Clare's POV
Eli Goldsworthy. My best friend. Well, my best guy friend, aside from Alli. We do everything together. It's ridiculous. He comes to my doctors appointments and waits for me to get done, we wrestle, we stay up on the phone until one o'clock in the morning. We go to the movies together, watch the same movies when we are talking on the phone. There is so many more things that I could name, but I'm pretty sure that would just be waisting your time. So, I'll spare you. Anyway, sometimes we even fall asleep with eachother on the phone, it's so much fun. Most of the time, he'll start talking in his sleep, and I'll be on the other end snickering.
Half of the time, people think we're dating. But we're not. Trust me, I would know. I've wanted that for as long as I can remember. But I guess he only sees us as friends, and that's all he'll ever see us as. He always tells me I'm like his sister, or when people ask if we are dating he'll be like;
"No, we're just friends, she's like my sister" and then do something stupid like ruffle my hair, and then I just have to stand there and say "Yup. That's me. Eli's sister."
It drives me crazy! And it's like he gives me so many mixed signals, it confuses the crap out of me! I don't know which way is up, and which way is down. I mean, does he like me? Am I reading into things? He drops these subtle hints, or atleast that's what I think they are. Then the next time I see him, it's like none of that was ever said at all, and he doesn't even remember that it happened. We act like we're together, but both of us know we aren't. It's so frustrating! When will he ever see me as more than just his sister? He calls me lover for crying out loud! Well, okay. So we both call eachother lover. It's just kind of a funny nickname we started to call eachother one time, and it kind of stuck. I don't remember how it started, so don't bother asking.
Every one laughs at us, and thinks we're hilarious. Our friends PARENTS think we're hilarious for crying out loud! They tell us we're like an old married couple. We laugh it off, but little does he know, that I can picture that all in my head, because I want that to be us someday. I want him to be waiting at the alter for me someday, instead of sitting in the crowd watching me get married to someone else. I want to have kids with him, and run around and chase them in the backyard as a family. I want to fight, but then makeup, and know that everything is still okay between us, because we love eachother, and nothing could ever come in the way of that. I want to grow old with him, and hopefully one day die together, so I'll never have to spend one minute with out him.
That's how I want our life to be. I don't want to be his sister! If I was his sister, then he'd be the best man at my wedding, not the groom for crying out loud! That's not how I imagine it at all! But I guess all I can do for now is sit back and wait. I may be waiting for nothing, I'm completely aware of that, but I'm also willing to take that chance, seeming that anything can happen. Even if I have to wait forever. Okay, so maybe not that long. But for now, I'm going to try to stop leading myself on, and acting like there is something more between us, that isn't. I'll just act like his bestfriend, no feelings attached. Well, astleast none that he knows of. If I look at us as just friends, then maybe the things he says or does won't continually break my heart, like when he tells me I'm like his sister. I won't look at it as anything more. I'll spare my heart from getting broken.
I know that there are those of you out there who have been through this before, and know how terrible it is, or those of you who are going through it right now, like I am. Being in love with your best friend, and not knowing how to stop the pain you feel in your heart everytime you see or hang out with them, because you know that you can't have them, and it's getting harder to even be there friend. Well, I'll tell you what, I'll help walk you through this, as I walk through it myself. We'll get through this together. I have to go for now, but come back another day and I'll get you started on all about how each of my days or scenerios go with Eli, and how I make my way through them. Sometimes all there is to do is cry. But that's okay! Sometimes that's all you can do, but in the long run, it makes you feel a whole heck of a lot better. Trust me. Just stick with me, and we'll get through this together. Come back later, and we'll get started!