Warnings: not spell-checked, so mistakes can be possible (I'm not even sure if the title is correct, please do point out any mistakes you might encounter, as I wish to improve as a writer), some spoilers for chapter 129 (you can guess what), and the phrase at the title appears quite often, so you might get bored of it. :/
'Whatever would Agni say?'
Soma thought to himself, 'He would tell me to not worry about him, that it was his duty to protect me, and not a burden at all. He would say he wanted to do it.'
He felt cold, and he didn't know for how much time he had been locked away in that damn room where Agni didn't enter, why had he been to reckless?! He could've entered too and wait for little Ciel's khansama to arrive!
Why?!
Little Ciel…
…he had been the one who killed him, what was he doing? Why was he doing it? And why the heck is the kid looking like that now? Does he have no shame?! To show up and ask if Agni was still alive after he, himself, had been the one to murder him!
Soma wanted to laugh at the irony.
Except, he couldn't, his whole body was still in shock for all that had happened and gods, was. This. Even. Real?!
Of course it wasn't! Agni was still alive and this was all just a dream, a really bad one at that. He'd only have to wait a little longer until his khansama ran the curtains, and in that velvety voice say 'rise and shine, My Prince~.'
And yet, why was he still feeling pain? Agni, where are you? You didn't run off to work for that bad man West again, did you?! AGNI WHERE ARE YOU?!
He started trembling, and as soon as his eyes met Ciel's, he dashed forward, hoping to retaliate the person that had dared to assassinate someone so gentle as Agni, why?!
KALI COULD YOU TELL HIM WHY?!
He didn't notice he had blacked out. Though he guessed he must've. Sebastian and little Ciel where sitting besides his bed, whispering something frantic and when they noticed him starting to stir, little Ciel cleared his throat.
However, Soma didn't listen to him. He didn't even know if he could. There was this constant humming in his ear and it was blocking everything. He reached a hand to touch his ear and he recognised―even if he had not known it by prior experience―the peeled off, dried blood.
Ah, so he had lost a small piece of his ear whereas Agni had lost his life.
'Whatever would Agni say?'
Please don't cry, My Prince, the sun cannot compare to your brightness when you smile.
He cried. Hard and long.
Ugly sobs were breaking his chest and ripping his throat to shreds, he didn't think he could still be capable of yelling after all of that he had done at the room for his khansama to open. The damn. Door.
But apparently, since it was the name of the person he held dearest to his heart, his body was capable of that and more. So he continued to sob, for his loyal servant, his confidant, his friend. Because the bond they had shared, it could not be replaced in another lifetime.
He continued to cry under the slightly guilty gaze of little Ciel and the almost-worried look on Sebastian's face.
'Whatever would Agni say?'
It had become some sort of mantra thus far. Every time Soma had felt the incredible urge to finish what the intruders at the mansion had started, he reminded himself of the serene expression Agni had whilst dying.
He would always break down in a mess of sobs and crying when the answer hit his brain, always with the voice he longed so much to hear at that very moment.
If we look up, things will look up, My Prince, we just have to be patient, wait until the storm is over. Please smile and your warmth will steer the clouds clear.
Soma woke up to the feeling of his heart stopping yet again. His breathing ragged as he tried to compose himself, and sweat making the clothes cling to his now slightly-emaciated body. He didn't know what time it was, but surely too late for it to be called 'night' and too early for it to be called 'morning'.
He sank his head in his hands, trying to compose his trembling frame, trying to forget those horrid images of Agni lying helpless on the floor with six knives on his back. Little Ciel's khansama had tried to explain the situation to him some time ago, so apparently someone who looked and acted just like little Ciel, claimed to be him…
Still, that hadn't solved anything.
The… earl?―could he still be called that?―had tried to comfort him, and Soma could see the frustration and hurt every time he refused adamantly. He just wanted to curl up in a corner and cry his life out. Alone. Because that's how he had felt ever since Agni had died. Lonely without anybody to talk to.
Couldn't they let him just die?
'Whatever would Agni say?'
It was torture. Reminding himself that phrase everyday, because just a couple of seconds after his mind provided it, his mind provided the response too. Always gentle and soft, like a breeze, and all so painfully real, but he knew the moment he lifted his gaze he would be all alone again…
Except this time he wasn't.
Soma's green eyes widened with shock, for there, right next to the window, a shadow that could only be Agni's was being projected against the silvery moonlight rays. He felt a lump in his throat, and his eyes started to sting again with tears. Surely it couldn't be, right? Yeah, the figure was standing too still, and he was grieving so bad, he must be hallucinating.
But even so, and against his better judgement, he walked towards the figure, choking the tears and the sobs that wanted to escape his throat, only a small, pained moan of 'Agni' managing to do so.
The figure, upon closer inspection, wasn't only a shadow. He could see his dark skin, his white hair, he was wearing the same sherwani he had when he died, but his expression revealed no feelings. Hi eyes were relaxed, yet there was something sombre about it…
"Agni?" He asked a little unsurely, a relief washed over him as he felt the tender, warm flesh of his khansama's face. He giggled a little, he was so very happy that he was here, with him. He saw him again and there was light in his life.
"Soma."
The young prince gasped. Never did he remember Agni calling him with such familiarity, he was so accustomed to hearing "My Prince" or "Prince Soma" that hearing only his name roll out of his tongue felt so wrong. He backed again a couple of centimetres, confusion now written over his expression.
He gasped for air yet again when he felt a strong hand close around his throat.
On his face, hurt. Betrayal.
Agni's own feelings were portrayed into his face, a scowl that could only make you imagine the rage residing inside his heart.
"You are a pathetic, spoiled brat, and you will never be more than that." The grip on the prince's throat tightened. "I gave my life to save yours, and you are wasting it like this?"
Soma woke up yet again. Tangled in the bed sheets and heart beating like that of a hummingbird's. He gasped for the air he so desperately needed at the moment as he could still feel Agni's hand choking him. He glanced up, afraid of what he could encounter.
Fortunately, there were no ghosts to haunt him this time around.
Convinced that he needed some fresh air, he slipped some robe around him and decided to explore the mansion.
The floors creaked a little, and the paintings certainly looked more eerie now than in the daylight, but it wasn't that bad for a change. Despite the many stories of ghosts (and the mere name of the State: 'Phantomhive'), he did not feel afraid walking around, because he knew, somehow, that Agni was still protecting him.
He glanced at the chimney, a couple of feet away from him, and stared at the picture of Agni he had kept in there as part of the mourning ritual. He had told little Ciel and his khansama that the mourning period was indefinite, and that the people mourning had to stay in the house for as long as it lasted. (Which was partly true… except for the indefinite period of time…) Thus, Sebastian and Ciel came almost daily to bring him food and such.
His gaze wandered a little to the left, and it fell on a porcelain jar. That's where they kept his ashes.
They had humoured his wishes to keep him from crying again, going all through with the body cleansing and the cremation.
Soma had promised to himself that he would take his ashes to the Ganges when he went back to India, and pour them with such delicate hand as he deserved. Agni was sure to have achieved moksha by this point, through all the good deeds he had done and the good in his heart, despite the fact that he probably had thought himself as some sort of evil monster.
The young prince smiled a little, and reached for an incense stick, lit it and placed it near Agni's picture. He gave a couple of prayer's for his soul and retired to his chambers, now able to fall asleep.
I am very flattered that you consider me important enough for mourning.
Soma stands at the shore of the Ganges river, hugging tightly onto the porcelain jar that holds what's left of his best friend. The sun is burning brightly, and he just wishes he didn't have to let go. But he knows that if he doesn't, Agni's disappointed eyes will haunt him in his dreams, for clinging to him, for not living to the fullest his youth.
He sits, waiting for something to occur, procrastinating the moment where he would have to say goodbye. Probably talking would help.
"Hey, Agni." He starts, soft and afraid. "I hope you can still hear me in moksha, and if not, then at least it will bring me some comfort." He shrugged and continued his monologue. "I will miss you so much, you have been more than a khansama to me, and just…" the flowing of the river is so soft and and constant that it lulls his mind into not having a breakdown. Or maybe it it the scent of India altogether that brings him peace. "Remember that time you were reading English tales for me? About the statue of a prince and the little bird?" He waited a couple of seconds, as if for a response to be heard. "Well, I am the prince and you the little bird.
"For so long I had been thinking I was so happy, and that things outside were just as marvellous because of my uprising, yet, when something precious was taken away from me, and I was forced to see the world to rescue it, I had never expected so many bad things happening to people.
"You are the little bird because you remained by my side just because I asked you to, and only complained when my wishes were something that could endanger me, and I am so grateful for it… also, you died by my side, always trying to show your devotion and taking your role very seriously. I wish you hadn't done that." He glanced up, seeing only the sun, god Agni, shining up with full force, as if he was happy about something. The young prince could not help but grin. "Funny how you always said I was a god, because the name I gave you is also that of a deity's." He rocked himself a little, not caring at all if his clothes got rumpled or wet or dirty. He sighed and stood up, apprehensive.
"I'm sorry to cut this conversation short, but I have to do this in order to fulfil my promise towards you." And without further adieu, he neared the Ganges, taking in it's deep waters and the opened the jar, pouring the contents and trying not to get too sentimental as he saw the remnants of Agni flowing so gracefully flow with the river, like a small lullaby humming in the wind.
'Whatever would Agni say?'
"I guess it doesn't matter that much now, does it?" Because Soma knew, deep in his heart, that no matter the question, or how silly the request may be, the answer would always be the same.
"Jo Ajna."
Black Butler ©Yana Toboso.
Soma PoV counterpart to the fanfiction I wrote after 127 was released, I tried to include briefly some Hindu funerary customs and not to include too much the 2CT, as we haven't actually seen what happens and we can only speculate. But this is my guess of what would happen if Our!Ciel won (not really much considering Soma practically became a hermit.) Also, the book Soma was talking about, is my favorite of Wilde's tales: The Happy Prince. I really like the parallels, even if they make me sad.
I hope you enjoyed, and please, don't be mad at the author for killing a magneficent character, it was bound to happen, sooner or later.
Matane!
EDIT June 26: typos fixed.
EDIT July 2: some more typos fixed.