It hurt me, hearing all the things they never told me. All of the secrets they kept under the pretense of protecting me. If I really thought about it, I never should have expected anything else from them. I was just the little girl after all, the little sister that is too innocent to hear any of their shocking, horrifying stories from the forefront of the war. What they didn't know, what they would never realize, is that I'm not as innocent as they believed.

I always knew that I would never belong with them, not as a part of their Golden Trio. They pretended, for their own sakes and possibly mine, that I was just as important as they were. I wasn't ready or willing to give up everything for Harry. I would fight in this war because it was what I believed in. Voldemort was evil incarnate, and every fiber of my being agreed. Fighting him was part of who I was. But I wouldn't do it for Harry, or Hermione or Ron. No, not for them; not for them or anyone else.

No one else seemed to understand when I pulled away and tried to find my own place in school last year. Why would I ever give up a chance to be a part of the most envied and sought after group in the entire wizarding world? I didn't want to be them. I wanted to be me. I wanted to be able to make mistakes and not have the whole world watch and shake their heads. I wanted to be able to get through the year without someone trying to kill me. I wanted to live a normal life for God's sake. I didn't want to have so-called "friends" who kept secrets from me. I wanted to have friends who would put me first on occasion, who would love me for who I was and not my possible advantages to the war. But I gave up and just went along with it, vowing to try harder next year.

Coming back for my sixth year, I realized that making new friends might be harder than I had anticipated. With the possibility that the war was going to reach our doorstep sooner than later, everyone was trying to get into the good graces of the illustrious Golden Trio, hoping for some kind of special protection from what was to come. Everyone except me and the Slytherins.

I sat alone at the feast. I didn't even hear Dumbledore's speech. I was just desperately wishing that he would stop talking soon so that I could eat quickly and run back to my room before everyone else finished. I needed some alone time, more than I had ever known was possible. I had spent most of the summer alone, and being in this crowded room with all of these people talking and laughing around me was overwhelming. Was this what a panic attack felt like? Did it feel like slowly suffocating, like your heart was trying to explode by beating too fast?

I fled from the Great Hall the first second I could get away without having a teacher pull me back. Walking down the hall to Gryffindor tower, I heard the sound of footsteps behind me. I turned to look, but saw no one there. I turned and began to walk again, only to hear footsteps again. Again I turned to look, and again saw no one. "Harry?" I whispered, wondering if he was wearing his invisibility cloak. There was no response. Maybe I'm going crazy already, just from the thought of having to get through this year before I could finally escape the expectations put upon me.



There, there it was again! The footsteps! I whirled around, and caught a flash of platinum blonde hair before I was alone again. Oh, no. There they go. The face from my dreams, or were they nightmares? The face was haunting me now, following me through the halls of Hogwarts when I thought I had left behind at the Burrow with the warmth of summer. The face that had shown up one night as I was sleeping, looking into my eyes with such passion that I thought I had to burst into flames from the heat of it. Night after night, I had the dream. I decided it was definitely no nightmare; a nightmare wouldn't have me waking up trembling with anticipation and sweating from heat, wishing that I had not woken so that I could bask in that look of love and lust. Sometimes, when I had a bad day, the dream would change; he would hold me in his arms and gently rock me back and forth while whispering comforting words into my ear.

I refused to listen to the sound that I was sure I was imagining the rest of the way to Gryffindor tower. I walked through the portrait after quickly saying the password, refusing to turn around to see if the face from my dreams had followed me the rest of the way. I would not think about it anymore. Now that I was back at Hogwarts, that face was guaranteed to show up all over school, not just in my dreams, and I couldn't afford to look at him with the feelings that these dreams had convinced me I must have. I had to forget everything I had pretended he was all summer and begin living in the real world again.

I lay down in my bed and sighed heavily. And fell asleep.

I was laying in my bed, reading a book I had picked up in Hogsmeade when I had gotten my school supplies for this year called Twilight. It was a Muggle book, but it was fantastic. I heard footsteps approaching my bed, but I wasn't afraid. I could smell it, that fantastic scent that only came from him. I smiled as the curtains were pulled back, and there was his face, his eyes so full of love and passion that I thought I might combust. After what seemed like an eternity, he pulled his eyes from mine to look at the title of my book. And snickered. "Are you really reading that? I know it's the biggest thing in the Muggle world right now, but I'm sure you could find a much better wizarding book." I laughed, and the sound of it was light and musical. "You know, you might like it if you would just give it a try. The main male character reminds me of you in some ways, you know."

He lay down next to me and pushed my hair back from my face. "Oh, really? And in what way?" he asked, smiling gently.

"He's beautiful beyond human reason" I gushed out before I could stop myself. I looked away from him, waiting for him to laugh at me.

He lifted my chin with his finger and looked me in my eyes. "Is that how you see me?" he asked, with genuine curiosity.

"Yes, that's how I see you." I tried not to blush, but I couldn't help it. And then his eyes flared with lust again as his lips covered mine, making my heart feel like it might beat out of my chest again.



I woke with a start. "Oh no, not again" was my only though.