You Won't Even Hold Me
It had been awful. Uncomfortable. Awkward, and utterly unromantic.
And, really, she wished she could be angry at him for ruining what ought to have been a magical moment. She wished she could be her usual self - throw some stuff around, maybe hurl a chair or two at him. Yell. Scream. Punch him. Kick him. Break things. Let him, and possibly the entire neighborhood who would overhear her screams, know how much of an idiot he could be.
But why was she unable to react the way she wanted to? Her pride had gone as far as going and brushing her teeth and pretending to be disgusted, her childish attempt at getting back at him, at hurting him like he had just hurt her. But now, there she was; alone in her room, crying.
She knew perfectly well why she felt so miserable. It wasn't what you expected him to do, a voice inside her head said. You were expecting him to kiss you back.
"I was not," she murmured. "I was not expecting him to kiss me back. I did it because I was bored, nothing else. In fact, I didn't even want to do it... I hate him. I really, really hate him."
You hate him because he he didn't react like you expected him to, the voice in her head continued. You're lying to yourself. You weren't expecting him to stand there, not doing anything. You weren't expecting him to react like he wasn't feeling anything... like he doesn't even like you or, Heaven forbid, doesn't even want you.
The tears started up again.
You were expecting him to kiss you back. She yanked the covers off her bed and threw them aside. You were expecting him to hold you. She threw herself on the bed and buried her face in her pillow. She screamed, punching the mattress like she wished she could punch Shinji. It was true; but she'd never bring herself to admit that, out of all the guys that she would have liked to feel truly wanted by, Shinji was... well, higher on the list that she would let herself admit.
He was such an idiot. How could he be so oblivious to everything? Anyone would have realized that you do not kiss someone just to "kill time". Anyone would have realized what she had meant. Anyone would have taken the hint. Anyone, of course, except Shinji Ikari. He never understood. He never got it.
It bothered her. It really, really bothered her.
"It's what you always do. You just had to ruin it," she whispered. "Our first kiss, and you won't kiss back." All the crying having weakened her, she felt sleep slowly claiming her. "Our first kiss, and you won't even hold me."
AN: Sorry this one's so short, but I kinda felt like it would have gotten too "emo" if I had dragged it for longer, which really isn't Asuka's style, so I wanted to avoid that. I hope you enjoyed it, and please, leave me a review. :)