icefox: okay, this story needs a lot of explanation. it started out as a Tamora Pierce and Van Helsing crossover written with Orochimaru's Koibito but ended up becoming a note fest that Squeer(in the story, she refers to herself as Tammyfann01 and Squeaker the Cat) invaded. i put it up because it is really funny. even though it is complete and total nonsense, enjoy the story. and if you want me to write a story on how it was suppose to be written, let me know.

Dracula's Bride(Bloody Frenchmen!) be Kira Lovely Dragon(now Orochimaru's Koibito) and Grumpy Dracona(now me! icefox94). ^_^ WE'EW BEST FRIENDS FOR ALL OF FOREVER AND ALL OF ETERNITY AND MORE!^_^

Count Vladimir von Dracula (Note: This is a false title, his true identity is...! Sorry! You fell for it! You actually thought we were gonna tell you! MWAHAHAHA! I say, MWAHAHAHA!) was a notable bad guy vampire person thingy creature thing... Yeah, something like that... (Again, a note: This is suppose to make you laugh.)(Yet another note: There will be a lot of notes in this story, so get use to reading them!) He was very evil in his ways, and very lonely, to an extent. He wanted to marry. But the thought was daunting, even for very evil guys like himself.

"Oh, Count Duke Roger von Dracula, I will be your bride for all of forever and all of eternity and more!" (Grumpy Dracona: BLOOPER! Alanna would never marry Duke Roger, and yes, that is Dracula's true identity.)(Note: Now have writer's permission to L.M.F.A.O.! LAUGH MY F##KING A$$ OFF! Kira Lovely Dragon: PLEASE EXCUSE MY FELLOW WRITER'S FRENCH. SHE'S A BIT RUSTY. IT'S BEEN A COUPLE OF MONTHS SINCE WE WERE LAST IN PARIS, FRANCE TO DEFACE YOUR PRECIOUS EIFFEL TOWER. YES, WE ARE AMERICAN.^_^JUST JOKING! AND JUST SO NO FRENCH READERS TAKE OFFENSE.:WE'VE NEVER EVEN BEEN TO YOUR STUPID EUROPEAN COUNTRY CALLED FRANCE!(JUST KIDDING! AGAIN!) AND EVEN IF WE DID DEFACE YOUR PRECIOUS EIFFEL TOWER, WE WOULDN'T TELL YOU, AND WE WOULD PROBABLY HAVE ALREADY BEEN SHOT BY YOUR DANG FRENCH GOVERNMENT! EVEN THOUGH WE ARE UNDERAGE FOR BEING SHOT!^_^(NOTE: AND NO, WE ARE NOT PREJUDICE AGAINST FRENCHMEN! WE JUST LIKE DEFACING NATIONAL MONUMENTS LIKE YOUR PRECIOUS EIFFEL TOWER(A NOTE WITHIN A NOTE: WE MAKE YOUR PRECIOUS EIFFEL TOWER SOUND LIKE THE ONE RING FROM THE ACCLAIMED HIT SERIES, THE LORD OF THE RINGS! WHICH YOU FRENCH PEOPLE NO DOUBT HAVE AND READ IN FRENCH. THIS NOTE WILL NOW DESTROY THE EIFFEL TOWER IN 3 SECONDS, 2.2 SECONDS...BOOOM!HAHA!FOOLED YA!)

"BWAHAHAHA! IT'S TAMYFANN01 (AKA: SQEAKER THE CAT) I'M REALLY THE CULPRIT IN THE WHOLE NAPOLEAN BONEAPART (NOTE, AGAIN!^_^: NOT NAPOLEAN DYNAMITE, THE HIT NEW POPSTAR OF THE AMERICAN MOVIE, NAPOLEAN DYNAMITE, WHICH IS A TOTALLY POINTLESS BUT HILARIOUS FILM FEST! ^_^) STATUE DEFACING CRIME STRING. NOT THAT STUPID IDIOT OF A PUNCHING BAG BRENDEN WHITE!"

WE AGAIN INTERRUPT THIS SLOW STORY OF OURS TO BRING YOU OUR FELLOW BEST FRIEND FOR ALL OF FOREVER (YAY! I'M RIGHT ON TIME TO INTERRUPT AGAIN!, BWAHAHAHAHAHA!)(SHUT UP AND GO AWAY! WE LOVE YOU AND ALL, BUT WE ARE TRYING TO CREATE GREAT STORY MAGIC HERE, YA KNOW!-_-) AND ALL OF ETERNATY AND MORE, AND OUR FELLOW WRITER! ^_^ HAVE A SPLENDID DAY! EXCEPT FOR YOU DEMMED FRENCHMEN!-_-(YET ANOTHER NOTE: AGAIN, WE ARE JUST KIDDING!^_^)

(Now back to the story and to what Alanna really told Count Duke Roger von Dracula!) Alanna gave him a death glare and slapped him as hard as she could, and believe me, that is pretty hard. ^_^ "I will never marry you, Count Duke Roger von Dracula!" Alanna snapped. "And by the by, you have a bloody long title! Even for a bloody old vampire!

!THE END! HAVE A SPLENDID DAY! EXCEPT YOU BLOODY FRENCHMEN!-_-(YET ANOTHER NOTE: AGAIN WE ARE JUST KIDDING!^_^)(OG, MY, GOSH, ANOTHER NOTE!:YES, WE KNOW THIS STORY IS A PIECE OF CRAB. GET USED TO IT!)(THIS IS A NOTE!(WE ARE KILLING YOU WITH THESE NOTES, AREN'T WE?): THAT IS SUPPOSE TO BE CRAP, BUT CRAB IS DELICIOUS, YES?^_^)

MWAHAHAHAH MREOW I'M CRAZY THIS STORY IS WEIRD TOO, BECAUSE IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE, I REALLY THINK I'M LIKE THE CRAZIEST WHEN I'M WITH MY CREW. ANYWAY, THEY DIDN'T MEAN CRAP, THEY MEANT CRAB, CUZ EVEN IF THE STORY DOESN'T TASTE LIKE FISH(I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I TASTED IT WHEN THEY PRINTED IT OUT)IT IS DELICIOUSLY FUNNY!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. BY THE WAY WHEN ROGER BECAME EVIL, HE WAS CONFRONTED BY HIS FATHER, WHO SAID,"ROGER, JOIN THE DARK SIDE, WE HAVE COOKIES.

THE END, FOR REAL, I SWEAR IT!

(NOTE: WHEN ME AND MY CREW ARE TOGETHER, WE ARE ALL DERANGED BUT FUN, AREN'T WE? ^_^)

NOW IT'S THE END!

WOW, IT'S REALLY THE END!

-_- NO, SWRIOUSLY, IT'S THE END! HEY, YOU GUYS AREN'T LISTENING TO ME! I SAID IT'S THE BLOODY END!-_-

^_^IT'S THE END! REJOICE! EAT, DRINK, AND BE MERRY! ESPECIALLY YOU BLOODY FRENCHMEN! (NOTE: JUST KIDDING!^_^) ^_^

ONE QUICK QUESTION BEFORE THIS,"REALLY" ENDS. HOW DID THIS TORTALLIAN/DRACULA/VAMPIRE/VAN HELSING BASED STORY TURN INTO A BLOODY NOTEFEST

AND A PLACE TO POST JOKES ABOUT THOSE BLOODY FRENCHMEN, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE?

I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, I ARRIVED.

OH, YEAH^_^THE END^_^