with more women than I care to even venture to count. But one of his best qualities…he is extremely loyal and protective to those he cares about.
He's never been a supporter of mine, but when I went into rehab, he was there. I was shocked to see him standing in the common room on visitor's day. They told me I had a visitor, that surprised me, but when I saw him, I was stunned. I just knew he was there to gloat, to make sure I knew he thought I was weak, to make sure to tell everyone. I was wrong, he told me he was there to support me, to be a friend and to help, be a shoulder when and if I needed one. I didn't believe him, but he visited whenever he was in town, he came to some of our group sessions, he supported me, even when I didn't want him, and pushed him away. As I thought about how badly I treated him, my therapist asked me what surprised me the most about his support, all I could say is "He's still here."
Once I left the rehab center, again he was there to support me, pick up the pieces, talk me down from the ledge, never asking for anything in return. Once more my thoughts went to what's in it for him; he'd never done anything that he couldn't benefit from. We still fought at work, but away we seemed to get along. So I pushed him away, like I do everyone, but one day I need someone and I called. I smiled as I hung up, whispering to myself, "He's still here."
We started dating, going out enjoying each other's company. Dinners, movies, shows, dancing, quiet nights somewhere having pizza. Just spending time getting to know one another, I saw a side of him, I'd never seen, and he was beginning to get to know the real me. I recall thinking one day, once he sees the real me, he'll be out the door, but as I lie in bed one night after one of our dates I sighed happily, "He's Still Here"
The first time we slept together was amazing. It wasn't planned, we were at an event he wanted to go to, he'd asked me to go with him. We had so much fun, I even smoked a cigar with him and he drank club soda for me. We started kissing in a corner, ended up getting a room. I have to admit it was the best sex ever. I heard all the stories and rumors about this man, but they were wrong he was so much better. After one encounter, I was addicted. Somehow, I knew lying in his arms, I would wake up in the morning and he would be gone, that I would be just another conquest for him, another notch on his belt. As I woke the next morning, felt a heavy weight across my stomach, I smiled, turned and saw his sleeping form. "He's Still Here".
It's been almost two years since he and I started this journey together. If someone would've told me then we would be together, I would've had them committed. He was there when the replicator, tried to take me out, he was there for the recovery. He's met my children, he cares for them and they adore him. He knows he's not their father, but he's a good male role model for them. We've moved in together, I still have my condo, but there is nothing there that I need any longer. He's made sure the children have their own rooms and Jessie the youngest has recently moved in with us. Oh we still fight at work, but we've learned to separate the Strauss and Rossi from Erin and David. I tell him I love him and he believes me. He tells me he loves me and I know it, see it every day. My life is happier because of him, his presence, his smile, his kisses, his humor, ability to see past my Ice Queen persona, because of his love. Even after all we've been through, he's there for me and my children, we've become the family I'd hoped I would have one day. When I pray at night, I thank God, "He's Still Here".