I'm just a dad and my kids are a nightmare

Summary: Starts 3 years after the end of the book! Harry's jornal through fatherhood and...grandfatherhood...if that exists. WARNINGS: Wall head-banging, mustaches of Uncle freds portrait, sarcastic comments and very...erm...creative children. Harry's faced a dark lord, is he ready to face his kids? Parody, no shit.

Chapter 1: Year one, kid number one

Year 1 January

Too...many...inlaws...not...enough...chicken...

Back from hunnymoon! Ginny's sick, was up all morning with her heaving into the toilet bowl. She was a mess this morning, but now she's happier then usual...curious, very curious. (yes, I quote Olivander! What's the world coming too?) We have moved all of her things from her old flat into Grimmauld place for the time being until we move into Godric's Hollow. We both took a week off work and have decided we would re-do the Cottage in Godric's Hollow intirely, since it is in pieces after all. Ginny's being obsessive about the colours she wants to paint the rooms. She has muggle paint tablettes and everything!

Door bell's going now. We invited the Weasley's for supper (at grimmauld place, not Godric's Hollow!). That includes the Weasley brothers' wives and children.

Why can I hear so many feet going downstaires? I mean, there's a lot of Weasley's, but not that many.

I think I just heard Charlie's voice...oh and that's Fleur. Maybe we should have cooked ten chicken instead of two...oh God, the doorbell is going again...make that twenty chickens.

later that night

Okay...Charlie, his wife (Andriana) and there three kids (Marcus [1, Klaus [3 and Laura [2) came up from ROMANIA to come to supper! Bill and Fleur came up from Shell Cottage, bringing along their two kids (Molly [1 and Victoire [2). George and his wife (Angelina Johnson, now known as Angelina Weasley) came, as expected, with their two kids (Mimi and Fred [8 months old: twins). Ron came with his wife Hermione. No, the last two are not expecting any children, Ron is still dead scared of kids after Teddy grew a beak instead of a mouth one day while Ron was feeding him. Percy came with his wife Angie-I'm-pregnant-and-very-hormonal-if-you-haven't-noticed.

Supper was intertaining. Mrs.Weasley helped us make a dozen more chickens. Teddy did our intertaining. The little guy had a hair moment, his hair went nuts, and everyone just stared at him as his hair did a light show.

"Can I touch it?" Klaus had asked hopefully.

"What?" Charlie aksed, still staring at Teddy, transfixed.

"the glowing stuff on Teddy's head"

"Dat's moy hawe!" Three year old Teddy said angrily.

"Can I touch it?" Klaus asked again.

"Naw!" Teddy said, angrier this time.

"Please"

"NAW!" Teddy yelled his hair turned bright red as he said it.

"It isn't over till the baby screams" George said. Angelina wacked him across the back of his head.

With Teddy's light show over, we brought in supper. It was good. Soon the kids went into The living room and started playing, something or other. Leaving everyone else just to talk.

Frankly; I would have prefered playing with the kids.

Year 1 Febuary

I'm at St.Mungo's

I took Ginny to St.Mungo's this morning after another round of barfing at the crack of dawn.

She's not sick...

She pregnant!

I don't know wether to be happy...or cry.

Year 1 March

Little more then "Air"

Have been avoiding Mrs.Weasley, me and Ginny don't want to tell her: Too scared. We've decided to tell Ron and Hermione. Hermione squealed and asked if she could decorate the nercary and Ron got up for some "Air".

Have sneaking suspicious that Ron is very bad secret keeper.

Next day

Ron told Mrs.Weasley, Mrs.Weasley told Everyone, Everyone told Everyone Else and now Everyone else has informed the intire wizarding population that I am indeed going to be a father.

Ron has been banned from Godric's hollow and he is not getting any birthday presents. HA!

Week later

Mrs.Weasley has moved in. We are all very scared.

Year 1 May

Mustache...he-he.

Family is betting money on gender of baby. Damn you George. Portrait-Fred has determined that child shall be a he-she.

Have given Portrait-Fred a rather unattractive mustache.

Mrs.Weasley has been banned from fridge. She ate all Ginny's cabbage (her new food craving) and made it ALL for supper. Ginny is on a rampage. Mrs.Weasley mysteriously dissapeared last night.

Can't blame her.

Year 1 July

Hormones...wheeeeeee

Ginny is having weird food cravings. She keeps attacking me for the slightest things. Asked Mrs.Weasley what is wrong with her daughter. Her answer "Hormones". She added "They are only going to get worse".

Suddenly I have a need to bang my head off a wall.

Year 1 September

Baby due tommorow

The nurssary is bright pink.

someone wants a niece.

Shall laugh in Hermione's face when it is a boy.

Ginny's hormones are worse then usual.

Shall go find a hard wall and bang head repeatedly.

Next day

It's a girl. She's adorable and has BLACK hair. Take THAT Charlie! I have taken Portrait-Fred to Godric's Hollow to prove gender to Fred. Ginny got angry and hit Portrait-Fred across the face for being a prat.

Named Baby girl Shella-Luna.

Luna's the Godmother.

Must go find ice for black eye.

Ginny's got a nice punch.

Damn brothers of hers.

Year 1 December

Christmas eve

Baby likes milk, Ginny hates breast feeding, says it hurts. I laugh at her in my head, if I do it aloud, she'll have my head on a silver platter for Christmas. Teddy's jealous of Shella-Luna. He now wants baby booties for Christmas. He wants pink ones none the less.

Update on how many christmas presents we bought this year-- 50! 50 FREAKIN' presents! I think I shall go find that wall now.

Next day

Mrs.Weasley volunteered mine and Ginny's new and rebuilt house in Godric's hollow as the hosting house of the Christmas day supper for the Weasley and friends clan and co..

The guest list was 10 pages long.

Kill me now.

A/N: This is Atlanta!!!! Thought it would be cool to do a story like this. I think I heard something like this somewhere...not sure where...hmmm, anyways! Hector (my wheelchair. Got in a skateboarding accident) says Hello.

review's are welcome! Flames are used to make s'mores!

love ya

Atlanta and Hector-the-wheelchair