Goldilocks and the Four Bears
By Bob the Admiral
Disclaimer: I don't own any character except the narrator. The rest belong to whoever wrote Gundam Wing.
Rating: G
Narrator: Once upon a time there was a little house in the woods. In that house there lived a Mama Bear...
Trowa: Hi.
Narrator: a Papa bear...
Heero: *grunt*
Narrator: And a baby bear...
Wufei: WAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Narrator: And also a little kid.
Duo: Hello.
Narrator: One day, Mama bear woke up and made some porridge.
Trowa: *making porridge* A little bit of vinegar, some potatoes...
Duo: EEEEWWWWW!!!!!
Heero: *slaps Duo* Shut up.
Duo: *sniff* WAAAHHH!!! Daddy hit me!
Trowa: Oh, be quiet.
Narrator: When they sat down to eat the porridge.
Wufei: WWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
Duo: OWWEEEEE!!!
Heero: *grunt*
Trowa: Oh, my.
Narrator: It was too hot.
Duo: Mama, this porridge is too hot!
Narrator: So, they decided to go for a walk out in the woods until it cooled off.
Trowa: Let's go for a walk in the woods until the porridge cools off.
Heero: *grunt*
Narrator: So they left the cottage and went for a walk in the woods.
Duo: *skips happily out of house* La lala...
Narrator: A little while later, a little girl with blond hair came by. Her name was Goldilocks.
Quatre: *skips along, holding basket*
Narrator: She saw the bear's cottage...
Quatre: Oh, my! Look, a pretty little cottage. I wonder who lives here.
Narrator: So, she went inside.
Quatre: *opens door, and goes inside* Oh, look! Food!
Narrator: She saw the four bowls of porridge, and tried the first one.
Quatre: Oh, my. This porridge is too hot.
Narrator: No! Goldilocks, say it with some ENTHUSIASM!!!
Quatre: OUCH! This porridge is WAY too hot for ME!!! Is that good?
Narrator: Yeah, that's better. So, that porridge was too hot, so she tried the next bowl.
Quatre: Yikes! This porridge is too cold!
Narrator: Then, Goldilocks tried the third bowl of porridge.
Quatre: This stuff tastes like vinegar.
Trowa: *pops head in* I added a lot of vinegar to it!
Quatre: Oh, okay. Well, then... uh... It's... um... it gets stuck between my toes.
Narrator: So, Quatre, I mean, Goldilocks tried the baby's bowl of porridge.
Quatre: Yuck! This still tastes like vinegar.
Narrator: *clears throat* And it was JUST RIGHT!
Quatre: Oh, sorry. This stuff is just right.
Narrator: So Goldilocks ate it all gone.
Quatre: Yuck! Do I have to?
Narrator: Yes, you have to!
Quatre: *groan* Oh, man! *points* Hey look, it's Barney!
Narrator: *turns* Huh? Where?
Quatre: *dumps porridge in trash can* Never mind, he's gone now.
Narrator: Darn.
Quatre: Anyway, I ate the porridge.
Narrator: Good. So, when the porridge was all gone, Goldilocks tried to sit in the chairs.
Quatre: Where are the chairs?
Narrator: *points* Down the hall. Last door on the left.
Quatre: Thanks.
Narrator: So Goldilocks sat in the Papa Bear's chair.
Quatre: *sits in chair*
Narrator: But it was too hard.
Quatre: This chair hurts my tooshie! *gets off chair*
Narrator: So Goldilocks sat in Mama's chair.
Quatre: *sits down and nearly disappears under lots of fluff*
Narrator: But it was too soft.
Quatre: *muffled voice* You can say that again.
Narrator: But it was too soft.
Quatre: *gets out of chair* I didn't mean it literally.
Narrator: Oh. Okay, so Goldilocks tried to sit in the little baby's chair.
Quatre: *tries to sit in chair the size of a walnut*
Narrator: But it broke.
Quatre: Oh, boy! *takes out sledgehammer and breaks chair*
Narrator: That was a bit much, but okay. So, then Goldilocks sat in Junior's chair.
Quatre: *sits in medium-sized chair*
Narrator: And it was just right.
Quatre: Why am I sitting in all the chairs anyway?
Narrator: Don't worry about it. Anyway, then Goldilocks got up...
Quatre: But I'm comfortable here!
Narrator: I don't care, get up!
Quatre: Aaawwww.... *gets up*
Narrator: And went to the bedroom....
Quatre: Where's the bedroom?
Narrator: *points* Out the door, turn left, second door on the right.
Quatre: *goes out the door, turns right, walks into a wall* Ouch!
Narrator: Turn around.
Quatre: *gets up, turns around*
Narrator: Walk forward six steps.
Quatre: *goes forward six steps*
Narrator: Go in the door on the right.
Quatre: *goes in door on the right*
Narrator: There you go.
Quatre: *sees beds* Oh, okay.
Narrator: So, Goldilocks lies down in the first bed.
Quatre: You just changed the story from past-tense to present-tense.
Narrator: Fine. Goldilocks LAY down in the bed.
Quatre: Good enough. *lies down*
Narrator: But it was too high.
Quatre: If it was too high, how did I lie down in it?
Narrator: Oh, be quiet.
Quatre: Okay, fine, it's too high. Now how do I get down?
Narrator: Goldilocks magically got down from the bed....
Quatre: *disappears and reappears on the floor* Oh.
Narrator: Then, he tried the Mama's bed.
Quatre: *lies down in Mama's bed*
Narrator: But it was too... too... um...
Quatre: But it was too girly.
Narrator: You ARE a girl.
Quatre: Oh, yeah. Why do I have to play a girl?
Narrator: Because you really wanted a role, and we couldn't find any other girls.
Quatre: What about Relena?
Narrator: She's on vacation. Now be quiet. We'll discuss this later.
Quatre: Fine. *lies back down* This bed is too long.
Narrator: Good enough. So, Goldilocks lay down in the baby's bed.
Quatre: *lies down*
Narrator: But it broke.
Quatre: *stands up, pulls out sledgehammer, breaks bed into tiny pieces*
Narrator: Fine. Then Goldilocks tried Junior's bed.
Quatre: *lies down* This bed is too...
Narrator: No, that bed is just right.
Quatre: Oh. This bed is just right.
Narrator: Good. So, then, Goldilocks fell asleep.
Quatre: *snores very loudly*
Narrator: Without snoring.
Quatre: *silence*
Narrator: Whatever. Then, the three- I mean, four bears came home.
Trowa, Heero, Duo, Wufei: *walk in*
Trowa: Eek. Someone's been eating my porridge.
Narrator: No, say it with feeling!
Trowa: Who's been eating my porridge?
Narrator: *grumble, grumble* Good enough. Papa bear, show him how to say it right.
Heero: *grunt*
Narrator: NO!
Duo: *screams and runs in circles* SOMEONE ATE MY FOOD!!!
Narrator: That's a bit too much enthusiasm.
Wufei: *cries* Hungwy!
Narrator: Actually, that's pretty good.
Wufei: *keeps crying*
Narrator: Um, that's good.
Wufei: *still crying*
Narrator: WILL SOMEBODY SHUT THAT BABY UP???
Heero: *slaps Wufei* Shut up.
Narrator: Thank you. Then the bears go to sit down.
Trowa: Oh, my. Someone sat in my chair.
Heero: *grunt*
Duo: *screams and runs in circles*
Wufei: *cries*
Narrator: Oh, shut up. Then the bears go to lie down.
Trowa: Someone lay down in my bed.
Heero: *grunt*
Wufei: *cries*
Duo: Hi, Quatre.
Narrator: NO! That's GOLDILOCKS!!!
Duo: Oh, yeah.
Quatre: Hi, Trowa.
Narrator: *mutters* Then, Goldilocks screamed and ran away. The end.
Quatre: Good. Now tell me why I had to be the prissy girl who couldn't do anything but eat porridge, complain, sit in chairs, and sleep.
Wufei: and why do I have to be a baby? Babies are weak! That's injustice!
Heero: We're not bears, and how could we tell that people had been sitting in our chairs? I mean, except for Wufei's, there wasn't a mark.
Trowa: And why do I have to be the Mommy?
Duo: Well, I enjoyed screaming and running in circles, but it doesn't make any sense. Why do I have to be a little kid. And anyway, in the fairy tale, there's only THREE bears, plus I didn't get to eat my food!
Narrator: Uh, oh.... *backs away*
Heero, Duo, Quatre, Trowa, Wufei: Get him! *attack narrator*
Duo: And, except for the narrator, we all live happily ever after.
Trowa: The End.
By Bob the Admiral
Disclaimer: I don't own any character except the narrator. The rest belong to whoever wrote Gundam Wing.
Rating: G
Narrator: Once upon a time there was a little house in the woods. In that house there lived a Mama Bear...
Trowa: Hi.
Narrator: a Papa bear...
Heero: *grunt*
Narrator: And a baby bear...
Wufei: WAAAAHHHHH!!!!
Narrator: And also a little kid.
Duo: Hello.
Narrator: One day, Mama bear woke up and made some porridge.
Trowa: *making porridge* A little bit of vinegar, some potatoes...
Duo: EEEEWWWWW!!!!!
Heero: *slaps Duo* Shut up.
Duo: *sniff* WAAAHHH!!! Daddy hit me!
Trowa: Oh, be quiet.
Narrator: When they sat down to eat the porridge.
Wufei: WWWAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!
Duo: OWWEEEEE!!!
Heero: *grunt*
Trowa: Oh, my.
Narrator: It was too hot.
Duo: Mama, this porridge is too hot!
Narrator: So, they decided to go for a walk out in the woods until it cooled off.
Trowa: Let's go for a walk in the woods until the porridge cools off.
Heero: *grunt*
Narrator: So they left the cottage and went for a walk in the woods.
Duo: *skips happily out of house* La lala...
Narrator: A little while later, a little girl with blond hair came by. Her name was Goldilocks.
Quatre: *skips along, holding basket*
Narrator: She saw the bear's cottage...
Quatre: Oh, my! Look, a pretty little cottage. I wonder who lives here.
Narrator: So, she went inside.
Quatre: *opens door, and goes inside* Oh, look! Food!
Narrator: She saw the four bowls of porridge, and tried the first one.
Quatre: Oh, my. This porridge is too hot.
Narrator: No! Goldilocks, say it with some ENTHUSIASM!!!
Quatre: OUCH! This porridge is WAY too hot for ME!!! Is that good?
Narrator: Yeah, that's better. So, that porridge was too hot, so she tried the next bowl.
Quatre: Yikes! This porridge is too cold!
Narrator: Then, Goldilocks tried the third bowl of porridge.
Quatre: This stuff tastes like vinegar.
Trowa: *pops head in* I added a lot of vinegar to it!
Quatre: Oh, okay. Well, then... uh... It's... um... it gets stuck between my toes.
Narrator: So, Quatre, I mean, Goldilocks tried the baby's bowl of porridge.
Quatre: Yuck! This still tastes like vinegar.
Narrator: *clears throat* And it was JUST RIGHT!
Quatre: Oh, sorry. This stuff is just right.
Narrator: So Goldilocks ate it all gone.
Quatre: Yuck! Do I have to?
Narrator: Yes, you have to!
Quatre: *groan* Oh, man! *points* Hey look, it's Barney!
Narrator: *turns* Huh? Where?
Quatre: *dumps porridge in trash can* Never mind, he's gone now.
Narrator: Darn.
Quatre: Anyway, I ate the porridge.
Narrator: Good. So, when the porridge was all gone, Goldilocks tried to sit in the chairs.
Quatre: Where are the chairs?
Narrator: *points* Down the hall. Last door on the left.
Quatre: Thanks.
Narrator: So Goldilocks sat in the Papa Bear's chair.
Quatre: *sits in chair*
Narrator: But it was too hard.
Quatre: This chair hurts my tooshie! *gets off chair*
Narrator: So Goldilocks sat in Mama's chair.
Quatre: *sits down and nearly disappears under lots of fluff*
Narrator: But it was too soft.
Quatre: *muffled voice* You can say that again.
Narrator: But it was too soft.
Quatre: *gets out of chair* I didn't mean it literally.
Narrator: Oh. Okay, so Goldilocks tried to sit in the little baby's chair.
Quatre: *tries to sit in chair the size of a walnut*
Narrator: But it broke.
Quatre: Oh, boy! *takes out sledgehammer and breaks chair*
Narrator: That was a bit much, but okay. So, then Goldilocks sat in Junior's chair.
Quatre: *sits in medium-sized chair*
Narrator: And it was just right.
Quatre: Why am I sitting in all the chairs anyway?
Narrator: Don't worry about it. Anyway, then Goldilocks got up...
Quatre: But I'm comfortable here!
Narrator: I don't care, get up!
Quatre: Aaawwww.... *gets up*
Narrator: And went to the bedroom....
Quatre: Where's the bedroom?
Narrator: *points* Out the door, turn left, second door on the right.
Quatre: *goes out the door, turns right, walks into a wall* Ouch!
Narrator: Turn around.
Quatre: *gets up, turns around*
Narrator: Walk forward six steps.
Quatre: *goes forward six steps*
Narrator: Go in the door on the right.
Quatre: *goes in door on the right*
Narrator: There you go.
Quatre: *sees beds* Oh, okay.
Narrator: So, Goldilocks lies down in the first bed.
Quatre: You just changed the story from past-tense to present-tense.
Narrator: Fine. Goldilocks LAY down in the bed.
Quatre: Good enough. *lies down*
Narrator: But it was too high.
Quatre: If it was too high, how did I lie down in it?
Narrator: Oh, be quiet.
Quatre: Okay, fine, it's too high. Now how do I get down?
Narrator: Goldilocks magically got down from the bed....
Quatre: *disappears and reappears on the floor* Oh.
Narrator: Then, he tried the Mama's bed.
Quatre: *lies down in Mama's bed*
Narrator: But it was too... too... um...
Quatre: But it was too girly.
Narrator: You ARE a girl.
Quatre: Oh, yeah. Why do I have to play a girl?
Narrator: Because you really wanted a role, and we couldn't find any other girls.
Quatre: What about Relena?
Narrator: She's on vacation. Now be quiet. We'll discuss this later.
Quatre: Fine. *lies back down* This bed is too long.
Narrator: Good enough. So, Goldilocks lay down in the baby's bed.
Quatre: *lies down*
Narrator: But it broke.
Quatre: *stands up, pulls out sledgehammer, breaks bed into tiny pieces*
Narrator: Fine. Then Goldilocks tried Junior's bed.
Quatre: *lies down* This bed is too...
Narrator: No, that bed is just right.
Quatre: Oh. This bed is just right.
Narrator: Good. So, then, Goldilocks fell asleep.
Quatre: *snores very loudly*
Narrator: Without snoring.
Quatre: *silence*
Narrator: Whatever. Then, the three- I mean, four bears came home.
Trowa, Heero, Duo, Wufei: *walk in*
Trowa: Eek. Someone's been eating my porridge.
Narrator: No, say it with feeling!
Trowa: Who's been eating my porridge?
Narrator: *grumble, grumble* Good enough. Papa bear, show him how to say it right.
Heero: *grunt*
Narrator: NO!
Duo: *screams and runs in circles* SOMEONE ATE MY FOOD!!!
Narrator: That's a bit too much enthusiasm.
Wufei: *cries* Hungwy!
Narrator: Actually, that's pretty good.
Wufei: *keeps crying*
Narrator: Um, that's good.
Wufei: *still crying*
Narrator: WILL SOMEBODY SHUT THAT BABY UP???
Heero: *slaps Wufei* Shut up.
Narrator: Thank you. Then the bears go to sit down.
Trowa: Oh, my. Someone sat in my chair.
Heero: *grunt*
Duo: *screams and runs in circles*
Wufei: *cries*
Narrator: Oh, shut up. Then the bears go to lie down.
Trowa: Someone lay down in my bed.
Heero: *grunt*
Wufei: *cries*
Duo: Hi, Quatre.
Narrator: NO! That's GOLDILOCKS!!!
Duo: Oh, yeah.
Quatre: Hi, Trowa.
Narrator: *mutters* Then, Goldilocks screamed and ran away. The end.
Quatre: Good. Now tell me why I had to be the prissy girl who couldn't do anything but eat porridge, complain, sit in chairs, and sleep.
Wufei: and why do I have to be a baby? Babies are weak! That's injustice!
Heero: We're not bears, and how could we tell that people had been sitting in our chairs? I mean, except for Wufei's, there wasn't a mark.
Trowa: And why do I have to be the Mommy?
Duo: Well, I enjoyed screaming and running in circles, but it doesn't make any sense. Why do I have to be a little kid. And anyway, in the fairy tale, there's only THREE bears, plus I didn't get to eat my food!
Narrator: Uh, oh.... *backs away*
Heero, Duo, Quatre, Trowa, Wufei: Get him! *attack narrator*
Duo: And, except for the narrator, we all live happily ever after.
Trowa: The End.