Authors Note: Okay, this is my first fanfic! I'm really excited! Please review and tell me what you think. Reviews make me feel all warm inside! lol

Sumary: Happens after "Didn't we almost have it all". Meredith has a feeling. That can only mean trouble! It's mainly about Alex and Addison ADDEX!! (Yes, I just can't give up on them yet!) and about MerAlex-friendship but other caracters will appear too sooner or later I promise!

Disclamer: I don't own Grey's or anything! It'd be heaven if I did though!

Chapter 1

A feeling can be described in many ways. Some are incredibly great and you never want them to stop. You want to keep those feelings forever, embrace them in your heart and never let go.

On the other hand there are feelings we can't wait to get rid off. Like the feeling of unreturned love. When you're the one who has fallen hard for someone you know you can't have. It's unbelievably painful – cruel even isn't it? We don't wanna feel that way and just want it to stop, right here, right now.

We can tell ourselves over and over again, that those feelings aren't real, that they're just imaginative but it's not that simple, is it?

And there were Mers "special" feelings. Those feelings she only felt when something big waited for her or someone she cared for. Because she was all dark and twisty inside, most of those "big" feelings were bad and not just "I'm-sure-a-patient-is-gonna-die-on-me-today-bad" even though that feeling would be the worst for most of us. But you all know which feelings we're talking about here. Someone very (mc)dreamy told her that they would pass if she just waited long enough. But obviously, that didn't work. Today at work it suddenly overcame her again.

That feeling

She dropped the chart she'd been holding on the floor and ran down the empty hallway towards the supply closet.

"Seriously, this can't be happening again. I don't believe this! Why me! Haven't I suffered enough this year?" She said to herself and started crying heavily.

She crouched down next to a shelve and started sobbing into her hands. She pressed them against her face when two big tears run down her cheeks and finally landed in her lap.

She just knew that something was approaching.

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How could he have been so stupid? Letting her go, telling her to be with the decent guy and not even being able to give her a reason to stay with him, even though he thoughtabout her a lot .

"I don't love her" He keeps telling himself.

"She was just a patient and now she's gone. She's back in that freaking village of hers with her freaking husband who didn't even care enough to go and look for her in the first place."

Just then he heard a very, almost too familiar voice behind him.

"Karev, we don't pay you for daydreaming so get to work and round on my patients!"

"Right of course Dr. Montgomery" he spat at her and didn't even bother to hide his annoyance. He turned to walk away but she quickly jumped around him and blocked the way he intended to leave.

"Listen Alex, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude or anything, it's just that you seem to be distracted lately. Is this about Ava or Rebecca or whatever her name is?"

She was wearing her sneakers and the dark blue scrubs she looked so good in. Alex looked down at her. This was one of the rare occasions he was actually taller than her because she wasn't walking around in heels. She obviously just got out of surgery. He stared at the beautiful redhead for a few seconds before he said something.

"I don't see how this concerns you Dr. Montgomery since you were the one who told me to go after her. But she's gone now isn't she? So guess what? You're great plan didn't work!"

She could feel that there was more he actually wanted to say but instead he grabbed a chart and walked down the hallway without even looking back once.

He was hurt and mad, even though he would never admit this to anyone. Yeah well maybe the mad-part, but definitely not the hurt-part. After all, he was still evil spawn Alex . But as his thoughts drifted off again he realised that the whole thing wasn't just about Ava, it was about Addison too. He still hadn't figured out how he felt about her and he knew that it was probably too late anyway. He had his chances with her and blew them. First he told her he wasn't interested (Hello! I mean who couldn't be interested in her? She's smart and hot!) and then, after the mind-blowing encounter in the on call-room, he turned her down again because he wasn't what she wanted.

"God, how stupid can one guy be? I probably should get a medal for that or something! I'm so pathetic" He thought.

But the thing was, he wasn't completely sure whether he hadn't already started turning into that guy. You know, the guy who plays catch and barbeques for his family. She had definitely changed him quite a bit already, why should that stop now?

"Hello?" An unfamiliar voice suddenly interrupted his daydreaming. AGAIN!

"And now I'm daydreaming all day long! I think I'm turning into a chick!"

He suddenly realised that he was standing in front of a foetal heart rate-monitor and stared at it like it was some kind of dessert he wanted to taste but couldn't, because it was protected by a glass counter.

"Sorry?" He turned towards the woman lying in her hospital bed.

"Is everything alright with my baby Dr. Karev? Because you're looking like something's wrong."

"No nothing's wrong! Sorry about that. Everything looks just fine" he assured her

"God" he thought to himself as he exited the patients room after reassuring her again that everything was okay and that Dr. Montgomery would proceed with the C-Section as planned.

"Now even my patients can see that I'm not on top of my game! These two chicks have invaded my brain and don't let me think of anything else anymore. I seriously have to clear my head after this shift!"

Of course Alex didn't have the "I-have-a-feeling-gift" Meredith possessed, so he was absolutely clueless about what was going to happen.

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After Alex left, Addison just stood there for a while, watching him walk down the hallway.

"God now look at me! The great Addison Montgomery staring after an Intern."

Well actually he's a resident now so…. No! no! BAD THOUGHTS, bad thoughts, get them out of your head Addison! It's not like he's interested in you anyway. It was just sex... good sex... Oh who was she kidding, it was perfect! She didn't think that he could really be so gentle and at the same time doing everything she needed just like they had done it millions of times before. But now he just wanted Ava and not her anymore.

"I mean I could help him get over her, but I don't wanna be his rebound girl. If he wants me he has to give me what I want too! Seriously, my knees are gonna be closed" She promised herself half-heartedly.

"God, I really think I'm loosing it! Fantasising about a relationship with an intern! Who am I? I'm turning into my ex-husband!"

She suddenly stormed down the hall into the exact opposite direction that Alex had left and found herself standing in a dark supply closet, not even bothering to turn on the light, her back pressed against the door and her eyes closed. She took a few deep breaths before lowering herself to the floor. It took her about a minute to realise that she wasn't alone. There was someone sobbing in the far end of the room, hidden behind a big shelve.

"Hello?" She called but got no response, except for another series of little sobs. She stood up gently, forcing her own issues to the back of her mind. She started walking towards the position the crying came from.

The bright lights from the hallway brought enough brightness into the closet for her to recognise the person in front of her. "Well this is just great!" She thought to herself as she spotted Meredith lying on the floor in a foetal position

"Dr. Grey, what's going on? Don't you have…" she wanted to finish her sentence but Mer cut her off.

"I have a feeling" she whispered.

"You have a feeling?"

"Something's gonna happen today and I can't stop it or do anything about it! I don't know what to do!"

"Well for starters you could get up from that filthy floor" Great, now I have to deal with my ex-husbands hysterical 12-year-old girlfriend too! Someone up there really must think I'm Satan!

She helped Meredith up and locked eyes with her.

"Listen Grey, we all get these feelings from time to time. We think that the world is gonna explode over our head but they always pass. We're doctors, we don't believe in fortune-telling or whatever it is you think you're doing because we are scientists, we believe in facts, so please stop telling your little story to everyone who walks into that closet! It'll only scare the patients! If you want to hide in here all day that's fine with me but there are interesting surgeries on the board and you could actually learn something!" She yelled at Meredith but didn't really care. She had her own problems to deal with. She gave Mer one final glance and walked out of the closet into the hallway.

"Okay, I've got work to do now. Sick moms, labouring moms and premature babies to take care of. No more thoughts will be wasted on Karev or Grey today. Only my patients are important." But by that time she already knew she'd break her own promise probably within 15 minutes. She tugged one of her red locks behind her ear whilst over viewing one of her patients charts. The rest of the day went over in a second and so far nothing bad had happened.

"Grey was wrong, who would have thought!" She thought sarcastically before starting her car and pulling out of the parking lot.

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Alex's day was the exact opposite of Addisons. Time seemed to stop every few minutes. He avoided Dr. Montgomery, which meant no surgeries to scrub in on for him, because Sloane hated his guts anyway and he didn't want to go into plastics anymore so it would have been a waste of time. At the moment he was hiding. Well, if someone asked he would deny that. His ego was still big, maybe not as big as it used to be, but still big enough. He did charts, ran labs, everything not to be confronted with the redhead again, which was kind of difficult, since he was on her service again. But the only difference between now and the first time he was assigned to her was, that this time, it had been his decision and not hers.

Anyway, he was just enjoying the comfortable piece and quiet of really old guys room when suddenly Meredith walked in.

"Great, more oestrogen for Alex" he sighed to himself. But then he realised that her eyes were red and swollen.

" Oh no, what did Shepherd do this time?"

"Nothing." Mer let herself fall into the chair next to Alex.

"Then why do you look like a beaten up puppy Grey?"

"Shut up Karev, I have a feeling! Something bad's gonna happen today! Plus Satan yelled at me in the supply closet when she found me there, because I told her I had a feeling. Seriously, there's something wrong with that woman!"

At that Alex unconsciously dropped the pen he'd been holding which attracted Merediths immediate attention.

"What's wrong with you?" She asked "Why are you doing your charts in here? Don't you usually do them….. oh you're hiding from Addison!" Mer put the pieces together in her head rather quickly.

"That's why she went off on me! She really seemed to be pissed off! What did you do to her Alex?"

"What? I didn't do anything!"

"Liar! Come on Alex, you know I don't buy your crap! Is there something going on between the two of you?

"No!"

"Liar! You're nose is growing and you're blushing!"

Alexs lips formed a tiny smile which made Mer laugh. She actually laughed for the first time that day. She wanted to keep her mind off those thoughts and went on.

"Tell me Alex, I need something to distract me!"

"First of all, stop calling me a liar! And second of all I swear to god if you spill any of this to anyone, and I mean it Grey, I'm going to empty all your Tequila-bottles into the sink because by now I know all your hiding places in the house and that would probably really piss you off!"

"Okay fair enough, shoot!"

"I slept with her about 2 weeks ago"

"You WHAT? You had dirty McSex with Satan?" She paused, waiting for the first shock to pass. "And?"

"What and?"

"That can't be everything can it?"

Alex looked at her in astonishment. "You know, you should have become an interrogator instead of a surgeon Grey, you're way too nosy!" he smirked.

"Whatever! Spill!"

"After we had sex I rejected her. She went to L.A. and at the not-wedding she told me to go after Ava. She convinced me that I wanted Ava and not her. But when I got back to the hospital she had already left. So I went off on her earlier. That's it."

"So who do you want?"

Alex took a moment to think before answering. "I don't know" He said in a gruff tone, indicating that this part of the conversation was over. "Hey do you and Izzie wanna have another Tequila-party at home tonight? Because unless the whole hospital knows about our little chat by the time we get off, there's plenty left at your house!" he threatened

"Sure thing, I'd drink myself into a coma right now just to make that feeling go away!" She joked.

"Seriously Mer, you should just let it go. Bad things always have and always will happen. There's nothing you can do about that!" He told her and patted her head slightly. With that he continued reading his charts.

But after a few moments of comfortable silence Alex remembered something.

"Hey, a few months ago you had to choose between the vet and Shepherd right?"

"Yes"

He hesitated, knowing that this topic was way to female for his liking but also knowing that he couldn't ask anyone else.

"How did you know that Derek was the one? Because you seemed to be happy with Finn up until your sexathon in the exam room at prom."

"Hey! How do you know that?"

"Torres talkes too you know!" He added with a boyish smile.

"I…. I just knew! I wanted him to be the one all along and when he finally broke up with Addison…. I thought he was my knight in shining whatever. I thought I could have everything, you know, even the "happily ever after" part. But I guess I'm just too damaged for him, I can't give him what he wants, what he needs, what he deserves. Plus Cristina didn't get her "happily ever after" and" she started sobbing again "I'm just too dark and twisty oh and did I mention whiny!" Tears were making their way down her cheeks now and Alex felt a little bit overwhelmed with the situation. Where did that conversation go so wrong? What did he do to make her cry?

"Mer, okay you are whiny. That you definitely are, but you're not always dark and twisty. And don't think that you don't deserve the "happily ever after" part! Because even a miserable dirty ex-mistress does!" and just when he slowly ran out of words to comfort her, I mean where the hell were Bambi and Izzie when you needed them? his pager went off. He looked at it while Mers head rested on his left shoulder At least I got her to stop crying.

"Sorry Mer, I gotta take this, it's 911! Are you gonna be okay?" He felt guilty about leaving her so suddenly but what other choice did he have?

"Yeah just go, don't worry about me I'm fine Alex, seriously!" He knew she wasn't fine, it was just her favourite thing to say. He stood up and left with the intention of coming back as soon as possible to check on her.

Ok people! Please let me know what you think! Love Christinexxx