Riley's P.O.V
I was an idiot.
I was a fucking idiot! Why the hell did I do that? Why did I kiss Peter? He's a guy, I'm a guy. What the hell compelled me to kiss him? I punched the wall of my bedroom. It hurt. I didn't give a shit.
I didn't need this. I wasn't gay. I just, wasn't. The whole idea of liking men is just… ew. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that but, I'm not. I thought back to that split second when Peter's lips were on mine. It was…nice.
No. I wouldn't think like that. Besides, he doesn't like me back. It was smart of me to leave. I saw the look of disgust on his face after he pushed me away. He doesn't swing that way. I looked around my room. I had sports posters all over the walls. They were all of guys. They were all of muscular guys. They were all of hot, muscular guys. I couldn't take this.
I started ripping them all off my walls. Why were they there? They shouldn't even be there! I realized that I was hysterical but, no one was home so I decided it didn't matter. I just kept trashing my room until it was a complete mess. My vision was blurry. I had started crying some time ago and hadn't noticed.
Why was this happening to me? Why me? This wasn't what I was raised to be! There were other people that could've been gay. They wouldn't have minded. It would've been easy. But me? This couldn't… I couldn't… I fell to the floor sobbing. I wasn't supposed to cry. I hadn't cried since I was a baby. In my haze I couldn't bring myself to care. I was too tired and it felt nice to let it all out. I didn't even hear the sound of footsteps or the door opening. I was so oblivious it took the other person stroking my hand for me snap out of it.
It was Peter.
I felt heat rush to my face, averted my eyes and tried to pull my hand away. He held it firm and I felt a sting. I winced and looked back. My knuckles had been bleeding and he was treating them with some disinfectant. "You can't stay out of trouble can you?" he said and motioned toward a hole in my wall where I must've punched it in. I gave a weak smile. "Only when I'm with you." I said. My eyes widened and I realized what that must've sounded like. An awkward silence passed over us. "Look dude," he began. "I don't really… I mean… You just…" he struggled to find the words. I shifted my eyes and figured my best hope was denial. I was good at that and if I could convince myself, I could probably convince everyone else. I grunted, "I don't know what you're talking about. Nothing happened." He looked at me confusedly. "It's okay. I know I freaked out and I'm sorry, but if you're… you know, then that's fine. And I get that you like me or whatever-"
I got up angrily and kicked my bedpost. Why wasn't he listening? This was supposed to be simple!
I turned to him and ground out, "Nothing, happened." before attempting to stomp off. Peter slammed me into a wall before I could get too far. His eyes bore into mine and it scared me to see him so determined. I tried to shrink away but he held my gaze. His eyes softened and he let me go. "I'm sorry about the way I reacted." He said. "I was just startled, man. You caught me off guard." Peter looked at me awkwardly and sat on my bed. I sat down next to him. "I don't mind you know." I rolled my eyes at him. "Yeah, I got that."
Then I noticed something else.
He was stroking my hand again. I looked at him and he looked back and we just stayed that way until I couldn't handle it anymore. If I didn't move I was going to kiss him again. I made a move to get up and leave but Peter pulled me back and did something I never thought he'd do.
He kissed me.
He kissed me, and I kissed him back.
When we pulled away we were out of breath but….. It wasn't awkward anymore. We just kind of stayed in each other's arms in a comfortable silence for a while. When he finally left we didn't kiss again but we hugged and smiled and I felt good. Like a big….. Something had been lifted off my chest and I could breathe a little easier.
I don't know what I expected to happen at school, but it wasn't what actually happened. Peter was still with Mia… and we were both still supposedly straight.
I should've expected that. I shouldn't have let my mind wander into the world of what might be and think he would leave her for me. I was okay with him not outing us. I wasn't ready to take that step yet but… but it bothered me that he was with her. That he would date her, hug her, kiss her. And he would do it right in front of me. And I thought I was the one in denial.
Then again he would look at me… he would look at me with the most intense gaze and give me a nod. It reassured me somehow. And when we met after school in a supply closet, greeting each other with a searing kiss as the door shut behind us, I knew it would be okay. The 'secret thing was kind of sexy anyhow. I chuckled into the kiss and I thought, "We're in the closet."
How appropriate.
AN: I'm not completely happy with this but I liked the basic idea and decided to run with it and... I saw the episode 'Man With Two Hearts' and couldn't help myself. ^^ I'm so sorry it took so long though! My computer died and I lost my spunk for a while. But I'm back! So tell me what you think! Feedback is always appreciated. :)