Disclaimers: They're not mine, but I promise I'll have them back by midnight.

A/N: All mistakes and British spellings are mine.

Girls Night Out

Part One

May 5th 2005

I can't believe I'm doing this. A diary, of all things. Ecklie made us all go and see a counsellor when we got Nick back; he said it was compulsory after a trauma like that. I didn't understand why at first, but that may have something to do with my need to disagree with everything that bastard says. Once I thought about it, it made sense. We went through hell, especially Nick, there's bound to be issues that need addressing.

We're stronger for it though, the team's back together and closer than ever, if nothing else it's taught us to appreciate one another and not take one another for granted.

So anyway, my counsellor said it can help to write my thoughts down, help me not bottle everything up the way I usually do. So I figured I'd give it a try, it can't hurt. Besides, I'm bored senseless and I'm not due back in work for just over a week.

Whose idea was this time off anyway? Oh yeah, mine. In my defence, it did seem like a good idea at the time and I can't remember the last time I took holiday time. I wanted to catch up with my friends, just relax for a few days and not think about work, not an easy task for a workaholic like me.

Problem is I'm all relaxed now and I've done all my catching up and I still have a week off. God I'm bored.

May 6th 2005

Wow, two days in a row. I must be bored. Oh how I'd love a call right now from Grissom telling me the labs overrun and I need to go help, hell I'd even be lab tech for the night. Did I mention I was bored?

I hate being off work. At least when I'm at work my mind is occupied, which is good. When it's not occupied my brain has a very nasty habit of thinking about Catherine.

I seem to be making a habit of falling for the wrong ones of late. First Hank, not that I really fell for him, but I could have. Thankfully I was way too pissed off and angry to let myself get that upset over him.

Then Grissom, although I did have feelings for him before Hank. But I dealt with that, let him know how I felt, he made it clear that while he had feelings for me, he had no intention of acting on them. Okay so that hurt but at least I knew where I stood, I could get over him and move on.

Now Catherine and boy have I got it bad. I can barely breathe when she's around me. How the hell I'm supposed to work on a case with her is beyond me. It's almost impossible to concentrate on evidence when her mere presence distracts me so much.

I'm pretty sure she's not straight, of course I could be totally and utterly wrong about that but I just have a gut feeling. I don't think she's seeing anyone right now either. She still seems just as unattainable.

I thought spending some time away from her might help a little but all I've done is sit around thinking about her and wishing I was at work with her.

So why haven't I asked her out? Let her know I'm interested at least. We get on now, we're friends and I give her more credit than to think she'd flip over this.

I seriously need to get over this. I know I need to do something about this. I can't go on feeling like this, it's driving me crazy. I have to tell her how I feel or just get the hell over it, pity that's a hell of a lot easier said than done.

May 7th 2005.

Well, I spent all night dwelling on the fact that I'm in love with someone I can't have, and I've made a decision. I'm going to tell her. I have to. I'm going to ask her out.

Hell, I could be about to make a big mistake and ruin the friendship we do have. But if she decides that just because I have feelings for her our friendship is over then I'll know she's not as amazing as I think she is, not if she's willing to lose a friend over something like this.

I figure if I leave in about ten minutes I can meet her just as she leaves work, so that's what I'm going to do. Have I ever been this nervous in my life? I don't think so, I wasn't this nervous when I asked Grissom out. I'm still going to do it though. I'm a big girl, I can handle this...I think.

Thanks for reading.

I'd love some feedback.

Sam