Disclaimer: Yami no Matsuei is the creation of Matushita and associates. FF is non-profit, meant for entertainment only.
FF can be archived anywhere, just let me know where. Please send no flames, I'm sensitive. For all other comments 0_o you may contact me at kaoru_koishii@yahoo.com
Category: Yami no Matsuei
Title: An illusion is nothing more and nothing less, at first glance.
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A post-Kyoto fic. Tsuzuki accidentally drinks one of Watari's potions. The potion seems to take Tsuzuki's memory making things even more complicated for an ill Hisoka. To make things worse Tsuzuki believes Hisoka to be a girl.
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Chapter One
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"I can't believe this. I call out once. Once in the whole two and a half years I've known him." Hisoka thought out loud as he hasten his pace.
Rushing through the doors, he made his way to where he knew his partner to be. It had taken him longer than he thought. He was dizzy. He never would have been able to fly over here, not the way he felt. His fever was still high. He leaned against a wall for a moment feeling the need for support.
"Kurosaki-kun, are you all right?" Tatsumi stood in front of him. Slight concern edging his words.
Hisoka opened his eyes slowly. This dizzy spell had been worse than the one he'd suffered at home. "I'm all right. Where is he?" He asked, his voice back to the usual tone, calm and monotonous.
Tatsumi took the statement for what it was worth. He nodded and led the way to the medical wing. Neither spoke as they walked.
Tatsumi stopped in front of Watari's office. He noticed the door was slightly ajar. Hisoka took a quick glance into the room. The first thing he noticed was his partner on the bed. His eyes were closed. Watari was leaning over checking for something no doubt.
"He's doing just fine. He accidentally drank one of Watari's potions." Tatsumi paused briefly before proceeding. "He seems to have some memory loss, possibly amnesia."
Hisoka stared at the childlike man. He looked peaceful. Hisoka frowned after a moment. So he was fine, physically at least. It was just his mind. How much different could Tsuzuki be though? He had a feeling that no matter what the circumstances, Tsuzuki would always be Tsuzuki. "How long will this last?" Hisoka asked moving his glance back to Tatsumi.
Tatsumi looked into the room. "Watari says a month; the dose wasn't too strong."
*************
The purple-eyed shinigami opened his eyes feeling a slight headache as his eyes adjusted to the light. He blinked back in surprise. There was a blonde man with an owl on his shoulder hovering over him. "Where am I?"
"You're in the infirmary." Watari responded before he took a seat, looking over his notes before he addressed Tsuzuki. "What's the last thing you remember?" He said crossing his leg as he stared at his patient.
Tsuzuki took a moment. Then frowned. It was a complete blank.
"Well do you at least know who you are?" Watari was taking his time to write all of this down.
Tsuzuki nodded. "Tsuzuki."
"What's your first name?" He said as he scribbled things down.
"It's . . . ." What was it? He searched his mind. He knew the answer was somewhere in there. "I can't remember?"
"Hmm, well do you know my name?"
Tsuzuki didn't have to think about it. "No." He said.
"Well, I'm Watari Yutaka the doctor and local scientist." Watari ran through a list of names till he got down to one. "What about the name Hisoka?"
Tsuzuki felt his heart contract. He didn't know why. "It sounds familiar."
Watari smiled. "Well it should sound familiar. Kurosaki Hisoka is your partner."
'Partner.' The word seemed so simple. His eyes turned to the door where two people stood.
Watari noticed Tsuzuki staring at the door. His smile widened. This would be a great opportunity to play matchmaker though truth be told he would have had better luck if he'd slipped the drink to the boy.
Tsuzuki stared at the two people by the door they seemed to be discussing something. His eyes were drawn to the smaller of the two. So petite, with ash blonde hair. He saw the small one turn towards him. Green eyes but unlike any he had ever seen before. They were like emerald chips. The pink shirt accentuated the pale skin perfectly. He felt his heart beat just a little faster.
"Oh, they're coming this way." Watari said rising from the seat meeting the others half way.
Tsuzuki watched as Watari stopped the others half way through the room. Probably discussing his situation. They stood there a moment and Tsuzuki took the opportunity to look over the small jean clad form. Slowly they approached, his eyes running over the small group.
"Tsuzuki, I've told them of the situation and have recommended you stay with your partner during this ordeal." Watari watched as Tsuzuki's eyes widened a bit.
They stared at Tsuzuki while he stared at Hisoka. Hisoka felt the tips of his ears grow hot, a sign of the upcoming blush.
Watari noticed the way the boy clung to his denim jacket. "You don't look so well," he said advancing on the boy.
Hisoka broke eye contact with Tsuzuki. "I just need some rest," he said standing his ground. He didn't need to spend the next month in this place as a result of one of his experiments.
Watari wasn't the least bit deterred. He pulled a thermometer out of somewhere and stuck it into the boy's mouth. "101, this isn't good. Are you having dizzy spells? Are you vomiting? You should be in bed. I shouldn't have called you."
Hisoka closed his jacket a little tighter. All this talking was putting him in a fowl mood. "I will take Tsuzuki home now."
Hisoka stepped back as Tsuzuki moved to stand. He swayed in his step, stumbling back to the bed. He stilled his movement until the pounding in his head stopped.
"Do you have a headache Tsuzuki?" Watari asked as he came closer to him.
Tsuzuki gave a small nod.
"These should do the trick." The blond scientist said pulling some aspiring out of his pocket. "It might take a couple of minutes but you should be just fine. You can come back when Kurosaki comes back," he said in almost a whisper to Tsuzuki.
Tsuzuki took the pills and after a moment rose steadily to his feet. He looked over to Hisoka and smiled. "Will she mind that I'll be staying with her?" He asked Watari not really turning to look at the doctor.
The doctor's smiled only grew wider. He should correct him. Really he should. "Hisoka cares a lot about you. I'm sure it won't be any inconvenience at all." Watari watched the brown haired man make his way over to his younger partner. He was grinning like an idiot but he didn't much care.
"Hisoka?" He asked a little unsure. "I hope you don't mind me staying with you over the next month." Purple eyes bore into green ones, searching for something he didn't quite understand.
"It's fine," answered Hisoka. He turned and walked out, followed closely behind the older man.
"Should I ask why you're smiling like a lunatic?" Tatsumi asked pushing his glasses up.
Watari turned to him immediately. "He thinks Hisoka is a girl."
Tatsumi's blank expression didn't dissuade the excited scientist.
"Oh, come on. Out of all the names I ran through with him the only one he seemed to recall was the boy's. Plus I saw the way he was looking at him. Don't you see? He thinks Hisoka's female. Won't he be surprised when he find out differently." The evil glint in Watari's eyes was unmistakable.
Tatsumi just shook his head and left the infirmary.
"Well it's going to be interesting, that was for sure." Watari said smiling. Maybe he should go work on his sex-changing potion. Maybe he could still slip it to the boy before Tsuzuki found out. 'Oh, that would be good,' he thought as he made his way to the part of the lab dedicated to the experiment.
*************
The walk to Hisoka's apartment was slow. Tsuzuki allowed Hisoka to set the pace. She really did look pale. "Are you all right?" Tsuzuki asked concerned; the younger shinigami didn't look well at all.
Hisoka nodded. 'Just a bit longer', he thought. He felt the air heavy in his chest. The dizziness wasn't going away.
They kept silent as they made their way to Hisoka's apartment.
Despite the haze he now felt. Hisoka could still feel worry coming off his partner in waves, the confusion the older man felt. Hisoka was making sure he kept his distance. He pulled his keys out of his pocket and was only able to put them in the lock before he collapsed.
Tsuzuki noticed and rushed to support his partner. He felt a surge of attraction overwhelm his senses for a moment when he looked down into the elfin face. He picked up the little imp and unlocked the door, closing the door quietly after they went in. 'So this is where you live,' he thought as he looked around. The living room was spacious, very elegantly done in traditional colors of black and white. The furniture was very low but it only seemed appropriate seeing as how small 'she' was.
He brought the bundle closer to his chest as he made his way around the house. Finally, he found what seemed to be her room. It had been hard to tell from the guestroom, but this one. He was sure he'd been in here before. He laid the bundle on to the bed and sat on a corner for a moment knowing it was wrong yet being unable to move. Tsuzuki moved a couple of wheat colored strands from Hisoka's face, a poor excuse for a touch of the porcelain face.
He pondered on that for a moment. Why did he feel so attracted to Hisoka when they had just barely met? Well not really but he didn't quite remember Hisoka so it was like they had just met, at least for him.
Partner.
How long had they been partners? He turned his face away from Hisoka for a moment and looked around the room. His gaze fell on a dresser; there was a lot of medicine on it. Slowly he stood and made his way over to it. He felt curious about her and so unable to resist the urge he opened the drawer and his eyes lit up. Inside the drawer there was a picture of them. He found it odd that the framed picture would lie inside the drawer rather than on the small table beside the bed. Why would it be there?
The thought came unbidden but . . . . Was there more than just a working relationship between them? He didn't really know but found the subject extremely interesting. He took the picture and closed the drawer. His long fingers traced the contours of the porcelain face through the glass before he left the bedroom.
He came back to the living room where he slumped onto the couch. He stretched and lay back holding the picture in front of him. He stared at it for a long moment until his lids grew heavy and his arms descended until the picture in his hand touched the floor. A nap sounded real good just about now.
*************
He felt the flames licking the air around him. The fire threatened to consume everything it touched. He felt alone. So alone.
"Tsuzuki!" Came the far off cry.
Tsuzuki turned his head someone was calling him.
"Tsuzuki!" The cry was more desperate.
He turned his head to the left. Hisoka?
- - - - - - - - - - - - -
Tsuzuki woke up. Not sure where he was for a moment. His breathing was shallow a reflex to the dream. He rose and took a shaky step towards the kitchen. Throwing cold water on his face, he leaned over the sink for a moment. Memory or a dream? The experience had been weird. It had felt so . . . so . . . he wasn't sure how to put it into words.
He tried to shake off the dream, specially the feelings it brought up. He decided it was best to find some food, it had a way of making things better not always but most often. He felt his stomach rumble. How long had it been since he'd eaten? He opened the refrigerator and stumbled back in distress. It was empty. Oh, no.
Hisoka woke up with a start, rising half off the bed in his wake. He didn't know what had woken him. Either way he was glad he didn't know or remembered. He stood on weak knees making his way over to the dresser. Why colds could still affect Shinigami he didn't know but you'd think that Watari would have found a cure or at least something to make them immune.
Hisoka took some of his medicine before he went out to find Tsuzuki. Kami only knew what he'd done to the house while left alone. As he reached his bedroom door he felt a wave of hunger. A feeling not of his own, Tsuzuki. Hisoka made his way to the kitchen where he felt the feeling grow stronger. He peeked around the corner only to see him sitting in front of the refrigerator with the door open. 'Baka.'
Tsuzuki in chibi-inu form clung to the door. There was no food.
"Tsuzuki!"
Tsuzuki's head whipped around to see Hisoka. "There's no food," he whined.
Hisoka gave a small shake of the head. The man was more than ninety-six years old though he didn't look it. With all his years you'd think he'd be more mature but that was not the case. Time had done nothing as far as striping him off the childish traits of his youth. "Why don't you order something to eat?" Hisoka suggested.
Tsuzuki's hand went to his eyes, rubbing them with the back of his hand. "I don't have any money."
Hisoka sweat dropped, of course he didn't. "There are menus to several places that deliver, right over there." Hisoka pointed to the counter where the phone lay. "Order something, I'll go get some money. I'll go grocery shopping tomorrow." With that said, he turned and went back to the bedroom to fetch his wallet.
Tsuzuki stared after him for a while. He didn't know why he had acted that way but it was obvious Hisoka was used to it. How embarrassing.
Hisoka came back a moment later. Tsuzuki noticed she'd put a sweater on. Baby blue looked just as good as pink on her. "I was hoping we could get to know each other since we're going to spend a whole month together." Tsuzuki spoke enthusiastically.
Hisoka gave him a skeptical look. "Do you really not remember me?" Hisoka voiced in a neutral tone as he began to make some tea.
"I don't. I know you're my partner because Watari told me so." He responded as he watched her work.
"Well there's not much to say. We've been partners for a little over two years." Hisoka said as he made his way into the living room. "We work well together." There was some truth in that. 'Well I work,' he thought. He sat down on his couch placing a soda in front of Tsuzuki before he began to sip his tea. Even the liquid hurt his throat.
Tsuzuki looked at his partner. She didn't seem much for talking. Maybe it was because she was sick. "Where will I be staying?"
"In the guestroom." Exasperation clearly evident in the tone.
For an unknown reason Tsuzuki felt hurt by the response.
Hisoka gave a deep sigh. He hadn't meant to snap. He was just so grumpy; illness did that to people. He rose and walked to the door. A second before he reached the door the doorbell rang.
Tsuzuki smelled the food. "Hmm, Thai."
Hisoka could feel an overwhelming feeling of happiness coming off Tsuzuki. He took the food into the kitchen. Was it always going to be the same with this man? He wondered as he served two plates, making one much larger than the other one. He walked back slowly to the couch handing Tsuzuki the larger plate and taking the smaller one for himself.
Tsuzuki took the plate with a large smile. He waited till Hisoka took a seat and then gobbled down his food. Hisoka ate about a quarter of his plate before the medicine he'd taken had its effect. He put his plate on the small coffee table and leaned back into the couch. He tucked his knees his knees into the couch and closed his eyes. Just a second. He'd rest only for a second.
Tsuzuki watched the smaller shinigami fall asleep. He smiled at the site before he stood and took the plates into the kitchen. He was washing them when a thought occurred to him. He had no clothes. What was he supposed to sleep in? He was supposed to stay here with Hisoka till he got better but they hadn't bothered to pick up any clothes for him. Hmm. He made his way back to the living room.
"I think you like to be carried around, ne Hisoka?" He said as he looked at her. He picked up the small body and carried her back to her room. He hoped that what he saw today was only because she was sick. She really needed to put on a little more weight. He walked down the hall with the bundle in his arms.
He laid her down on the bed covering her with a thick blanket when he felt the coldness of the room. He stood slowly gazing down at her. Wistfulness settled over him waking up the urge to taste the rosy lips. He shook his head clearing his mind of the tempting image. He leaned in and tucked the blanket all around the small body. Quickly drawing away before she woke up. He had a feeling that she probably wouldn't be too happy about finding him that close to her face. It seemed like she had a short temper. He walked out of the room in search of his own but first he had to retrieve the picture he'd been looking at. 'He'd ask about his clothes tomorrow,' he thought as he picked up the picture from the floor.
*************
Tsuzuki woke to the smell of pancakes. How could that be? There had been no food in the fridge yesterday. He rose and made his way out quickly. He was by the door when he decided that the least he could do was wash his face.
After doing so he left the room. When he got to the hall the smell got stronger. He could smell eggs and . . . . . he sniffed the air. Bacon. If he was lucky and he had a feeling he was, Hisoka would turn out to be great little cook.
Thoughts from last night resurfaced as he walked down the hall. The attraction he felt for Hisoka was very strong and he was determined to get to the bottom of it. He couldn't explain it but he had this feeling that . . . . well . . . . It was too early to tell. The way he felt when he saw her though . . . . He walked in to see her serving a large plate, he could only assume it was for him. He threw her a goofy grin.
Hisoka felt Tsuzuki approaching. The smell of food could always wake the man. He served a large plate then went back to serving a smaller one. He placed the dishes opposite each other on the table before he went back to the kitchen. He served a large glass of orange juice for Tsuzuki and some tea for himself. He was about to put the orange juice back when he thought better of it. Might as well leave it on the table Tsuzuki always had more than one cup. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Tsuzuki approaching the table.
"Ne, Hisoka I thought there wasn't any food in the fridge?" He said taking a seat.
"There wasn't, I stepped out early for groceries. I also stopped by your place and brought you some things." Hisoka watched Tsuzuki; his face almost always matched his mood. Right now he looked really happy. "Eat," Hisoka muttered to the older shinigami.
Tsuzuki couldn't wipe the grin that settled on his face. Maybe the little one felt something too. The way she took care of him. He hoped that was the case. "Thank you Hisoka." He said before he dug in.
When Hisoka finished his pancake he rose to serve Tsuzuki again. He'd been so tire the day before he was almost sure he hadn't served him enough. 'He must have gone to sleep hungry,' he thought as he refilled the plate to Tsuzuki standards. He went back to his seat and began drinking his tea.
Tsuzuki felt he could lick the plate. The food was so delicious. His little partner obviously knew of his eating habits. What else did he know? "Are you feeling well enough to leave the house today?"
Hisoka shook his head no before he took the dishes to the sink and washed them. When he finished he dried his hands on a small dishtowel. Tsuzuki who'd followed him into the kitchen stood against a wall as he waited for Hisoka to come back into the living room with him.
"Do you remember where the tv is?" Hisoka asked as he spared the taller man a glance.
Tsuzuki shook his head, no.
"All right, it's this way." Hisoka said as he walked back to the living room. He stood in front of an oak cabinet, pulling back the covers he revealed a large entertainment center. One of the many things Tsuzuki had insisted he buy for his apartment. Sometimes he wasn't really sure why he listened to the older man. "I keep the controls here on the side table. I don't have any movies I think you would like. And the video store is at least two blocks from here. In your condition though I don't think that's advisable so the tv will have to do." Hisoka placed the controls in Tsuzuki's hands, blushing as their hands brushed one another. "I'm going to go back to bed. I'll come back to make you lunch." He said as he left the room. He paused mid-step around the corner of the hall. "And DON'T eat all the sweets in the fridge." This, he said with a scowl.
Tsuzuki only blinked back in feigned innocence. 'Scary, how well you know,' he thought. He sat on the couch for sometime. Taking in all the small details of the living room. He hadn't noticed the book shelves yesterday. They seemed to cover most of the wall. He rose of the couch and began looking around, reading the tittles to some of the books. After a while he realized something . . . . . Hisoka was really smart. Smarter than himself he was sure. Everything was so clean and pristine.
He made a face and went back to the couch. He slumped into it. Turning the tv on he began flipping through channels. He really hoped Hisoka got better soon he really needed someone to talk to. He yawned; he was just so bored.
"Stay put I'm coming to get you!" Hisoka stood behind large flames but even through the gaps, he could see him.
'Hisoka,' He thought. Could it really be . . . .
"Tsuzuki let's go." Hisoka yelled.
He shook his head no. He just couldn't
"Tsuzuki." Hisoka cried out with an outstretched hand.
"That's enough Hisoka. I've already lived more than my share . . . ." The words, they were so hard to say. He felt tears rolling down his cheeks and falling on top of his hand. " . . . so tired."
"I can't exist anymore." His words were trailing off. "So GoodB . . . ."
The lithe body tossed itself into his unprepared arms. "Hisoka?"
"Then stay for my sake!" Hisoka's words were spoken brokenly.
"I don't want to be alone anymore! Where I belong . . . ." Hisoka voice cracked, pleadingly. "Is by your side." Hisoka's arms tightened their hold. "I . . . I need you!!!"
His arms tightened around the small waist, grasping for assurance. "Can I . . . . stay with you?"
Hisoka nodded.
Tzusuki looked around as the roof began to fall in. The flames . . . . the flames would take them both.
Tsuzuki's eyes opened surprised to see jade eyes hovering just above him. Hisoka's hand still rested on his shoulder. "Why?" Hisoka asked weakly. "Why are you remembering that?"
Tsuzuki stilled his body as dread filled his heart and guilt washed over him.
Hisoka yanked his hand away like it'd been burned. Tsuzuki wasn't shielding his feelings.
Tsuzuki made slow moments to keep Hisoka from bolting. The smaller shinigami looked ready to flee. "I didn't mean . . . . I'm sorry." He apologized. He'd do anything to take back the cause for the hurt emanating from Hisoka's eyes.
Hisoka straightened and stepped back. "I need to make lunch." He said with a composed face. His voice only wavering the slightest. He moved away quickly before the older man could try and touch him.
Tsuzuki stared after his partner, not really sure what had just occurred. He sat on the couch rubbing his palms over his face. The words echoed in his ears. 'I need you. Stay for my sake. I need you. Stay. Stay. Stay.' The echo remained in his thoughts. He had wanted to kill himself. But he had never meant harm to Hisoka. "Why? Why are you remembering that?"
There were a lot of things they needed to talk about. Things the little imp needed to set straight.
Hmm, I see a little OOC. Still I'm happy with this chapter. It's up to my usual standard as far as lengths goes. Bare with me . . . please. I know I might loose some of you while I refer to Hisoka in the feminine sense but that's because Tsuzuki is still under the impression that Hisoka is female. I think it's very believable. If you've ever seen the way they draw him in the manga, you might think so as well. I have that cute pic of Hisoka in a dress, he looks so kawaii. Either way thanks for reading.