This is my age of loneliness.
Do I want to be alone?
No
Do I have a choice?
No
But why, why don't I do something about it?
Because I can't.
Every second I am thinking of him.
I wonder if he does the same about me.
I hear him say he won't give up until I come back to him but how can I?
I wish we were together but there is only so much I can do from up here.
He says he wants me back.
Do I want to go back?
More than anything.
I love him, my god do I love him.
He's the reason I breathe, the reason my heart beats or at least the way those things used to happen.
I just wish I could tell him one last time that I love him.
I wish I could kiss his lips once more and feel his arms around my body.
Those are wishes that will never come true though.
All I can do is wish.
I'll never be able to touch him again.
I'll never be able to speak to him again.
I look down at him as he lays back on his bed, his eyes shut and his lips moving.
"I love you Janie," he says.
I feel the tears fall from my eyes and head down to him but he will never feel them for they disappear before getting to him.
I watch him sit up and look up.
It almost feels like he can see me.
Wait, can he?
"I love you Janie," he says again, looking directly at my eyes.
"I love you too Shane," I say.
He stands and walks my way.
"I miss you," he says.
I turn around and see the picture he's looking at.
It's me.
He leans forward and places a kiss on my pictures' forehead and I could almost feel his lips on my forehead.
He stares at the picture for a few minutes then turns to leave.
"Don't leave," I say.
He stops.
"Please don't leave," I whisper.
He turns around and looks at the picture.
"I'll always be here Janie, just like I know you will."
With that he turns and leaves the room and I know he'll never forget me and I know we'll always be together.