The air outside Malfoy manor was cool and a soft yet cutting winter's breeze blew tenderly across Narcissa's face, stinging as it hit her dampened cheeks, pricking at her like needless across her porcelain skin. The silence of the gardens with infiltrated by the shuffle of the air as it gusted through the twigs and branches on long since lifeless trees, and Narcissa's footsteps- though light in their movements- crunched as she walked over frozen grass. Every couple of seconds she would give a soft sniff and her nose would sting from the wetness against the icy air as another small tear cascaded down her face. The sun had set and the never ending acres of gardens were lit only by the chilling glow of the moon as it gazed upon her in mysterious wonder and the stars which twinkled in an almost tauntingly animated fashion, piercing through her agony in their crude presence.
Narcissa let her footsteps guide her forwards, the usually large and ominous manor but a speck in the distance as she walked further and further afield. She was desperate to escape the cutting loneliness that the cold and empty bed had once more caused and frantic to leave the intense craving for the arms of her husband behind. Once more Lucius was away, working for the death eaters. She missed the feel of his strong arms wrapped lovingly around her, enveloping her in their protective embrace as she lay beneath him. She coveted the feel of his rough yet tender hands on her back, her neck, running down her body touching and caressing her as she writhed below him, Merlin what she would do to kiss his lips. As she walked she could almost feel her own lips burning with the pure desperation that had met her in every kiss of his since this war had started again, the desperation that she gladly returned. She knew he needed her as much as she needed him in those moments more than ever. They needed a simple release from the hardships of the shattered world they lived in, a moment's peace in the cacophony that screamed into their ears almost every second of every day. She missed the brush of the lips and the twist of the tongues, entwining, melding, and becoming one. Narcissa could imagine his weight on her hips as their bodies throbbed in beautiful harmony, waves of vehement pleasure seeping through her, building a burning twisting coil as he pierced her and moved within her. She could hear their moans and their soft whispers of obsession into each other's ears. Her name, heavy on his lips, over and over until she finally gave such sweet release and they both fell into a blissful hot oblivion together. How she craved it, not only the act of making love but the presence of him alone. The emptiness of a cold bed tore at her soul but so did the cruel isolation of a silent room, missing the breaths and the steady heartbeat of another. Knives pierced her heart every time she called out his name and realised he was not there, that he was gone once more. He was in danger.
The very thought of losing him demolished what little was left of her already crushed heart, images of his cold stiff body terrorised her speculations. Blood and horror shoved into her musings and though she desperately tried to quell such disturbing images they continued to haunt her. Narcissa could smell the copper blood as it ran from his face weeping with soft trickles from his pure white skin, stabbing at her sickness and building a salty swell of bile in the back of her throat. The terrifying images flashed between that of her husband lying dead and that of her son- her beautiful miracle baby, now a man but still a child to her. Her prince, the thought made more heavy tears seep from her eyelashes and a strangled, pained sob reverberate in her throat. A retch more akin to a noise an animal would make rather than a human. Deaths cold hand couldn't touch her baby, her only son, not after it took so long to have him. Not after the years of pain it took to create him, the years of longing and the overwhelming joy of his arrival. They couldn't take her baby, her dragon.
It does not exist, she kept telling herself over and over but somehow the thoughts still managed to shake her. Flashes of coloured light blinded her dreams, stinging behind her eyes and one particular colour stood out- the callous and cold blooded flash of green that so surely meant death to its victim, so merciless and so indiscriminate in its acid like burn. She would call these thoughts nightmares but they invaded not only her sleep but her every waking moment when Lucius was away, working. The days he got back were the only time she felt safe from then, when she could hold him and weep in her relief, overwhelmingly light compared to the heavy break she would feel without him. Nightmares, horror stories, whatever you called them she knew they weren't real and so she clamoured to escape the crescendo of her heart when they arrived, reminding herself of their lack of genuineness over and over to no avail.
Eventually Narcissa reached her destination, a cool lake with a thin layer of ice covering it like a clear skin. She looked behind her where the manor once was but now it was so far away that she could not see it and then she let her gaze drop back to the water. The ice crackled softly as it separated in the wind, the small rush of waves breaking into it, lapping at the crystal and dragging it to the darkened depths. The lake was supposed to represent something mesmerizingly beautiful. It was her and Lucius' safe haven; nobody came here except for them- not even Draco. She dropped onto her knees at the edge of the lake, gazing out over it, the reflection of the moonlight captivating her, helping her loose herself. She could feel the dampness of the frosted grass seeping into her knees and her body but she did not care. All she wanted to do was to sit and think; to dream of better times, of happiness and love.