"You let her kiss you, didn't you?" Put on a big happy smile, like I believe what I'm saying myself. She falls for it, not surprised. She loses her edge around me, we both do. That face of hers getting a little too close to mine, little too crowded in my sky. Of course, if only I could convince my head that, or my heart of course. His smile faded as his foot hit Serenity's floor.
No. His face becomes its stony mask as he checks the area of Serenity around him as he passes. That died a long time ago, he thinks, died with everything else. I'm just a mean old man now. Can't be thinking about no Companions. He smoothed down his hair and headed to the bridge.
"It isn't dead." Is spoken by a familiar morbid and creepifyn' voice behind him. For a second he pauses and turns to her, plastering on a face that even he knows is useless to her level of perception, intuition, and whatever else the Hun Dan School of the Academy boosted in her.
"What's dead River girl, anything I need to be aware of?"
"It already perceives it is cognizant and so is the other half. Both perceive but cannot comprehend. They have the pattern backwards, though instant analysis should provide accurate results that is, if previous bias and twenty three other variables do not interfere in the realization process. Though of course previous analysis has proved faulty and the continual denial and self delusion is becoming somewhat rather antagonizing to all involved and just not the main individuals in question.
"You want to run that by me again River girl?"
"Ducks" She nodded and then turned and skipped playfully away from him.
He stood there for a good moment before he quietly surrendered any previous plans and climbed the stairs down to his bunk as his mind drifted back again.
Ai ya, should have known it wouldn't bring any good; going in there to rile her up, to find out the truth as it were. For a woman so skilled in deception and making people believe what they wanted she ought to have been able to hide the truth from me. Hell maybe she wanted me to know, no, that's not her way. Not our way. We like simple, no complications, no worries, things run smoother. Like things to run smoother, they sure as hell don't enough. I'm getting a might too tired of that being the case. Too many things getting in the way of …
No
He knew. He knew it. He knew how she felt, and somewhere deep down how he felt. He knew. And sometimes it was just better not knowing. As he looked around the black surrounding dark of his bunk he faded. Old memories, of her, of thinks, hopes he wouldn't often let himself voice, came back to surface. What he wouldn't give to -
No
He knew it. Neither would compromise. Neither would give up their pride for it. It's for the best. Things would get too complicated. No shipboard romances. Got to follow the rules, everyone, even the Captain. The Alliance made sure of that. Seems more often there were getting fewer places a man could keep his peace and his head without any ruttin interference. Mal sat back in his bed and thought. Of the Alliance, the war, Zoe, Serenity, Shadow, his crew, his family that was, Serenity, 'Nara. Mal had learned how unfair things could be. That there was no higher power out looking after the good and fighting for the cause, rewarding those who stood up for what was right. He learned that things happen and not a god damned thing belief or any other tian di wu yong thing anybody thought would change it would. But thinking on higher powers made Mal angry, and thinking about 'Nara made him angry. Seems a man will never find peace. Then Mal smiled and put his feet up. No rest for the wicked.