Title: Dark Turns and Noise
Author: Audree Anne
Characters: Snape/Lupin
Genre: Drama, Angst
Rating: R for later chapters
Disclaimer: I own nothing but my plotline! All characters etc are JK Rowlings!
Summary: Voldemort's new plan places a depressed yet revenge obsessed Remus Lupin in danger, needing a helping hand from Severus Snape whose own past is catching up with him.
Notes: This is set in the months following the Order of the Phoenix, with no connections to Half Blood Prince --AU I suppose. Italics indicate flashback. On a lighter note, I kept writing "SLASHBACK" throughout the fic…we'll chalk it up to a Freudian slip, eh?
I have quite a bit of this Fanfiction written already—aha it has grown quite long, but thought I'd post the first bit to see the reaction I got. I'll be posting more I think within the next couple days.
Thanks to my beta, Katy, for all your hard work!
Enjoy!
Dark Turns and Noise
Chapter I
"You spent everything you had,
Wanted everything to stop that bad"
The Biggest Lie, Elliott Smith
Severus Snape had never been a sociable man; words never flowed freely from his lips in the casual manner of his colleagues, or even to the level of the shyest first year Ravenclaw. Severus would never be center of large crowds, with friends and curious listeners pulled in by his mere charisma and easy way with words. If words ever did flow freely from the pale man's lips they were bitter and cutting, but he supposed this was preferable to the way he would freeze up in crowds when he was younger, awkward and unable to keep friends, aside from the army of authors he kept on his nightstand. If there was any redeeming qualities to this flaw it is the man's high sense of awareness.
It was this sharp awareness that could sense Hermione Granger mouthing corrections to Neville Longbottom from across the room, which positioned him privy to Voldemort's inner dealings, and had made him one of the most renowned potion masters in Europe. A potion master, above all else, must possess patience, an eye for sensing thickness, changes in color, and smell—all inclusive of the larger theme—awareness.
He knew when he was younger that he didn't fit in, that his lanky limbs and pale complexion ear-marked him as an outsider far before he opened his mouth. But when he did, he'd remove all doubt that he hadn't the slightest idea how to socialize or be, what was so desired of teenagers; normal. He'd love to blame his parents, and he supposed if he was a simpler man he would. But the two shadowy figures that stood in his past did nothing more than assure Severus of the alienation he was set up to receive from the day he was born, with more intelligence than other children his age.
But Severus supposed that while his awkwardness set him apart from his peers, at the very least he wasn't oblivious to his flaws. He understood that he was condescending at best and frightening at worst case in point; Neville Longbottom.
At the present time his heightened senses allowed him to spot the shadowy figure slink in the back door of Grimmwauld Place and position itself in the doorway without any of the Order members acknowledgement.
"It's goddamn ridiculous, the Ministry keeps allowing these attacks, these clear signs of Death Eater activity and turning a blind eye, as if they think that these small attacks are isolated, so its okay—they'll fade away," Arthur Weasley was yelling, his palms flat against the ancient oak table that the Order was gathered around, his face flushed making the distinction between his skin and hair all the more difficult.
"Like the frog," said a quiet voice from the back of the room. All eyes turned to face the pale figure slumped against the doorframe, cradling a set of scrolls against his faded robes. Since Sirius' death Remus Lupin had become a shadow of the smiling figure that they'd remembered. His now quiet demeanor and darker moods were constant. Sirius' death emboldened Remus' devotion to the cause, as he would throw himself into every mission available. He rarely made an appearance at actual meetings, choosing instead to conference privately with Dumbledore. From what Dumbledore was leak to the rest of them, it would seem that Remus was traveling throughout the continent rallying support from friendly and unfriendly magical creatures alike. The deep purple smears under his eyes made his already large eyes stand out even further and the green that crackled through his brown hazel eyes was all the more apparent in contrast to his pale skin.
"I'm sorry?" said Arthur pausing, surprised that Remus had voiced the comment or that he was even at the meeting.
"The frog," continued Remus, speaking softly so that everyone had to listen hard to make out what he was saying. "When a frog is placed into hot water, it will jump out, knowing the danger, but if it is placed into cool water that is slowly heated, it will stay in, slowly dying, without ever realizing the danger."
"Yes," Arthur replied slowly casting a weary look to his wife before continuing, "of course, perfect analogy Remus, good to have you with us."
Everyone's attention was slowly returned to Arthur as he continued his report on the Ministry's inactivity to the latest Death Eater attack, except for Severus. The dark haired man stared at Remus as though he had never seen him before. He took his peer in, noticing the way the man no longer held himself like an aging professor but rather a combatant at arms he looked aged, yes, but dangerous, as though every moment of his life vested in preparing for some great battle, some great confrontation. Remus idly sipped his tea while watching Arthur's presentation with a careful eye, though Severus wouldn't doubt that he had been given this information by Dumbledore before the meeting.
The easy-to-smile Remus Lupin, whose once immensely loving nature made it difficult to comprehend that he turned into a murderous dark creature every month, had faded. Now the idea of Remus as a werewolf wasn't so far-fetched, especially the way his honey tresses found themselves mussed, lingering at the man's robes, and falling onto long eye lashes in a wild manner.
After the meeting Severus watched Remus slip outside for a cigarette before, no doubt, apparating to whatever safe house that Dumbledore had set him up with. Planning on following suit he paused as he heard the werewolf's name mumbled in the kitchen. Snape paused at the door, allowing his trained spy's ears to pick up the hushed words.
"You know, we all have our ways of coping, dear. I wouldn't worry. Remus feels that he needs to be strong for all of us," Molly's motherly tone reassured a distraught Tonks.
"I know Molly, it's just hard to see him like that; Albus sends him all over doing Merlin knows what. Can't he tell that Remus needs time to get back to himself? He's not in his right mind ever since--," Tonks trailed off, presumably being cut off by a pointed look from Mrs. Weasley.
"Remus needs to be strong, for Harry at least. Albus knows what he's doing; we need Remus. When this is all over, he'll come out on the other side smiling, as he was,"
"I guess you're right," the younger woman responded before the pair began some lighter conversation.
Severus wasn't as convinced that Remus' motivations for throwing himself to the cause were for Harry, or even the Order. Certainly Black's death had affected the man—but to the point where his personality had shifted entirely.
Severus decided that he needed a vacation, some time away from thinking to damned much. Or at the very least, some air. As the two women in the kitchen retreated upstairs, he made his was unnoticed to the back porch. Grimmwauld Place had a creaking porch, that Severus was sure was once decorated by elaborate furniture and flowers, but was barren now. Severus chose to sit on the stony ledge that surrounded the outback and enjoyed the smell of burning leaving being carried in the crisp November wind.
"Enjoying the silence?" a tenor voice asked, cutting through the tranquil night. Severus spun around to see Remus slouched against the raining, sucking on a cigarette idly.
"Jesus Lupin! Do you want me to accidentally curse you? Popping out of the goddamn shadows like a—"
"My apologies Severus," remarked Remus cutting the startled man off before taking a drag from his cigarette and looking away. After a few minutes of being ignored by the formerly obnoxiously chatty man, Severus broke the silence.
"So it seems we are finally good enough for you again Lupin, I thought for awhile that these meeting were beneath you---the way you come when you please, lurking in the back, contributing nothing short of uneasiness to the mood."
"You've never seemed to mind my absence before, Severus. In fact, I can remember a certain Head of House spilling my condition to his students specifically for that purpose," remarked the werewolf with a crooked smile.
"Some of us risk our lives to even come here Lupin," said the ebony haired man venomously, stepping closer to his companion.
"Of course, Severus, no one is discounting the invaluable contributions your connections to Voldemort bring us," said Lupin dismissively, leaning on the porch's ledge, flicking his cigarette into the dancing pile of leaves below.
And that's the way Remus Lupin worked, always agreeable and equal to everyone, never judgmental, never saying a bad word about anyone. Most people would find this an amiable quality, and this, indeed, was one of the many reasons that Remus had always had many friends his entire life. Severus glared over at the tawny haired man staring into the distance, the moonlight casting deep shadows on his face.
-flashback
Severus glanced over his tawny haired companion, trying to find whatever it was that the 16 year old was searching for in the twinkling night sky. The two were standing on the astronomy tower, the last stop of their Prefect rounds. Severus allowed his eyes to linger on his companion for a few seconds longer than necessary, taking in his mess of honey colored hair, with its swooshing waves riding all the way to the top of his collar. His nose was slopped upwards to the stars, as if it were stuck there, unable to come back to his body.
"Remus," Severus muttered, bringing the teenager back to reality. The Gryffindor was so used to being called by his nickname, that his own name sounded foreign but refreshing.
"I'm sorry, Severus, I know you have to study for the Charms test before bed," he apologized sheepishly. He turned his eyes away from the view to the other boy. Severus Snape was a sight to behold when the teen didn't have his face contorted into a sour expression. His stick straight inky hair was blowing all around his pale face, making him seem surreal in the moonlight. Remus had never seen black eyes before, sure there were people whose eyes might appear black, but upon closer inspection, they were just dark brown. But Severus' eyes were unusually thoroughly dark, setting him apart from others. Remus quickly glanced away, realizing that he was staring..
"It's okay, I probably won't study anyway," said Severus walking forward to the ledge overlooking the grounds leading to the Forbidden Forest. The pair had been getting along to a point where an outsider might call them friends since they had both been made prefects the beginning of their fifth year. What started off as long nights of one-sided conversations between Remus and the wall, Severus had finally broken down sometime after Christmas. The two had formed a sort of nightly alliance that ended when their prefect hours did. However, between those hours the boys talked about personal subjects, like classes, novels they had read, sometimes even dwelling into deeper topics, like their home-lives.
"Like you'd need to anyway," Remus laughed walking over to his companion.
" I may be the master at potions, but Charms is a different thing entirely," replied the inky haired boy with a grin.
"Ah yes, master indeed," said Remus sarcastically, rolling his large hazel eyes heavenwards.
"At least I can mix ingredients together without causing some sort of catastrophe."
"I don't need to know potions," replied Remus with a grin, "that's what I keep friends like you around for."
"And if I'm not always there to help you out?" Severus challenged with a laugh.
"You will be," Remus assured him, "you can't resist my winning charm and insatiable good looks," he continued while staring up at the taller boy with a grin.
"Oh I see," said Severus, stifling a laugh before his tone turned more serious, "Well, I can tell you that it'll be neither of the former that would keep me away," he continued causing Remus to give him a confused look.
"What do you mean?" Remus asked confused, picking up on Severus's change in demeanor.
"What do you think, Lupin? Your friends, of course," Severus replied bitterly.
"Oh, well I was just kidding anyway, I know I have to learn potions," Remus said slowly turning away from Severus and to the landscape below. All the lightheartedness of the earlier conversation was stripped away, making way for awkward silence.
"Well I certainly commend you on your efforts, but I advise you never to take such initiative alone…or around small children…or pregnant woman…or anyone at all really..." Severus finished, watching the smile grow on Remus's face with every word. Bringing a smile to someone's face may have been a small sort of accomplishment to someone else, but to Severus Snape who struggled just to make small talk without offending or alienating someone, it was beautiful. Watching Remus smile brought a smile to his own lips, which would linger long after he would forgo his Charms studying for sleep.
However, as Sirius Black would soon afterwards demonstrate, some friendships weren't meant to occur; barriers between people are there for reasons so that no one gets hurt. And when the "prank" that the werewolf's friends played on him in the same year nearly physically killed him, Severus learned that barriers were the only shields he had against the world. So he held his sarcasm and dry-wit in front of him for all he was worth, masquerading in dark robes, which only further carried the message "stay away."
-end flashback
The Remus Lupin that stood before Severus now was so seemingly far-gone from the cheery boy he'd once befriended. However, something in Lupin's dark manner intrigued the man.
"So Lupin, turn any werewolves over to the good side lately? Just the monsters we want on our team, eh?" said Severus beginning a conversation the only way he knew how, by baiting the other man.
"Despite my better efforts, no Severus," he replied with a sigh before glancing at his watch.
"What a shame, that the Order will have to trudge on without murderous monsters amongst us."
"Please Severus, spare us both," the hazel eyed man replied quietly before apparating into the night, leaving only a crisp popping noise behind.
Severus stared at the place where the man had been standing feeling shaken.
--
an. Thanks for reading 3 please R&R! The next chapter will be up soon so check back frequently!