"How fucking dare you!" I slammed the door open. My eyes darted across the others in the room till I locked eyes with April. The green of her eyes contrasted the white as they widened with the sudden outburst. It made me madder. Acting surprised like she didn't know what she did. She knew.
My hand gripped the handle of the door. My chest strained as I struggled to get enough air. My eyes unfocused with a twitch and came back.
There was a part of me. A small part, mind you. A part of me said to back off, to calm down, to walk away. It whispered against the siren of anger in my head. I heard it though, I always hear it. The soft whisper. But I had already screamed. Already ripped the door open. Already had everyone's attention. I can't go back. I could, said the whisper. I can't, screamed the siren. The argument only made my eyes twitch again.
She opened her mouth to ask. I shut it with the slam of the door behind me. Her hand went to her chest and it made me grind my teeth. "You had no goddamn business, you miserable bitch."
At the hurled insult, Leonardo jumped off the couch and turned on me. His eyes glittered to warn me to watch my mouth. No wonder Raphael gets so goddamned worked up about his scoldings. Even his scolding is so egotistical it makes you want to kick him in the mouth.
No, said the whisper, that's your friend warning you to stop doing things you'll regret. The siren screamed curses and reminders of my fury. The siren won me over.
I curled my lip at Leonardo. "This is none of your goddamned business."
"It's beginning to be." He scowled, stepping closer to me. He didn't reach for his katanas this time. At least he trusted me that much. It didn't calm me one bit though.
I turned back on April who would bear the brunt of my fit. She still seemed confused, her eyes flickering about trying to solve what she had done wrong. It was so obvious. So fucking obvious. No one understood. Raph would. He always did.
"The phone number!" I screeched at her. She gasped and reached towards me with instant realization. Leo just scrunched up his snout with confusion. Didn't I tell him it was none of his business? Little bitch. Donatello, who had curled his legs up to him on the couch as soon as I burst in, softly reached out for Leo and whispered something that made Leo go "ah." April had probably told him. I bet she had bubbled on and on with a stupid fucking smile. He knew why I was mad. He was smart, as usual, and stayed out of the fight. I wondered if he had warned April. Told her not to do it. If he had, it had probably been too late.
"I-I thought. It would be good for you." She mumbled miserably, running her hand over her mouth. The trees could be swayed with a wind of my sudden fury. She thought it would be good for me? She can join Leo in the hall of arrogance. I belted out a note of anger with clenched fists that made everyone in the room jump.
"You thought it would be good for me? Good for me? Do you listen? Ever? At all? You had no fucking business. I didn't want to-I can't - I won't. Why would I. Why would I ever?" I felt my knees give out and I slumped to the floor, shaking. I could still see it. The way Peter had reached out his hand to me with such pity. The way his eyes had softened when he asked me how I was doing like some goddamned mental patient. The way he avoided everything I ever wanted to say to them. "You should-should have. You should have seen. Seen the way he looked at me."
"Oh, Karen." April came towards me with her arms open. I could feel tears forming in my eyes. My breath broke, and there didn't seem to be enough air in the open room.
No. No pity. No more pity. Please. Please, I'm begging you.
The minute I felt her hand on my shoulder, I scrambled away towards the table. I grasped the chair to pull myself up and stay standing. I stared at the chipped paint, and all I could see was his face. All I could see was the pity. I clamped my mouth shut. No crying. Not here. I took a deep, broken breath. I tried so hard to get away from that pity. I had succeeded. And she had ruined it. Because she thought she was doing me a shitting favor.
"Karen, please." Her voice brought the anger back. My tears stung as I pressed my eyes closed and gripped the chair till my knuckled ached. When I opened them, they fell on Casey's empty beer bottle on the table. I stared at it. Where was Raphael? I flashed my eyes over the den, careful to not make eye contact with Leo or Don. Donatello instantly knew who I was looking for.
"He went to grab food with Mike and Case." He murmured, picking at the color on his bo staff. What a good boy. Staying out of this. Raphael probably could have stopped the escalation, but he wasn't here. Too bad. My fury was building like a power move.
"Maybe, this can help you move through it." April had her hands together as if in prayer. Maybe a prayer I would calm down. Or that someone would hold me down. Was she really still trying to mother me out of this? What a goddamn fucking miserable - my hand grasped the top of the beer bottle - piece of shit. She was going to pay. I slammed the bottom of the bottle over the edge of the table, creating a jagged glass circle in the middle. The glass dribbled on the floor with pings and clinks that reminded me of gunshots. It almost soothed me. Almost. I turned and pointed the makeshift weapon at her. Her face was white, and Leo was already halfway across the room towards me.
I just stood there while he snatched it out of my hand. I knew I couldn't best him. My whisper held me still for long enough for him to grab my arm and snarl in my face. "You need to leave. Now."
He was right. I needed to leave. And so I did.
Within an hour, I was staring out a window at my terminal. I glanced down at my ticket. My blood had simmered down. I took a deep, unshaken breath and looked back outside. I squeezed my overnight back between my legs. It would be easy to send for everything else. This is good. This is right. It was time to leave. It was best for me. Best for them. Best for Raph.
I felt my phone buzz on my foot. I pulled it out of the side pocket and scrolled through the notifications. Raphael must have gotten back soon after the fight because texts were streaming in from not long after I left.
"Are you okay?" He hated texting, but he hated misspellings more. I was convinced it came from Michelangelo sending every text with nothing but abbreviations and emojis. "Hmu lmao leo ko raph rn XD XD XD" was the text Mike had sent me earlier that morning.
I kept scrolling as the texts got more frantic, and it build a tight knot in my stomach.
"Karen?" Followed by two missed calls.
"Are you at the usual place?" Another two missed calls.
"I'm here. I don't see you." Three missed calls.
"Please just tell me you're okay." Two missed calls.
"I'm at your place. The lights are off." Four missed calls.
"Please."
"I can't find you." Nine missed calls.
As I read the last one that immediately popped up as I finished, I felt my body convulse. I gripped the phone between my hands and watched my vision blur. I quickly covered my mouth to hide a breathy wail as tears finally escaped and my body shook. A person sitting across from me looked up with sudden sympathy but didn't move. I couldn't stop it. It was already here. I pressed the phone to my chest as I brought my knees up and hid my face towards my lap, my hand still grasping my mouth to stop the noise. I kept shaking. I kept sobbing. I kept breaking everything.
"Karen, I'm scared."