Why do you cling to the world so tightly?

-null

I'm sorry.
It doesn't matter.
But it's too late, isn't it.
So, finally you notice...
Never in time...
It's always too late.
Alice. I'm sorry.
You said it yourself, it's too late.
Right.
Even now, that you left, I cling to your fading memory.
How much time has passed, since that day?

"Oi, Alice! Where the hell are you going at this time? It's fucking midnight!"
"I have to go, though."
"Where?"
"Somewhere you can't reach."
"...what?"
He didn't follow her. He'd just let her walk, without wondering where she was going.
He'd just stare at her while she left, thinking she was on her period or something.
He didn't know, though, that'd be the last time he'd see her alive.

Lovino woke up.
He had a dream.
In his dream, she was going away.
It was the memory of that day.
He dreamt of it, like any other night.
It was always the same dream.
Her dreadful expression, his confusion, the darkness ahead.
Her death.
He thought of suicide.
He thought it could help.
But there again...
Seeing her in Heaven from his place in Hell wouldn't have helped him in any way, would have it.
But dreaming of that day every single night wouldn't have helped, either.
So he wasn't going to do anything.
Like everytime.
Because he couldn't really do a thing, couldn't he.

He swallowed a bunch of pills, like every night.
Some for sleep, some for depression, who cared.
If it was the only way to escape the reality and the memory at the same time...
It was pretty much the only solution.
At the moment, at least.
But he was pretty sure that "moment" was going to last his whole life.
If you could call it "life".
Because his soul was dead.
His heart broken and his mind empty.
He was worn out and depressed.
He vaguely remembered the sun anymore.
So all he could do...
Was clinging to his memories.
Avidly, because it was the only thing he had now.
He hadn't Alice.
He had lost his everything.
His reason to live.
His only reason.
Antonio, Bella, the others...
They didn't matter as much as her.
And now, she was gone.
She faded, and it was his fault.
And while those thoughts hit him for the thousandth time...
His head suddenly felt heavy.
And his body, too.
So he'd let his self fall on the messy bed.
And for a few hours, pretend.
That it didn't hurt.
That he was alright.
That his world didn't collapse.
All he could do, at that point...
Was pretending, wasn't it.