Title: Not Anymore

Characters: Petunia Evans, Harry Potter & Dudley Dursley.

Prompts: Ancient Studies – Aztecs: Write a story that spans an entire year, with one scene for each month.

AN: I decided to go AU and give Petunia a backbone and a damn heart. Excuse me for using "bad language".

Warning: Minor bashing of Vernon Dursley and Marge Dursley. I also talk about dieting and more specifically dieting for young children. I cannot stress enough that when I do that I am talking about dieting to become healthy. It's not about dieting for the sake of becoming skinny. I also mean dieting as in avoiding foods that are high in fat, high in sugar and so on. I do not promote dieting for toddlers. I promote staying healthy whatever that may be for you as an individual taking into the consideration the advice of doctors and any individual medical history.

Word Count: 3, 271

October 1981

October 31st began just like any other day. Petunia slowly opened her eyes to the sound of her husband's violent snoring. Occasionally he would go quiet, a little too long for Petunia's liking, but just as she was about to see if he was still breathing a loud snoring told her that he was. The young woman would sneak out of bed; careful not to wake him up. Vernon hated being woken up before it was time.

The woman with the too long neck would put on the robe Vernon had bought her; it wasn't appropriate for her to wear the old one he bought her a few months into their relationship. She was a mother now.

Petunia's steps were undetectable underneath the loud sound of Vernon's snoring and he didn't move as she left the bedroom and carefully opened the door to her son's room. Dudley was just one year old but he already looked so much like his father. He even snored like Vernon. And just like her husband Dudley hated being woken up. Petunia sneaked out, quietly, after glancing at her beautiful boy; just making sure that he was okay.

Silence was key in the morning. Both her husband and her son would be cranky all through the day if they were woken up earlier than they had to. But it was all part of the routine. Petunia slowly walked down the stairs. She slipped her feet into a pair of slippers and opened the door. What she saw lying on her steps was not a part of her routine. All thoughts about being silent for the sake of having a peaceful day was lost.

Petunia screamed.

November 1981

Petunia laid completely still in their bed as the boy kept screaming. Her heart was beating quickly inside her chest, it felt like she couldn't breathe and she nervously spun her wedding ring around her bony fingers. The boy wouldn't stop screaming. Vernon snored softly; somehow, he was able to ignore the sound of the boy. Petunia felt a shiver go through her body. He was able to ignore a lot of the things the boy did. Even the pleading sound in his voice as he repeated the few words he could say when he dared speak; mama, papa, pa-foo. Petunia still hadn't been able to make sense of the last one.

The volume of the scream increased. It was a miracle that Dudley didn't wake up. Petunia nudged Vernon and within seconds found herself being on the receiving end of an elbow in her stomach. "What?"

"I'm going to check on him." Petunia's words had Vernon let out a growl-like sound. "Maybe he's ill."

Vernon muttered something under his breath but Petunia couldn't tell what he said. The bed objected as the heavy man rolled around and turned his back against her. Petunia, now a proper master at being silent, snuck out of bed and walked to where Harry was standing in something that could barely be called a box much less a bed.

His raven hair was out of control. His face completely red and tears ran down his chubby cheeks. The moment Petunia opened the door he reached his arms towards her. The woman thought she could hear a tone of pleading in his cries and there was certainly a kind of desperation in the way he reached for her to comfort him. To take the pain and the fear, he could yet not understand, out of his already tortured mind and away from his small body.

Every cell in her body screamed at her to do it. Petunia looked over her shoulder. And then she crossed the room and held the boy in her arms. She gently began stroking his back as the boy clang to her as if his life depended on it and in between the broken sobs tiny whimpering words was heard; mama, papa, pa-foo.

Petunia felt her heart being ripped to shreds as she sat down on the ground with the child in her arms. "I know sweetheart, I know."

December 1981

Petunia stood by the door and waved her husband and son goodbye. They got in the tiny car that could barely fit Vernon's sister Marge; they were now making the brave attempt to fit Marge, Vernon, Dudley and their parents in it. Petunia ignored the pleased look on her sister in laws face when Vernon told them Petunia wasn't coming. It didn't bother her the slightest.

She closed the door behind her as the car vanished out of sight. She collected the sleeping form of Harry out of his bed and walked up the stairs towards her and Vernon's bedroom. He didn't like it when Dudley was in there; the only thing he disliked even more was when Harry was in there.

Petunia laid the tiny boy next to her on the bed underneath a thick blanket. She could feel her heart breaking at the sight. He ate less and less. The shimmer in those green eyes were slowly dying and Petunia suspected that maybe the child had realised that his parents wasn't coming back for him.

He had said his first new word since arriving to their home that month. Christmas. And it had taken Petunia every ounce of will not to cry at the spot. She wasn't surprised that the son of Lily knew the word for Christmas. It had been her sisters favourite holiday when they grew up. Petunia couldn't help but remind herself daily of the fact that her sister and her husband wasn't able to celebrate Harry's first Christmas.

When Vernon was home Petunia had to act as if those thoughts didn't invade her mind like parasites. She had to act like they didn't hurt her; like they didn't make her want to curse the world for being so cruel. But now that he was gone she could finally allow the guarded walls to fall. And when she cried she didn't do it silently.

January 1982

January 1st reminded Petunia of the fact that New Year's Eve was nothing but a phony holiday. Yes, it was a new year but the consequences of every bad thing that had happened last year was still very much present.

Lily and James were still dead. Harry was still an orphan. And Petunia was still trapped in this loveless marriage, this cold house with a man who did everything he could to remind her what a freak Harry would become. What a freak her sister and her husband was.

"What are you thinking about?" Vernon asked while he was chewing on one of the many slices of bacon he had eaten that morning; Petunia had since long lost count.

She poked her grapefruit and shrugged. "Nothing dear."

February 1982

It occurred to Petunia that the sentence she most often spoke in the house was: Yes Vernon. The thought had never entered her mind before but as soon as she realised the truth a shiver would go through her body every time she said it out loud.

"Look at our little boy." Vernon laughed. Petunia could hear the cruel tone just barely hidden under so called happiness. "He's going to become something big; I can tell."

"Yes Vernon." Petunia shivered as she bent down to pick up the piece of toast that Harry had thrown on the floor and had been staring at for the past few seconds.

"Don't do that." Vernon said and Petunia paused midmovement. "If he doesn't want what is offered then he won't be getting anything to eat at all."

Petunia didn't mention that Dudley threw food on the floor all the time. She didn't correct him and say that Harry was probably just throwing food on the floor because of curiosity and not because he didn't want it. If she could pick it up and give it back to him he would probably eat it. She didn't say any of it. Instead she felt a shiver already before the words left her mouth.

"Yes Vernon."

March 1982

Her son was fat.

Petunia scrunched her face together as she watched the two boys sitting on the lawn outside of the house. Harry was skinny for a child. He had observant green eyes which sometimes reminded Petunia too much of Lily.

Dudley on the other hand was just fat; he wasn't chubby like other children. And Petunia couldn't tell if his eyes were observant because they almost got lost in his face. She did know that Dudley's eyes looked like his fathers. She hated it.

"Hello Petunia." Mrs. Figg waved as she passed their house. "Is that your sisters little one? What's his name?"

"Good morning Mrs. Figg." Petunia waved. Vernon insisted that they didn't say his name and would only refer to him as the boy. Petunia smiled at Mrs. Figg as a force of defiance exploded within her. "His name is Harry."

Mrs. Figg smiled at the boys who had now noticed that she was there. Harry waved at the woman while Dudley remained still. "Oh, he's such a darling. Look at that beautiful smile." Mrs. Figg waved back at the raven-haired boy.

Petunia nodded as she looked at the child. She couldn't help but think that yes, yes, he is and yes that is a beautiful smile. But he might not smile like that much longer if she didn't do something to fix it.

April 1982

"You want to do what?" Vernon shouted at her in spite of the fact that he was sitting just next to her on the bed.

Petunia looked at him disapprovingly. Her blond hair was back into a braid that ended just below her shoulders. "Shush Vernon, you could wake up the kids."

Vernon's face became dangerously red. "But why would you want to get an education. I can already provide for us. Who will take care of the children when you're gone wasting your time and my money?"

"I'll take the children with me of course." Petunia replied. She feigned a yawn as Vernon opened his mouth and put her book on the table next to her. "I'm really tired Vernon. It's been a long day; let's talk about this tomorrow."

May 1982

Silence was still very much a part of their life. At least when Vernon was home.

Petunia had gotten a job as a journalist. Her job consisted mostly of writing columns about cleaning, cooking and taking care of children. She now had another element to fit into her day.

Another element to do silently.

She woke up and quietly went to check on Dudley and Harry. They had breakfast in silence but the moment Vernon's car had disappeared around the corner Petunia put on the radio and wrote while the children played on the kitchen floor; at some point before lunch Petunia would dress them and take them for a walk. Both boys blabbed amongst each other as they walked down the street. Most of the time she would hold one of their hands as they walked on either side of her. But occasionally Dudley would by his own will take Harry's hand and they walked walk just a few steps in front of her.

Music, children's laughter and the sound of her typing filled the house with a warmth it had previously been lacking. No more silence.

June 1982

"He's very skinny." Marge complained as she looked at Dudley who were stuffing his face with the fruits he had been given instead of a birthday cake. "Where's the birthday cake?"

Petunia watched with twinkling eyes as Vernon mumbled about dieting in a way that made it seem as if the word itself was causing him physical pain.

"Dieting?" Marge spoke so loudly that both children looked up from their bowls of fruit. "Such nonsense. Why would Dudley be dieting? He's only a toddler. Petunia, what is this nonsense?"

Petunia leaned back into her chair with a fake smile on her face; neither Vernon nor Marge would ever be able to tell the difference. "I spoke to a doctor about Dudley's health and I was told to cut down on the sugar and the fat to prevent him from experiencing health problems that comes with being obese."

Marge looked startled for a moment but quickly shrugged it off and took her cup of tea. "Nonsense."

July 1982

Petunia watched Harry and Dudley sit next to each other in the hallway. They had both proclaimed in some language that almost sounded completely like English that they could put their shoes on by themselves; and now they were sitting next to each other while looking at their respective pair of shoes as if they were trying to solve some major puzzle.

"What do you mean, you're going to celebrate the boy's birthday?" Vernon asked angrily from where he stood just inside the kitchen.

Petunia glared at him. "It's not a hard sentence Vernon. I meant exactly what I told you. Dudley, Harry and I are going out to celebrate Harry's second birthday; and there is nothing you can do to stop it."

Vernon looked startled at this outburst even if it wasn't the first time that Petunia had spoken to him like that in the last few months. But that didn't stop Vernon from looking at her as if she was a being from another planet who had just landed to inform him that she was taking over the world.

"What happened to you Petunia?"

The question made the woman laugh. She glanced at the two boys. Harry wore one of his own shoes and the other belonged to Dudley, but at least they wore the right shoe on the right foot. Petunia felt her heart leap inside her chest as she saw both boys looking happy at each other and then at her. Harry with his emerald eyes and raven hair. Dudley with his blond hair and blue eyes that looked so different just compared to how they looked a few months earlier.

Petunia gave Vernon one last glance. "We will be back in a few hours Vernon. You should probably fix your own lunch. I'll be taking the boys to a restaurant."

August 1982

Vernon had become increasingly aggressive the last few weeks. Everything Harry did seemed to annoy him. Petunia preferred when Vernon was no longer in the house. She preferred when the music was playing and when she could breathe.

She preferred it when Harry could smile like a normal child. When they could sit outside in the garden and eat ice-cream without fearing another one of Vernon's bursts of rage.

The sun warmed up Petunias skin and she laughed when she saw the state of the boys. They could do a lot of things, or maybe she was being biased, but they had yet to manage to art of eating ice-cream.

September 1982

The tension was thick enough to be cut through with a knife. Petunia walked stiffly with a neutral expression on her face between the kitchen sink and the table. Dudley and Harry was unusually quiet. Petunia told herself that it was because they too could feel the tension and not because of the event that had led to a bruise appearing on Harry's left side of the face. She almost managed to convince herself that was the case but not entirely.

Vernon didn't praise Dudley for being a big boy like he did a few months earlier. And it wasn't only because of the fact that Dudley wasn't so big anymore. The toddler who had previously struggled when running no longer wheezed when he was playing with his cousin; it didn't matter if they ran or not.

Vernon coughed as he stood up. "I guess I'll be going then." He leaned down to kiss her cheek but Petunia turned away from him. A moment of silence when the tension became, if possible, even thicker than it was before. "Have good day darling."

Petunia looked ahead of herself. Not until the door had closed behind him did she answer. "You too."

For the third time during the course of a year Petunia changed her routine. After breakfast, she helped the boys get into their coats and shoes. Both of them were beaming as they waited for Petunia to get herself ready. It was easier than she thought it would be.

Petunia Dursley left the house she had shared wither her husband that day and she did so with a proud smile on her face, her head held high for everyone to see while carrying one suitcase; proudly watching Harry and Dudley as they led the way towards what would undoubtedly be a better future.

October 1982

October 31st began as any other day in the Potter - Evans household. Petunia woke up early just like she had on the day one year earlier. But this time it was without the dreadful sound of Vernon's snoring. When she looked around in her tiny bedroom Petunia felt at home. The walls were painted yellow and in the corner of the room, closest to her bed, there were two tiny handprints in a purple colour just barely visible behind a chair.

Petunia didn't act like a quiet mouse as she walked out of her bedroom wearing a robe she had bought for herself because she wanted to. Harry had the room to her left and Dudley had the room to her right and judging by the sound they were both awake. They didn't eat breakfast in silence. Something or someone was always making noises and sounds. Sometimes it was music and sometimes it was Harry and Dudley talking gibberish to each other.

Though October 31st began like any other day the last month there was something different about it. Petunia imagined that the children could feel it even if they couldn't understand it. She watched them laughing and talking to each other as they walked down the path towards the graveyard. She knew how to find Lily and James graves without thinking about which direction to take.

Petunia gave Harry a flower and then Dudley another flower to put on the ground in front of the stone. A sharp pain struck her and spread from her chest to the rest of her body. So much changed in a year. She lost her sister and Harry lost both his parents at the same night. So much hurt and sadness that Petunia could see the child in front of her were experiencing every day even if he didn't know what it was or how to tell anyone. It was obvious in the way he sometimes struggled to sleep and the way he was sometimes inconsolably crying for his mama, papa and pa-foo. Those moments broke her heart but Petunia did what she could. She held the child close to her and she told him tales of her sister, his mother, and hoped that he in some way understood her.

She kneeled in front of the stone and gently brushed away some dirt from the stone. Harry with his emerald eyes and raven-coloured hair came to help with Dudley just behind him. Petunia felt her eyes stinging as she watched the two boys.

Harry didn't know why they were there. He didn't understand that his parents were laying underneath the stone. Petunia vowed that she would one day tell him. She would tell him about his parents; she would tell tales of their bravery, their kindness and their intelligence. She could do whatever she wanted because Vernon no longer controlled her, not anymore.

The end