The merge with Justice

by Sassynightcat

Sigrid had already left, he didn't stop her. Valanya was nagging about wanting to do something for the Dalish, but he mostly avoided her at the moment. Nathaniel and the Steward bugged him with the woes of just about anyone they could find it seemed. Anders was skulking around the library with Justice. That was something Surana found in need of his attention.

It was six months after the Warden-Commander of Fereldan, the Hero that had defeated the Blight, had saved the City of Armaranthine and Vigils Keep. He had been celebrated throughout the lands by both common man and nobles. Now he was back home, expected to do business.

Sigrid had already left, he didn't stop her. Valanya was nagging about wanting to do something for the Dalish, but he mostly avoided her at the moment. Nathaniel and the Steward bugged him with the woes of just about anyone they could find it seemed.

Anders was skulking around the library with Justice. That was something Surana found in need of his attention.

---

That night, to the day, six months after he had defeated the Mother, he was sitting in the dark library stroking Ser-Pounce-Alots belly as he waited for the two suspects to return.

He didn't trust Anders, he never had. They had been friends when Anders lived at the circle in Fereldan. Even as a child Surana had deemed Anders to be the kind of person not to be left to his own devices too long. He had horrible plans. Great intent, horrible at planning. That he wasn't dead yet was the closest to a miracle Surana could think of.

The cat pointed its ears towards the door and left Suranas lap, softly purring as he disappeared into the darkness. A few seconds later the door opened and Surana could hear Anders voice, whispering as he entered the library;

"I know. I know, it is insane that they believe they can treat us like this! We aren't cattle! Not slaves to their stupid will. We are people! Oh, hi Ser-Pounce-Alot! Do you want to help us look for books? Yeees yes, you do. You are such a good kitty,"

"It is very unsettling that such injustice can be condoned by the whole of society without anyone stepping in," Justice replied entering the room slightly after Anders.

"It makes my blood boil," Anders growled "All I wanted from life was being allowed to be me. A nice house, free to come and go, some cats and maybe someone to love. But no. I am a mage, so I need to be locked up in a tower. Asking for permission to do anything from someone who is just waiting to cut me down if I step out of bound,"

"It has been my impression that the Commander has similar feelings. Why have we not included him in this plan? He has great control over the Fade, he might be of use,"

"Oh, Fearon probably would say something snarky about it not being thought through, or want to do it himself. And I don't think you two would be a good fit,"

"We would not," Justice said with some spite in his voice "The Commander is a formidable ally since his knowledge and power is great in this world. But he is not a man of valor. He do not strive for the good of all,"

"Oh I think he does.. he is just bad with people. He has always been like that. I've told him if he just was... you know.. nicer... people would like him more and listen to his plans. He is good at figuring stuff out. And I think his main objective often is to help. He just often views helping as kicking you in the groin and telling you to stop complaining and get a grip of your life. Which people often need, it is just a very... anti-social way of doing it. Hah, I remember when he was like new in the tower, gosh, he must have been like... 10? He was a really cranky child. I don't know, I think he had a crappy childhood already before being locked up. Anyway, they were training to do shield spells, one of the first things that we get to do in practice. There was this kind of irritating mean child who always called Surana knife-ear, and he had trouble getting his shield up. When the instructor turned his back Surana sent a fireball at this kid. Not a big one because he couldn't do big fireballs yet but still. It was more of … you know really big sparks. It lit the kids' clothes on fire, the instructor put it out and screamed at Surana that such behavior was not tolerated. Surana just stared at her with those cold black eyes and answered 'Well if he had listened to you he wouldn't have gotten burned. I was just practicing with him...' That's just who he is. He is a really loyal friend though,"

"Hmph" Justice muttered "He gets satisfaction from others frustration. It is not a trait I can respect,"

"Yeah, he is a bit of an ass sometimes. Let's try and find that book, I can swear that I saw it in this section somewhere... It is a Rivani book on bindings..."

Surana watched them for some time looking through the bookcases, like a shadow in the darkness just observing. A Rivani binding ritual? Were they trying to keep Justice in this world? Kristoff's corpse was decaying rather rapidly. Surana had not bothered to try and look for a solution, the spirit was a nuisance. Always having opinions on how he acted and what he did. It surprised him that it was willing to co-operate with Anders, sure the fight Anders wanted to fight for mages was just but...

Well, maybe the spirit was as dense and easily swept up in grand ideas as his blond friend was. It was a spirit of Justice after all. Or as Surana saw it, a Spirit of bothering all.

He let them search the library for good quarter of an hour before he gently rose from his armchair and silently walked towards them in the dark.

"The Rivani books are on the third floor," he said and smirked as Anders nearly jumped out of his skin.

Justice did not get taken by surprise like that. Ever. It was a bit annoying.

"Are you trying to give me a heart attack!?" Anders shrieked and Surana couldn't help but chuckle "Why are you sitting there!? In the dark!? You are such a freak, Surana!"

"I was wondering why you two was skulking around my keep. And asking any of you likely would not give me a truthful or forthcoming answer, so I spied a little,"

"Have we broken any rules?" Justice asked in a voice telling that he wasn't amused of being accused of keeping secrets.

"No, not yet. I know Anders, however. All good intentions, execution... often a few kinks that cause some harm. And I do not wish any of those kinks to affect Vigils Keep, its subjects, me or the Wardens,"

"Oh come on," Anders moaned "Have some faith, will you? I'm just trying to help our friend here!"

"By binding him? To what?"

"Well..."

"He will need a body. Did you plan to kill anyone else for him to possess?"

"I am not here by choice, I am not a demon" Justice muttered and Surana rolled his eyes.

"Listen, Commander, he wants to stay. There is a lot for him to do here. I was thinking that... maybe we could bind him to me?"

"To you?" Suranas eyebrows shot upwards.

This was such a foolish idea he was amazed even Anders considered it.

"Bind, a spirit of justice, to you? Really? You really think that is a wise idea, Anders?"

"What? Why not?" Anders tone was offended.

Surana did not really care.

"Spirits are molded by who and what they interact with. Kristoff was a fairly benign and temperate person, and also mostly gone when Justice entered his body, hence Justice not becoming a demon when he interacted with the residue of Kristoff. You on the other hand... Or me for that matter. We are to filled with rage and anger over the injustices we have suffered. It seems like a bad idea to risk it..."

"You have no faith in me,"

"Don't be such a child. It has nothing to do with faith. I just don't want to have to kill you,"

Anders' eyes lit up, like a cat that saw a big piece of fish being left on a counter.

"You care for me," the mage said smirking at his commander.

"Of course I do," Surana snarled "You are my oldest friend. And this,"

He waved in Justices direction

"Is a bad idea"

"But he will die" Anders whined "We can't let our friend die,"

"Everybody dies," Surana replied "And he should not have come to to this side of the veil, to begin with,"

"Your concern is touching" Justice muttered "But there is much for me to do in this world,"

"This is not your medium to do it," Surana noted "You are a spirit, and you should return to the Fade if that is what will happen when you leave Kristoff's body. You can change things from there. If you try and possess Anders, or anyone else, I will strike you down and disintegrate every fiber of your being,"

"Do not threaten me," the Spirit growled.

"I'm warning you," Surana answered eyeing the corpse of Kristoff with a cool confident.

Anders' eyes wandered between them and he sighed. Surana understood his plight, it was never easy to let friends die. It was, however, necessary sometimes.

One couldn't, and shouldn't, save everyone.

"Fine, we will look into it really carefully and try and find another way," Anders mumbled after a few seconds of tense silence "Can you help?"

"I could, but I don't think he should be kept here, so I won't," Surana replied and picked up the cat.

Ser-Pounce-Alot purred and head bumped the Warden-Commander softly.

"You allow an intelligent Darkspawn to live, you make some deal with a woman raised by Flemeth to save your life when you killed the Archdemon, but you will not help save Justice?" Anders' voice grew heated.

Surana felt a hot sting of anger. She was not some woman.

"Do not bring Morrigan into this," he warned Anders and the mage scoffed

"We are both blood mages, Surana, we both know she used you. Sure you got your life, but that ritual brought something into this world far more dangerous than Justice! You are such a self-absorbed twat!"

If Surana had been a man of less self-constraint Anders would have been a mere smear on the bottom floor in that moment. Now the Hero of Fereldan simply glared at his apostate friend and said with a voice lined with frost;

"No, I am not. You said it yourself. My main objective is to help. Help this world from getting ripped apart from idiots. My choices are thought through and I often do things I would rather not for the greater good. I'm here am I not? Do you think I enjoy dealing with idiots and inbreeds every other day? Am I the type of person you imagine enjoy serving? I will excuse you this once. But your thoughtlessness has cost you and the world far more than my so-called malice ever has. Power is a means to an end. That end is to save you all. But I guess that is self-absorbed of me. To be here, when I could be with her, to try and look at the whole picture and make decisions that make my few allies dislike me even more because I believe it is the better thing in the long run. Sure. Bind yourself to a spirit. What do I care?"

He turned and left. Fuming inside. He could hear Anders call out his name, he could feel the cat jump off his shoulder, but he didn't care. Something inside of him felt like it was going to rapture.

Morrigan.

Those golden eyes, that smirk. The long black hair and her slender agile fingers.

Surana had never felt so at home with anyone as with her. It was like he had walked his whole life with half a heart and suddenly he had found the rest of it. Now he was alone again, left to fend off the evils of the worlds without her.

He barged out on the settlements of Vigils Keep feeling rain smack him in the face as soon as he stepped out. He ignored the Wardens that was up there on guard duty, he stepped up on the walls of his keep and jumped.

The rush of air and the sight of the moat coming towards him set the adrenaline pumping and he waited until the last moment before he changed. Spreading his wings he caught the wind under him and swooped up towards the cloud clad skies.

Flying helped. It helped to keep the emotions at bay. It helped him gain a perspective and step outside of the situations he was in. It gave him some freedom.

In the form of a black raven, he surveyed his lands but knew he couldn't be long.

An upset Anders was a foolish Anders, and the fool was not mature enough to see his own fault in the situation. Surana would have to go back and talk sense into him. He flew into his own quarters and shook the rain of his feathers the best he could in the windowsill before hopping down on the floor and changing back into a human. Anders was already there looking at him.

"You really shouldn't just jump off walls as soon as you get mad," the mage said trying to jest.

Surana glared at him and poured himself a glass of Brandy.

Anders watched him and bit his underlip for a moment before sighing.

"I'm sorry. I know you work hard for the benefit of others. That it is just your personality that makes you seem like an utter bastard. He is dying, I don't think he will be able to go back to the Fade and... he could do good. He understands our plight. You despise the Chantry as much as I do. He understands that. He understands the injustice we suffer. That in itself is as close to an objective truth about the Mage-Chantry conflict we can get,"

"He won't change a thing," Surana replied sipping on his brandy "He is just a spirit in a corpse, Anders. His view of the conflict comes from us. He is not objective. And if he was to stay here he would need a body. That means possessing someone else. The Wardens are already muttering about that we draw too much attention to us and too much vitriol from the Chantry. We have no idea what would happen to him nor the host,"

"I'm trying to research that. Please help me,"

Surana sighed. Anders looked at him with that helpless puppy look that reminded Surana of Alistair. Surana hated it. Fools. Both of them, but he felt connected to Anders. They had been through a lot together. Anders had had his back in the Circle, been someone that understood Suranas hatred of being locked up. That friend that could tell Jowen that Surana was right when he told Jowen that he was just being dumb.

Jowen.

He had hoped to be able to find Jowen before the Templars did after the Blight. To have a chance to get the fool in the Wardens before he was killed. He had failed.

Jowen had been killed by templars even before the Blight was over. Just a few weeks after he had left Redcliff. They said he turned into an abomination. Surana didn't know what to believe.

He looked at Anders.

In the light of the candles, the blond mage looked tired, like he was about to give up. The Wardens wasn't for Anders, not really. The Wardens was about sacrifice, about steeling oneself from the horrors of the world and to push on with whatever was necessary. Anders was not cut out for that. He was the kind of man that blossomed when free, a simple man caught up in complex events. He was far too emotional for all this. Too passionate.

But still a friend.

Surana sighed and slumped down into a chair staring at his friend, letting his own wear and tear show for a moment.

"I don't want to lose more friends. I..." he sighed and gulped some more brandy "It is not as simple as I think that you think it is. We can't just slit our wrists and solve every problem we have with magic,"

"I don't believe that we can," Anders answered "But with a willing host, a friend that he knows. I'm thinking that should make the process easier, and that he would be able to co-exist with that host"

"I doubt it,"

"But Wynne..."

"Wynne was resurrected by a spirit of healing or compassion. They are non-confrontational spirits, and I doubt that they co-exist. I think they merged. Justice is not non-confrontational or even non-violent. And you aren't dying. Are you prepared to die for the chance of him getting a new body?"

Anders didn't answer directly. Surana frowned and watched his friend closely. Not even a witty remark?

"I would be," he said after a while and met Suranas eyes almost trembling "We don't have long anyway do we? I don't want to be a Warden. Why did you make me a Warden!?"

"To save your life. You know that. Stop being such a child, Anders. The Templars were going to kill you, I stopped that. You didn't complain then,"

"I didn't know what it meant. I just... I just thought I had gotten an out of jail free card. Hell, my friend from childhood that just saved the world swoops in and make me untouchable for them. I didn't know it was just another cage..."

This part of Anders Surana just despised. The self-pity and childish whining. The Gray Wardens were what you made them into. He was free to excuse himself any day if he could make up some kind of reason for why he wanted to go on the road. Surana had even suggested that Anders would go out recruiting, just to show him it that the cage had its doors wide open. Anders refused and continued to mope about.

"It's not. But you won't listen to that so no matter," Surana groaned "I won't forbid you, I'll just warn you. If you and Justice do some ritual and you become an abomination or something else goes wrong then I will kill you,"

Anders gave him a nod to show he had understood. Surana glared at him for a moment to make sure he understood how serious he was, after that he started to look for something to dry his hair with. He was wetter than he had anticipated coming in. Anders quietly poured himself some brandy and watched him rummage around.

While Surana was going through his closet wondering where his towel had went Anders said, softly;

"I think I know why I have always liked you so much. You are like a cat. All proud and dignified, only giving affection when it pleases you mainly acting like an asshole even though you care,"

Surana didn't even bother with a reply. Furthest in on the bottom shelf he could see his towel, how it had got there was a mystery but it was no matter. It was found.

Anders continued to talk in the background, sentimental stuff Surana didn't even bother to half-listen too. He reached into the draw and as he pulled his towel from the back a soft glint of something golden revealed itself. His throat grew tight.

He had forgotten he had stuffed that in there. He reached in, parted some never used finery and stared at the golden mirror that laid there. Her mirror.

He had given it to her as a show of affection. She had left it behind when she disappeared that night after the battle.

"Are you even listening? What are you fiddling with?" Anders came up behind him "A mirror? Why do you have such a fancy mirror in your closet? You don't strike me as a hand mirror guy,"

"It's not mine," Surana muttered "It is Morrigan's. I'm just..."

"You didn't get rid of it? I mean sure I kept the amulet Carl gave me but if he left me like that I'm sure I wouldn't keep anything he had left behind,"

"Shows what you know"

"No need to get snippy with me. I get love. I've loved. But she dumped you. We should find you someone new,"

"There will be no one new. And she has not dumped me," he growled and stroke the golden band on his finger "I just haven't found her yet,"

"...Didn't you say she said not to follow her?"

Surana snarled and slammed the drawer shut with the mirror inside.

This was not a topic he was comfortable discussing. Not with anyone. The concerns of his hearts were his, and his alone.

Covering his head with the towel he turned, hiding his face from Anders and walked back towards his chair. Anders followed, still trying to talk about her and how Surana should really let go.

Suranas' hand went to the ring on his left ring finger. The ring she had given to him. It grew warm and longing some nights. He knew she missed him then. That his heart wasn't the only heart aching to be reunited.

"I don't get you," Anders sighed "Look at you. You allow yourself to be mixed up in all kinds of dark deals but when I try to help a friend, who happens to be a spirit, you shoot it down right away,"

Surana rolled his eyes and muttered;

"I just told you my opinion. You are a grown man, I'm not controlling your actions. I'm just trying to offer perspective and advice. As I said, if you become a danger to the world I will kill you, but what you do is up to you,"

Anders left and Surana sighed. It felt like doom was hanging in the air and he couldn't do anything to prevent it.

Days past and he saw little to nothing of Justice and Anders which made him twitchy. The other Wardens too noticed the absence of the two and rumors were flying around the keep. It all stopped one dark night though, Surana was in his study researching leads for curing the blight when Velena stormed into his room and barked;

"You need to come into the basement! There will be a fight!"

Surana sighed and followed, the Dalish mage updating him as they rushed through the keep.

Despite his warnings and refusal to help Anders had gone through with the joining of him and Justice. Some of the other Wardens were objecting, violently, to it all.

The clang of metal and the crackling of magic could be heard already as they came to the basement stairs and Surana clenched his jaw and signaled Velena to go in behind him.

He threw up a barrier to keep either party from hurting him and marched into the middle of the battle. His blood froze when he saw his old friend.

Anders was glowing and conjuring magic far beyond anything he would have been able to do before. Leading the other side was a former templar who had transferred from Orlais.

"Surana! Kill it!" he roared and Surana sighed.

"Let me deal with this Garlen. All of you, lower your weapons!"

They obeyed, hesitant but loyal to his command.

"Anders," he roared and put himself between the abomination that had been his friend and the others.

It stopped attacking and watched him seemingly struggling with what it was to do.

"Will you to judge us based on fears?!" it asked and Surana raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms over his chest;

"That depends. Will you continue to behave like a demon or are you more than that? Demons I strike down with the blink of an eye and I made a promise to Anders, as you surely remember,"

"I do remember," it said and Anders stopped glowing.

He fell to his knees gasping for air and Surana allowed him to gather himself before he cooly said;

"So did your badly planned experiment work?"

Anders laughed, a weak fragile laugh.

"Always the cynic, Surana. Yes, it worked. Justice is safe. It is not what it looked like. They attacked us before we could explain,"

"He is an abomination!" Garlen barked from behind Surana and Surana sighed.

"Let me be the judge of that. I am far better qualified to evaluate those things than you ever will be,"

"Bet you are. Blood mage," Garlen snarled and Surana glanced over his shoulder.

It was enough to make the former templar stand down and for the others to take one step away from Garlen. They were Wardens. They all did whatever they needed to if it meant fighting the Blight. Surana was the ultimate example of that. Or warning, according to some.

They might not like what he did, and maybe they feared him, but they all knew that he was Warden-Commander for a reason.

"Tell me what this joining meant, anymore,Anders" he said turning to Anders and the mage shrugged.

"We are both in me now. He wants to help me fight for mages in Thedas. To end the injustice we face,"

"Yes. This was a great way to begin that," Surana noted with great sarcasm "By having you being possessed by a spirit,"

"I'm not possessed, we just share a body,"

"Of course,"

"I am me. I promise. Just with a bit of extra,"

"You surely seem as dumb as ever," he noted testing to see if he would get the usual reaction.

He did. Anders grinned and shrugged;

"I have you for brains. You know that. I'm sorry I scared everybody. But we don't have a corpse of an old Warden walkinganymore, so that is good isn't it?"

"We should bury him," Surana said glancing at Kristof's corpse that laid there on the ground "Garlen, take a few men and take Kristof to the chapel. He needs a service worthy of a man that gave everything he had for us,"

Garlen obeyed. A few more of the Wardens dropped off too as Garlen and the others took Kristof away. Surana was dealing with the possible threat, and they frankly didn't want to stay down there with Anders if they didn't have to.

When they were alone Surana sighed and let his left hand rub his neck. There was only one solution to all this. Anders had to go.

"So… It worked," Anders gave him a foolish grin and Surana let out a disgruntled noise.

"You need to leave,"

"What?"

Why Anders looked so shocked he'd never know.

"You need to leave. You can not stay here. You are not welcome to stay here,"

A fury began to build in Anders' eyes and Surana stepped forward, putting a haAnders'shoulder and muttered;

"Calm down, idiot. You wanted this, did you not? Well congratufuckinglations, now you are free of the Wardens. Garlen will run his mouth. I will not be able to keep order with you around, and frankly, I judge you to be about two tantrums from being an abomination. Do you want to run the world killing templars? Be my guest, Anders. You will, however, not be doing it in my name anymore,"

"Why did you even stop them, if that is your thoughts?" Anders growled and his eyes were burning with anger and betrayal.

He was so god damn dense. Surana wanted to slap him. Self-restraint, however, was a thing he got better and better at.

"I don't want you dead. Come with me. We will head to the deep roads, you will wait there for me a few hours. I will gather some supplies for you, pack your things. You can leave Vigils Keep without anyone knowing from the Deep Roads. Leave Fereldan. I'd suggest the Free Marches. Keep your head down, stay alive,"

He was nudging Anders towards the stairs as he spoke and the rage faded from his friends' eyes.

"You will pretend you've killed me. To keep them happy, and let me get away. But why?"

"Because I'm a sentimental fool. Now shut up, get down there and do as I say,"

Anders nodded and pulled Surana into a hug, and when the elf had wriggled free smiled at him and said;

"Yes, Commander,"

Surana cast some spells, made some commotion and made sure to get a bit scuffed up before he went up and gathered Anders things claiming to 'make room for a new Warden'. No one questioned him. No one ever questioned Warden-Commander Surana when he was in a foul mood after allegedly having slaughtered one of his oldest friends.

He also snuck Ser-Pounce-Alot into his pile of things that he brought down, allowing the two to say goodbye to each other.

"I could bring him," Anders argued sitting on the stone floor petting the cat "He's a fierce fighter,"

"The Deep Roads are no place for a cat," Surana disagreed "I'll look after him. I'm sure you will find another cat to love, in the Free Marchers. Or where ever you wind up,"

Anders was childish about it, but Surana wasn't letting the cat leave with the now probable abomination in the making. He was found of the cat and wanted one good memory of his friend still with him.

"Promise to take care of him," Anders whined when Surana picked Sir-Pounce-Alot from him.

"I will. It will be good for the both of you, you can't have someone this squishy with you where you are heading. He'd make you too soft and both of you would die,"

"Fine… Also… thank you,"

"Don't mention it. I don't think I'm doing you a favor. Just… don't go throw the world into chaos will you?"

"I won't. We'll find justice for mages, but I promise not to destroy the world while doing it,"

"Good. I'd hate to be forced to track you down,"

Anders smiled and pulled Surana into a hug, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek and rubbed their noses together. Surana squirmed.

"I hope she's worth it, Fearon. I really do. I hope all of this is worth it. The Wardens, her… Don't die,"

"I won't. Try not to be stupid,"

"I'll try,"

Anders released his grip, heaved his backpack up on his back, gripped his staff and started walking away into the darkness. Surana suppressed the awful foreboding feeling in his chest and turned his back and walked upstairs again.

What's done is done. Anders was a grown man, and Surana had far too many issues to deal with already. Surely Anders would have himself killed, or find some wisdom before he did too much damage?