Note: THIS IS NOT "IN MEMORY OF hide"!!!!!! I JUST wrote this as a hide Memorial Day fic. In no way is this me remembering him!!!! I write angst because its what I do best!!! So please, be wise with your reviews. If you wish to criticize, CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM ONLY! Thank you! I don't appreciate anything that just plain bashes my writing.

May 1, 2010 11:57 p.m.

Yoshiki sat at the counter, eyes fixed on the clock. A stubborn weariness crept over him as it neared that day again. Yoshiki scrubbed a hand over his face as the bartender handed him a glass of beer. Glancing at it, Yoshiki shoved it away. Beer sloshed onto the counter and the bartender instantly grabbed a rag and wiped it up while giving Yoshiki a confused look.

"I'm only having one drink, a Pink Spider. However, I can't have it for another three minutes." Yoshiki muttered a miserable sounding explanation.

The bartender glanced at the clock and realization dawned on him. He gathered up the required ingredients, which consisted of Bacardi 151, Beefeater gin, Cranberry juice, and a cherry. Three minutes later the drink was ready and Yoshiki lifted the glass.

"May you be happy in the next world, my Ever Free Pink Spider…" He toasted softly before taking a sip of the fruity drink.

May 2 4:03 a.m.

"hide!"

Yoshiki barged into the apartment. His heart hammered with grief and felt as if it was shattering. Clutching his chest, Yoshiki raced for the bathroom. He jiggled the handle and pushed in an attempt to open it. However, it wouldn't budge. Something was blocking it. No, not something. Someone. Its hide… His mind whispered weakly. Indeed, he got the door to open a crack and someone was sitting on the other side.

"hide! Open the door! Hide, please!" Yoshiki cried out, tears filling his eyes as he begged his friend to let him in.

Somehow, Yoshiki managed to get through where he saw his beautiful hide, strung up like some puppet to the door. Yoshiki's heart disintegrated as he fell to his knees, clutching the barely breathing man in his arms…

…Yoshiki bolted up in his bed, gasping and sweating from the nightmare. He should have been used to it at this point, seeing as it happened every year near or on this date. Yoshiki swept his hair out of his face and sighed heavily.

May 2 8:52 a.m.

Yoshiki sat in front of the monument- the empty grave- that belonged to hide. His remains, in all actuality, had been burned and scattered in the Santa Monica Bay. Yoshiki sat with a bottle of what had been hide's favored alcohol. Opening it, he leaned against the monument and took a big drink.

"I, uh…had that dream again. Even after 12 years, it felt so…so real. I wish I really had been there. Then…maybe…you'd still be here… I mean, I know you're still…with us…watching over us. I wish…you could have held on longer. X Japan is back together. We have been for a few years. I'm sure that makes you proud…makes you happy. I only wish you could be here to enjoy it with us. Here, have a drink."

Yoshiki poured half the bottle over the ground. After this, he sat and watched the ground soak it up for just a few minutes before drinking the rest of it himself. With a heavy sigh, he took a few minutes to reminisce about the old days before hide had left them. Finally, he said his good bye and headed for his car.

May 2 8:52 p.m.

Yoshiki found himself lying in a hospital bed. He was hooked up several machines and felt like he'd been hit by a train. Though he could hear the soft murmur of familiar voices around him, the room was empty save one person. Yoshiki's eyes widened at the familiar mop of pink hair. He felt tears slide down his cheeks and a lump formed in his throat. It was…impossible. hide sat perched on the edge of the bed, facing Yoshiki with his arms crossed. His dark cat-like eyes were filled smoldering fury.

"Yoshiki, you're being stupid." hide called out bitterly.

"You…you're not here…" Yoshiki mumbled drowsily.

"Why were you drinking? Do you think I want to see you do what I did?" The pink-headed one snapped.

"I wouldn't-"

"You tried…" hide's voice grew soft and pained.

Yoshiki stared at the ethereal man in shock. He suddenly understood why he was being visited by his long-dead friend. He himself was on the verge of death. In what he would consider the background, Yoshiki could make out a doctor's murmurs and his friends' soft sobs. He was in the hospital…but on a different level of existence. One that seemed to be fading fast. hide moved closer, placing a cool hand on Yoshiki's cheek. Yoshiki closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, never wanting it to fade away. For twelve years, he had wanted to feel hide's touch, hear his voice. And now, he was finally getting what he wanted.

"You were always so good to me, Yoshiki. I didn't mean to make you hurt like this…Yoshiki, You need to survive. They can't bear to lose you. Especially not like this…"

"No…hide please…I don't want you to leave again…" Yoshiki pleaded.

"You aren't meant to leave them right now, Yoshiki. It's not an option." hide said sternly, pulling away from him.

"Well…what happened? I…I can't remember a thing after leaving your gr…your monument."

"For one, you chose a very strong and potent drink. You never drink like that…So, by the time you left, you were drunk. How you managed to drive in that intoxicated state is beyond me. Yes, I have been watching over you…because I was worried. I knew it come to this, Yoshiki…I knew you'd have a hard time going on. I just didn't know when you would break." He paused, stroking the other man's cheek. "When you got home, you just…sat on the couch, staring off into nowhere for nearly an hour. After that, you called Pata. When he answered, you were silent for about two minutes before you broke down crying and asking why. Pata told you he'd be right over. He…he knew you weren't okay. Especially when you hung up without a good bye. Once Pata arrived…" hide turned away, but not before Yoshiki caught the genuinely hurt expression on his face.

Yoshiki heard someone's voice speaking directly to him. No, they weren't speaking; they were almost screaming. He knew the voice immediately: it belonged to Pata. He could feel Pata gripping his arms a little too hard as he shouted. He could only make out one word: why? Pain filled him at the hurt in Pata's voice. He could feel himself being pulled back toward the living world. Yoshiki reached out, grasping hide's hand, not quite ready to leave.

"Please…tell me what I did…" He whispered to hide, tears in his eyes.

"I…Yoshiki, please don't make me do this. I can't-"

"I'm begging you…"

"You…you tried to copy me…only you went after yourself with a knife as well. There are several stab wounds along your abdomen. If it hadn't been for that, you would have successfully hung yourself. And, thank Kami for Pata, he sped to your place and saved you. Although he doesn't know you'll survive yet."

Yoshiki looked both upset and relieved. So…he wasn't going to die. hide caught this look and chuckled softly. He sat on the edge of Yoshiki's bed again and smiled, resting his hand over Yoshiki's. He wanted to give his hand a reassuring squeeze, but they'd already made enough contact and Yoshiki already didn't want to go back to living. It was better this way.

"You're going to live and if I have to meet you again before your time like this, I'll kick your ass. I can watch you if you're alive. I can't guarantee I'll see you again if you die." hide explained as he and the room dissolved into total blackness.

May 3 1:09 a.m.

Yoshiki opened his eyes to be faced with a familiar hospital ceiling. Panic surged through him at the thought that he might be stuck in the empty not-quite-dead-or-alive realm in which hide had visited him. He shifted on his bed so he could sit up…and let out a cry of pain as his abdomen seared, feeling like a hot blade was slicing through it. Someone all but leapt up from a chair in the corner and rushed to Yoshiki's side.

"Pata?" Yoshiki managed in a raspy whisper.

"Oh thank Kami!" Pata said hoarsely, taking Yoshiki's face in his hands and placing a kiss of sheer gratitude on his forehead. "You've been unconscious and on the verge of slipping into a coma…Your family, along with Sugizo and Heath, are in the waiting area."

"What about-"

"Like I was going to wait out there while one of the best friends I've had lay dying." Toshi replied, appearing on Yoshiki's other side.

Pata and Toshi discussed who would go inform the others. After much discussion, Toshi left the room with happy, relieved tears in his eyes. Pata, too, was crying tears of respite. Toshi entered the waiting area and couldn't help the sob that escaped him. The others slowly stood up, some supporting each other in fear of Toshi's news. Toshi covered his mouth as a small laugh slipped up amongst his soft sobs. Sugizo approached him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"What happened, Toshi? Is he…have we lost him?" He asked, voice thick with the effort of fighting tears.

"No, he-he's awake. He's gonna be-He's gonna make it." Toshi nearly shouted, and similar tears filled the eyes of those with him as they headed for the room.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Pata asked softly, sounding more concerned than angry.

"I…I'm sorry. I don't know. I…guess I was drunk. At least that's what I was told. I can't even remember-"

"Told? Yoshiki, how could someone tell-"

"hide told me. While you were in hysterics, I was with hide." Yoshiki explained calmly.

Pata paled and stiffened, realizing just how close they'd come to losing another beloved friend and member of X Japan. His body trembled with fear at almost losing Yoshiki. Yoshiki offered a weak smile that made Pata relax. As the others filed into the room, Pata scrubbed away his tears and sighed. He grasped Yoshiki's hand softly, Toshi doing the same to the other hand as Sugizo, Heath, and Yoshiki's remaining family surrounded his bed.

"Don't you ever try to leave us again." Pata commanded,

" I promise you, I won't. Besides, hide said he'd kick my ass if I tried again." Yoshiki said with another playful smile.

"Good thing he's watching you then…"