ENOUGH BOW TIES FOR ALL OF ITS LEGS
Darien was caught stealing Italian shoes to go with his Tuxedo Mask costume and was given the choice to either go to the place where Even Stevens was sent to dig holes or to go to boarding school so we went with the latter option. He liked to dreSS UP OK? And he was totally NOT GAY.
So his parents dropped him off and quickly drove away because the ycoud no longer be associated with their faggoty theif of a son now because what would the neighbours think? He was going to an all-boys school for stealing Italian shoes like come on, this is like broken back in the making except with no camping because Darien is one of those typically effeminate gays who don't like dirt.
After a couple weeks at the boarding school, Darien still hadn't really made any friends because despite being in an all-boys school, it was difficult to determine hwo was gay or not because like in glee all the gay boys dressed up but here they had uniforms so it was really ahrd. There was a guy who wore an ascot but he always talked about his girlfriend Daphne back home so Darien assumed he wasn't gay. Else Daphne was a pretty solid beard.
Meanwhile, back in his single-suite room, a spider had been documenting Darien's every move. With Tuxedo Mask being effectively retired at the moment, Darien really had nothing better to do so he decided to take up the art of sewing dolls for the poor children across the street. So far he had sewn over a thousand dolls and all of them were men, the spider had noticed.
The spider's name was Doug.
So one day after class, Darien walked back into his dorm and noticed a message had been written in silk.
DARIEN PLZ CAN YOU SEW ME A COUPLE OF BOW TIES?
I KNOW YOU'RE VERY TALENT
I WATCH YOU SOMETIME
NOT WHEN SLEEP
BUT WHEN YOU SEW I KNOW YOU'RE GOOD
I NEED EIGHT BOW TIES
PREFERABLY IN ARGYLE
IT IS A VERY POSH LIFE I LEAD
It was a lot of silk.
He decided there was nothing inherently suspicious about the message and went to work on it straight away (get it?).
Darien finished rather quickly and had the bow ties neatly assembled on his desk within the hour. As soon as he stepped away to admore his handiwork, the spider came out of fucking nowhere and said "Thanks, bitch, I owe you one."
But Darien knew what he wanted right then and there.
"SPIDER, WAIT!"
The spider waited. Darien paused for a second, gathering his thoughts to coherently form a sentence. "Do… do you know who is gay in this school?"
The spider said "Yeah that fucking fred kid is a total homo, Daphne is a lie."
"I KNEW IT" Darien shouted.
The next day Darien was walking behind Fred staring at his ass and said, "Hey cutie, can I get some fries with that shake?" And smacked him on the ass.
Fred went beet red and ran away.
Darien went to bed, alone with his htoughts until he found a message also written in silk again.
FRED WANTED YOU TO KNOW HE LOVE FRIES
ALSO YOU'RE HOT
AND HE WANTS TO SNUGGLE YOUR FACEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
And darien and fred from Scooby doo lived happily ever after the end.