Woot. Second fanfic that's going up here. You know, I wanted to edit this so that Priscilla wasn't so out-of-character, but after trying, I decided that it was a lost cause.

I'd like to thank everyone that reviewed "How to Tempt a Monk", just as a note. 'Cuz reviews make me feel fuzzy. (hint-hint) To be honest, I didn't think many people would like it.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Fire Emblem series; all characters used and/or mentioned are owned by Intelligent Systems.

Winning a Mage's Heart

"He's mine!"

"No, he's mine!"

The two voices traded insults continually, without avail to an end. The dispute had broken out by one of the tent circles, where the two designated healers had both staked their provisional homes.

Priscilla grew redder than her hair as she bored her eyes into the priestess. "You're wrong! Erk loves me, not you! You are an irritating pest!"

Serra's cheek were crimson as she shouted, "You slattern, you'll never get your hands on my poor Erky!"

"'Slattern? How dare you! What did I do!" the troubadour demanded to know, obviously offended.

"It's not like you have any feelings for Erk," the priestess began. "You also like Heath, Guy, and Sain! You like Sain!"

"…W-well, w-what's wrong with that! Heath is very honest and kind, Guy is cute and charming, and, Sain… uh…" The troubadour paused, not able to think of anything.

"Ha! I gotcha there!"

"No… Sir Sain, he is, um, is… very passionate!"

A chuckle escaped Serra. "Passionate like my vow of chastity!"

"No, really, he…" Priscilla said, stopping when she realized what Serra had just said. "Hold on, you're saying that you broke your vow of chastity?"

The cherry color in the priestess's cheeks spread to the rest of her face. "Uh, well technically not, since clerics don't have to be celibate. I was referring to the one I had when I was still just a nun."

"She's lying. Clerics also take vows," Lucius clarified as he walked by.

"Who asked you?" Serra yelled.

Priscilla waited until the other staff user turned back to her before saying, "Serra, what you were saying?"

"Well, I, uh…" Serra murmured looking down, looking ashamed. "I a-actually don't know if it's r-really breaking m-my vow, but I, uh, well, o-once I, um, I-I…" Her voice was lost between the stammering and the decreasing volume.

"What did you do?" Priscilla asked, trying to encourage an answer.

"I s-saw Erk n-naked once w-when he was b-bathing."

Priscilla looked at Serra in disbelief. "Is that really a violation of your vow?"

"I don't know!" the pink-haired cleric shouted, tears forming in her eyes. The troubadour watched her in amazement. The only person that ever made her cry before was Oswin- and it took a long time and countless conversations to do so.

Priscilla was about to try to calm her down, but then she remembered that she was an enemy. Seeing her chance, she began to do something to Serra she was not used to doing; taunting.

"Ha! And you call me a slattern? You're amazing! What were you going to do next, huh? Seduce him? Little hypocrites like you are just amazing, you know you all are just…" She slowed down and stopped talking, already out of ideas. Matthew walked by, and she had a proposal. "Matthew?"

"Yes, Lady Priscill- Whoa, why the heck is she of all people crying?"

"I do not wish to bother you with the details. But, could you please make her more upset for me?"

Matthew looked at Priscilla, pondering as to what had provoked this out-of-character request. However, in the face of an opportunity to attack Serra's confidence, he did not dwell on it, and proceeded to make fun of Serra. The thief should have known it was a bad idea, and learned it the hard way when the priestess learned how to use a healing staff offensively.

"Stop making fun of me!" she roared at the now bleeding thief. "And you! You shouldn't talk either, Miss little 'I'm perfect'!"

Priscilla was drawn back by this sudden recovery of composure. Thinking of a response, she said, "Hey, if you have a vow of chastity, how can you marry Erk?"

"Well, I can, uh… renounce my priestess-ship!"

The concept did not make sense to the troubadour. "What's the point of a vow if you can disown it?"

"Shut up! That's not important! In any case, Erky's A support is mine!"

"No, it's mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

Thus, the argument led on for several hours, with Matthew still lying on the ground, until Canas came by and agreed to try to figure out how to use healing staves. Matthew, of course, did not care if he was skilled with it, since he would die otherwise, considering the two designated healers were fighting amongst themselves.

The two stopped fighting for the night at two in the morning, which was only because Eliwood had come by and told them no one could sleep amid the shouting and bickering.

The two awoke at about the same time and were about to fight again when Eliwood saw them and stepped between the two Erk fangirls. "Hey, I have a crazy idea. Why don't you talk to Erk about it? Shouldn't he have a say in this?"

The staff-users contemplated this notion, and agreed to consult Erk on the matter.

"W-wha? You want me to choose between the two of you?" the startled mage said.

"Come on, you know you like one of us! And when I say 'one of us', I mean me, of course," a certain rebellious priestess said.

"Huh? Don't you have a vow of chastity or something?"

"Shut up! That's not important! Now choose!"

"N-now?"

"Yes!"

"Now, now, don't rush him," Priscilla's sweet voice interrupted. "Such matters take time and patience." She turned to Erk. "We want your answer to be the one that lies within my- I mean, your heart."

"Hey, don't seduce him!" Serra yelled at Priscilla. "That's how you get all the guys; you act all innocent and pretend to care for their well being, not your own, and then… you attack!"

"Hold on, Serra. I agree with Priscilla. I want time to think about this."

"But if you think to long, you might make the wrong decision!"

"Okay then, how about this- you each tell me why I should marry you instead of the other one. From that I'll make my choice. Sound fair?"

The staff-wielders looked at each other for a moment, then turned back to Erk, apparently in agreement.

"I'll go first," Serra piped. "If you wed Priscilla, Raven will probably kill you in your sleep."

"Hey, that's not fair!" Priscilla claimed. "He's overprotective, but he wouldn't do some thing like that!"

"Wait, she has a point…" Erk noted.

"Huh? W-well, do you really want Serra of all people? I mean, do you want to live with her whining and obnoxiousness for the rest of your life?"

"Hm… You're right…" Erk evaluated. Seeing Serra's hurt face, he amended, "I mean, it would be a dream to wake up to your cute face every morning, but, uh, you, uh…"

"Priscilla's a slut! If you marry her, she'll cheat on you during your honeymoon! And with someone like Sain or something!" Serra retorted.

"Wha? Are you kidding me? You hypocrite! Don't call me a slut for finding Sain attractive! You like Oswin, remember!"

"That was a crush, and on his part!"

"Not from what I heard!"

"Erk! You know why I think she likes riding horses? Because she likes to be above everyone else!"

"Not true! When I get better, I can use anima tomes, just like you! I have more in common with you than she ever will!"

"If we're on the subject, I can use light magic with enough practice! And it's always better to have variety in your life- consistency is boring!"

Erk became lost in the sea of squabbling, and in fear of drowning, he broke in and said, "Hang on for a moment, maybe I should get some advice, and then make a decision. All this mudslinging is getting us nowhere."

"Who'd you go to for romantic advice?" wondered Serra. "The only ones in the camp that have romantic interests would be-"

"-almost everyone," Priscilla pointed out. "You could find a love-sick person in this army by baiting a line with food and waiting for someone to try and eat it."

"I'll try to find some one that can help me," Erk said, leaving in search of advice-givers.

A book was in Canas's face, as usual. As far as Erk knew, he was married. When Erk walked by, he saw him on a log and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, I was wondering if you could give me advice on… a personal matter."

Canas turned and replied, "Me? Of course, if I may be of assistance."

"Thanks." Erk sat down on the log. "Canas, why did you marry your wife?"

"Huh? That's what you wanted to know?" Seeing the mage nod, the shaman continued, "It would probably be due to the fact that she's a scholar, like me."

"You mean because you were alike?"

"No, no. Because I hunger knowledge, and she could provide it. She probably would not have married me if she hadn't felt the same way… I share with her my own intelligence, but I'm not a very good provider and I'm not very charming, as you probably already know."

"So, the feeling was mutual?"

"The appetite for knowledge?"

Erk had to think about it for a second. "No, the love."

Canas stared into space, lost in thought. "I-I suppose so… "

"Are you okay?"

"Now that I think of it, I always assumed she married me because she wanted to learn more… like me…"

"Uh, Canas?"

"Oh dear, and to think I've done such a horrible thing up 'til now!"

"Canas?"

"Erk, can't you see? I've been abusing my poor wife for all this time! I don't think I've told her that I loved her more than twice! Argh! I'm a terrible person!"

"Whoa! Relax!"

"How can I relax? I've done so many horrendous deeds to my lover, I should be punished to the end of time!" The shaman proceeded to bawl. "She loves me! She's told me on so many occasions, but I've never returned the sentiment! I'm evil! Malevolent even!" He jumped up and ran away. "I'm sorry, Erk, but I have to get a letter to her as soon as possible!"

Erk sat there on the log, confused.

Meanwhile, the two healers stood unaccompanied, wondering what to do. "Why do you like him, Priscilla? He's so uptight!" Serra asked, looking for something that would preoccupy herself.

"You want to know why?" Priscilla responded. "Well, I suppose… that it would have to his demeanor. His actions are always supported by logic and are always contemplated beforehand. He… has command over priorities and is well organized… what else…"

"Aha! I got you now!" the priestess declared.

The redhead beauty looked at the pink-haired nuisance intently, trying to read her intent.

"Real love cannot be described! I have no idea why I like him! My clueless-ness proves that I love him!" the priestess said. "And since you can explain your emotions, you're just a big phony!"

The troubadour retorted, "But Erk doesn't think like that. It would be hard to go with that logic."

"Shut up! Unless you want me to use the combat skill I learned by killing Matthew!" she ordered, raising her staff.

"He's not dead, and if that's a threat…" she lifted her own respective rod. "I'll let you know, I used to date a knight when I still lived in Caerleon. He taught me one or two things about fighting."

"Bring it!"

"All right!"

The two began to make feeble attempts to hurt one another.

Whilst this was happening, Erk sought new advisors. Seeing Isadora and Harken sitting together, he remembered once that someone had told him they were a couple. He decided to take this opportunity and walked up to them.

"Dame Isadora, Sir Harken, might I have an audience with you?"

"Oh! Erk! Greetings," Isadora said. "Certainly. What is it?"

"I would like to ask you… How did you two meet?"

Isadora and Harken both blushed. They turned to each other, caught off guard by this question. "Uh, well, it was some time ago… we were both pages, at Pherae, in training, and we were in the same class together." Isadora answered. "Or was it when we were squires?"

"I believe we were still pages, dear," the hero said.

"Ah, right. But why the odd question?"

"It's a… personal matter. It's hard to explain, and if I did, it would be hard to make it funny, and the author might punish me." Erk immediately felt a sharp pain in his left cheek and put both hands over the spot to signify it.

"That's what you get for breaking the fourth wall!" a disembodied voice said in Erk's head.

"Sorry!" Erk yelled out loud towards the sky, forgetting that no one else heard the voice.

"…Who are you talking to?" Isadora inquired.

"Uh, no one in particular. Anyway, why did you two decide get engaged? Who asked?"

"Actually, we would already be married if it wasn't for-"

"That's not what he asked, Isa," Harken interrupted.

"Don't cut me off! And you told me you wouldn't use my nickname in public, either!"

"Sorry, but I-"

"No buts! Last time I heard that word, you disappeared for a month and were captured by the Black Fang!"

"You think that I had control over that?"

"Well, you could've come back after you escaped, couldn't you?"

"I wanted to avenge my lord. That was what was on my mind. I'm sorry for thinking so short term, but my lord and comrades were just killed! I was depressed, and-"

"You think that excused you? You know how depressed I became after I thought you were killed? I-" She cut herself off, and started crying.

Shame rushed over Harken. "I… I'm sorry. I was… thinking for myself. You're right, there's no excuse for my-"

"I don't wanna hear it!" the paladin shouted in a feeble attempt to be intimidating. She slapped her fiancé and ran away with tears streaming down her face.

"I-Isadora! I'm sorry! Come back!" Harken vainly called. He turned to Erk. "I apologize about this." He began to run after his wife-to-be, which proved difficult after she got o her horse.

"I wonder whom else I could talk to…" the violet-hair muttered as he walked away.

The fight between the healers wasn't going well for either side. Apparently, the healing staves healed any wound right after it hit the enemy unless it was a headshot. An angry Matthew, wanting payback for last night, decided to make it interesting by providing both of them with helmets so neither of them could win.

After a while, both of their healing poles broke, and they opted for mending staves instead. Ironically, the mending staves were so powerful that they not only healed the wounds they cause, they also revitalized the targets.

While this was occurring, Matthew was selling tickets for "The Greatest Fight the World Has Ever Known."

The mending staves broke too, obviously, and Priscilla decided to use a sleep staff on Serra. However, she wasn't looking carefully and she accidentally used a berserk rod. This made Serra grow to three times her normal size and made her skin and hair become a forest green color.

"Serra smash!" the crazed prep yelled and she made to beat Priscilla with a restore staff. Fortunately for Priscilla, Serra tripped on a rock and fell on her own staff, normalizing her (I always wanted to use that word!).

Priscilla sat on the ground, in shock. Serra sat in front of her, in complete bewilderment as to what just happened.

Erk sighed, not able to find anyone that could help him find reasons whether he should like either Serra or Priscilla. Eliwood liked Ninian because she was exotic (and that of course meant another species), Nino liked Jaffar because he was kind and gentle (Erk did not ask her what she meant since Jaffar was nearby), Hector liked Florina because he could carry her on his shoulders (he could carry almost anyone except Oswin and Bartre), Kent liked Fiora because she understood the need for order in any military faction (Erk had to run away before Kent showed him his new proposal for the army's regulation statement), Lyn liked Rath because he's also Sacaen (Erk did not ask why that mattered since Rath was nearby), Sain gave so many reasons he liked girls he could write a book on it (in fact, he did, and offered to let Erk borrow it), Rebecca liked Lowen because he knew how to cook (Merlinus does too), Dorcas was unwilling to give a reason as to why he loved Natalie, Bartre liked Karla because she knew how to fight (…), and Legault liked Isadora because she was already engaged (Erk wondered why he even bothered to ask him).

"If only Lord Pent were here, he'd know what to do…" the mage said, oblivious to the fact he was in the party. This error was corrected when he saw the Mage General come out of a tent. "Lord Pent!" he called, trying to get his attention.

The sage turned his head to the familiar voice. "Erk, what are you doing here?"

"While protecting Lady Priscilla of House Caerleon, I encountered many... unusual circumstances that brought me to join Lord Eliwood on this journey from Laus."

"Is that so? Then you have endured much," the sage said, studying the stains on Erk's cloak.

"Hardly, master..." Erk said humbly. "And so... Do you fight with this army as well?"

"Of course. Nergal is as powerful a sorcerer as my own teacher. I'm sure I offer little assistance on my own, but... ...I do try to do what I can..."

"How could you say that! Lord Pent, they have no stronger ally than you! It is an honor for any of them to fight by your side!"

"Well, Erk. About Nergal... You must tell me everything you have heard... No matter how trivial."

"Of course!"

"Support level increased," an ethereal voice had called.

"What was that?" Erk said, looking around.

"Just ignore it," Pent suggested. "That always happened to me whenever I have a deep conversation with my wife."

"Really? If you say so." Erk was a bout to explain all he knew of the antagonist when he remembered his current dilemma. "Uh, after one thing, master."

"Eh? And what would that be?"

"I need some advice for a, um, romantic matter."

"Really? Oh, how my student has grown!"

"So you'll help me?"

"I don't see why not."

"Okay… first question… how did you meet Lady Louise and why did you choose to marry her?"

"Well, she was a suitor of twenty that was prepared for me. They each had to display a special skill, and when it was her turn, she said that her specialty lied within her archery. I found this amusing, and I became even more intrigued when she said that she would protect me with her abilities," Pent reminisced.

"So… you married her because she was so unique?"

"Huh? Of course not! Look at her! Can't you see those curves she has? Also, her bust is just amazing!" Pent said in a louder voice than was safe. Louise, Pent's wife, had overheard and was walking up behind him, her face growing red. "And Erk, have I ever told you that I have a thing for blondes?"

"Pent!" Louise said. "Are you talking about me?"

The sage spun around, sweat growing on his brow the moment he heard his wife's voice. "Oh, you surprised me, dear. Uh, did you hear what I was just saying?"

"Yes… everything…" the sniper answered, getting close to her husband's face. She did not stop until the gap between them was only four inches, and then squealed, "You know I love it when you talk about me like that to other people!"

She flung her arms around Pent's neck, with a childish smile plastering her face. "It makes me feel so naughty!"

Erk stared at Countess Reglay, astonished at what he heard. "Um… so you don't mind that he only married you because you were hot?"

"Why would I be? He's a big and powerful lord, so why should he have another reason, ignoring money?"

"But if you knew that that was his only reason, why did you become his wife?" Erk inquired, puzzled to astronomical means.

"For the lifestyle!" Louise explained. "He's rich and powerful! Although I already had distant royal relations, I didn't have a castle or anything that extravagant. In comes a letter saying I was nominated for Pent's wife, and I jumped at the opportunity!"

Astonishment struck Erk. "So what you guys are saying is, that, you both know that the other married you for completely superficial reasons, and you're both okay with that?"

"That about sums it up," Pent replied.

Erk thought for a moment, perplexed by this new notion. "Thank you master, Lady Louise. You two have helped me a lot."

The two healers had regrouped themselves and agreed to stop fighting, since neither of them were enjoying it very much. After the crowd watching the fight heard this, they mobbed Matthew and demanded full refunds. Erk turned his head to the group dog piling on top of the thief as he walked back to his suitors.

"Erky, you're back!" Serra piped. "So, did you make a decision?"

"Er, no, not yet," the mage answered. He explained, "But I did get good advice as to how I make my decision."

"And how would that be?" Priscilla asked.

"Well…" Erk began, now feeling nervous about the question he was going to ask. "Uh, well, uh, I, um, w-which one of, um, you w-would, um…"

"Just spit it out!" Serra directed.

"…Which one of you would give me nights of endless, wonderful, blissful sex?" Erk spat out. Both healers grew rather red at this inquiry.

"W-well, if its sex that's the issue… you've seen how wild and hyperactive I am, so if you pick me, you know the last thing I'll do is fall asleep on you! And for the same reason, I'll give you the most hardcore fun out of anyone here!" Serra said, saying the last part louder than she intended.

"Erk, I…" Priscilla tried to say. "I just can't believe you'd become so shallow! If things like this are your criteria, then I wouldn't want to be your wife!

"I'm leaving!" she bluffed. She spun and began to walk away

Erk shrugged. "If that's how you feel, it only makes my job easier."

"Oh, Erk, I'm glad we got this over with!" Serra chirped.

Priscilla turned around and said, "I was just kidding! I'll gladly give you all the sex you want! And since I'm so submissive, I'll do anything you want! Any position! Any style! You name it!"

"Hey, you just surrendered! You can't come back!" Serra said.

"Actually, if there is competition, it's better for me," Erk noted. "Hm… obedience is a good thing."

"Hold on, if you want compliance on subjects like poses and things, you know I like new stuff! I wouldn't argue on issues like that!" Serra defended.

"I'll start wearing more erotic clothes!" Priscilla said.

"I'll run around naked if you want!" Serra retorted.

This continued for the rest of the day, and eventually Erk made a decision (though I'm not going to tell you who he picked because it's fun to make people go crazy from speculation). The two lovers-to-be went into Erk's tent, kicked his bunkmate out (who will be Guy, for our purposes, who left to get some dinner, which was Rebecca's venison stew, which coincidentally is Guy's favorite food), and they sat down on Erk's cot.

"So, should you go first, or should I?" Erk inquired.

"You begin the A support," the girl resolved.

"Okay… I-" Erk found himself unable to finish the sentence.

"What's wrong?" his partner asked.

"I don't know; I just couldn't talk for a moment. I seem normal now. I'll try again.

"I-"

"Are you okay?"

"It happened again!" the mage rubbed his throat, seeing if he felt anything.

"Why can't you do the A support?"

"I don't know… wait a moment. How many supports are we able to have?" Erk said, suddenly realizing the situation.

"Five. But that shouldn't matter. You had two supports with her, and two with me, so that's only four… U-unless you had a support conversation with someone else, too?"

"I… I'm so sorry…" Erk muttered, putting his face into his palms.

"…So… now, what do we do?" the would've-been-wed thought over with a worried expression.

"…Supports go away if the other person dies, right?"

Fin.

Yay, that was fun. I could barely stop writing. I feel dumb for waiting so long after I wrote it before posting it, but I guess it's too late to fix that, eh?

Personally, I think I could've done better with the ending, but I'd like to know what you guys deem of it. Please review! You will get cookies!