Yuushi always says it, again and again while making love, rushed and quickly, like a litany, like a chant.
And Gakuto listens to it, again and again, because he needs to hear it, and each time he hates himself because if he believes it he'll get broken, just like the last time, and he couldn't take that, no, never, not again.
But today, today is different- today Gakuto lost his regulars place, and he can't hear it today, not today… he wrestles out from underneath Yuushi and crawls to sit hunched on the far side of the bed, far from Yuushi, and tells Yuushi not to fucking say it if he doesn't fucking mean it.
He doesn't mean to sound so desperate.
Oh shit, and his eyes are burning, and his throat is tight, and he's going to fucking cry, and Yuushi's just staring at him, naked Yuushi, Yuushi without his glasses, cold Yuushi, distant Yuushi, Yuushi who says it to everyone like it's nothing when it's not.
But then, as tears drip onto his thighs, Yuushi is stroking him, strong thin hands over the skin of his back, tender Yuushi, Yuushi brushing away his curtain of hair and saying it again, like he means it, which he does… but it can't be right because if Gakuto invests his heart again it'll get smashed, but it's too late for that because Gakuto unknowingly invested his heart a long long time ago.
Well, maybe he does know because he slumps back to be held by Yuushi, just held, nothing more, and lets himself believe it, if only for a minute, an hour, a touch, a game.
And Yuushi just holds him, only holding, nothing more, and he'll hold him and hold him until Gakuto believes it.