Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to anything related to Inuyasha. I'm just a simple, poor and humble (well, maybe not humble) fanfic writer. This is done for fun.
*Damned Kohaku. Damned diseased chicken.* Naraku slowly made his way to the dungeon, stopping every so often as another spasm tore through his abdomen. Shimatta. Kagura looked up as he approached.
"You look worse than you do when it's your time of the month." Kagura couldn't help but smirk a bit.
"I am not in a very good mood at the moment, you would be wise not to test my patience."
"Gomen nasai, Naraku-sama." Naraku released her and she followed him out of the dungeon.
"I have everything prepared. All you have to do is make sure the kugutsu, Inuyasha and company are where I want them. And no rolling about in the grass with Sesshomaru until the job is done. I should have been angry about that, but I managed to acquire a couple of Sesshomaru's hairs from your clothing. It was an unexpected bonus, one I intend to make good use of at the proper time."
"Hai, Naraku-sama."
Naraku gave her the kugutsu and detailed instructions. "The perverted Monk is currently enjoying a solitary hot springs bath. You will take the Kagome kugutsu to him. Make sure Inuyasha discovers them. Arrange for him to run into the Sango kugutsu. She will, ehm, comfort him. Have Kagome discover the two of them. That will be enough for now. Remember, I will be watching."
"Hai, Naraku-sama." *conceited ass* There was no need for Naraku to know that she had gathered several of Kikyo's hairs, in fact Kikyo had willingly donated them. Kagura had asked Kanna to carve some more kugutsu. As soon as she completed her mission, she would make a stop to see the sorceress Sesshomaru told her about. Kagura's malicious smile was one worthy of her sire as she left. Naraku took his usual position sitting by the window while Kanna held her mirror so that he could see into it.
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Miroku was enjoying his solitary bath, fantasizing about being surrounded by beautiful girls, all of whom wanted to bear his child. He heard someone step into the water and opened his eyes. He blinked, rubbed his eyes and blinked again as he watched Kagome, a very naked Kagome, walk into the water. "Kagome-san?" Kagome continued to walk towards him. "What are you doing?" Kagome remained silent. She walked up to Miroku and kissed him lightly on the lips. Miroku, against his better judgement, found himself responding. His rational mind, at least what left of it after Kagome's right hand went below the water and grabbed hold of his fifth limb, was screaming at him that there was something very very wrong with this scenario. His more primitive mind hit the rational one over the head with his monk's staff and enjoyed the ride. Kagome deepened her kiss, wrapped her legs around Miroku's waist, and...well you know, she pole danced.
Inuyasha had been following the Saimyoushou and Kagura, when he heard Miroku's voice. The monk sounded like he was having a good time. No, make that a very good time. Inuyasha snorted. Maybe Sango had finally dropped the maiden warrior act. She reminded him of Kikyo that way. He crept up and parted some small bushes, peeped out, and did a great anime facefault. "KAGOME?"
Kagome turned and looked at Inuyasha, never pausing, as Inuyasha ran off into the woods. A mortified Miroku found his desire diminishing rapidly. A disappointed looking Kagome unhooked her legs from around his waist and walked off. Miroku stood there, not quite knowing what he should do. Should he run after Inuyasha, run after Kagome or go hide somewhere? His primitive mind was pissed off about the unsatisfactory end to his tryst with Kagome and ignored him. His rational mind wasn't any help either, it was too busy smirking in a self satisfied "I told you so" way. Shimatta. Maybe he should go meditate on the problem for a while. He got out, got dressed and left.
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Inuyasha was sitting by his tree, trying to sort out what he had seen. Miroku and Kagome. His Kagome. Not that he had ever said as much to her, not being one to bare his feelings, but he regarded her as his. Dammit, it was common knowledge. Miroku certainly knew. Inuyasha flexed the claws of his right hand, growling. He heard soft foot steps approaching. "Kagome, if you are here to apologize..." He was startled to see Sango step through the trees. Kuso. Things just kept getting better and better. Should he tell her about Miroku? "Oi Sango-san." Sango said nothing in reply, just kept walking towards him. She wrapped her arms around him and gave him a big hug, while at the same time reaching down and catching a quick grope of his ass. Inuyahsa yelped, to his embarrassment and took several steps back. Sango moved towards him in a predatory fashion and managed to wrap her arms around him again. She nuzzled his neck.
Kagome was out gathering wild mushrooms with Shippo when she noticed the Saimyoushou. She sent Shippo back to Kaede's cottage and followed them. They were in the area that had been called "Inuyasha's forest", where she first encountered the then sealed Inuyasha. Near his tree. The tree where Inuyasha now stood, his hands on Sango's chest, her hands somewhere Kagome didn't want to think about. Blushing, she screamed "INU-YASHA!! SIT!!." Inuyasha immediately fell face first, unfortunately upon Sango instead of the ground. He rolled off of her. "SIT!! SIT!!! SIT!!!!". Kagome stood there breathing heavilly. Sango quietly left. Inuyasha lay there groaning as the sitting continued.
"Kuso woman!! I was trying to push her away!!" Inuyasha sat up groaning. "Enjoy your bath with Miroku?" He glared at her.
"Nan da to?"
"Feh, don't play innocent. I saw you and that hentai monk at the hot springs."
"I've been with Shippo, baka. I was following the Saimyoushou when I discovered you giving Sango a breast massage."
"Kuso. I told you I was trying to push her away. And I saw you. You two were working on Miroku's first born." Kagome didn't say another word, she just turned and walked away. But not before Inuyasha could see the tears in her eyes. Fuck. Why was it he seemed doomed to be in relationships with crazy women. First Maya (A.N. mentioned in earlier fic), then Kikyo, then Kagome and now it looked like Sango as well. Not that they had that kind of relationship, but still. Fuck. Who's next, Kaede? Iuyasha shuddered. Best not to go there.
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Kagome stumbled into Kaede's cottage, almost blinded by her tears. Dammit. She didn't need this. She was going home. She would go back to being a normal school girl and she was going to date Hojo. Let Naraku have the damned Shikon shards.
"Kagome-chan? Is anything wrong?" Sango walked over and put a comforting hand on Kagome's shoulder. "What has that baka done now?"
"Don't touch me!" Kagome knocked Sango's hand away. "How could you? With Inuyasha?"
"Do what with Inuyasha?"
"I saw the two of you making out by Inuyasha's tree. I was following Naraku's Saimyoushou and..." Kagome trailed off.
"Kagome-chan, I have been here polishing my Hiraikotsu." Kaede nodded in agreement. Kagome began to turn a nice shade of red.
"Baka. Baka, baka, baka." She slapped her forehead. "I am such a baka. The Saimyoushou. I was following them. They led me right to where Naraku wanted me."
"I don't understand."
"I saw you with Inuyasha and Inuyasha said something about having seen me with Miroku. But I've been gathering mushrooms with Shippo."
"What were you doing with Miroku?"
"I wasn't with Miroku. Pay attention."
Kaede looked up from the pot she was stirring. "Naraku must have made kugutsu."
"Kagura. She must have managed to acquire hair from me and Sango. Bitch. I knew we shouldn't trust her."
Shippo came running into the cottage. "Kagome-chan!!! Inuyasha and Miroku are fighting." He ran out again and they followed him. All they had to do was follow the sounds of Inuyasha's curses. Though not in the same league as Naraku, he was pretty inventive. And quite specific about what he planned to do with Miroku's staff.
"Inuyasha. SIT!!!" Inuyasha kissed the dirt. Miroku was relieved, but unable to make eye contact with Kagome.
"Inuyasha, listen to me. That wasn't me you saw, well it was me, but it wasn't." Inuyasha and Miroku gave her confused looks. "And that wasn't Sango I saw. You were following the Saimyoushou when you saw me and Miroku, weren't you?" Inuyasha nodded. "Well, I was following the Saimyoushou when saw you and Sango. That Kagome and Sango were kugutsu, Naraku's puppets."
"Kisama." Inuyasha growled. Kagome went over and whispered something in his ear and he smiled.
"Naraku." Kagome, Inuyasha, Miroku and Sango stood side by side. "Go fuck yourself" They turned their backs and in perfect sync, mooned him.
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Naraku chuckled as Kagome and company mooned him. He was surprised the wench had been able to figure his scheme out so quickly. She was bright, that one, though she had poor taste when it came to men. Like Kikyo. Must be a Miko thing. He finished his tea and sent Kanna away, leaving Kagura unmonitored save for the Saimyoushou. It was a decision Naraku would come to regret. The mission having been accomplished, the Saimyoushou returned to their hive. Kagura went to see the sorceress. Naraku stood, stretched, and went to take a bath.
Naraku returned from his bath to find Kikyo sitting on his fouton. She had a bamboo cane in her right hand. He raised one eyebrow.
"Konnichiwa, Naraku-chan."
Naraku sighed inwardly. He had given up asking her not to call him that. "What's with the cane?"
"I was reading about something called fantasy role playing in one of the magazines Kagome brought back for Miroku-kun. I thought Onigumo and I might try a bit of it..the sensei and her naughty student."
"Onigumo and I do share the same body, you know. And I do not desire to engage in any kind of play where I am beaten with bamboo."
"You're no fun." Kikyo sat the bamboo cane on the floor by the fouton and looked at him with a pout. She had been practicing, but the effect was still more creepy than anything else.
"I guess that is why everyone wants me dead."
"No, they want you dead because you are evil. But that doesn't mean you can't be fun. You are just a bakayarou (asshole)."
Naraku got dressed muttering something to the effect that he might be evil, but Kikyo definitely had him beat on the kink meter. He shook his head. Who would ever have guessed. "You know, one day, I will be able to harm, even kill you. If you go away and leave me in peace, I promise to make it quick."
"Tormenting you is the one enjoyable part of my life. I can't give it up. Gomen nasai."
"Well, I think I will go get a little exercise and maybe stalk Inuyasha's wench for a while. Ja ne."
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Naraku had not seen any trace of Kagome or Sango, though he did happen to see Kagura and Sesshomaru. In a tree. Not up against it, but actually balancing on the branches. It was very acrobatic. He applauded, which caused both parties to glare down on him. He walked away chuckling. This had been a pretty good evening all in all, not even Kikyo was able to ruin it. Speaking of which, wasn't that the bitch now, walking towards him, still carrying that damned bamboo cane? How the hell had she managed to get here so quickly? Fuck.
"I thought I made it clear that I wasn't interested."
Kikyo did not say a word, she just continued to walk towards him, bamboo cane raised. When she came within striking distance, she slashed at him with all she was worth, connecting across the front of his left thigh. Naraku yelped. Kikyo struck again, this time across the front of his right thigh. As she raised it a third time, Naraku, knowing he could not harm her, and not wanting to be hit again (he much preferred giving pain to receiving it), did his trademark swirling columm of dark smoke and got the hell out of there. He descended next to a cold river, took his trousers down and inspected the damage. He had two raised welts that were already starting to turn purple. He splashed some cold water on them, trying to ease the sting. He didn't hear the footsteps behind him and only had time to note the reflection in the water, before Kikyo struck him again. Being bent over, trousers down, he presented quite a good target this time. She was able to get three good strikes in before he managed to get up and restore a bit of his dignity.
"Stop it Kikyo!! What in the hell is going on?" Kikyo simply raised her bamboo cane. Once again Naraku got the hell out of there.
This time, he landed in the middle of the forest, a good distance away. Something was not right. There was no way Kikyo could have caught up with him so quickly, unless she had suddenly developed the ability to fly. Kagura was busy with Sesshomaru, so she wasn't getting help there. The sound of a branch snapping caught his attention as Kikyo stepped through the trees. Fuck this. He might not be able to hurt Kikyo himself, but there was nothing preventing him from causing an unfortunate accident, say a falling tree. He smiled in satisfaction as the tree fell on Kikyo and went over to investigate, only to discover dirt. Naraku blinked, then let out a very inventive string of curses, one of which caused a nearby rabbit to spontaneously combust. KUGUTSU? A Kikyo kugutsu? Well, that would explain a lot, there were probably several, all wandering around the area. But how to tell the real one? He nodded. The Shinidimachuu. All he needed to do was capture every Kikyo, hold them in one central place and wait for mealtime. And that is what he did. He captured them one by one, suffering several more whacks from bamboo canes in the process, until he had a collection of seven Kikyos. He tied them securely and left the window open to allow the Shinidimachuu access. Now all he had to do was wait.
"You are a very bad boy, Naraku-chan. You need to be punished."
"Punished." Another of the Kikyo's agreed and the rest began to chant the word.
"Urusai, na!!" Naraku glared at them. His backside hurt, dammit, and someone was going to pay. It was shortly after sunset that the Shinidimachuu came through the window and flew straight to the Kikyo in the middle. Naraku quickly disposed of the other six, though he did not untie Kikyo.
"I want to know who is responsible for this."
"I'm afraid I do not know. It was as much a surprise to me as you."
"Why is it I find it hard to believe you?"
"Think what you will. You know, it's quite possible that you missed one."
"I am certain I got them all."
"You sound pretty sure of yourself."
Naraku walked over and untied her. "I am. And I promise you I will discover the person or persons responsible for this. Now get out of my sight."
Kikyo walked through the entrance and looked back at him. "You really could use a good old fashioned spanking you know."
"OUT ONNA!!"
Kikyo left, her chuckles eventually becoming genuine laughs. Naraku decided to forego his usual evening habit of sitting by the window and went to lay on his fouton and sulk.
OWARI