Um, hi. waves I'm Kudilu.
I personally don't think I'm much of a writer, but some folks disagree . . . whatever. To each his own, I guess.
This story is more than a little old – at least 5 years old. I still have yet to see as much of the series as I would like to – one day I will sit down and watch the DVDs finally. At the time I wrote this, I believe, I had only seen through "My Fiancé, the Cat" in season 4, in addition to the OAVs and movies. In fact, as of now, that's still all I've seen. Sad . . .
Anyway, there is a second version of this that isn't a songfic – there's very little difference between the two. Feel free to let me know which you prefer. (I recommend reading the other one first.)
Talking, as usual, in "quotes".
Thoughts are in italics. (a strong push behind a word also in italics – but thought italics act like talking)
Gone but not Forgotten
By Kudilu
A man walks down the street, looking vaguely distracted from his surroundings. He hops up onto a fence as he turns the corner and continues walking, avoiding various bars and ropes in his path with an absent-minded nonchalance that speaks of early and extensive training in the martial arts. He walks, paying no attention to anyone or anything he passes. An old woman watches him pass and shakes her head, feeling very sorry for all the young man has gone through in his short life.
The man continues walking, not knowing or caring where he is. A single strand of melody floats by on the breeze. He stops dead in his tracks, frozen, listening to the all-to-familiar opening melody. The words, also to familiar despite not being in his language, began . . .
Even now –
When there's someone else who cares –
When there's someone home who's waiting just for me –
Even now I think about you as I'm climbing up the stairs
And I wonder what to do so she won't see.
A single tear trickles slowly down the man's stone-cold face as her remembered his wife's – his late wife's – original reaction to this song. She had always loved it, and he had never understood why. He had constantly questioned how an unfeminine girl like her could ever understand the concept of romance, much less react so strongly to a song, for crying out loud. Her usual reaction to every other dig in her femininity somehow never applied to this one.
Minako still didn't understand how he could still let himself be affected by this. She just didn't get that he had actually loved that unfeminine tomboy, not just married her for the sake of 'convenience.' Then again, Minako didn't know the whole story. She didn't have the background too. Minako had never met his wife. He had met her on set a few years ago, long after the 'insane period' after his wife died ended. He still wasn't sure how they had ended up together. The entire six months between when she had walked up to him on set and introduced herself and when she had moved in with him was a barely-recalled blur.
Even now –
When I know it wasn't right
And I've found a better life than what we had.
Even now I wake up crying in the middle of the night
And I can't believe it still could hurt so bad.
Though it was true that their parents had forced them to get engaged in the first place and they had an innumerable amount of obstacles in their path, they had still managed to fall in love. He still hadn't figured out how. No sane girl would love a guy with multiple other fiancées, never mind the fact that he didn't really care about them. No sane girl would tie herself to a guy who refused to admit any feeling – good or bad – towards her. No sane girl . . . but then, no one had ever accused her of being sane.
Even now, when I have come so far –
I wonder where you are –
I wonder why it's still so hard without you.
Even now, when I come shining through,
I swear I think of you,
And how I wish you knew –
Even now.
He didn't know how he got through the first year after she died. He had come here because of her, and without her, there was nothing to hold him. It was so long ago . . . two kids just out of high school, trying to make it in America, in Hollywood no less. She at least had a reason for coming; she had an acting scholarship. He had just trailed after her; after all it didn't matter where he was. He could set up a dojo anywhere, but this was the only place for her. So he followed her. Abandoning his family, her family, their friends . . . it has been the hardest thing he'd ever done, but for her it was worth it. Not a word was said, he just inserted himself into her plans. To his amazement, she hadn't commented . . . or objected. Everyone else, however . . . he didn't ever want to go through that again. Leaving had been . . . painful.
He had never been able to tell her how he felt. That was the most painful of all.
Even now –
When I never hear your name
And the world has changed so much since you've been gone.
Even now I still remember and the feeling's still the same
And this pain inside of me goes on and on.
Even now.
It had been so long since he had though about her . . . at least a week. Nobody ever mentioned her anymore. She had been so good . . . much better than him really, but no one cared about that anymore. Hollywood life as all the same: it's got to be here-and-now or it doesn't matter. Oh, they still wanted him; they couldn't do without their #1 martial rescue actor. Only now, it was Minako he was saving, Minako fighting back to back with him, Minako he . . . loved. On-screen. And it didn't feel right.
The worst part was that it was all his fault.
Oh, they had always fought, teasingly. It may not have looked that way to other people, but they never fought about anything serious . . . and yet it was the small squabbles that killed her.
He didn't follow her. Once, he didn't follow her, and she never came back . . . alive. Just another statistic, another body lying in the street.
And it was all his fault.
Even now, when I have come so far,
I wonder where you are.
I wonder why it's still so hard without you.
Even now, when I come shining through,
I swear I think of you,
And God I wish you knew –
Somehow!
Even now!
The man, now weeping openly, stares up at the rapidly darkening sky. Why? he asked silently. Why her? Why then? He swallowed. Why not me? Couldn't you have waited, at least until I could tell her . . . tell her that . . . he couldn't finish the thought. Yet to his surprise, he was answered.
Why must you blame yourself?
He whipped around, looking for the source of the voice . . . a voice he knew as well as his own. "Wh . . . what?"
Why must you blame yourself? The voice sounded amused. It's as much my fault as yours, more so, actually. I'm the one who didn't watch where I was going. I know better than to be in that part of town after dark. I'm just lucky that it was quick.
"But . . ," he protested, "I still should have been there. I always follow you."
No matter how many times I told you not to? snapped the voice. It's just my luck that the one time you actually listen to me, you shouldn't have. My fault, not yours. I got sloppy, always counting on you.
"Oh." He swallowed. "Why are you here? Talking to me, I mean." He closed his eyes and wiped away a tear. "You never did before."
Because you asked me to. You never asked me for anything before.
"Then . . . then you know about . . ."
Yes, I know about Minako. She's good for you. You need her. And she loves you.
"But . . . but you . . ."
Darling, I'm dead. You're not. Why should I be mad at you for letting someone else into your life?
"I . . . I dunno. I just thought . . ."
No, you didn't think. Just like normal.
He grinned wryly. "You couldn't go just once without insulting me, could you?
Nope. Not a chance. Though if you'll remember, I did. Once.
He coughed. "Well, uh, yeah. I guess."
The voice sighed. Oh, honey, I wish you could see your daughter. She's beautiful.
"My . . . my daughter? But we never had any children . . ."
He could feel her smile. I was pregnant when I died, darling. Only just barely, but I was. About three months.
"You were?" His shock was clearly evident on his face. "But why didn't you tell me?"
I was about to when we got into that argument.
"Oh."
I so wish you could see her! She's exactly what you would have wanted her to be. If it wasn't for the dam rules . . .
"Rules?"
Yeah. You can't see her because you hadn't met her before she died. If I had told you . . .
All was silent for a moment, then she spoke again. I hate to say it, but I must go. We only get a limited amount of time to talk to you still-living folks.
"Wait!" The man held out a hand, pleadingly. "Can . . . can I see you again? Just once?"
She sighed. I don't see how it could hurt, the voice said, reluctantly.
As he watched, a small, white nimbus of light appeared in front of him. It grew, slowly, gathering energy from the earth around him. Then, when it had reached the size of his head, it burst into a glowing, transparent, winged version of his wife. She had lost all the worry lines that had appeared during the last few months of her life, when work had been hard to find. She looked . . . happy. Fulfilled. She smiled at him and tilted her head, setting her hair bouncing. So . . . you like?
He stared at her, marveling again at how beautiful she was . . . had always been. "Yeah. I like."
I'm glad. Then she frowned. I'm sorry, but I must go.
"Will I ever see you again?"
I don't know. Her form began to dissolve. Maybe. I hope so.
"I . . . I . . . I love you. Akane."
A soft breeze blew around him and brushed across his cheek, like a kiss. I love you too, Ranma.
A man walks down the street, happy with the world and all that is in it. A huge weight has been lifted from his shoulders, and he walks all the lighter for it. He can't wait to get home and tell her that it was finally time, that he could finally do what she had wanted for over a year. He couldn't think of any way to make his fiancée-to-be any happier.