Summary: Tony is rich right? He could do anything with his money. What does he decide to do with it? Scare the living shit out of Steve.
I do not own the Avengers, or any of the characters. They belong to Stan Lee and Marvel.
Tony was extremely bored that day. It is never a good thing when he is bored, but it is terrible when he is extremely bored. Because when he is extremely bored, bad things happen.
Usually involving Steve.
Tony would mess with and prank all the Avengers, (well not really Natasha, he felt like living another few years) but Steve got the brute of the torture.
On this particular day, all the Avengers had sat down to eat breakfast, and Steve was staring at the toaster.
He was fascinated by the toaster, staring at his reflection in the silver metal surface. Amazed at how the contraption managed to cook the bread and then eject it so it could be consumed. Tony enjoyed making fun of the Captain's lack of technological knowledge, and an idea was forming in his mind he watched the other attempt to catch a piece of toast as it flew from the device.
Pepper often asked Steve to accompany her when she went to run errands. Both to help educate him on the modern world and in case she needed a super-human bodyguard.
On this particular day Pepper and Steve had gone to the grocery store to pick up a few things. Thus time for Tony to execute his brilliant plan. He ordered a million toasters, express express delivery.
When Steve returned to Stark Tower that afternoon, he could not believe what he saw when he closed the door behind him. Every inch of the building was covered with Toasters. Shiny, metal, electric toasters. And there was a noise that filled the whole tower, what was it? Hold on, was that ticking?
Steve realized every single one of the toasters was set to go off. He was already overwhelmed by the absurd amount of toasters, when suddenly one of the ones closest to him popped out a piece of burnt toast. Then another, and another, and-
Oh god, they were all going off right after the other! The ticking gave way to the popping of burnt toast, seconds apart from each other.
Steve looked all around him, his heart was racing. This couldn't get any worse-
POP! One of the toasters behind him went off and he jumped, suddenly he started running through the building, knocking over toasters as he went. It was almost like he was running across a mine-field, toasters exploding like mines around him, burnt toast flying into the air. The aroma of the over-cooked bread made him feel sick.
"Tony! What the hell is going- GAH!" He yelled, a piece of toast flying directly at him. Of course it didn't injure him physically, it was only toast. But his mental stability was questionable as he slowly fell into a state of shock.
The sound of the toasters rang in his ears. No matter where he went, toasters filled every square inch. This was a living hell! When Steve got his hands on Tony he was going to rip him to shreds! That is if he wasn't shaking like a branch in a hurricane.
It was the war all over again. Except his enemy was the shiny toasters and their weapons smelly black toast. He took to smashing the toasters if he could reach them before the went off. He would apologize to Pepper about the mess later. Right now he just needed to get out alive.
Suddenly a piece of toast flew out and knocked over a vase. The prized artifact crashed to the polished floor and broke into a million tiny pieces. The scattered remains littered Steve's path. So not only did he have to deal with the popping of toasters, but the crunch of porcelain under his feet.
He ran up a flight of stairs, nearly tripping on the toasters lining his path. Was Tony trying to kill him? With what was happening now, he assumed Tony's goal was to give him a heart-attack.
"Make it stop! Make it stop! Make it stop!" Steve chanted like it was a prayer to god. He started opening doors, but each room was the same horrid sight. Toasters in the bathrooms, toasters in the offices, toasters hanging from the ceiling. This man went all out.
He found himself in Tony's room, toasters even lined the area here, but these ones had yet to launch. He quickly disposed of them, and discovered the gigantic walk-in closet had no toasters at all. Finally a safe haven.
Steve curled up in the far corner of the closet, where some of Tony's suits hung. He closed his eyes, he could still hear the popping of toasters throughout the building.
And then, what felt like hours later, the popping finally subsided, and there was silence. Sweet sweet silence. Steve breathed a sigh of relief.
He decided to stay sitting there a minute longer, but that was a minute too long. He didn't notice the rustle of suits beside him. He didn't see Tony peaking out from in between the formal business attire, in his hands a shiny new toaster.
He didn't notice, until Tony whispered, "Boo," and the toaster popped right next to him. That was it, he couldn't take anymore.
Steve fainted.
A somewhat less traumatized Steve woke up in the closet. He cautiously opened the door and peeked out. There were no toasters to be seen.
He made his way downstairs, where the rest of the Avengers had once again gathered for breakfast. How long had he been asleep?
"Ah! There is sleeping beauty!" Tony announced as he spotted the Captain. Steve glared at the man, but sat down at the table without a word.
"Good morning, Rogers." Natasha greeted him. Bruce looked up from his paper for a moment giving the man a curt nod. Clint just continued to eat his cereal. Thor- Wait, where was Thor?
"My good friend Tony how do you prepare these?" Steve looked to see Thor standing beside Tony, in his hands a box of 'poptarts'? whatever those were. And behind them on the counter was the-
"Here, let me demonstrate, oh God of Thunder!" Tony smirked, he pulled out a silver wrapped package from the box, and opened it to reveal two pastry looking things with hard white icing and colorful sprinkles. He took them and placed them inside that evil machine. Set the timer, and pop! out came the now toasted pastries.
Steve flinched when the toaster ejected it's contents. Thor removed one and took a Thor sized bite from it, which was probably three-quarters of the pastry.
'Okay, that wasn't so bad.' Steve thought, he figured he could handle just one pop of the toaster. But his misery was not yet over.
"THESE TASTE DEVINE! I SHALL HAVE ANOTHER!" Thor boomed, loading the toaster with more of these 'poptarts', then again, and again, and-
No! Oh god no! The battle with the toasters was carved into his mind, this was like an elbow to a still fresh wound.
Steve jumped up from his seat and stormed off to his room. Leaving everyone but Tony confused.
Pepper bumped into Steve later that day, "Hey Steve! Do you think you can come with me to the grocery store again today? We forgot to get bread last time."
"No..." Steve said, she looked at him puzzled.
"Why not?"
"We don't need bread, ma'am...bread leads to sins." Then he walked away without another word.
The End?
A/N: Hello! Nilla here. I was prompted to write this fic by some of my friends on deviantART. We were having a random conversation in one of the chats about what would Steve's reaction be if Tony filled Stark Tower with toasters. This is just a lengthened version of what we came up with.
I give credit to my king Aussie, my girl Amelia, and anyone else who discussed this with us that night for this wonderfully hilarious idea. I couldn't have thought of it without you!